I stopped loving my husband, what should I do?

Signs that a marriage has run its course

Lack of sex. If you don't have sex, the problem is obvious. It is sexual intimacy that distinguishes marital relationships from any other. A couple must have a place for physical contact: kisses, hugs, bed pleasures.
You have nothing to talk about. If you don’t want to share your problems and joys with your beloved, think about whether you want to talk to him at all? The lack of heart-to-heart conversations is an important sign that the relationship is coming to an end.
You are together and at the same time separate. It would seem that there is no more than a meter between you, but in fact there is an abyss between you.
Inner voice. Our intuition reacts quickly when something is wrong in a relationship. We are used to listening to the voice of reason, but sometimes it doesn’t hurt to listen to the voice of the heart, which very subtly senses those moments to which the mind does not react.

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Other people's problems. Many women stay in relationships because they are used to putting other people's needs before their own. They are used to taking care of someone and do not notice that no one cares about them themselves.
Distance. Every couple goes through moments of crisis. But if the crisis drags on and there is no improvement, then it is better to seek help from a specialist. And this needs to be done as early as possible, while the relationship can still be saved.
Can you imagine what your life would be like without your husband? If a woman often begins to draw pictures in her head of how she will live happily without her significant other, this is an alarming bell. In this way, detachment occurs so that the breakup occurs less painfully.
You have stopped conflicting. There are no more quarrels in your family life, and not at all because you have become very close and problematic situations have been resolved. You just don’t want to discuss problems anymore, listen to your partner’s opinion and change anything.
It seems to you that your husband no longer hears you. And you have no particular desire to listen to him. Ask your chosen one why you upset him. Listen to him and try to understand his feelings.
Emotional infidelity. If a woman does not experience happiness next to her chosen one, emotional betrayal often occurs - interest or love for another member of the opposite sex. If the relationship is on the brink, you should not give in to temptation and have affairs with other men.
You started spending a lot of time with your friends. When a woman needs to speak out or share something, she usually goes to the person closest and dearest to her. Is your husband not the one you first ask for help and advice? Need I say that this is an alarming signal?
Divorce cannot be tolerated. Is it possible to save the family and is there a need for it? In fact, there are no problems that cannot be solved, but if your chosen one does not want to invest in maintaining the relationship, there is nothing to be done about it.

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What does it mean to fall out of love from the point of view of relationship psychology?

Maybe the husband is not living up to expectations? Are you annoyed by his habits, actions and words? Has the desire for intimacy disappeared, and if it happens, does it no longer bring pleasure? Have you started looking at other men and fantasizing about them sexually? In your free time from work, household chores and children, do you want to be alone and don’t want to communicate with your significant other?

Be honest with yourself. Have you fallen out of love or has someone new, more attractive appeared in your sights? Is it just your husband, or is something else “gnawing” at you (perhaps a failure in your career or a boring pastime)?

Turn off the feeling of guilt. In the end, in the worst case, you just fell out of love, and did not attack your husband with an ax. Guilt and shame are unproductive emotions, so allow yourself to abandon them and look at the situation sensibly.

The gradual fading of feelings in marriage is recognized by family psychologists as, alas, an absolutely natural process. The reasons are usually the following:

Turning off the “nerve” in a relationship. A wedding is the finale of any fairy tale, a happy ending to a story full of passion, romance, and vivid experiences. A man and a woman, having achieved each other, stop searching and, it would seem, should be absolutely happy and satisfied. However, as practice shows, it is the fair half of humanity that begins to be the first to “get bored” in marriage. The culmination of the story is already behind us, there is nothing to expect from life, there is nothing to fight for. Moreover, ringed men love to relax and indulge in romance and joint adventures. And a woman, by her nature, needs adventure like air, and she will look for it - with or without her husband.
Banal laziness. Why do something for a person who is already yours? This is not selfishness, this is how a psychological program for saving resources is activated. And the less we invest in another person, the less we need him - such is the paradox.
Life Romance killer. Endless thankless petty labor that can turn any princess into a boorish cleaning lady. If a man condemns his other half to complete servicing of himself, he can be sure: soon she will begin to fantasize about how fabulously much time she would have freed up if it weren’t for this little pig nearby, constantly spilling coffee and not wiping up after himself.

Rule out depression. Indifference to everything and loss of interest not only in your husband, but in life in general - these are dangerous symptoms of the clinical picture of depression. Urgently find a test on the Internet to identify this mental illness. If the result is positive, run to a psychologist for therapy and prescriptions.

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Rule out the fact of domestic violence. Not all wives are aware that they are victims of domestic violence, because this concept includes not only the will of fists, but also many forms of moral humiliation.

Do they reproach you for money? Are they hinting that you are a nonentity, not worthy of a man like your beloved? Is your appearance the object of constant corrosive criticism? This is pure abuse. And only a divorce lawyer can solve this problem.

Why do feelings fade?

