How to calm a child? Tips and recommendations from a psychologist

Problem Details

During a hysteria, the main thing is to understand how to calm down and relieve symptoms. Hysteria or a nervous breakdown is always accompanied by a storm of emotions. Human:

• gesticulates;
• cries;
• screams;
• tries to blame people nearby for his problems.

At the peak of tension, tremors of the limbs, lips, chin, seizures, confusion, temporary blindness and deafness may occur. Occurs at any age. The reason is the accumulation of negative emotions over a long period of time, nervous and physical exhaustion.

Hysteria always appears at the moment when there is a person nearby who will be a random spectator of an uncontrolled process.

Almost 8% of the population is susceptible to a disease such as hysteria. A severe form is hysterical psychopathy. Initial symptoms appear in childhood. During a nervous breakdown, the child falls to the floor, arches, screams loudly, and does not respond to treatment. The behavioral reaction is not feigned, it manifests itself spontaneously. If you have such signs, you should contact a neurologist.

Hysterical neurosis is a violent emotional reaction as a result of a lack of attention, conflicting demands between what a person can do and what society requires of him.

Household hysteria is a quality of character and is feigned.

A hysterical performance is designed for a specific person and is a method of manipulation. In such cases, the person at whom aggression is directed must ignore all attacks, otherwise he will turn into a victim.

Getting rid of hysteria

Treatment of hysteria is carried out with the help of drugs and psychocorrection. It is necessary to distinguish it from epilepsy. The easiest way is to observe the patient's behavior in individual cases. During a hysterical attack, a person falls to the floor so as not to hurt himself, and with epilepsy, patients are often injured by falling to the floor, because they cannot control themselves and their body.

A hysterical attack is not accompanied by foaming from the mouth, voluntary defecation, urination, or biting the tongue. After a tantrum, a person can return to normal activities. After an epileptic seizure, the patient falls asleep and feels exhausted.

A psychiatrist treats painful (not feigned) hysteria.

Healing involves:

• auto-trainings;
• taking psychotropic medications: depending on the intensity of the manifestations, mild sedatives or tranquilizers, antidepressants are prescribed;
• procedures that enhance immunity.

The main task of the immediate environment is to behave with restraint towards the patient and try to support. It is important to stop all provoking factors and help a person perceive stalemate situations with more restraint, without damaging the psyche.

Hysterics? Hysterics!

What to do if a child is hysterical?

Calm and only calm!
A tantrum is an immature attempt by a child to get his way, and you are an adult, experienced and mature. Let your emotions run high, but you need to breathe in and out... and pull yourself together. If you start to get irritated and behave like a child, then this communication will be of no use. Everyone will feel bad. Talk to your child

A good way is to go to the child’s level (squat down), persistently call the child to you in a calm voice, ask him to look into his eyes, talk about his own feelings about his behavior and explain how to behave and what other options for behavior could be in this situation. It is important not to scold the child or tell him that he is behaving badly and what he is doing wrong, but to focus on the correct behavior strategies.

Hug him

If the child is in a rage and does not hear anyone, if he clearly cannot control himself, then the most universal medicine will be “holding” or a tight hug. It’s better if the mother does this (while cuddling to the chest, the baby hears the mother’s heartbeat - this reminds him of the intrauterine period, which is very calming and creates a feeling of stability and security). This could be any other person whom the child trusts. The main thing is to do this with inner peace, confidence and love for the baby.

Is it possible to ignore hysterics?

It is impossible not to mention a widespread way to respond to a child’s tantrum, which parents often discuss and advise each other - ignoring. This method has the right to life, but remember - it can only be used in cases where you definitely feel and know that the child is able to cope with his condition, that his hysteria is manipulative. True, uncontrollable hysteria should never be ignored. And don’t forget - you need to ignore the condition, not the child himself.

