How to learn to communicate with men: advice from a psychologist

• June 19, 2019
• Psychology of communication
• Angelica Braldi

How to learn to communicate with men? This issue worries not only young girls, it is also relevant for middle-aged women. Why is this topic so interesting? It’s not difficult to attract a man’s attention, especially for those who are young and confident, but how to keep him? What to talk about? What to interest? If, as a rule, there are no difficulties in communication with peers, then in relationships with an older man they appear very often.

Women who have been married for many years, oddly enough, also face this problem. One not particularly wonderful morning, they wake up with the thought that they have absolutely nothing to talk about with their spouse.

The question of how a woman can communicate correctly with a man is also of interest to those ladies who often have to deal with representatives of the stronger sex due to their official duties. What if you have to host your loved one’s friends? How to talk to them? How to behave? After all, you want to make a good impression.

Psychology has been studying the question of how to properly communicate with men for a very long time. Even before the advent of psychologists, philosophers and thinkers, writers, and poets dealt with this issue. Accordingly, a lot of knowledge has accumulated, which formed the basis of various psychological techniques that allow women to properly structure their communication with representatives of the stronger sex.

What should you forget about once and for all?

The phrase: “I don’t know how to communicate with men” is a taboo. You can’t just say that, you shouldn’t even think in that way. Of course, you need to be able to admit your shortcomings and be aware of your problems. But not in this case and not in this formulation.

Firstly, a thought has the ability to materialize, and even when expressed out loud it is a judgment. Thinking in this way, a woman lowers her own self-esteem, gains self-doubt and aggravates the difficulties that arise when communicating with representatives of the stronger sex. There is no need to brand yourself, because loss of confidence deprives you of attractiveness. It is better to utter utter nonsense with a royal posture and a raised chin than to discuss topics that are relevant and interesting to a man with drooping shoulders and an ingratiating, questioning gaze.

“I don’t know how to communicate with men - what should I do?” - this is not about a woman. This is about a “gray stocking” who doesn’t notice anything around him except the pages of encyclopedias, statistical indicators of economic growth or something similar.

Starting with such a statement is unlikely to make tangible progress. Successful communication between representatives of different sexes is based on flirtation, coquetry, ease and naturalness. You can’t approach it as a lesson that needs to be memorized and answered “excellent” at the board. There are no strict rules and restrictions; the correct manner of communication does not need to be learned, but felt intuitively. And in intuition and feelings, every woman is an expert from birth. But even the most experienced expert sometimes needs a couple of tips that will help him correctly assess the situation and achieve the desired result.

Rules

A few universal rules will help you reach a new level in communicating with men and avoid common mistakes.

1. Don't abuse your position. Some girls take advantage of their position as “the weaker sex” and constantly throw tantrums at their gentlemen, get offended over trifles, regularly resolve controversial situations with tears and behave like capricious children. Such manipulations really work, but in the short term. Gradually, the guy will understand that communicating with such a woman is unpleasant for him and only brings negative emotions.
2. Don't speak directly. Men don't take hints. But this does not mean that when talking with a guy you need to say everything that comes to mind, without even trying to find the right words, place and time. After all, the lack of receptivity to hints does not at all indicate a lack of feelings and understanding of the rules of etiquette.
3. Don’t expect pronounced emotions from a man. Even if the news is truly worthy of a stormy and emotional reaction, the man will suppress any hint of excitement. And the point is not that the stronger sex is indifferent to what is happening. It’s just that boys from childhood learn the thesis “a real man doesn’t cry.” And over time, guys absorb an incredible amount of such limiting attitudes and try to comply with them.
4. Be able to admire. The stronger sex needs a positive assessment.
   Men love when their achievements are noticed and celebrated. By masterfully using compliments (and in some cases, flattery), a woman can win over any man.
5. Accept character traits . Guys act like boys. They compete with each other, are sincerely upset about the loss of their favorite team, love to make fun of their colleagues, and in general their behavior sometimes infuriates a woman. But there is no point in fighting nature. It is easier and more effective to accept the characteristics of a man’s character and treat them condescendingly. Thanks to this approach, communication will become easier and more enjoyable.

Small tricks - big results

How to learn to communicate with men? It’s very simple: you need to learn from the stronger sex. Of course, you don’t need to approach the man you like with a notebook and pencil, ready to take notes on a lecture on the art of communication.

You need to be more cunning and simply observe both the stronger sex in general and the person you like. You need to notice everything - demeanor, reactions, gestures, facial expressions, taste preferences, volume of speech. There are no insignificant trifles, when a person behaves naturally, he completely opens up, like a book, all that remains is to read it and draw conclusions.

