How to understand that a child has problems with self-esteem: markers of fears and complexes

Self-esteem is a person’s idea of ​​himself, his qualities and capabilities. And despite the fact that one of the roots of this word is “self,” self-esteem is not formed independently, but on the basis of feedback from other people.

“The processes of self-identification, respect and self-esteem are not given to a person in absolute terms. This is always initially some reflection of it in the mirror of perception by others” (Semenovich A.V., Talents of the Children's Brain., 2016).

Let's figure out how teenagers' self-esteem is formed and how parents can help in this matter.

What is self-esteem?

Children look at the world, including themselves, through their parents' eyes. "Who am I? what am I? These questions interest any child, especially a teenager. He learns about this from other people. But what matters most to him is the opinion of the most important people in the world about himself: his parents. The child’s self-image and self-esteem are formed from the opinions, expectations, and attitudes of the parents. And sooner or later the child begins to see himself as others see him.

Numerous studies have confirmed that adequate self-esteem allows a person to take on new and difficult tasks, realistically assess their strengths and capabilities, sometimes fail and still win. Ultimately, we can say that self-esteem affects the ability to be happy. After all, a confident, loving and caring person is more likely to be able to build harmonious relationships with people, the world around him and himself.

A person’s self-image is formed constantly, continuously, throughout life. This is a changeable, mobile concept, and not an image fixed in the mind once and for all.

In early and preschool childhood, self-esteem is formed thanks to parental statements and attitudes. Why? Because children believe and absorb everything that significant adults say and think about them. In addition, they strive to meet and justify their parents' expectations. It is said that Vasya is a very kind and sympathetic boy, which means that this is so: Vasya believes this with a pure soul, and - what is important! really trying to be like that. And a child who is taught from early childhood that he behaves badly, incorrectly, develops self-dislike, and this interferes with learning, love, and building relationships with other people.

“Other children are like children, but mine...” the mother sighs, and the child’s heart shrinks with guilt, sadness and anger at herself: why am I like this?

Of course, parents say this not out of a desire to annoy their children. Most likely, their own parents also had the habit of criticizing and “educating” without measure, so they reproduce a similar style of relationship with their own child. The reason for overly critical upbringing can also be excessive demands on children, as well as one’s own inadequate self-esteem - therefore, one should not forget about “educating” oneself, but it is better to start with it.

Many children think that they are such “inferior” people. He took the cup and poured the milk, and immediately heard: “What kind of hook hands are you, you can’t do anything normally!” I started buttoning my shirt, but it turned out wrong... The child is in despair: “I can’t do anything!” Here the parents are “full-fledged” people, everything works out for them...” Only the parents forget that they were not born into the world as “ready-made” all-rounders.

Every parent, scolding their child, wishes him well. We all want the child to succeed in everything, and he would be able to do everything, know everything, understand everything, in general, would be such a super-adult - responsible, smart, hardworking, understanding... And right away, immediately - he was born and is already doing everything right ! Funny? Yes, it sounds absurd. But then where do we get so much discontent and irritation? It is difficult for us to come to terms with the imperfections of another person, but a child cannot live up to our ideals - simply because he is different. This does not mean that problems should be ignored and the world should be looked at through rose-colored glasses. Does the child have problems? Of course there is! Like each of us, every person. But there are no ideal people, and a hundredfold repetition of childhood shortcomings will lead to a bias in this direction, to a loss of self-confidence, to low self-esteem. And it will become very difficult to correct, adjust these character traits.

Why does a child have low self-esteem? Main reasons:

• Hereditary factor . Features of physical development (the presence of diseases, disabilities contributes to the formation of an inferiority complex), temperament (for example, sanguine people are most often sociable, prone to leadership, melancholic people are very impressionable, keenly feel other people and their feelings), mental abilities (in children with mental disabilities or mental retardation, an inferiority complex may be especially pronounced).
• Upbringing . Hypercustody is excessive and intrusive care or hypocustody is the absence of a warm and trusting relationship between a child and parents. Even loving parents who are insecure themselves are unlikely to be able to raise an active and self-confident child. After all, how can you teach something that you can’t do yourself?
• Social contacts - relationships outside the family with classmates, teachers, friends, acquaintances. Children, especially in adolescence, are characterized by a “spirit of collectivism”; it is important for them to be no worse than others (in their opinion); often bullying classmates because of the child’s appearance, physical or mental development has an extremely negative impact on the character - the teenager or withdraws into himself , or becomes aggressive.