Don't let yourself be manipulated

If you react to a child’s hysterics at least once by unconditionally fulfilling all his requests - “If only he would calm down!”, then you have a great chance of getting into a vicious circle of manipulative hysterics. This does not mean that the child’s requests and feelings should be ignored. But it is important to develop an understanding of who is in charge in the family, who sets the rules. A child is a child because, on the one hand, he is constantly within the limits associated with issues of safety, education and upbringing, and on the other hand, he constantly tests these boundaries, including through assessing his ability to communicate with parents/relatives and influence on them. Do not forget - the task of parents is to maintain these boundaries and set rules within which the child is free to do what he wants.

When the hysteria ends, the child himself must clean up its consequences - scattered toys or things. You can help him, but the baby must understand that he himself is responsible for what happened.

It's easier to prevent than to stop

Let me be independent

There comes a time when the baby wants to do something on his own, to try his hand. And he will demand this in every way available to him. However, often caring parents, worried that he will do something wrong, or, conversely, making life easier for themselves, do everything themselves (faster and without worries), and do not give the child the opportunity to show himself and participate in the process. The way out of this situation is very simple - let the baby have some responsibilities. Invite him to do something with you, distributing tasks - both you and the child will be pleased that he did something himself. You just have to try it and you will be pleasantly surprised at how quickly your baby learns.

Try to understand your child and help him understand himself

If the child is between 1 and 3 years old, then most often such conditions arise due to the child’s inability to express his feelings, thoughts and desires. “I want something, but I don’t know what... and if I know, I don’t understand how to express it!” And here the adult’s task is to grasp and understand these needs, try to voice his feelings or desires to the child, show that you understand him, and in cases where this does not contradict common sense, realize these desires. This will help not only stop or prevent hysterics, but will also teach the child to understand himself, his own feelings and needs, correctly express them and correctly respond to a ban (refusal).

Don't overtire your child

One of the common causes of hysteria is overwork and/or an empty stomach. Here, anything can be a trigger for hysteria! From an unfulfilled desire to a wrongly spoken word or a bird flying in the wrong direction. This condition can be prevented by dosing the load (even positive), adhering to sleep and nutrition.

Give your child full attention

The need for attention is one of the main causes of tantrums in children, and for some it continues into adulthood.

Don’t forget, while the child is small, it doesn’t matter at all what pole the attention he receives is positive or negative. The main thing for a child is that there is a response from adults to his actions. Subsequently, such children often confuse love and hatred/anger towards themselves and combine these concepts. Therefore, it is very important to distinguish between them. It is important to monitor the moments when the child requires attention, and, if possible, provide it, and if this is not possible at the moment, explain why, and “agree” when it will be possible (“Right now I can’t play with you because I need to cook dinner, but when I’m done, we’ll definitely draw together”).

Learn to spot the early signs of a tantrum

If you know your child well, you will be able to notice this. Some people begin to be more capricious, others, on the contrary, calm down... it’s different for everyone. When a child is ready to lash out, it is important to apply active listening skills to him, accepting and reflecting the child’s feelings: “I see that you want to have this toy, and you are upset, but we cannot afford to buy it now. Let's come home and play your favorite game? The important thing here is not to get annoyed, but to stand your ground. Don't follow the child's lead.

Set boundaries

The child must know exactly what he can and cannot do. If a rule has been introduced, it is important for everyone to follow it. This is how the child learns consistency, becomes more confident, and has a sense of stability and basic security.

Control your behavior and emotions.

It must be remembered that a child is an indicator of the family, and often his behavior is a manifestation of some problem in the relationship or in the life of the parents. One of the necessary elements of the behavior of parents and loved ones is unity in views on education and consistency in actions.

Learn useful exercises

Teach your child emotional self-regulation, teach him to be distracted. There are certain exercises for this:

Vessel of Consciousness

This exercise will teach children how to manage strong emotions if they suddenly become overwhelming. Take a clean, empty jar and fill it with water. Then scoop up a tablespoon of glitter glue or just glitter and place it in the water. Close the jar with a lid and shake. And now your mini-lesson begins:

“Imagine that you are angry or upset about something, and the sparkles are your thoughts. Do you see how they spin and make it difficult to calmly look through the transparent jar and water? That's why it's so easy to do stupid things when you're upset or angry - your mind is clouded by the same sparkling thoughts. But don’t worry, it happens to all of us (and yes, adults get angry, upset, and do stupid things too).”