The ability to observe, notice and analyze is the first female trick.

You should not approach a man and start a conversation with him. Everyone knows about this, although modern emancipated young ladies usually do not agree with this rule. What to do? You need to create an accident, thanks to which a man will have no choice but to meet and start communicating with a woman. The highest aerobatics is to create a situation in which a representative of the stronger sex feels like a knight on a white horse. How to do it? There are no limits to your imagination. You can accidentally trip on the escalator next to him or “bump into” a person in a cafe.

Creating situations is the second female trick.

But how to communicate with a man correctly? The answer is paradoxical: this must be done silently. Of course, you shouldn’t be silent in the literal sense of the word, but you need to make sure that the man speaks. You shouldn’t be sure that women’s chatter delights the stronger sex. You should not conduct a monologue, but skillfully manage the dialogue, filling pauses and asking leading questions that stimulate men's stories. Of course, you need to listen carefully: sometimes representatives of the stronger sex can be frank and give out a lot of useful information about themselves.

The ability to remain silent and listen is the third female trick.

If a woman makes them her habit, then she will never have questions about how to learn to communicate with men.

Women's tricks

It is not so difficult to attract a man as to keep his attention to your person. If it’s not interesting to communicate with you, you shouldn’t cry and ask heaven what you did wrong. You have many opportunities, the main thing is to realize and understand how to use it.

So, a woman should take note of the following tricks:

1. Control your voice, or rather, its timbre. Thus, men subconsciously attribute a velvety and deep voice to beautiful, slender girls, and a breathy voice excites erotic fantasies.
2. Fill the pauses between topics with interesting stories or anecdotes. Don't allow awkward silence to arise.
3. Express your sympathy only after the man has expressed his.

You no longer have time to look for special techniques to interest him. You should be puzzled by this long before the meeting, especially if you have liked the man for a long time. There is only one chance to hook it, which cannot be missed.

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Features of male psychology

Who are men at their core? On the one hand, each of them considers himself an alpha male and a breadwinner, a hunter, and on the other, they are all big children. Of course, this is a very exaggerated assessment of the characteristics inherent in the psychology of the stronger sex. Each man is a unique personality, with his own inner world. However, to build communication tactics, highlighting and taking into account stereotypical features is quite enough.

How to learn to communicate with men, because they are so different from women? No difficulties will arise in this if you do not forget that the woman is not a friend, but a “male”, “hunter”, “child”.

How does this affect communication? Men are comfortable and interested in the woman who makes them feel significant. How can this be achieved in practice? It is necessary to structure conversations in such a way that a man feels like a leader, while constantly fighting for the elusive attention of a woman and having the opportunity to show off his “toys.”

Conqueror and winner

Yes, a man wants to win, he strives to be the first in everything in life. This is a very important character trait that should not be forgotten if you want to speak to him intelligently and correctly.

First of all, a man does not need a woman to solve his problems for him. Or did what he should do himself. The only thing he needs is faith in his strength and support. The words “I know that you will succeed” contain such powerful magic that the stronger sex literally becomes able to soar above any difficulties.

Common mistakes that should be dealt with immediately

1. The habit of thinking out loud
   . Women are able to keep a huge number of things in their heads, which they can talk about at the same time, jumping from one to another. Surprisingly, this helps them organize their thoughts. For a man, this is a terrible psychological attack. In order not to bring them to a state of nervous tic, it is enough to simply immediately warn that there is absolutely no need to follow the mental chain, it is enough to just listen.
2. Habit of interrupting
   . This is unlikely to please anyone, but men are especially susceptible to such impudence. The fact is that they cannot listen and speak right away. They need to complete their thought in order to then calmly listen to their interlocutor. By the way, the skill of behaving correctly in a conversation is useful in any society.
3. The habit of hinting
   . A man's life should be subject to logic. He doesn't see logic in hints. Just as he often does not observe the purpose that a woman pursues with her visits from afar. This either annoys him, or he simply does not pay attention to what is happening. In general, you should speak clearly and clearly. Even a woman’s elementary “could you” is perceived by a man as a kind of challenge. Of course he can! But whether he will do it is a big question, because in fact he was not asked to do this. In addition, a man may see any hints as an attempt to manipulate him - and this is no longer permissible! So you need to manipulate wisely.
4. The habit of being offendedly silent
   . It seems to a woman that if a man has offended her, and she is silent and does not talk to him, then he gradually begins to feel the full depth of his guilt. In reality, everything is completely different. The man enjoys the peace and quiet, no one bothers him, and after half an hour he has completely forgotten that there was some kind of conflict. There is only one piece of advice - a woman should express her complaints right away, because only then does it make sense.