★Self-esteem in adolescents

What about our grown children and teenagers? That's who is "lucky"! If they scold a baby, they quickly forgive his mistakes - he is so cute! and small! And if a teenager is scolded, then he gets the “full program”, the intensity of educational actions increases... And this nasty child cannot be called “nice”. Day after day, irritation only accumulates, many parent-child relationships reach a state of war, and in war, as we know, all means are good. And... “Why are you listening to this music again?! Nothing good will grow out of you!!!”, “Look how you dressed? You look ugly! In this short skirt you look like a dead chicken!!”, “No one will ever be friends with you! You have a terrible character!”, “You will never find a husband! Because you have no brains at all! and you are very lazy! Of course, our “children” are not in debt, and will also find something to answer. Who will say it more painfully? Who will offend you more? What imprint will our “prophecies” leave on children’s souls?

Adolescence is characterized by sharp, diametrically opposed changes in self-esteem from a feeling of complete insignificance to absolute omnipotence.

This happens because self-identification in adolescence is just being formed. The boundaries of one’s capabilities are not clear, claims and ambitions are high, sensitivity to any statement about oneself is also very high. It is at this moment that the calm, kind attitude of parents towards a teenager is especially important.

Despite the fact that teenagers look and behave just like adults, they remain our children, and no less urgently need parental support, love, and acceptance. And although at this age the priority is the assessment of peers, parents remain a safe haven, a reliable rear, a safe place where you can gain strength, love and warmth - free of charge, for nothing, not for any outstanding merits or excellent behavior, but simply for that they exist in the world.

They expect parental approval and recognition, faith in their abilities, confirmation of intelligence, correct behavior, beauty, kindness and other various good qualities. In their expectations, they are very similar to kids, but they will never admit it. Thus, during adolescence, the influence of parents on a child’s self-esteem is very important!

★ Inflated self-esteem

When discussing the topic of self-esteem, we usually mean low self-esteem. What about the overpriced? It would seem that the higher a person evaluates himself, the more confident he feels, the more he can achieve. But it's not that simple. The fact is that a person with high self-esteem sets goals that are inadequately high for himself, and without being able to really calculate his own strengths, he may also be unsuccessful. The price of such “falls” is disappointment, a feeling of injustice, a feeling of hopelessness. Such people often blame the world around them, circumstances, but not themselves, for all their failures. Or, on the contrary, a person may think that it is possible and does not strive for anything at all - he is magnificent and just lying on the couch.

Inflated self-esteem is formed “thanks to” excessive adoration and praise of the child, when any deed, action and word causes a surge of delight in loving parents, regardless of the result. And when the time comes to face harsh reality, the child is offended and sincerely perplexed why everyone around him does not admire his extraordinary skills (which are no different from all other children). So overestimating yourself can also backfire.

How to evaluate your teenagers? And is it necessary to do this?

Let us repeat that a person’s self-image, self-esteem, is made up of feedback from other people. For full feedback, an assessment is needed (Semenovich A.V., 2016). But! Evaluation of an action, activity, and not the person himself. If there are no external, completely material markers of success or failure, a kind of insignia, specific criteria for the result of activity, the results, pros and cons of summing up are not obvious to the child - and even to the adult.

Our activities are based on the following principle: current need - desired, expected result. The expected result helps to choose a means to achieve it, to respond to internal and external obstacles on the way to it.

Comparing the desired result with the achieved result is assessment and control. This stage of comparing the obtained result with the desired one is one of the most important for a person’s mental activity at any age: it is here that feedback is formed. Essentially, these are the functions of analysis and synthesis.

We analyze - that is, we break it down into elements, evaluate, then synthesize - we draw conclusions for the future, we take into account experience, that is, we combine the assessed elements into a new picture.

Thus, assessment is necessary for regulating activity, for the formation of voluntary self-regulation, as well as for self-esteem.

★ How can parents help?

• Patience. Take mistakes and missteps as inevitable, but temporary difficulties. Realize the obvious fact - your teenager will definitely grow up and learn to clean up the dishes, make the bed, speak politely, stop wearing these terrible clothes and listen to such mediocre music, and will be just like all other adults. Only thanks to your efforts - with adequate self-esteem. And while all parents need patience, perhaps parents of teenagers will need a little more of it :)

• Be proud of your child and tell him about it often. Notice his successes (even the smallest ones!), tell him what he did well. This will help to form and maintain a positive attitude towards himself. Of course, admiration should not come out of nowhere. We praise for what the child has put diligence, effort, and work into.

• Believe in your child. Sincere confidence that a teenager is really smart, capable, kind, caring, able to cope with difficulties and become a worthy adult, does wonders - the offspring will really become like that. Children are very sensitive to unconscious impulses. Teenagers often don't believe in themselves, but your faith in them will give them the strength to move forward.

• We all easily notice what didn’t work out and don’t notice the opposite. Learn to notice what works well. To do this, write a list of the teenager’s positive qualities, skills, and actions (as long as possible). Update the list regularly. Positive feedback works more effectively than negative feedback.

• It is important that personal value and respect are not confused with actions. Separate actions from the person; the results of the activity are evaluated, not the child.

