How to stop crying for any reason: advice and recommendations from a psychologist

Why do my eyes water?

Tearing may be due to certain reasons. Common causes of watery eyes include the following:

1. Damage or debris in the eyes.
   In case of uncontrolled lacrimation, it is worth carefully examining the condition of the mucous membranes. They may be damaged. Sometimes the problem is caused by a foreign object getting into the eyes. To cope with this symptom, you should thoroughly rinse your eyes with water. If this does not help, it is recommended to consult an ophthalmologist.
2. Inflammatory process.
   Watery eyes often result from inflammation in the eyes. It is caused by bacteria, viruses, and fungi. In such a situation, you should immediately consult a doctor who will prescribe eye drops.
3. Allergic reactions.
   If allergy symptoms appear, you should consult a doctor and take an antihistamine.
4. Onion cutting.
   To avoid tears, it is recommended to wet the knife and vegetable with cool water. The substance that causes tears is mixed with water and does not enter the air. This will help prevent tearing.
5. Tired eyes.
   A tea compress will help cope with this symptom. To do this, you need to boil sponges in tea leaves and apply them to your eyes for 15 minutes. It is recommended to do this at night.
6. Emotional overload.
   Stopping tears in this case is quite difficult. If something serious happens, don't hold back. In this case, you need to cry to release negative emotions. If the cause is conflict or resentment, it is better to switch thoughts and try to remember something good. This will help you take your mind off what is happening and contain your emotions.

How to stop crying at night?

Question:

Hello, Lyudmila Vladimirovna! I was recommended to see a psychologist by a neurologist, to whom I came with insomnia and fatigue. I was diagnosed with neurasthenia and prescribed sedatives. I no longer told the doctor that, in addition to insomnia, I constantly think about bad things at night and often cry. And I have reasons for this. The fact is that two years ago I divorced my husband. Now I am raising a child alone. My husband hardly helps me. The divorce occurred on my initiative because of his infidelity. And a year ago my mother died. All this left a big mark on my condition and health. After the divorce, my blood pressure began to rise, and now I take pills constantly. But I’m only 37 years old.

During the day, at least something distracts me - work, household chores, activities with my daughter. And at night it begins. I can’t fall asleep for a long time, I’m going through thoughts in my head - resentment, pain, despair, anger. This is some kind of horror. And also a strong fear of loneliness. I have friends, but that's not it. No loved one. I guess I never accepted the divorce. I try not to think about bad things, but at night I still cry. Sedatives don't help. Please tell me how to stop crying at night, and in general, how to pull yourself together? I'm very exhausted. Where can you find the strength to cope with depression? My daughter, although she doesn’t see me like this, still probably feels what’s happening to me. I would be grateful if you could give me advice as a psychologist. Ksenia.

Answer:

Hello, Ksenia! Thanks for your question!

It is a known fact that our physical condition depends on internal experiences. You draw parallels between what has happened in your life in the last two years and your health now. And there were serious losses, which are really difficult to cope with. Divorce and the death of your mother are, of course, not equal losses, but each is painful in its own way. In addition, we all react to such situations differently and our mental defenses are formed individually. It seems that you are overly painful and sensitive about what happened. It’s as if something remains unprocessed, and depression, so to speak, has become a chronic state.

No matter how surprising it may sound, there is nothing frightening or incomprehensible about the fact that you cry at night. This is precisely the normal reaction of feelings. And it is clear why at night - at this time a person is left alone with his thoughts, with himself. There are no distractions and we face our condition. Therefore, your question is “how to stop crying at night?” I would paraphrase - “why do I worry about what happened for so long and acutely and how to find internal resources to support myself?” By the way, when you cry, you experience very specific feelings - resentment, sadness, despair. Actually, this is what you write about. And then it makes sense to deal with this. That is, work not with the effect - tears, but with the cause - feelings. Hypertension is also a consequence. Have you considered the possibility of receiving psychological help? I think that work in this direction could significantly help cope with feelings.

Sincerely, psychologist Altyeva Lyudmila

Professional help from a psychologist in person and online

How to hold back your tears and not cry

Tears usually appear during times of increased emotional stress, which are associated with the influence of external factors. First of all, it is recommended to switch your attention.

