Feeling fear is a normal human condition. But when fear becomes pathological, constantly haunts and interferes with normal life, doctors talk about the development of a phobia. You can even be afraid of loneliness, and this problem, unfortunately, is increasingly common in the modern world.
Why is there a fear of loneliness? How do you know if you are susceptible to this condition? And most importantly, how to deal with it? Clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Nikolai Chadayev these questions to the FAN .
Photo from the personal archive of Nikolai Chadayev /
What is the fear of loneliness called?
In medicine, this condition is considered a mental disorder and is defined by the term autophobia. If translated literally, the term is interpreted as “fear of oneself.” In fact, a person is afraid, of course, not of himself, but of being left alone with himself. Loneliness gives him severe discomfort and causes anxiety.
“The causes of autophobia lie in childhood,” comments clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Nikolai Chadayev. “It occurs against the background of psychological trauma, most often more than one. It appears in people whose parents left them alone for a long time or abandoned them in childhood. And already in adulthood, a person’s trigger goes off when he finds himself in a similar situation. For example, someone close to you leaves, and this reminds you of the past, the stress you experienced. As a result, fear “turns on.”
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How to overcome
It is important to be able to overcome your fear
If the case is serious, psychostimulant therapy and antidepressants may help. In another case, following the advice of a psychologist may be sufficient.
- Accept loneliness correctly. This is a natural normal process.
- Get a pet, so someone will always be with you.
- Try to spend more time for yourself and your loved ones.
- Decide on a hobby, sign up for a sports section or some kind of club where you can spend time with people in moments when you should be alone.
- If you are afraid to stay because of a persistent belief in otherworldly forces, purchase special amulets that will help protect your home.
At-risk groups
According to the specialist, people of any age who have previously suffered psychological trauma or serious stress are susceptible to fear of loneliness. But most often women are susceptible to it due to mental characteristics and genetic factors. Deep in the subconscious of every woman is the need to create a family and have children. This need is formed evolutionarily. And even if a woman denies it, deep down she may feel dissatisfied with her life and worry that sooner or later she will be completely alone. If the search for a life partner does not work out or a situation arises when the spouse leaves for another woman, autophobia may appear against the background of previously experienced stress.
Another risk group is older people, whose social circle is usually limited due to age or health status. And if children or loved ones pay less attention to the elderly than they would like, this can also trigger the onset of a phobia. Especially older people are afraid of being left without communication and moral support. They are afraid of not getting medical help at a difficult moment, and this all leaves a serious imprint on their psycho-emotional state.
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Symptoms of autophobia
“The main symptom is an uncomfortable state when a person is alone,” comments Nikolai Chadayev. - He may experience restlessness, anxiety, and headaches. As a rule, people try to fill the vacuum that has formed around them with some kind of activity. But it doesn’t save, and the feeling of deep loneliness does not go away.”
Typically, these symptoms are sufficient to diagnose a mental disorder. There are also tests for autophobia, but there is no need to resort to them if a person feels these emotions while alone.
Signs of the development of the disease in loved ones will be the characteristics of their behavior. If, while seeing you off, a relative or friend asks you to sit a little longer, stay “a little longer,” asks when you will come next time, or complains that you are paying too little attention, there is every reason to suspect the development of autophobia.
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Chest to embrasure
Any ailment can be treated. All fears can be overcome, and the sooner this is done, the better. There are several options for dealing with it: contact a specialist and undergo a course of treatment, or take measures that will minimize the fear of staying at home alone.
Here are some tips based on psychotherapeutic approaches:
- At the first manifestations of a phobia, a person needs to realize that it is not always possible to constantly communicate with people. Loneliness is normal.
- In order not to feel the full weight of this phenomenon, you just need to find something to do - work, a hobby or doing household chores.
- A visit to a psychologist will help cope with anxiety and prevent it from developing into a more complex disease.
- You need to find some time for yourself in your life to break out of your daily routine. You can spend it in different ways: go to a store or cafe, meet with friends, visit your family. In addition, this will additionally distract a person from gloomy thoughts about loneliness.
Precautions you can take yourself to improve your well-being:
Trust the instincts of animals. It is believed that animals such as dogs and cats can detect danger in advance due to their keen sense of hearing and smell. Get a pet; in the company of him you will not be so lonely and scared.
Find refuge in a city or village. Find out which zone will make you feel calmer and safer. Each person is individual: some are more comfortable in a noisy metropolis, while others are more comfortable in a guarded suburb.
Take action right away. If fear is associated with otherworldly forces, place amulets in different places in your home. Keep a metal object near your bed: our ancestors believed that metal wards off ghosts. It is believed that scissors under the pillow will get rid of nightmares. Another example is to direct your thoughts to the place that seems to you to be the safest. You can also imagine the places you dream of visiting. These simple methods will help you relax and relieve tension. Well, the simplest solution is to install technical security measures, such as cameras and alarms.