• It is necessary to skillfully support the strengths of character and appearance, and focus attention on them. “You are very mobile and cannot sit in one place, but you run the 100-meter race faster than anyone else.” “In my opinion, daughter, a short skirt doesn’t suit you very well. But you have gorgeous hair and a wonderful smile!”

• Allow your teen to make mistakes. He has the right to make mistakes, because he is growing and is just learning to do everything right.

• To do this, parents still need to come to terms with the sad fact that the child is not ideal. No matter how bitter it is to realize this, it is so. Well, a living person cannot be the best in everything, have a full set of “good” qualities and have no flaws at all. Otherwise it would already be a robot. This simple truth is easy to understand, but very difficult to apply to your child. “Well, this is, of course, true - for all the other children! “Well, my child could be better??!!!”

• What about education? Well now, can’t a remark be made? Of course, it is possible and necessary. Your feedback is very important. But it must be correct, without offensive statements, and note both what worked well and what could have been better. Teach your teenager to analyze activities and synthesize new forms.

• It is important to distinguish between education and an uncontrolled outburst of emotions. Education is when we explain to a child the boundaries of acceptable behavior and stop attempts to go beyond the limits, teach a teenager new activities, new ways of behavior, and suggest a solution in case of difficulties. What is important here is a calm, friendly tone, an atmosphere of cooperation and a huge supply of patience. And the outburst of emotions is just all these useless irritated complaints about “bad child” and indignant shouts in case of mistakes and failures.

• Use friendly phrases in everyday communication, such as: “I’m glad to see you”, “I like how you…”, “You’re my good one”, “It’s so good that we have you”, “Let’s stay together” , "I'm interested in your opinion". Thanks to these messages, the child feels that his parents love and notice him, appreciate him for simply being.

• Allow yourself to make mistakes and correct your mistakes. You don't have to be a perfect parent! What's wrong with your self-esteem? :)) In the end, we are all imperfect. We all try to become much better, but no one can become perfect. The most important thing to remember is that both you and your child are worthy of love and joy in this life.

Believe in your children! They will succeed.

Signs of low self-esteem in children and adolescents:

• Appearance - may be sloppy, careless.

• A quiet timbre of voice, slurred speech, ingratiating intonations, the habit of apologizing for one’s actions for no apparent reason.
• Excessive criticism of yourself and your actions, self-flagellation.
• There is often a pained expression on the face; when talking, children with an inferiority complex usually avoid looking at the interlocutor; slouch excessively (desire to be invisible); sit on the very edge of the chair, intertwining their legs (protection from others) or hiding them under the chair.
• They are uncommunicative, driven, and constantly complain about feeling unwell and having troubles. Most often, children and adolescents who lack self-confidence are introverts (emotions and feelings are directed inward, rather than outward to the outside world).
• Excessive aggressiveness. Rudeness with others as a protection from the outside world, lack of faith in oneself gives rise to distrust in others.
• Painful reaction to criticism, tearfulness.
• Excessive external self-confidence in behavior, oddly enough, indicates low self-esteem, accompanied by the desire to “stand out from the crowd” (unusual clothing or behavior with a claim to “originality”). It manifests itself especially strongly in adolescence.
• The desire to be first always and everywhere. A teenager lives in constant stress, forced to prove to himself and others that he is better than everyone else. A person who is self-confident and loves himself has no need to prove his “exclusivity.”

These signs can be observed individually or in various combinations.

Levels of Inflated Self-Esteem

In psychology, there are two classifications of self-esteem.

More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.

Division depending on type:

• relevant – depends on achievements;
• partial – based on the results achieved in specific types of work;
• potential - depends on innate talents.

There are three options for assessing yourself:

• adequate;
• understated;
• overpriced.

Self-assessment tests will help determine your level. Psychologists use the Budassi technique. Four columns with a set of qualities are presented. Each part of the test reflects one area of ​​life: communication, behavior, activity and emotions. The subject circles the qualities that are important to him. Look through them again and put a tick next to those that are typical for him.

The psychologist counts the number of real and ideal character traits. Based on this criterion, the level of self-esteem is determined:

• low;
• below the average;
• average;m
• above average;
• high;
• inappropriately high.

The syndrome of inflated self-esteem corresponds to the indicator “inadequately high.”

Above average

People who rate themselves above average adequately correlate their talents and abilities. They strive to accomplish realistic goals.

There is self-criticism. Such a person does not have conflicts and prefers to resolve issues in a reasoned manner.

High

A person with high pride is critical of himself. Such people have a particularly developed sense of self-esteem. They respect themselves for their merits and achievements.

People with above average self-esteem are more likely to notice their own shortcomings than those with high self-esteem.