To hold back your tears and not cry, you should discreetly pinch yourself, bite your tongue or lip. Pain will quickly distract you from tears. At the same time, it is important to remember a sense of proportion so as not to injure yourself.

Psychologists also recommend breathing evenly and deeply. If tears come, take a deep breath through your nose and then exhale slowly through your mouth. This breathing exercise is used by yogis and psychologists. It helps to achieve harmony and calm. With this simple exercise you can easily control your tears and anger.

Another effective method is the method of switching attention. If you want to cry, you should think about something else or start looking at various objects down to the smallest detail.

You can also count to 10 or 20 to hold back your tears and not cry. Mentally reading a poem or song is also an effective way.

If there are people nearby who are capable of empathy and begin to feel sorry, you need to try not to look at them. Otherwise, there will be no chance to hold back your tears.

Regardless of the situation, you should understand that tears are an important part of human life. They perform psychological and physiological functions. With the help of tears, it is possible to cleanse the body of toxic substances and cope with emotional overload.

Experts do not advise impressionable and melancholic people to hold back their crying. After a decent exit from a traumatic situation, you should retire and cry everything that has accumulated.

To strengthen your character and cry less, you need to do auto-training. Every day in front of the mirror, it is recommended to repeat to yourself that you are strong and smart, are not afraid of anything and can cope with any troubles in life.

It’s worth telling yourself that you can endure any suffering, nothing will break your will or force you to bow to others. This will help you become more confident and firm. Tears will not be able to overcome. Such auto-training helps you look at yourself from a different perspective and draw important conclusions.

Moreover, every situation has another side. Crying is a state that helps release emotions. In simple words, you should periodically let off steam.

If there is an urgent need, it is better to retire or cry. You can turn to a loved one who will be able to listen to you and treat you with understanding. This will help you speak out and share your impressions. If you have a good cry, it will become much easier.

How to stop crying

I only talked about a few situations where tears are inappropriate. But in reality there are many more. Every person should know how to prevent crying and calm down if tears have already begun to treacherously drip from the eyes. I also recommend reading the article How to Stop Being a Victim, some tips will help you stabilize your emotional state.

Physical methods

I have prepared a list of physical and psychological recommendations on how to stop crying, even if you want to. Let's start with the physical ones.

1. Smile. Laughter will help you not only not to cry, but also switch to a positive wave. Try to remember a funny life story or a banal joke. Of course, when they shout at you, it’s hard to navigate and come up with something fun. Therefore, make a kind of “preparation”: keep a funny story in your head that you just need to remember at the right moment.
2. Water. When you are ready to cry from resentment or for any other reason, drink a glass of water. Just don’t rush, drink slowly, in small sips. Your heart rate will stabilize and your attention will shift.
3. Breathing exercise. Try to breathe deeply, open a window to let in fresh air. This should prevent inappropriate sobbing.
4. Pain. You will be surprised, but crying is perfectly controlled by pain. Just pinch yourself or lightly pull your hair. The secret lies in distraction.
5. Exercises for the eyes. If you feel tears coming, just close your eyes and count to ten. Other people, on the contrary, benefit from frequent blinking. Determine which option is right for you, and experiment alone so that in critical moments you can use the most effective method.

Psychological methods

Sometimes physical methods are not entirely relevant. Agree, it will look a little strange when you start blinking sharply or pulling your hair at an important event. I'll tell you what to do to stop yourself from crying without drawing too much attention to yourself.

1. Gratitude. Often problems on the personal front interfere with normal life and work. And you are ready to cry at a crucial moment because of the guy who meanly abandoned you. But you need to let go of any situation. Mentally or in writing thank the offender for everything that happened and let him go. This advice even applies to an angry boss, a mean girlfriend, or toxic parents.
2. Meditation. Regular meditation helps you become calmer and not waste energy without reason. This is especially important for emotional, sensitive people.
3. Abstraction. They shift attention not only physically, but also psychologically. For example, you might start reading a poem in your head or reciting the multiplication tables.
4. Self-discipline. A person is able to control his emotions. To do this, you need to constantly say in your head that you are strong and know how to restrain yourself. Promise yourself to cry later, in an appropriate environment.