The ability to communicate with a man is important for any woman. For some, it will help save their marriage and make family life easy and enjoyable. Someone will meet their soulmate and establish a wonderful relationship with her. Someone will get promoted. In any case, these skills are unlikely to be superfluous.

How to communicate on the Internet?

How to communicate with a man on dating sites, social networks, online games, on thematic forums? This question is extremely important these days. The Internet gives women the opportunity to find love or simply meet an interesting interlocutor far from home or work.

The basic rules of communication in the virtual space are no different from building a conversation in real life. But, of course, there are also some nuances. First, you should forget about generalizations. If in real life the phrase “about nothing” is supplemented by body language, facial expressions, gestures and is a stimulus for fantasy and arousing interest, then in the virtual space it acts exactly the opposite.

The lack of specifics leads, firstly, to a loss of interest of a particular interlocutor, and secondly, to an expansion of the audience. For example, if a woman’s page does not indicate her age, then both “ancient elders” and teenagers will write to her. If there is no good, clear photograph, both “lovers” of fat women and those who care about the numbers on the scale will begin to worry about her. In the absence of information about habits, fans of a healthy lifestyle and those who spend their evenings in billiard rooms will turn to them for a glass of beer.

What's bad about it? The only thing is that with an abundance of options, most of which are not of interest, the woman loses her “target audience.”

The conversation itself is structured the same way as in life. A man needs to be listened to, approved of his thoughts, laughed at his jokes, admired in moderation and, of course, shown interest in his “toys.” It is the achievements and hobbies of men that are the main topics for communication in the virtual space. Only by telling “about his beloved self” will he not lose interest in communication and will want to transfer it to real life.

Basic ways to keep a man hooked

Only a few young ladies know such ways of communicating with a guy so that he always has a sincere interest. Such people date a guy for a long time, but their relationship is always positive and exciting.

Always be attractive

Attractive appearance is half the success, so always be fully prepared. Things like:

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• a neat manicure and pedicure, especially if you are wearing sandals;
• beautifully styled hair, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s a ponytail or loose curls;
• light daytime or evening makeup (depending on the time of day);
• clean, neat, not too revealing clothes;
• pleasant smell of perfume.

If it’s unpleasant to look at you, you reek of tobacco smoke or smell of sweat, your blouse is stained, and your skirt is indecently short, then no matter how interesting an interlocutor you are, a man will not talk to you for a long time. He will have something to do and will quickly retreat.

Don't reveal all your cards

You can definitely give yourself a bad mark if on the first day you tell him how much you liked him and you want three wonderful daughters from him. There is no need to let the guy know that he has aroused genuine interest, and your heart beats wildly when you are nearby. Remember that a man is a predator, so when a timid doe goes into his arms, she becomes uninteresting. Be mysterious and a little distant until the young man begins to openly express sympathy.

Intrigue

A man is attracted to mysterious and unpredictable ladies who excite the mind with their behavior. I want to recognize and conquer them. To intrigue the gentleman you like, communication with the guy should be accompanied by the following actions on your part:

1. Eye contact. Shows interest and sympathy.
2. Listen carefully, pay attention to details, ask again if something is unclear or you missed something, remember. It would be good if you could insert his phrases into your dialogue in the future.
3. If you don’t understand how to arouse interest on his part, then be inaccessible, that is, unobtrusive, a little distant. But dropping calls and not showing up for a date is unnecessary, because the man will quickly lose interest in the impregnable fortress.
4. Don't talk incessantly. When the interlocutor cannot get a word in edgewise, it is called a monologue. So talk to yourself at home.
5. Don't show real emotions.
6. Have an exciting hobby that might interest your interlocutor. Few people will be intrigued by a girl who spends all her evenings staring at her phone.

Don't worry if you don't know a single way to effectively communicate with the opposite sex. Keep the intrigue, then they will be drawn to you.

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Know how to listen to a man

Although it is believed that women love to talk, men are not inferior to them in this desire. There is only one thing that distinguishes them: girls for the most part talk about distant topics, and men talk about things that concern them. It is important for them to express their opinions, guesses, or simply retell information that interests them. If he finds an excellent listener in you, then you will no longer have to look for special ways to please him. He himself will run to you with another conversation.