Inappropriately high

People with inappropriately inflated pride idealize their own image. He does not notice character flaws and overestimates abilities. Sets inadequate goals and does not pay attention to failures or the path to achieving them.

Self-criticism is not typical. The comments of others are perceived as nagging. There is a conflict mindset.

Inflated pride is a step into the abyss of illusions.

Gender characteristics of self-esteem in adolescence

Currently, studies of a person’s self-esteem in the process of his life are of great importance in psychological theory and practice. First of all, shifts in the content of the level of self-esteem and its components are studied - which qualities are better understood, how the level and criteria of self-esteem changes with age, what importance is attached to appearance and what to mental and moral qualities.

The relevance of this topic is due to the fact that gender characteristics of self-esteem in adolescence have not been sufficiently studied. Interest in these studies in psychology has been increasing in recent years.

Therefore, the purpose of our study is to identify gender characteristics of self-esteem in adolescence.

Object of study: adolescent self-esteem.

Subject of research: gender characteristics of self-esteem in adolescence.

Research hypothesis: we assume that gender characteristics of self-esteem are present in adolescents.

Based on the purpose of the work, its subject and research hypothesis, the following tasks were set:

1. Conduct a theoretical analysis of the problem.

1. Consider the age characteristics of the manifestation of self-esteem in adolescents.

1. Identify gender characteristics of the manifestation of self-esteem in adolescents.

1. Develop recommendations for correcting self-esteem.

The study was conducted on the basis of the municipal educational institution “Gymnasium No. 1” in Bratsk. The study involved 84 7th grade students aged 13-14 years (41 boys and 43 girls).

Methods used: theoretical (collection of materials, generalization, analysis), psychodiagnostic methods.

The practical significance of this work is obvious. The work materials can be used by psychologists and teachers when holding parent-teacher meetings and organizing educational work with students.

1. 1. Personal self-esteem

It is known that a person is not born as a person, but becomes one in the process of joint activities with other people and communication with them. When performing certain actions, a person constantly (but not always consciously) checks what others expect from him. In other words, he seems to “try on” their demands, opinions, and feelings. Based on the opinions of others, a person develops a mechanism by which his behavior is regulated - self-esteem.

Self-esteem is usually understood as an individual’s assessment of himself, his qualities and place among other people.

A person’s relationships with others, his criticality, self-demandingness, and attitude toward successes and failures depend on self-esteem. Thus, self-esteem influences the effectiveness of a person’s activities and the further development of his personality.

The main functions of self-esteem are regulatory, on the basis of which problems of personal choice are solved, and protective, ensuring relative stability and independence of the individual, while correcting signals from the outside world.

Self-esteem receives objective expression in how a person evaluates the capabilities and results of the activities of others (for example, he belittles them with inflated self-esteem).

1. 2. Types of self-esteem

There are different types of self-esteem: overestimated, adequate and underestimated.

With adequate self-esteem, a person sees both his positive qualities and shortcomings. Adequate self-esteem gives a person self-confidence, allows him to successfully set and achieve goals in his studies, career, business, personal life, creativity, and imparts such useful qualities as initiative, enterprise, and the ability to adapt to the conditions of various societies.

Low (low) self-esteem accompanies a timid person who is unsure of making decisions. Low self-esteem is often caused by the influence and assessment of parents in childhood, and in later life by the external assessment of society. A model of a standard is formed in the child’s mind, if realized, he would become good and ideal, but since it is not realized, a discrepancy arises between the standard (ideal) and reality. Personal self-esteem is influenced by the comparison of images of the ideal and real “I” - the greater the gap between them, the more likely a person is to be dissatisfied with the reality of his achievements and the lower its level.

High self-esteem, as a rule, becomes an integral quality of a successful person, regardless of profession - be it politicians, businessmen, representatives of creative professions. However, cases of inflated self-esteem are also common, when people have too high an opinion of themselves, their own talents and abilities, while their real achievements, according to experts in a particular field, seem more or less modest.

High and low self-esteem are two sides of the same coin, and both are neither healthy nor helpful for winning and training. A person who is engaged in achieving a goal must have a realistic idea of ​​​​his abilities and his capabilities - only then can he use them rationally. With inflated self-esteem, a person refuses to see his weaknesses, thereby depriving himself of the opportunity to grow and improve them. At the same time, he is very good at looking at the shortcomings of others, and criticizes them harshly and mercilessly.

A person with low self-esteem tries to improve and grow strengths out of his shortcomings, constantly showering himself with self-criticism, including derogatory criticism. There should be no criticism, there should be knowledge of your weak points and patient work on them.

Low self-esteem turns into high self-esteem in one second if a person instantly achieves a high result. Then his poison turns on failed rivals. And in the same way, high self-esteem instantly becomes low, as soon as a person loses, all his poison directed at others turns inward.

