How to get rid of complexes about appearance and become confident?

What are complexes?

A complex is a mental distortion of a person’s ideas about himself, most often arising in childhood as a result of a negative assessment of those around the child, which is stored in the person’s subconscious.

This term was first mentioned in 1895 in the work of I. Brier and Z. Freud “Study of Styles” and was defined as a set of ideas, thoughts, memories that remained partially outside the control of consciousness.

The very concept of “complex” was introduced into psychoanalysis by Carl Gustav Jung.

Jung believed that complexes can appear as a result of traumatic situations. Traumas are imprinted in a person’s subconscious and then manifest themselves in the form of bodily and behavioral reactions.

Freud believed that any complex is not a personality pathology, but is a manifestation of the healthy formation of individuality.

How to get rid of complexes: 10 simple ways

You can only get rid of obsessive thoughts and fears if you take the path of accepting yourself as we are. It will consist of only ten steps. As with any business, the main thing here is to start. After all, as we know, the road can be mastered by the one who walks. Below we share with you a description of all 10 steps or, if you like, ways to get rid of complexes.

Try to find out “where the legs grow from”

The first thing is to simply become aware of your complexes, if any. Even attempts to disguise a small pimple with foundation or the desire to hide the features of one’s own figure under a certain type of clothing already indicate the presence of obsessive thoughts. If you think that you are bad at something, you need to figure out the basis for this opinion. In 99 cases out of 100, the answer will be something like “it seems to me that these shortcomings are obvious, I’m not the only one who notices them.”

Someone probably once made you think that something was wrong with you. This could have been done unconsciously and not at all out of malice (complexes “from childhood”, instilled by the mother or father, etc.). Now think about it - doesn’t it seem unfair to you that someone, even the closest and dearest person (especially!), instilled in you thoughts of your own inferiority, pushed you to lose a sense of satisfaction with yourself and life in general?

Objectively assess the situation

There are no ideal people, just as in life everything simply cannot always be smooth. Even a lady or Mr. Perfect will find failures and reasons to feel complex. And all those with complexes are separated from such people only by an obsession with their imaginary (!) shortcomings.

Objectively, any person in one sense or another suffers some kind of deprivation and does not correspond to the mythical image of an ideal person.

Say no to fear

In particular, we are talking about fear of public opinion. If you act based on it, then one day you may realize that you are not living your life. You can't please everyone - there will always be as many opinions as there are people. Don't be afraid to seem funny and even ridiculous.

Take risks, make mistakes, and don’t get hung up if you fail, and sooner or later you will show your true self and feel like you are living your life exclusively. This is a wonderful, incomparable feeling, in which, perhaps, lies true happiness and the meaning of life.

Try to act on the contrary

Complexes are a kind of rebellion of your psyche against yourself. Even in ancient times, the sages came to one simple thought: “If you can’t defeat a rebellion, lead it.” Take dominance over your own complexes by completely immersing yourself in them.

Try doing what you're afraid of. Are you afraid of being ridiculed for not being able to dance or sing? Dance your heart out or belt out your favorite song in a crowded karaoke club. Taste your complexes in full, savor them and... forget them completely!

Be philosophical about your own mistakes

Perhaps as a child you were scolded or criticized for something. This could happen at home, at school or in a creative circle. Systematically or once, but “for life.” Returning to the first point on this list, we note that most complexes appear in childhood. All this is in the past.

Now you are an adult, wise person - not the child whom they tried to force to be perfect and imposed thoughts like “there is no right to make mistakes.” Everyone has it. Along with the chance to correct any mistake, unless you personally really need it.

Focus on your strengths

Even to the point of writing down your own positive qualities on paper. You can even divide the sheet into two parts - “pros” and “cons” - and compare which is more. We assure you that the column with “+” will be significantly longer. If, of course, you follow the second point from this list.

Stop comparing yourself to others

The only person with whom it is permissible to compare yourself is yesterday’s you. Other people cannot be better or worse than you. They're just different. Each of us is unique and interesting in our own way. Respect this individuality in other people and most of all in yourself.

Love life

We sleep a third of our lives and work the same amount. We simply don't have time to engage in self-criticism. Don’t waste that small remainder of your beautiful, priceless life on sad thoughts and tears over the lost opportunities that they deprived us of.

Believe in yourself

Think seriously at least once how good it is to be you. Not by someone else, but by the unique person that you are. Now realize that you can achieve anything you really want. From this statement the next point logically follows from the list of steps to getting rid of complexes and accepting yourself...

Types of complexes

All complexes can be divided into physical (a person’s external data) and mental (mindset).

Physical

They affect a person’s physical characteristics, his appearance and body features. For example, weight, parameters, height, physique, nose, ears, eyes, hair.