Give a feeling of need

Guys like to be needed and useful, so another life hack is to create a strong feeling of his need in your life. For example, ask to tell and show how to properly check the oil level in a car. Just choose topics that the man understands, otherwise he will feel awkward and an unpleasant situation will arise.

The table will tell you what you can and cannot say.

Should we talk about children and marriage?

A similar question often arises among those who want to understand how to communicate with a man in order to start a family. On the one hand, I want to indicate my own serious attitude towards “true values” and evoke respect from a representative of the stronger sex, but on the other hand, won’t he run away?

Of course, all people are different. If the acquaintance initially took place with the goal of starting a family, it is possible that children need to be talked about. However, it is better not to do this. A man by his psychological nature is a hunter. Listening to the interlocutor describe a house with a white fence, a couple of cheerful kids and a golden Labrador on the lawn by the porch, he will not be touched at all. Intuitively, a representative of the stronger sex will feel that he is being “driven into a trap”, that it is not he who is being “hunted”, but him. And this will cause a strong negative emotional outburst, the man will become very uncomfortable, and he will stop communicating.

Tips and tricks for girls

How to communicate with a man correctly?

1. What to ask a guy when communicating? It is best to communicate about interests, work, studies and plans for life. You can discuss your favorite movies and music groups, your favorite sport and pets. You shouldn’t push the topic of love relationships too aggressively, make hints, or raise traditionally “female topics.” You can try to move the conversation to a plane that is interesting specifically to your interlocutor. However, you can only ask questions and show interest if you are not very well versed in the topic (for example, football, racing, construction, etc.). Inappropriate attempts to show off your expertise to impress a guy can end in failure.
2. How to get a silent man to talk? How to get a guy to talk? Try to find out what the guy is interested in, and then make a list of topics and read relevant information on the Internet or books. You can identify hobbies and interests through social networks (a list of interesting pages and groups in which the guy is a member), as well as through mutual friends (directly ask a person who knows how to keep secrets and will not give you away). Then, during the conversation, purposefully shift the conversation to a topic that is interesting to the guy. He will be comfortable and pleasant to carry on the conversation, which will increase your chances of success.
3. How to continue and maintain a conversation with a guy? In order to keep the conversation going, you need to ask the right questions. Try to avoid wording that implies a “yes” or “no” answer. Otherwise, communication will quickly exhaust itself.
   But questions that require a detailed answer will help identify new topics and interests.

   It’s also not worth interrupting the guy, even if the comment just wants to roll off the tongue. Cutting off a story is very impolite. In addition, such behavior will lead to you losing the thread of the conversation (you will not be able to find a topic during the communication process that you will develop when the previous topic has exhausted itself).

4. What to do if a guy doesn’t want to talk or abruptly stops communicating? A man can disappear for many reasons (a new woman, loss of interest, problems at work, reassessment of life guidelines, etc.). But since representatives of the stronger sex are conquerors by nature, in most cases they refuse contact after they have won the woman’s favor. Taking falling in love as a victory, guys quickly lose interest and look for a new victim. Therefore, during the contact process, it is necessary to keep the interlocutor at some distance and “tease” him with sudden changes from sympathy to indifference.
5. How to establish communication with a guy? To establish communication with a guy, you need to listen carefully and delve into the essence of the dialogue.
   You should not try to show your best side through long monologues and attempts to tell as much as possible about your skills, interests and hobbies. Men look for lightness and warmth in their interlocutor. Therefore, the best strategy for communicating with a guy is to abandon negativity and discuss problems in favor of positive communication and sharing good news.
6. How to talk to a guy about the future? An insistent desire to get a guy to have a frank conversation can scare off a representative of the stronger sex. But if you carefully bring your interlocutor to this topic, he will open up and become frank. It’s better to start small by asking the guy about his summer plans, childhood dreams, or current goals for the year. After this, the topic can be gradually reduced to the desired topic using leading questions.
7. How to politely refuse to communicate with a man? If a man is quite touchy, you should not directly tell him about your lack of desire to continue communication. It is better to keep communication to a minimum (responding politely, but not showing initiative). Monosyllabic and short answers will help you quickly end the dialogue.
8. How to communicate with your ex-boyfriend? The main rule when communicating with a former lover is not to remember past grievances. Unpleasant and caustic remarks, attempts to sort things out and get an apology will lead to mutual hostility (or even provoke a quarrel).
9. How to communicate correctly with a married man? Communication with a married man requires respect for subordination.
   You should not flirt, make controversial jokes or discuss personal topics. Otherwise, the man may think that the interlocutor is counting on the role of a mistress and is not averse to entering into a relationship. You cannot discuss/comment on the relationship of a married man, so as not to provoke negativity or resentment. It is better not to advertise personal opinions about other people's relationships.