How to learn to hold back your tears

There are several physical ways to learn to hold back tears:

1. Change body position. If you were sitting before, it is better to get up and walk. You can move the chair and move the papers. In general, it is recommended to act according to the situation.
2. It is recommended to take a slow and deep breath, straighten your shoulders and raise your head up.
3. You can clench and unclench your fingers. It is also acceptable to pinch your palm.
4. It's worth drinking some water. It is recommended to take deep and slow sips.
5. It is permissible to shift your gaze. In this case, you need to look into the distance at the picture that hangs on the wall.

How to learn to control tears and emotions?

In order to learn to hold back your tears and control your emotions, you should increase your self-esteem.

Exercising in front of a mirror will help improve self-esteem

You can increase your self-confidence and your abilities with daily training. To do this, standing in front of the mirror, you should tell yourself that nothing and no one threatens you, that you will go through all the hardships, that you are strong, smart, and confident.

Among other things, you should take care in advance about what thoughts will distract you from the situation itself in a stressful situation, when you are overwhelmed with emotions or are about to cry.

Tears help relieve tension

Whatever situations arise in everyday life, you should remember that tears are not always a sign of weakness. Sometimes tears are simply necessary to relieve tension during emotional release - this is just the body's reaction to stress.

How to hold back tears when talking

Quite often there are situations when you have to hold back tears during a conversation. To do this, it is recommended to do the following:

1. Switch attention.
   To do this, you should use certain questions that will help distract you from tears. You can also try to remember the multiplication table or your favorite song. To switch attention, you should pay attention to a specific object. It must have many small details. It is recommended to carefully consider and recalculate them.
2. Use your imagination.
   To do this, you should imagine your offender in an unusual image. At the same time, it is important not to laugh, so as not to aggravate an already difficult situation.
3. Pinch yourself or bite your lip.
   To get rid of emotions, you should concentrate on physical sensations. You can do this by pinching your wrist.
4. Concentrate on your breathing or stop it.
   To do this, it is recommended to take slow breaths through the nose. They should be quite deep. Then exhale air through your mouth. At the same time, it is important to concentrate on the process. In an emergency situation, the human body independently gets rid of unimportant matters. Therefore, it is enough to hold your breath for a while.
5. Drink some water.
   If possible, it is recommended to drink some water. In this case, maximum attention should be paid to the process itself. Drink water slowly, taking small sips.
6. Make a sudden movement.
   This will help relieve tension. To avoid crying, it is recommended to suddenly stand up or sit down. It is also acceptable to open a window or move a chair. If this is not possible, it is recommended to suddenly change your body position. To do this, you need to straighten your shoulders or raise your head. During the process, you should concentrate on breathing.
7. Avoid looking at other people.
   Even a little sympathy can provoke a real flood of tears. Therefore, it is recommended to avoid such views if possible. It's better to look at a picture or out the window.
8. Use a pen or phone.
   In a critical situation, you can write something nice on paper. This will help take your mind off stress. You are also allowed to use a phone or tablet. If tears come, it’s worth distracting yourself and looking at something on the Internet.
9. Escape from.
   If the situation gets too tense, it is better to leave the room immediately. This will help you avoid tears and calm you down. When the tension passes, the conversation can continue.

How to hold back tears from pain?

There are also some ways that will help you avoid tears not only from resentment, but also from pain. To do this you need:

• Keep your eyes open as wide as possible, while trying not to blink
• It is necessary to raise your eyebrows high and remain in this position until the pain begins to subside
• You need to look up, but do not raise your head. Stay in this state until the pain begins to subside.
• It is necessary to relax all the muscles of the face and open your mouth wide and wide several times and then close it

In order not to cry from pain, you can use some tips from the previous section.