1. 3. Perfectionism and level of self-esteem

Perfectionism - the desire to meet the maximum criteria of excellence in certain areas - is often another reason for high or low self-esteem. The problem is that assessment criteria in certain areas may differ, and it is obviously impossible to achieve perfection in all possible areas. In this case, in order to increase a person’s self-esteem (or rather, make self-esteem more adequate), it is worth highlighting individual areas with more or less general criteria and forming a separate self-esteem in them.

Overall, the desire to achieve excellence is a wonderful human quality. Normal people get real pleasure from self-improvement, but at the same time they can reduce the requirements for their results if the situation allows it. Neurotic perfectionists go to painful extremes in their pursuit of perfection. They hold the irrational belief that in order to be accepted by other people, one must be perfect. Their standards are unreasonably high - they strive with all their might for impossible goals that they never achieve. From self-criticism, their self-esteem suffers and decreases more and more. Because they never live up to the required level in their own eyes, they react to possible criticism with aggression and anger. This behavior causes frustration, hostility from others, and the very disapproval that perfectionists fear so much. Gradually, fear and anxiety overwhelm them, causing them to experience much more pain than pleasure from the rewards. Perfectionists avoid close relationships because they fear complete rejection. As a result, loneliness becomes their lot, and life is devoid of human intimacy.

1. 4. Level of aspirations in self-esteem

Self-esteem is closely related to the level of a person’s aspirations, that is, the degree of difficulty of the goals that he sets for himself. The discrepancy between a person’s aspirations and real capabilities leads to the fact that he begins to incorrectly evaluate himself, as a result of which his behavior becomes inadequate (emotional breakdowns occur, increased anxiety, etc.).

If a person makes unrealistic claims, he is more likely to encounter insurmountable obstacles on the way to his goal, and he is more likely to experience failure. The criteria for assessment are usually the individual’s current general cultural, social, and individual value ideas, stereotypes of perception, and standards acquired throughout his life. In this case, the question arises, are we dealing with self-esteem? After all, a person accepts external assessment as his own and lives with it. External assessments are characterized by rigidity and are difficult to change unless a person learns to evaluate himself more adequately.

There is a well-known formula according to which self-esteem is success divided by the level of aspirations. In reality, everything can be more complicated: often people, initially taking the approach that nothing will work out for them anyway, can increase their success, and in other cases, people with low self-esteem literally lower their aspirations to the minimum, but this does not cause an increase in self-esteem.

1. 5. Development of self-esteem in ontogenesis

Considering the development of self-esteem in ontogenesis, one can notice that newborns and infants do not have clear “boundaries” of their being, not understanding that they are a special part of it, separate from the rest of the world. The baby does not know where he himself ends and the other person begins. He considers himself the cause of all changes and all activity around him. The kid believes that he, his thoughts and actions control the world.

A one-year-old child begins to realize his isolation from other people and objects; he begins to understand that the behavior of other people does not depend on his will. However, the baby is sure that other people’s perceptions are the same as his.

At 2-3 years old, children begin to compare themselves with others, as a result of which they gradually develop a certain self-esteem. When making comparisons, a child, as a rule, focuses on social norms that are acceptable in his environment. Comparing himself with this child, the baby makes a conclusion about which category to place himself in. A child’s positive sense of self develops when adults, by setting clear “boundaries,” encourage his independence. Otherwise, the child may develop a feeling of shame and doubt about his own abilities. Thus, a small child develops a sense of pride, a sense of shame, and a level of aspiration.

By the age of 4-5, many children can correctly assess themselves, their personal qualities, achievements and failures. Moreover, if earlier this mainly concerned the game, now it is transferred to communication, and to work, and to learning. At this age, it is already possible to predict the immediate prospects for mastering various types of activities. Scientists have found that if a child’s self-esteem in any type of activity is inadequate, then self-improvement in this type of activity is usually delayed.

It should be noted that the leading role in the formation of a preschooler’s self-esteem is played by the adults around the child (primarily parents), since the child “absorbs” the adults’ assessments of his qualities.

A feature of children of primary school age is their full recognition of the authority of an adult (unlike the preschool period, the authority of the teacher comes to the fore), they unconditionally accept his assessments. Thus, at this age, the child’s self-esteem directly depends on the nature of the assessments that an adult gives to the child’s personal qualities and his success in various activities. Younger schoolchildren take the position: “I am what adults and others around me say about me.” At this age, there are already different types of self-esteem: overestimated, adequate and underestimated.