How to react if a man himself starts talking about children and marriage?

What to do if a man is interested in such topics? Laugh it off? Ignore? In no case. The representative of the stronger sex did not just start asking questions; the woman’s attitude to the topics of family and marriage is important to him.

But his curiosity is of a general nature; with his questions he does not call you down the aisle and does not invite you to start arranging the nursery. There is no need to describe your love for children and talk about your passionate desire to have them. Suffice it to say that sometimes such thoughts come to mind, but when and how exactly they will come true is a question. With this turn of the conversation, the man’s hunting passion will be stimulated, and not suppressed.

However, you need to understand that communication between a woman and a man does not have clear rules, patterns or stereotypes. If you have an intuitive feeling that something should be said or done, there is no need to suppress it just because psychologists do not recommend doing so.

Let's keep our nerves in check

Women are very emotional by nature. Men are not particularly inclined to pour out their worries on others. Such is their psychology.

A woman who is upset or worried about something often screams, swears, and lashes out at others. However, it is unlikely that she will be able to convey to the man the idea that she needs help or simply support, that he needs to somehow change his behavior, and so on.

The stronger sex is unable to glean anything constructive from a prolonged hysteria. For him, this is just a frightening irritant that arose from nowhere and it is not clear what to do with it. Perhaps an urgent escape is the only thing that comes to his mind.

So, if you want to achieve something from a man and maintain peace in the family, you need to behave correctly. No, this does not mean abandoning your own feelings, but you need to throw them out wisely. It’s better for a man to explain everything clearly - the return will not be long in coming.

He is older: how to build relationships

How to learn to communicate with an older man? This is a very difficult question with no concrete answer. You need to start from a certain situation. Firstly, it is important to know what age difference we are talking about. If there are 15-20 years between a woman and a man, then communication is based on general principles, there are no peculiarities in it.

But what if, for example, the girl is 16 and the man is 60? Of course, there are not so many such couples, but nevertheless, romances between people with an age difference of 30 years or more do happen. How to keep the attention of such a man?

First, you need to understand the nature of the relationship, its essence. A young woman may completely misjudge the romance that has broken out. An older man’s plans may well completely exclude communication and be limited only to “quality sex.” If this is so, it is worth thinking about whether such a novel is necessary? Assess the prospects of the relationship. There will always be someone younger, more attractive, more relaxed, and the woman will remain “out of work.” If there is a desire to take the relationship in a serious direction, then you will have to make a lot of effort. What they will be depends on the specific situation.

In general, the specificity of communicating with older people is that they grew up in different conditions, they have their own interests, humor, and habits. This is reminiscent of communicating with a foreigner or an extraterrestrial. And this is exactly how it should be approached.

As a rule, most advice from psychologists concerns questions about what is interesting to a man and how a young girl can understand them. However, if we consider communication as a clash of different cultures, which it actually is, then a rather interesting nuance emerges. On the one hand, a woman can learn something, discover something new for herself, but on the other hand, a man also makes discoveries in such communication.

It is worth taking advantage of this and building communication not on tricks and tricks, but on the mutual exchange of information, experience, and interests. An older man is familiar with all female techniques, so maybe it’s worth surprising him and not using them?

Hidden manipulation technique: “Rule of three YES”

Rule of three "YES!" Usually used in sales, the essence of this technique is that the seller must get 3 positive answers from a potential buyer at once.

There is an observation that if you ask three questions in a row, the first two of which you are guaranteed to receive a positive answer, then the third time they will probably agree with you.

Try it! Think to yourself about what you would like to agree on with your loved one. After this, think about what questions you can ask him at the meeting in order to get a guaranteed “YES”.

For example:

- Darling, are you already at the restaurant? - Yes. - Darling, will you go to the gym tomorrow? - Yes. - Honey, if I go on a diet starting tonight, will you support me? - Yes-ss!

Sometimes the rule of one “yes” works no less effectively, when you only need to hear one agreement to one of the questions.

Example: “Let's meet you in our free time and drink coffee! Do you love Lathe? Those. we first make an offer and, without waiting for an answer, ask if he likes a type of coffee like Late (acting as if he has already agreed).

The point of this technique is not that he likes coffee or not, but that by answering the second question, he automatically agrees to the meeting.