Now place the jar on the table.

“See what happens if we manage to calm down for even a couple of minutes? Look: the sparkles settle, and the water becomes clean and transparent again. Your consciousness works the same way. When you calm down a little, your thoughts calm down too, and you begin to perceive the situation much more clearly.”

This exercise not only helps children better understand how emotions work, but also trains their attention - after all, they need to watch sparkles in the water for a long time.

Safari

This fun exercise will turn an ordinary walk into an adventure. Tell your tired and fussy children that you are going on a safari. Now their task is to notice as many birds, beetles, insects and all sorts of different animals around as possible. They will have to really look and listen to notice even the smallest animals. The exercise teaches you to focus and feel your presence here and now, this helps to delay or completely prevent hysteria.

Breathing training

Have your child lie on the floor and place a soft toy on his stomach. Now the baby should breathe deeply, noting how high the toy rises with each breath. This exercise helps children understand what deep strong breaths are, remind your child of this exercise when you see that he is overwhelmed by strong emotions, this will help him calm down.

Balloons

An exercise that can help calm overexcited children at a children's party. Give each child one balloon (not with helium) and ask them to throw the balloon into the air, and then not let it fall to the floor. The purpose of this game is to slow down overly active children a little and focus their attention on the ball.

Finally, I would like to say that every child tries to throw tantrums, and it is up to the parents whether he chooses this form of behavior as a way to achieve what he wants or whether he will look for other, more acceptable options.

Anna Sergienko, Master of Psychology, systemic family psychologist, child and adolescent psychologist, specialist at the Center for Psychological Assistance named after. A. Adler, 10 years of consulting experience.

Author: Anna Sergienko

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Stopping hysterics in adults

How to stop an adult's tantrum:

• give me some water to drink;
• make you wash with cold water;
• give the person the opportunity to get rid of emotions;
• listen, but do not force them to talk about problems;
• do not say that all a person’s experiences are not important, do not ask them to calm down;
• try to touch the person more, hug him, this will make the patient feel safe, focus on the situation;
• put the person to bed when the emotional crisis subsides;
• drop valerian and allow the patient to fall asleep if he makes contact.

Having become a voluntary or involuntary witness to a nervous breakdown, assess your condition. Make sure you can patiently bear all the accusations, complaints, screaming and fits. If you are not confident in your abilities, it is better to refuse the idea of ​​​​helping a person.

Help with a hysterical attack

Severe hysteria can provoke a fainting state. A person under the influence of his emotions does not hear those around him. First aid for hysterics is:

• use ammonia;
• sprinkle cold water on your face;
• try to give the patient privacy.

First aid to stop a hysterical attack involves abruptly removing a person from a state of prostration, when he does not hear or see anything around him, but is concentrated only on his own emotions. This can be done with any sudden movement or sound. Use short phrases when communicating. Upon completion of the attack, a rollback effect begins, which is accompanied by drowsiness and inhibition of reactions. After a hysterical attack, a person may begin to clean the apartment and continue vigorous activity for several hours. Don't touch it in this state. The body itself is looking for ways to release energy; if you pester the patient with questions and offer to talk, this will provoke a new breakdown.

You need to gradually bring a person out of hysteria.

As soon as the energy runs out, the person needs to be given the opportunity to sleep. Do not relieve symptoms with alcohol. Do not support the patient's inappropriate actions, but also do not insist that he is wrong. Try not to point out to a person his inadequacy. It is important that those around you understand that in the current circumstances such a reaction is the norm. You can talk to the patient only after he has had enough sleep and will adequately perceive the information provided.

Frequently repeated attacks require medication and correctional psychological treatment.