Love passes - No. 1

Very rarely do couples manage to maintain feelings throughout their lives. There are several reasons why a wife does not have feelings for her husband. And each of them can manifest itself at different stages of life together:

After the wedding. Before the Mendelssohn march plays, the lovers see only the good in each other. When family life begins, love begins to gradually recede, especially if the newlyweds have not previously lived under the same roof. This is due to everyday life and improper distribution of responsibilities. Minor quarrels on domestic grounds can kill feelings.
First year. In the first year of the existence of a new social unit, the newlyweds get to know each other better, and the shortcomings become obvious.
Second year. The husband ceases to seem ideal, and the woman sees more and more negative qualities. The behavior of the faithful, his manner of speaking, and movements begin to cause irritation. Increasingly, quarrels arise out of nowhere; financial issues often become the cause of the scandal.
Third year. This year marks the first crisis in relationships. Spouses often quarrel, and differences of opinion appear. Psychologists call the third year of family life a turning point, and many people get divorced during this period.

After a quarrel - No. 2

Constant scandals often become the reason why love for your husband fades . If a married couple constantly argues, then even the calmest person will get tired of it. Another aspect is grievances. During a conflict, the faithful will express his grievances, which will undoubtedly offend his chosen one. Such moral insult does not help strengthen feelings.

A small quarrel will not in any way affect the cooling of feelings, but if this happens day after day, and grievances accumulate, then the next conflict may be the final one in the relationship.

After the birth of a child - No. 3

When a couple has a baby, it becomes a serious test for the family . In this case, it does not matter at all how many years the spouses have been together. Undoubtedly, a child is a great joy, but the happiness of his birth is overshadowed by everyday problems and increased expenses. In addition, a newborn requires constant attention, which leaves no time for her husband.

As a rule, men rarely actively participate in parenting, so wives are often dissatisfied that they are not helped and given due attention. The young mother feels constant fatigue, she does not feel the support of her loved one. As a result, love begins to fade.

Other options - No. 4

For different women, feelings fade for different reasons. Among other options why love for your husband leaves, we can highlight the following:

monotony, lack of romance, boredom . Marriage turns into a simple neighborhood in a communal apartment;
spiritual alienation . The spouses no longer want to get to know each other, so there is no point in continuing the relationship;
interference in the lives of strangers. The husband's or wife's parents constantly come in with their advice, teaching how to live correctly, raise children, and run a household. It’s good if the couple lives separately from their parents, but if they have to live together with the older generation, then the family is doomed to collapse;
tyranny on the part of the spouse . If a man is powerful and works in a leadership position, then he often transfers the relationship model to his family. This may manifest itself in excessive demands on the spouse, a dismissive attitude, or a commanding tone;
treason. When a husband goes “to the left,” it hits a woman’s pride hard. The wife gets stabbed in the back by her loved one, and therefore she stops having tender feelings for him. If a representative of the fair sex herself starts an affair, then, as a rule, this indicates that she no longer loves her partner.

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The path from “I love” to “I don’t like”

At the very beginning of this path (“I don’t like a loving husband”) the wife began to feel some kind of vague discomfort .

As a rule, this discomfort comes after the wedding has been celebrated. And often, after the birth of a child and the purchase of a home. That is, when there is already a stamp in the passport, everyone knows that this man is yours. And life is good.

But at the same time, cats scratch at my soul. This happens because while life together was settling down, the wife kept her true needs, desires, opinions and boundaries to herself. She was compliant.

Because it seemed to her that she needed to be comfortable, compliant, so that a man would agree to stay with you forever.

But time passed. Your own desires and your own essence are torn out. And then the wife begins to, as they say, “blow her brains out” to her husband and explain what doesn’t suit her, what she wants instead.

But husbands are often deaf and blind to the removal of the brain . They don’t like him, immediately feel bad, guilty and leave such a conversation .

Thus, the wife accumulates resentment because she is not heard or understood. This resentment has an unpleasant property - it accumulates, and does not disappear with the passing of the next PMS, as the man thinks.

At some point, the ultimate disappointment occurs. Such a “point of no return”. Which is experienced by a woman as an understanding that “her husband has become disgusting.” His caresses became unpleasant. It began to seem that he was very bad at dealing with s**t. “Forgot how to do it or something...” she is perplexed. Also, it became unpleasant how he eats, yawns, laughs, his jokes are also disgusting. In general, love leaves.....

Have you fallen out of love or are you just tired?

It is very difficult to understand whether love has passed forever . Often the spouse is simply tired of everyday problems, raising children, and work. There is no time left for yourself and your lover. But this does not mean at all that love is gone forever, it’s just that the relationship needs a reboot, and it is possible to return love to the relationship.