As the child grows up, he begins to be more critical of adults’ assessments; both the assessments of his peers and his own ideas about the ideal become important to him. It has been established that children who are negatively perceived by their peers develop lower self-esteem, and vice versa. A teenager's self-esteem is often unstable and undifferentiated. At different age periods, adolescents evaluate themselves differently. Thus, early adolescence (this is especially pronounced in 12-year-olds) is characterized by negative self-evaluations (according to scientific data, approximately a third of children of this age evaluate themselves this way). But by the age of 13, there is a positive trend in self-perception. By adolescence, a person has a more differentiated assessment of his own behavior in various situations, a detailed system of self-esteem appears and, basically, a “Self-image” is formed - a relatively stable system of ideas about oneself.

In reality, a person has several alternating images of “I”. The individual’s idea of ​​himself at the current moment, at the moment of the experience itself, is designated as the “Real Self.” In addition, a person has an idea of ​​what he should be in order to correspond to his own ideas about the ideal, the so-called “Ideal-I”.

The relationship between “I am real” and “I am ideal” characterizes the adequacy of a person’s ideas about himself, which is expressed in self-esteem.

1. 6. Teenager’s self-esteem

At the onset of puberty, most teenagers begin to carefully evaluate themselves, comparing their physical appearance, physical development, motor skills, intellectual abilities and social skills.

The behavior and activities of a teenager are largely determined by the characteristics of self-esteem. Thus, with high self-esteem, a teenager often has conflicts with others. For the normal development of a teenager’s personality, it is very important that his self-esteem is adequate.

Self-esteem has a huge impact on a teenager's self-education. By assessing their characteristics and capabilities in comparison with others, adolescents can create a self-education program. This is most clearly manifested in their ideals. It is the content of the ideal that serves as the teenager’s self-education program. In this case, the choice of ideal depends on the nature of self-esteem. If self-esteem is adequate, then the chosen ideal contributes to the formation of such qualities as high demands, self-criticism, self-confidence, perseverance, and if self-esteem is inadequate, then qualities such as uncertainty or excessive self-confidence, uncriticality, etc. can be formed.

Who and what influences a teenager's self-esteem?

A teenager's self-esteem largely depends on his parents' understanding of his strengths. When parents support him, are attentive and kind to him, and express their approval, the teenager is confirmed in the idea that he means a lot to them and to himself. Self-esteem grows due to one’s own achievements and successes, and the praise of adults.

Teens with low self-esteem are shy and overly vulnerable. It has been found that low self-esteem contributes to appetite disorders, depression, and the formation of unhealthy habits. When a teenager is laughed at, accused of something, when other people have a bad opinion about him, he suffers deeply. The more vulnerable he is, the higher his anxiety level. As a result, such teenagers are shy, feel awkward in society and try with all their might not to embarrass themselves. They strive to be as inconspicuous as possible. They are not “seen” or chosen as leaders and rarely participate in school or community activities. They do not know how to stand up for themselves and do not express their opinions on issues that concern them. These teenagers develop feelings of loneliness more often than usual. Shy people in society often experience awkwardness and tension, which makes it difficult for them to communicate with others. Because they want to be liked by others, they are easier to influence and control, and they allow others to make decisions for them.

Self-esteem and school performance are closely linked. Anyone who respects and values ​​himself is usually a good or excellent student. And those who succeed in their studies have high self-esteem. Those teenagers who are confident and value themselves highly have many incentives to look good in the eyes of other people and maintain a high reputation. In addition, they are going to confirm what they think about themselves. Unconfident teenagers often fall behind in their studies. They constantly feel that the tasks are too difficult and the demands are too high. Such students not only do not believe in themselves, but also do not develop their abilities.

During late adolescence, friends had the greatest influence on the self-esteem of girls, and fathers had the greatest influence on the self-esteem of boys.

Low self-esteem of a teenager does not necessarily depend on the financial situation of the parents. A poor family can raise a child with high self-esteem if the self-esteem of his parents is high.

An only child in a family is more likely to have high self-esteem than a teenager with siblings. In addition, the self-esteem of the first child of a given gender in the family is slightly higher. For example, the first son in a family where there were only girls before his birth usually tends to rate himself more highly, as does the first daughter in a family where there were only boys.

It turns out that the more problems teenagers face, the lower their self-esteem.

1. 7. Gender characteristics of adolescent self-esteem

One study, designed to determine the influence of teachers, mothers, fathers and friends on adolescents' self-esteem, examined 399 adolescents divided into three age groups, the average ages of which were 13, 15 and 17 years. It turned out that in all three groups, girls had higher self-esteem than boys of the same age. This can be explained by the earlier physical and social maturation of girls compared to boys.

The influence of significant others on the self-esteem of young men decreased with age. Between early and late adolescence, the influence of mothers and fathers increased slightly, but the influence of teachers and friends decreased so much that the overall influence of significant others weakened. For boys, the influence and opinion of the father was especially significant.

The influence of significant others on the self-esteem of girls increased with age. Between early and late adolescence, the influence of teachers and fathers decreased somewhat, but the influence of mothers and friends increased so much that the overall influence of significant others increased. For girls, the influence and opinion of their mother and friends were especially important, since relationships with them became closer.