Mental

Affect the mental and emotional spheres, prejudices. As an example, you can take a guilt complex, the position of a victim, self-doubt, and so on.

There are the following signs indicating the presence of a complex in a person:

• Feeling awkward, shocked;
• Irrational behavior;
• Psycho-emotional stress;
• Physical stiffness.

2 options for the manifestation of complexes

• Conscious (the object of the complex is conscious)
• Unconscious (the object of the complex is not realized).

According to Paul D. McLean's model, the human brain can be divided into three parts:

1. R-complex, reptilian brain or action brain;
2. Limbic system or emotional brain;
3. Neocortex.

The reptilian brain manifests itself in a person’s desire to possess everything, the instinct of reproduction, aggression, and the struggle for power. Primitive complexes arise here.

The limbic system is responsible for the regulation of the autonomic nervous system, motor skills of internal organs, smell, control of emotions and behavior. Here complexes of mistrust and fear of expressing oneself arise.

The neocortex records incoming information. All conscious complexes are recorded here.

What types of complexes are there?

All complexes can be divided into 2 groups:

• Physical (regarding height/weight/appearance/voice, etc.);
• Mental;

Mental complexes - dissatisfaction with the state of society, discrepancy between one’s expectations from life and reality, etc. They largely manifest themselves in relationships with people. It’s easier with physical complexes: a person is embarrassed by his appearance, weight, skin color. They are caused by both beauty standards imposed by society and real problems (disability, speech impediments, etc.).

Victim complex

On your life's path you will meet at least one person who constantly becomes poor and arouses pity for himself. At first you think: “how cruel fate is towards him, he should be pitied.” Then you notice that the person is deliberately repeating the same scenario. The victim does not seek to get out of his situation.

Why? Because it's profitable. They are pitied and attract a lot of attention with their behavior. The victim complex usually affects orphans or children who did not receive enough parental attention. Or whose parents were too strict. They try with all their might to evoke pity and compassion. But they never make any attempt to change their life for the better. Because subconsciously they do not want to leave the victim state.

Napoleon complex, growth complex

The short man complex or Napoleon complex is one of the most famous. It appears when a person of short stature tries in every possible way to compensate for his shortcomings. Increased aggression, flashy wealth, etc.

Girls, on the contrary, have a complex about being tall. Everything is connected with stereotypes imposed in society: “a man is tall and strong, and a woman is weak and defenseless.”

Age complexes

Concerns about age are more common among women. Middle-aged ladies are embarrassed by their age and try in every possible way to hide it. As one of the manifestations of the complex: a woman wears short skirts, unfashionable teenage clothes, looks vulgar and inappropriate. It also manifests itself in behavior and speech.

In men, age complexes manifest themselves differently. Due to the fact that by a certain age a man has not been able to build a career and start a family, he falls into depression and apathy.

What does messianic complex mean?

The Messiah is a savior, a spiritual leader. A person’s desire to help all those who suffer, to save everyone and everyone from themselves is a messianic complex, a savior complex.

A girl chooses marginal men for herself and believes that they will change with her - this is a clear manifestation of the savior complex. The complex occurs in romantic relationships and friendships. A man is more inclined to “save” materialistic friends or manipulative parents.

Electra complex and Oedipus complex

In child psychology there are 2 common complexes: Electra and Oedipus. This is the attraction of a daughter to her father (Electra), and the attraction of a son to her mother (Oedipus).

The differences between the two conditions are not significant. In both complexes, the child wants the parent of the opposite sex to belong only to him. Electra is jealous of her father for her mother, and Oedipus is jealous of her mother for her father. At the same time, the child experiences complex remorse for his feelings.

The condition does not disappear with the transition to adulthood, but is aggravated by sexual problems. To the point that the child is looking for a partner similar to his father/mother.

Inferiority complex

A person with an inferiority complex is prone to excessive self-criticism, a negative perception of himself as an individual, and self-deprecation.

A person is completely sure that the people around him are more beautiful, smarter, have a good figure, well-developed muscles, and have good body proportions. It seems to him that there is nothing to praise and love him for. A person who has this complex may be subject to other people's manipulations and pressure from other people. He is self-obsessed, constantly criticizes himself and feels insecure when around others. A person is determined to be reproached and humiliated.

Read more: How to become a charismatic person

Signs of an inferiority complex

• Diffidence. A person is afraid to act. He does not understand what actions should be taken to achieve results. He considers himself not smart and talented enough, and does not believe in his own strength.
• Constant pressure. Due to lack of self-confidence, a person cannot cope with the situation and believes that he cannot change something on his own. This leads to additional worries, despondency, and emotional devastation.
• Increased self-criticism . A person constantly looks for flaws in himself and does not notice his merits. It seems to him that he is worse than others. Gradually, he becomes fixated on his experiences and stops noticing the good and interesting things that happen to him and around him.
• Belittling one's merits. Without seeing his strengths, a person sets himself up for failure in advance. He is sure that nothing will work out for him. Such a person expects only approval and support from others and, in order to receive it, abandons his needs and aspirations.