How to hold back your tears when you want to cry

To hold back your tears when you want to cry, you should use the following tips:

1. Try to normalize your breathing. To do this, it is recommended to take several deep breaths through your nose and take a couple of slow exhalations through your mouth.
2. To stop tears, it is recommended to blink quickly.
3. You can force yourself to smile. At the same time, you should look at yourself in the mirror.
4. Drink some cold water and wash. You can also apply ice to your forehead or temples.
5. It’s worth trying to switch your attention to something neutral. You can try to remember the alphabet or the multiplication table.
6. You can pinch yourself or bite your lip. At the same time, it is worth remembering a sense of proportion, otherwise tears may appear from pain.
7. It is permissible to do a little exercise. To do this, wave your arms and turn your head. You are also allowed to sit down or do push-ups several times. A good tip would be to stand in a plank position for a few minutes.
8. If tears are literally choking you, you can scream. This helps to quickly cope with emotions.

Reasons why you want to cry

If you do not take into account the main and understandable reasons for crying (when it is a critical or painful situation, when a person is faced with helplessness, etc.), then you can look at the problem more broadly and notice multiple factors that cause tears. Thus, a prolonged state of stress and neurosis, exposure to negative situations and atmosphere gradually deplete the nervous system. This is micro-tension that is present in our lives as a constant background - the bad mood of the boss, from which others suffer, rudeness in public transport, the unceremoniousness of some acquaintances, weather conditions and random minor troubles. The more such little things, combined, are regularly present in the life of a particular person, the higher the likelihood that soon a minor unpleasant event, for example, a break in a store, can cause hysterics. This does not mean that the person has lost his adequacy or that he is really hurt by closed doors - this is the result of long-term accumulated tension.

Severe recent stress may cause you to cry periodically. This reaction is caused by melodies, films, words of passers-by, even smells and colors that indirectly remind of what happened. Stress has both positive and negative connotations, and when a person constantly cries after the death of a loved one, everyone understands him, supports him, and even tears out of nowhere find justification. In the case of positive events, such as a wedding or the birth of a child, the psyche can react in a similar way, but no one expects tears due to positive, albeit stressful, emotions.

Hormonal imbalances can increase both physical and emotional sensitivity. This is especially understandable for women, but this can happen if the thyroid gland and other hormones are disrupted, as well as during pregnancy. When a person with hormonal disorders finds himself in a situation of emotional tension or stress, his psyche is not ready to resist and perceives what is happening as catastrophic events, producing a crying reaction accordingly.

Affective spectrum disorders such as depression and apathy provoke excessive tearfulness and require medicinal correction of the condition. Hidden forms of such disorders can be manifested by a person asking why he wants to cry, but cannot. The inability to release even incomprehensible emotions indicates the depth of psychological trauma or mental disorders.

Why holding back tears is harmful

Scientists say that holding back tears is harmful. With the help of crying, you can cleanse the body and renew your feelings through emotional arousal. This acts as a safety valve.

If an excessive amount of emotions accumulates, and internal tension reaches its highest point, discharge is carried out with the help of tears. This helps reduce tension, get rid of sadness, grief or resentment. Emotions become less acute and pain dulls.

Doctors say crying helps people bond. Tears weaken a person. As a result, he is psychologically drawn to someone who can comfort him.

To achieve more effective psychological relief after crying, you need to take into account certain recommendations. It will not be possible to cleanse the emotional sphere alone. Therefore, it is better to cry in the presence of a person who can listen and support.

In addition, experts advise crying in a comfortable place. Most people are embarrassed to show their feelings to others. Therefore, it is worth going to a secluded place and only after that giving vent to your emotions.

To get rid of increased stress, it is best to cry after solving problems. If you do this in advance, there is a risk of relaxation. This will not provide an opportunity to cope with a difficult situation.

Useful tips

To cope with a difficult situation and not cry, you can use useful advice from psychologists:

1. Switch attention. To do this, you should ask yourself adrenaline questions. For example, did you turn off the iron or lock the apartment? A sharp increase in the level of adrenaline in the blood will help change emotions and avoid tears.
2. Turn on your imagination. The offender can be presented in a funny or absurd way. The substitution method is also suitable.
3. Wash with cold water.
4. Go to the mirror and smile.
5. Drink a cup of hot and sweet tea.

Crying is an important emotional state that helps solve many psychological problems and achieve release. However, tears are not appropriate everywhere, which is why it is so important to learn to hold them back. Psychological and physical methods are suitable for this.