A study of 200 adolescents aged 14 to 16 years found that girls' self-esteem was influenced by four issues: health, physical development, home and family.

A study of sixth, seventh, and eighth grade students found that boys had stronger correlations between achievement and self-image than girls, and that the correlation increased with age for boys and weakened for girls. This finding is consistent with the hypothesis that social pressure to achieve increases on boys as they grow older. At the same time, peer pressure on girls to establish social connections increases; therefore, they focus on establishing social relationships rather than on achieving academic success. It has also been found that girls become less diligent as they move from primary to secondary school. Other studies confirm that at this age, girls, as a rule, begin to like school less, while boys' attitudes towards school do not change. Changing attitudes towards school affects academic success.

Chapter 2. Empirical study of gender characteristics of self-esteem in adolescence

2. 1. Research procedure and methods

Research procedure:

1. Selection of methods, preparation of forms for recording results.

2. Implementation of the study and preparation of protocols.

3. Quantitative data analysis.

4. Qualitative data analysis.

5. Development of recommendations for correcting self-esteem.

The following psychodiagnostic methods were used to conduct the study:

1. Dembo-Rubinstein technique for studying self-esteem

Purpose. The methodology is aimed at studying self-esteem in students in grades 7-10.

2. Additionally, we developed a “Self-Assessment” questionnaire.

Purpose. The questionnaire is necessary to identify the attitude of adolescents to the issue of self-esteem.

2. 2. Results of a study of gender characteristics of self-esteem in adolescence

The results of the data obtained from the study of self-esteem using the Dembo-Rubinstein method are recorded in Table 1. (see Appendix 5)

According to diagnostic results, only 56% of adolescents have adequate self-esteem. 34% of schoolchildren have high self-esteem and 10% have low self-esteem. At the same time, the same percentage of girls and boys showed adequate self-esteem. However, 31% of girls have high self-esteem, and 37% of boys have high self-esteem. Low self-esteem in 13% of girls and 7% of boys. Thus, the percentage with high self-esteem among boys (6%) and with low self-esteem among girls (6%) is slightly higher.

Let's look at the indicators on the scales

Capabilities. Adequate self-esteem in terms of abilities is found in 51% of adolescents, overestimated in 43% and underestimated in only 6%. The percentage of young men with adequate self-esteem on this scale is 63%. This is 18% more girls. For girls this figure is 45%. At the same time, the young men did not show low self-esteem. 9% of girls with low self-esteem. 37% of boys have high self-esteem, which is 9% less than girls. 46% of girls with high self-esteem.

Character. Adequate self-esteem of character in 57% of adolescents, overestimated in 33% and underestimated in 10%. Gender differences on this scale are insignificant. There are 1% more boys with high self-esteem than girls, 2% more with adequate self-esteem, and 3% less with low self-esteem.

Authority among peers. 49% of adolescents have adequate self-esteem on this scale, 39% have overestimated self-esteem and 12% have underestimated self-esteem. The percentage of girls with adequate self-esteem is 51%, which is 6% more than boys. For boys this figure is 45%. And the percentage with low self-esteem, on the contrary, is higher among young men by 9% and amounts to 18%. Among girls, only 9% have low self-esteem.

Ability to do a lot with your hands. Adequate self-esteem for the ability to do a lot with one’s own hands is found in 49% of adolescents, overestimated in 35% and underestimated in 16%. The percentage of young men with adequate self-esteem on this scale is 56%. This is 10% more girls. For girls this figure is 46%. Among girls, on the contrary, 7% more have high self-esteem and this figure is 37%. With low self-esteem, gender differences are insignificant - 3%.

Appearance. Adequate self-esteem on this scale is found in 43% of adolescents, overestimated in 39% and underestimated in 18%. Young men rate their external characteristics higher. Teenage girls are more likely to have complexes about their appearance. Inflated self-esteem among boys is 8% higher than among girls and amounts to 45%. On the contrary, low self-esteem among girls is 6% higher than among boys and amounts to 20%.

Self confidence. Adequate self-esteem in terms of self-confidence in 39% of adolescents, overestimated in 48% and underestimated in 16%. It should be noted that in comparison with other scales, the percentage of schoolchildren with adequate self-esteem is the lowest. Teenagers tend to be overconfident. The percentage of young men with adequate self-esteem on this scale is 47%. This is 12% more girls. For girls this figure is 35%. At the same time, there are 8% more girls with uncertainty and 4% more with self-confidence.

Level of aspiration. An adequate level of aspirations is found in 54% of adolescents, overestimated in 44% and underestimated in only 2%. The majority of girls showed an adequate level of aspiration - 59%. Overestimated in 37% and underestimated in a small percentage (4%). The majority of young men have an inflated level of aspirations – 59%, while 41% have an adequate level of aspirations. None of them have a low level.