What are complexes and why do they arise?

The concept of a psychological complex is used to describe a “sore spot” in a person’s psyche, touching which can provoke inappropriate behavior, for example, withdrawal or aggression.

Complexes appear as a result of a certain trigger event, which brought a person many negative experiences and caused a distorted perception of himself, people and the world around him.

Each person has certain zones of self-esteem within which he can be vulnerable:

• appearance;
• personal traits;
• professional achievements.

Most complexes appear due to criticism from others. Surely you know how long someone’s careless words can stick in your head. At the same time, the person may not have wanted to offend you at all, but the process of self-doubt has already begun.

We live in a society, and therefore it is typical for us to want to correspond to the models set in society: to have a figure and facial features imposed by beauty standards, a level of income to be no worse than others, and even to have qualities that are in trend. Any discrepancy becomes a subject for the appearance of complexes.

Experts believe that 90% of all complexes we get from our parents. Incorrect upbringing leads to the fact that even in adulthood it becomes difficult for a person to feel loved and needed.

Society also makes its contribution, including close friends, colleagues, and relatives. One single bad joke about weight, height, ear shape, etc. can forever sow a seed of insecurity in a person and create sensitivity to any information about the body. If such unflattering remarks accompany a person constantly, the complex intensifies and does not allow one to live normally.

Superiority complex

Here the opposite is true regarding the inferiority complex. A person with a superiority complex, on the contrary, appears outwardly arrogant and dominates people.

A person considers himself better than others, that he is superior to others physically and mentally. Such people look down on others. They differ in their manner of speech, presenting words with an arrogant air. People with a superiority complex have an inflated sense of self-importance. Their perception of themselves does not correspond to reality, but rather to their dreams. Such people always look neat and behave decently, but they will never miss the opportunity to put another person in his place, pointing out that he does not live up to the required level. This is a defensive reaction to feelings of inferiority.

Martyr complex

A person with a martyr complex or syndrome lives for the feelings that he experiences through his suffering. He unconsciously seeks out and attracts situations in which he is subjected to persecution or injustice, which feeds his martyrdom. This behavior grows out of a distorted psychological need.

The martyr complex runs very close to the victim syndrome, and both terms can be used synonymously. In Russian-language literature, the second version of the name of the complex is more common. Usually, any manifestations of suffering and helplessness are classified as “victim”. However, psychologists have noted subtle differences between these two psychological phenomena:

• A person with a victim mindset usually believes that they have suffered something bad or unfair. He is torn by unpleasant feelings from such undeserved evil, even when some unfortunate incident or problem was an objective accident or someone's rude behavior was not a personal attack. Such people usually do not show much interest in possible solutions and correction of the situation, but become fixated on the unpleasant episode and their negative emotions. It seems like they just want to get hurt.
• In the case of martyr syndrome, a person does not limit himself to considering himself the victim of some terrible injustice or unfortunate incident. He looks for and finds situations in which he experiences strong feelings of pain and suffering (unconsciously, of course). Thus, he himself turns his life into an endless series of pain and torment.

Thus, the “martyr” is driven by an unconscious destructive program to expose himself to painful and traumatic situations in order to satisfy his unhealthy emotional needs. As a result, such a person sacrifices his interests and well-being for the sake of other people or a cause. This leaves him with constant and inescapable emotions of anger, resentment and powerlessness. Often unspoken words and unexpressed emotions come out in the form of passive aggression or angry outbursts. Many examples of martyrs can be found in codependent and abusive relationships.

How to raise a child without complexes?

A person who had a difficult childhood wants to give his children a better upbringing than the one he received from his parents. However, with the advent of his own children, he notices with horror that he is acting according to the schemes that his father or mother used. What will help? Only conscious learning and conscious self-education.

Read further: Unspoken men's rules

Tips for parents

Complexes appear in children from the age of two, when parents expect their child to meet their expectations, but do not take into account age characteristics. Often, the requirements for the baby are too high and inadequate. Children develop especially strong complexes at six or seven years old, when they start going to school, and also during adolescence.

• Parents form similar complexes in their children:
• The most common complex of dissatisfaction with one’s appearance: voice, height, body parts;
• If you notice signs of a complex in your baby, it is best to immediately contact a psychologist.

Actions of parents towards children that cause complexes: ridicule, criticism, insults, lack of faith in the child’s strength.

There are complexes that arise exclusively during school: the complexes of the excellent student, the poor student, the passive observer, the black sheep.