It is recommended to stop hysterics of an everyday nature, that is, feigned ones, by indifference on the part of the listener. The fewer witnesses to such manipulations, the faster they will end. A clear example of this behavior can be seen in children who throw a tantrum on the street or in a store, demanding a toy, chocolate, etc. The more strangers there are around the child, the stronger the hysterical attack.

How to calm a child? Tips and recommendations from a psychologist

"Want! Buy it! No!" - the situation when a child bursts into tears and screams is familiar to every parent. Not every adult is capable of adequately surviving a classic child's hysteria with screaming, squealing, and falling to the floor. Psychologist at the Vesta Healthy Lifestyle Modeling Center Marina Kalin told readers of City News what could be the reasons for a child’s tantrums and how to deal with them.

“Don’t teach it to your hands”

Heart-rending crying in a one-year-old child is most often caused by physiological reasons. The baby does not yet know how to express his feelings, desires and experiences in words. Screaming and tears for him are a way to call an adult for contact. Wet, cold, scary, painful, hungry - the baby may have different reasons for calling his mother.

“Please note that frequent screaming and crying may be associated with neurological problems,” says Marina Kalin. — If your baby cries for a long time during bouts of crying, chokes, turns red, or has convulsions, be sure to consult with your doctor. In all other cases, in order to calm a child, it is often enough to simply take him in your arms, talk to him, and make him feel safe. Look at what is bothering the baby and eliminate this factor. But first of all, the mother must be calm herself.

Children sense the mood of adults very well, and if those closest to them are anxious, nervous or angry, it will be difficult to calm the baby down.

“Don’t teach your child to hold you, he’ll cry and stop,” this is the advice modern mothers can often hear from representatives of the older generation. The main argument is that the child quickly understands how adults can be manipulated and begins to constantly ask to be held.

“There is no consensus on how parents should behave in such a situation,” says the psychologist. — Everyone acts depending on their personal circumstances, experience and intuition. But still, you should not deprive the baby of physical contact with his mother, which is so important in childhood.

Whims without spectators

Three or four years is perhaps the most capricious age. The baby is already very independent, active, speaks well, is ready to argue and insist on his own. At this age, even the calmest children can present surprises in the form of sudden hysterics. Anything can be the reason for a heart-rending scream: a child doesn’t want to leave the playground, doesn’t want to put on a hat, doesn’t want soup, wants to play with a tablet.

Children often fall into hysterics because they are refused to buy a toy or sweets or denied entertainment. “Buy-and-and!” — the child suddenly starts screaming and falls to the floor in the middle of the store.

As psychologists explain, three years is one of the crisis periods in the development of a child. The baby becomes independent, begins to test and set his own boundaries in relations with his parents, and learns to manipulate adults.

Be patient and be prepared to explain. Why did you refuse to buy another car or doll, why you need to go to bed early, why you shouldn’t eat dirty fruit, why wear a scarf - and so on ad infinitum.

“A simple ban or refusal will cause protest,” says Marina Kalin. — Explain calmly, preferably sitting down next to the child so that there is eye-to-eye contact.

By giving in to children's cries, a parent makes a huge mistake. Surrender can be expressed in the purchase of the required toy, permission to watch cartoons when it was prohibited, and so on. If the child nevertheless “put the pressure on” the parent, getting his way with tears and screams, it will be very difficult to correct the situation later.

A crowded place is a provoking factor, the psychologist points out. A hysterical child needs an audience. The more sympathetic and indignant passers-by there are around, the more sharply the parent reacts to all this, the less chance there is to quickly calm the little artist down.

“The best way to stop the screaming is to immediately take the child to a place where there are fewer spectators,” explains the specialist. - Talk as calmly as possible, do not break into a scream, which will only aggravate the situation.

Sometimes the cause of hysteria can be the baby's fear. This often happens in public places, at noisy children's parties. If the child starts crying, try to redirect his attention. In addition, children can be capricious from fatigue, in such cases it is useless to explain something, much less get angry. Find an opportunity to calm your baby in a private place.