But if you see one or more of the following signs, there is serious reason to think:

The wife no longer wants to take care of her life partner, surprise him with culinary delights, or take him into account when choosing a movie or vacation option.
Indifference to the activities of the other half. The woman becomes uninterested in whether the husband had lunch, whether he put on clean clothes, or how he got to work. The same can be said about his work, hobbies, goals and aspirations.
The wife does not take care of herself for the sake of her husband. Now she is not interested in what he will say about her appearance, hairstyle or lack of makeup. She no longer has the desire to please him.
Desire to spend more time outside the home. The fair sex is increasingly staying late at work, visiting friends or visiting her parents.
Thoughts about adultery. A woman flirts with other men with great pleasure and admits the thought of ending up in bed with one of the gentlemen.

If a woman notices several of these signs in herself, then she needs to admit that there is no more love in the relationship.

Leave or stay: behavior options for men

Psychologists are confident that if a wife does not love her husband, and there are more and more signs of an impending divorce, the relationship is not worth fighting for. Cheating, indifference, wild lifestyle - all this kills relationships and does not allow people to be happy with each other. And if all happiness disappears from the family, marriage turns into a heavy duty with a lot of problems for both partners.

However, there are cases when a woman’s love can still be returned, and here are some of them:

Of course, if the husband’s feelings are strong, then it is necessary to fight for the marriage to the last. When a relationship brings more suffering than joy, it is better to let it go. Perhaps a man and a woman were simply not made for each other, and that is why their love eventually passed.

How can you save a relationship if the wife does not love her husband? Sometimes signs of problems with feelings disappear with intense care and the presence of romance in the life of a couple. In other words, by surrounding his beloved with maximum affection and attention, a man can revive her love. You can also try to add variety to family life, visit theaters and museums together, and travel.

You shouldn’t ignore going to a family psychologist, because qualified help sometimes saves even the most hopeless marriages. You will have to act quickly, because as soon as a woman is convinced that she does not love a man, she will leave, and nothing will stop her.

Love for my husband has passed: VIDEO advice from a psychologist!

What to do if you have lost feelings for your husband? In this situation, psychologists offer only two options for the development of events:

Stay and try to revive faded feelings.
Get a divorce.

What decision a woman makes depends on the specific situation. This can be influenced by many factors, including marital history, the presence of children and other limiting reasons. When you are not sure, you need to listen to the advice of psychologists:

Change your surroundings - go on vacation to the sea coast or a country you have long wanted to visit, relax in nature, or buy a ticket to a sanatorium. Spending time together in an unusual environment will give feelings another chance.
Develop yourself. Find a new hobby or develop your new look.
Live separately. The absence of a spouse nearby will give you the opportunity to understand whether it is bad or good without your spouse. Moreover, this applies not only to financial issues, but also to raising children.

How to save your marriage and love again

If, after weighing all the pros and cons, you decide to save the relationship, first of all analyze your man’s behavior. If you see that he loves you, then saving the family will be easier. But here it is important to act together, otherwise nothing will work.

Talk openly with your partner and take stock of your life together:

write down what you managed to achieve together and what goals you have for the future;
solve all issues together;
list all the pros and cons of each other;
exchange notes and analyze what you have written;
listen to each other during a conversation;
pay more attention to your spouse;
trust and be sincere;
spend more free time together.

In addition, it wouldn’t hurt to go with your chosen one to an appointment with a psychologist. A family analyst will help you find the root of the problem and suggest ways to solve it. Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back

Is it worth returning to your spouse if she has fallen out of love?

Before answering this question, you need to think, do you really want this? If the cooling of feelings is mutual, then it is better to get a divorce. You have one life, spending it coexisting with a person who does not love you, and whom you do not love, will be a big mistake.

Also, you should not try to revive your wife’s love in the case when you absolutely know that she is cheating on you regularly and for a long time with another man. Of course, you can try to fight for your family, but, most likely, this will not lead to anything good.

Often people continue to live together for the sake of children. This is a common mistake. This behavior is harmful not only for spouses, but also for children, for whose sake their parents suffer for years in marriage.

The fact is that, living with an unloved person, we instill in the child the wrong model of family behavior. Whereas, having separated, each of the spouses can remarry, and the children will see normal relationships in two loving families.

Is it worth living together if your wife has stopped loving you?

The most difficult thing is to make a decision - to revive feelings, move on as if nothing had happened, or look for new love. But don't rush to conclusions. To begin with, weigh the pros and cons, focusing not on everyday problems, but on the feelings of each of you. It will be very difficult to get used to living separately, maybe it won’t be worth it. Fears are constantly with us - now it is the fear of change, being alone, the fear of hurting a partner. Remember, breaking is not building, you will always have time to leave. It all depends on the decision you make, if there is no love for each other, then what is the point of living together? Watch how you both suffer? It’s better to separate and give each of you the opportunity to build a new family. And if love is alive, at least in one of the spouses, then it is better to change the wife’s attitude towards herself before her eyes. Some couples stay married because they have children. They want to raise a child in a full-fledged family. But do not forget that a saved marriage is only half the battle. After all, a baby is happy when his parents are happy. But is this happiness he wants to see? Looking and being happy are two different things! And children see and feel everything.

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