One way or another, all complexes are related to distorted self-esteem. To raise a healthy person, there must be an atmosphere of trust, support and approval in the family. A person must know that he is loved and accepted for who he is. Even if it doesn’t do everything perfectly and doesn’t meet anyone’s expectations. Achievements in school and outside activities should not be the criterion for loving your child.

Let's summarize

7 points on how to get rid of complexes:

1. Determine what complexes you have and what trauma they are associated with. What is bothering you the most right now?
2. Keep a diary. Write down your strengths. Which ones do you already have and which ones do you want to develop?
3. Learn not to compare yourself to others. Your life is your life.
4. Don't wait for approval. What you do will be done. What you don’t do won’t happen.
5. Attend trainings, read books on a topic that worries you - this will help in your development and transformation. This can be a source of self-healing and inspiration.
6. Communicate with healthy and successful people, learn from them, help them. This way you can see and adopt new, healthier patterns of behavior.
7. Learn, mind your own business, develop as a person. Consciously shape your character. Set goals for yourself, solve your problems voluntarily.

Proper nutrition, physical activity, giving up bad habits and, as a result, increasing a person’s self-esteem will also help in the fight against complexes.

A deeper study of complexes is possible using NLP techniques, for example, a table of submodalities or 6-step reframing.

If necessary, consult a psychologist or psychotherapist in a timely manner.

Guilt complex

Feelings of guilt are inherent in all people and are quite natural if a person has done something bad, intentionally or unintentionally. However, in the case of a guilt complex, this feeling of one’s own guilt and regret is disproportionate to the mistake or “badness” and develops into a disorder that poisons life. Such a person suffers from the fact that he acted badly or did something wrong, and also from the fact that he always does something bad or causes harm to others. A strong sense of guilt is present in such a person, even if he did not cause pain, damage or suffering to anyone, and even if the other party does not consider his behavior so terrible.

In this case, emotions and experiences are inadequate to the situation, and the person’s perception is highly distorted and unconstructive. It is difficult for a person who does not have such an irrational, persistent and corrosive feeling of guilt to understand the person who lives with him. For the “eternally guilty” person, a cocktail of burning guilt, self-shame and regret constantly arises in situations where he:

1. Actually did something wrong (that goes against his personal or moral and ethical norms and standards), for example, when he scratched someone else's car and did nothing about it, or yelled at someone, throwing out his emotions.
2. Thinks he did something wrong and hurt someone, or simply wished harm on someone.
3. Thought about doing something “bad,” such as fantasizing about having an affair with an attractive co-worker or wanting to be rude to someone close to you.
4. Believes that he could have done more than he did for others. In this case, a person is tormented by his conscience that he did not act as kindly as possible to help someone, and, in his opinion, did not do enough.
5. He thinks that he feels good when others feel bad, and feels guilty towards those who are more deprived.

While a moderate and proportionate feeling of guilt can be useful - pushing a person to compensate for an offense or make better decisions in the future, then chronic guilt is maladaptive and destructive. A person suffering from a guilt complex may begin to suffer from other mental problems such as anxiety or depression, as well as physical symptoms such as sleep or digestion problems, stomach or muscle pain, headaches or tearfulness.

In general, the guilt complex, like others, does not leave its mark on mental and physical health. Moreover, such maladaptive and unconstructive patterns of behavior and psyche prevent you from living a full life, realizing your potential and benefiting the world, not to mention enjoying yourself and your life. Therefore, it is critically important to “grow” out of them.

There are many ways, in addition to psychotherapy, that allow you to overcome complexes and psychological problems on your own. They are suitable for those who are serious and willing to devote effort and attention to performing practical exercises and techniques. We will dwell on them in detail in the next article and reveal how you can free yourself from the above complexes without the help of a specialist.

Do you need to get rid of complexes?

The presence of complexes is a normal state of the human psyche. They can be positive and help you, adding to your self-confidence. Negative complexes can also be beneficial, spurring you on and adding motivation.

But if you feel that they put pressure on you, constrain you and prevent you from being productive, then you should definitely remember or write down 10 tips on how to get rid of the complexes described above. Even if you cannot completely get rid of them, you can significantly reduce their influence on yourself and improve the quality of your own life.

Causes of complexes

1. As they say, all basic beliefs, thoughts and experiences of a person come from family and childhood. It is when the child’s psyche is in a state of development that it perceives and assimilates all the vibrations of the external

   
   environment and everything that an adult tries to convey to a child. One wrong word from a loved one can cause the emergence of a real complex. Sometimes it's not just a word, but a daily impact.

2. The actions of loved ones can also lead to complexes.
3. Constantly comparing yourself to other people.
4. Fencing communication with people, constant solitude.
5. Inconsistency between expectations and reality and others.