It’s more difficult if the hysteria happened in a place where there is no way to get out. For example, in public transport. Then a way to switch attention will help, says the psychologist. Invite your child to count the traffic lights, trucks, and white cars while looking out the window. And if you have a long journey ahead - on a train or plane - be sure to stock up on toys, books and other entertainment for your child. And don’t take them all out at once, save something just in case of sudden whims.

Tears for attention

Frequent hysterics and whims in children five or six years old and older are a reason to seriously reconsider your upbringing system. Perhaps the child does not know the refusal of all his desires and reacts sharply to refusals and prohibitions. In addition, children, being in a stressful or crisis situation, can thus attract the attention of adults. Regular violent tantrums often indicate a weak emotional connection between the child and parents, and this is a reason to seek help from a psychologist.

Also, a vivid manifestation of emotions in a preschooler or primary school student may be associated with a change in activity, new social roles.

“Show sincere interest in what the child is doing,” says Marina Kalin. - But not only to results and achievements, but above all to the process itself, let there be as much joint activity as possible in the family.

When turning to psychologists with the problem of whims and hysterics, parents complain about the disobedience of their children. But it is impossible to “force someone to obey,” but everyone can create trusting relationships in the family, without shouting and manipulation.

An important condition in the fight against whims and hysterics is a unified and firm attitude towards them by all family members. If mom said “no,” dad should be just as strong. The principle “Do what you want, just don’t yell” should be banned. Here you need to have a serious conversation with grandparents, who often cannot stand children’s hysterics and give in to the bitter tears of their grandchildren.

Often parents whose child has thrown a tantrum in front of strangers feel a sense of shame. And it doesn’t matter where it happened - in a shopping center, in front of dozens of passers-by or in a narrow circle of relatives. Embarrassed, the parent begins to swear at the child and shame him, thereby only heating up the situation. Maintain equanimity both towards the little culprit of the ugly situation and towards random spectators, the psychologist advises. And it is better to respond to other people’s admonitions with cold politeness, without entering into explanations or making excuses.

To the point

• What should you do if you accidentally witness a child's tantrum?
• Don’t try to scare a screaming child by saying that the police or “that guy over there” will take him away now. This will only make the situation worse.
• Don’t try to educate your parents; at this moment they have no time for other people’s lectures.
• If you see a woman pushing a stroller with one hand and bags and a screaming child hanging on the other, offer to help. Most likely, they will tell you: “Everything is fine.” But what if you need to hold the door or carry heavy packages to the car?
• The help of strangers can be useful, for example, in public transport. If you can distract a screaming child, all passengers will be grateful to you.

Olga Mayevskaya Published 1 year, 6 months ago, March 1, 2020 20:00

Olga Mayevskaya

Published 1 year, 6 months ago, March 1, 2021 8:00 pm

Self-calming

If hysteria does occur, you need to follow simple steps:

• recognize the fact that hysteria has begun and it is inevitable in this situation, try to express it out loud to yourself or to those around you;
• throw out your emotions, try to be alone at this moment;
• scream, hit a punching bag, do squats, tear paper;
• do not restrain yourself even after 30 minutes. you will see how the emotional outburst will subside;
• restore strength using any method convenient for you;
• analyze your behavior and the reasons that provoked it;
• try to eliminate the reasons as much as possible or adjust your attitude to certain factors.

If it happens frequently, go to see a neurologist. The doctor will explain in detail how to calm down in a stalemate and help change your attitude towards the stress factor. It may be that the reasons for the behavioral reaction developed in childhood. Such problems are solved with the help of anchoring on positive aspects, meditation, affirmations and other methods of suggestion.

How to avoid hysteria?

Dealing with tantrums can be quite difficult. It is advisable, of course, not to allow their manifestations and to prevent them, rather than to get out of them.

There are many tricks and ways that can help:

You should not provoke your baby into similar situations. It would be better to remove dangerous and prohibited items from sight.