Stay on the same floor. If you have a large house with several floors, it is easier to stay on one of them that is most comfortable for you. When alone, try to minimize the use of stairs and avoid dark corners. Find places in the house where you are not afraid to be alone. One of these places can be the kitchen, cooking is always a distraction and you have a lot of self-defense items at hand. Alternatively, the same frying pan or rolling pin.
Keep yourself busy. To avoid being scared by yourself, find something to do - knitting, embroidery, sewing, any handmade craft that can captivate and distract you. Turn on your favorite music, read an interesting book, the plot of which will interest you and distract you from negative thoughts and panic. You can also watch a good comedy or another interesting film, the only thing is don’t watch horror films, they will only make the situation worse.
It's easier to prevent than to cure. If something frightens you, do not rush to panic and give free rein to your imagination, you need to educate yourself. Go and check the source of the fear. Most likely, it will turn out to be something quite ordinary - the rustling of leaves, the rustling of a bag, the creaking of wood. If the fear persists, methodically check that all windows and doors in the house are closed. Knowing that everything is closed and no one has gotten inside will bring relief.
Should you fight your fear of loneliness?
Any psychological discomfort can “transform” into a more serious mental disorder over time. And therefore, of course, it is necessary to fight the problem. In relation to autophobia, this is due to a number of reasons.
Firstly, a feeling of constant anxiety and loneliness can lead to depression, and against its background, suicidal tendencies often develop. Secondly, scientists have established a direct relationship between phobia and the development of neurodermatitis - chronic inflammation of the skin, which becomes not only an aesthetic problem, but also causes physical discomfort.
And finally, autophobia in a person destroys both his own life, makes it “purposeless”, deprives him of joy, and the life of loved ones, towards whom discontent and claims of inattention and indifference will constantly pour in.
Treatment of autophobia
Fear of death and loneliness is treatable. There are various techniques that can bring relief to a person.
- Auto-trainings . Self-hypnosis techniques help improve well-being, gain self-confidence, and reduce the manifestations of fear. However, it is impossible to cure autophobia with auto-training alone.
- Psychotherapy . To treat the fear of loneliness, psychotherapeutic techniques are used, working with a psychotherapist in groups or individually. According to existing statistics, psychotherapy helps a person recover from autophobia, but recovery takes time. On average, psychotherapeutic treatment should last for two to three years.
- Taking antidepressants . Medicines are used as an aid in the treatment of mental disorders and should only be prescribed by a doctor. It is important to understand that they alone cannot cure the disease and will not help get rid of the cause of the disorder. The doctor can recommend them to improve the patient’s psycho-emotional background, normalize his reactions, and well-being. But they should only be used in combination with psychotherapy.
“With severe autophobia, thoughts of suicide, and deep depression, a person needs to see a psychotherapist,” notes clinical psychologist Nikolai Chadayev. — My original method helps to cope with a phobia much faster than traditional psychotherapeutic methods. An improvement in the condition is noted already in the fourth or fifth session.”
With a mild degree of disorder, a person can help himself. It is important to expand your social circle, find new acquaintances and hobbies. A person should have a hobby, thanks to which he can communicate with other people. This could be dancing, singing, handicrafts, drawing, interest clubs. Then the feeling of loneliness will arise much less often.
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You can help your loved ones in the same way: find something you like that will distract you from sad thoughts. And Nikolai Chadayev believes that the only way to prevent the fear of loneliness is the care of parents for their children. Since the cause of the disease is stress experienced in childhood, it is important for parents to pay as much attention to their children as possible, love them, communicate, try not to leave them alone and, of course, never abandon them. Strong parental love in childhood serves as the best protection against many psychological problems in adulthood, including autophobia.
Help from a psychologist
If you are not yet ready to go to psychological consultation, but feel that your own strength is not enough to overcome fear, listen to the advice of professional psychologists, they will definitely help you:
- Accept the attitude that being alone is a variant of the norm. Some are in a couple, some are alone, both are normal. In order to be a full-fledged person, it is not necessary to communicate with others 24/7.
- Learn to manage your thoughts and change them at will, without getting stuck in negativity. Mindfulness practices will help you with this.
- Be sure to lead a healthy lifestyle. In a healthy body healthy mind. Exercise, healthy eating, sleep patterns, enough clean water. Here is the minimum set in order to feel better in a couple of months.
- Get a pet.
- Don't be afraid to go out. Going to a restaurant, theater, or cinema without company is normal.
- Meet and find friends via the Internet. There are no interests for which you cannot find friends online. And if you live in a small town where no one shares your exotic hobby, then, believe me, on the Internet, you will find many groups of people with whom you will have something to talk about.
Important If, despite all your efforts, your worries do not go away, and the fear of loneliness grows and you begin to notice somatic manifestations - panic attacks, tremors, palpitations, etc. — do not put off visiting a psychotherapist. Remember - phobias, without timely treatment, tend to grow.
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