Remember that the abundance of prohibitions in the life of a little explorer hinder his development. If he pulls on sharp scissors, replace them with safety ones. Give him the opportunity to understand in your presence how to use them correctly.

If you know that you won’t be able to walk past the toy store without conflict, it is advisable to choose a different road and go around on the other side.

Do not categorically refuse your baby’s favorite activities. You can simply put them off delicately: “Come on, we’ll go for a walk, and when we get back, we’ll watch a cartoon.”

If you still reject his desire, be sure to explain the reason: “You can’t take this toy because it’s someone else’s. You can play this one.”

Warn your child in advance about your plans. Give him plenty of time to finish the game, to finish his business: “Come on, you finish your beautiful sand tower, and then we’ll go home!”

If the little one doesn’t want to leave the walk without crying, come up with a game for him - a journey.

Offer him:

• Do not go home, but ride a stroller or bicycle in the direction of home.
• Do not return to the apartment to eat, but go up to your floor with the opportunity to press the desired button in the elevator.
• Do not wash dirty hands from the street, but say hello with soap and stroke it.

Then the baby will follow you with curiosity, waiting for a new exciting game.

If you see that hysteria is inevitable, switch the baby’s attention to a comical situation you have imagined, cheer him up by lightly tickling him.

Distract yourself with something interesting. Something that you can show and hold in your hands. Intrigue your baby and then his curiosity will win. If you are on the street, you can take a small stick (pebble, leaf) and say: “Oh, look, what did I find? What do you think she can do? Maybe you can use it to dig the ground? Need to try!" After these words, the little tracker will forget about his demands and attempts to hysteria, and will quickly rush to try whether a stick can really dig a hole in the ground. This can be done with any object that catches your eye. The main thing is to come up with a fun application. Be sure to take into account the age of the fidget when using such techniques. If this method works great at 2-3 years old, then at 4-5 years old you will already have to show your imagination, based on the level of intelligence of your clever child.

Parents should follow a clear sequence in their actions regarding the list of established prohibitions:

• If it is forbidden to play with matches today, then tomorrow, and in a month, it is still forbidden to play with them.
• If mom forbids something, dad should support her and not contradict her. Otherwise, having received a refusal from one family member, the child will turn to another and get what he wants. Such actions will instill permissiveness and willfulness in the child.

On the topic: Child development by month to year.

Treatment of hysterical neurosis

Psychocorrection and strengthening of the nervous system will help cure hysterical neurosis. At psychotherapy appointments, the doctor does not pay much attention to complaints, otherwise seizures will become more frequent. The goal of treatment is to correct the perception of oneself and one’s place in society, to find and eliminate the root causes.

Drug treatment boils down to taking general strengthening drugs. Increased excitability requires treatment with plant-based sedatives. “Valerian”, “Motherwort”, “Persen”, “Hawthorn” are suitable. Tranquilizers help quickly calm a person who is hysterical. They are used in particularly difficult cases, for example, when a person has suffered a significant loss (a loved one has died, witnessed an emergency, etc.).

To restore normal activity of the nervous system, vitamin complexes and nootropic drugs containing active acids necessary for the construction of nerve cells are indicated.

Water massage for healing

To treat hysteria, treatment with water jets was introduced; relieving tension through water jets of a certain power turned out to be productive. This is how a method of treating hysteria in women and men with water massage appeared.

Treatment of hysteria with water massage involves a fairly intense effect on the entire body, bordering on pain. Today such procedures are rarely used. The patient can independently perform a shower massage for relaxation or take baths with herbal infusions. Before taking a shower, it is advisable to scrub your body. It relaxes muscles well and invigorates a contrast shower, especially after physical activity.

Treatment methods have been refined and modernized. When the functioning of the central nervous system is impaired, the muscles of the collar zone, spine, and limbs spasm; exposure to water helps relieve cramps. It is important to be careful, such a massage involves sadistic actions that cause pain, this can provoke more serious deviations.