Sigma. ) Let's consider the growth prospects of adolescents (the difference between the level of aspirations and the level of self-esteem). The optimal difference between what I want and what I have is for 51% of schoolchildren. 38% set the bar too high for realizing their development prospects. And 11% of teenagers have a slight desire to change themselves. If we consider gender differences, a larger percentage of young men set optimal prospects for self-improvement - 59%. Among young men, only 4% have no prospects for growth. And 37% make unrealistic plans. Among girls there is a higher percentage without prospects for self-improvement - 14%. This is 10% higher than boys. 47% of girls have optimal prospects for self-improvement, and 39% have unrealistic prospects.

Conclusions: Most boys and girls have adequate self-esteem. The percentage of boys and girls with adequate self-esteem is the same. But among boys there is a slightly higher percentage with high self-esteem, and among girls, on the contrary, with low self-esteem.

If we look at gender differences on scales, young men more adequately assess their abilities, ability to do a lot with their own hands, and confidence. They rate their external characteristics higher. However, young men rate their authority among their peers somewhat lower. Girls evaluate their rating among their peers more objectively. At the same time, they overestimate their mental abilities and ability to do a lot with their own hands. Teenage girls tend to have more complex appearances and feel less confident. There are no significant gender differences in character assessments.

If we talk about the level of aspirations of teenagers, then for most girls it is adequate, but for boys it is overestimated. It should be noted that most young men set realistic (optimal) prospects for self-development. Among girls, there is a higher percentage without the desire to improve themselves. The percentage of boys and girls with unrealistic growth plans is almost the same.

Let's move on to the quantitative and qualitative analysis of the “Self-esteem” questionnaire.

Question 1. Most teenagers have thought about their self-esteem - 71%. 29% of seventh graders did not think about it. Young men are more concerned about this issue – 76%. Among girls, this figure is 7% lower and amounts to 69%. 24% of boys and 31% of girls did not think about self-esteem.

Conclusions: Most teenagers thought about their self-esteem. Unlike girls, boys are more concerned about this issue. Almost all teenagers believe that it is better to have adequate self-esteem. At the same time, a small percentage of girls are for high self-esteem, and boys are for low self-esteem. Only half of teenagers note that success or failure in educational activities affects their self-esteem. This confirms the data of developmental psychology - educational activity is not the leading one for adolescents. Compared to boys, among girls there is a slightly higher percentage of those who are affected by successes or failures in educational activities. In adolescence, relationships with peers are important. But according to our data, only half of adolescents’ self-esteem depends on their position among their peers. However, no gender differences are observed. According to the study, a teenager's self-esteem depends more on appearance. An interesting fact was that, in comparison with girls, among boys there is a higher percentage of those whose self-esteem depends on external data.

General conclusion: Our research proves the hypothesis: gender characteristics of self-esteem are present in adolescents.

We developed and conducted a psychology lesson for 7th grade, “Adolescent Self-Esteem,” in which we gave recommendations to help increase self-esteem. (see Attachment

Conclusion

Our analysis of the literature showed that at present, studies of a person’s self-esteem in the process of his life are of great importance in psychological theory and practice.

Self-esteem is usually understood as an individual’s assessment of himself, his qualities and place among other people. The main functions of self-esteem are regulatory, on the basis of which problems of personal choice are solved, and protective, ensuring relative stability and independence of the individual, while correcting signals from the outside world.

There are different types of self-esteem: overestimated, adequate and underestimated. Adequate self-esteem, as a rule, becomes an integral quality of a successful person. With such self-esteem, a person sees both his positive qualities and shortcomings. Low self-esteem accompanies a timid person who is unsure of making decisions. However, cases of inflated self-esteem are also common, when people have too high an opinion of themselves, their own talents and abilities.

Perfectionism - the desire to meet the maximum criteria of excellence in certain areas - often causes high or low self-esteem.

Self-esteem is closely related to the level of a person’s aspirations, that is, the degree of difficulty of the goals that he sets for himself. The discrepancy between a person’s aspirations and real capabilities leads to the fact that he begins to incorrectly evaluate himself, as a result of which his behavior becomes inadequate.

At each age stage, self-esteem has its own differences. Adolescence is no exception. A teenager's self-esteem is often unstable and undifferentiated. At different age periods, adolescents evaluate themselves differently. Thus, early adolescence (this is especially pronounced in 12-year-olds) is characterized by negative self-evaluations (according to scientific data, approximately a third of children of this age evaluate themselves this way). But by the age of 13, there is a positive trend in self-perception. By adolescence, a person has a more differentiated assessment of his own behavior in various situations, a detailed system of self-esteem appears and, basically, a “Self-image” is formed - a relatively stable system of ideas about oneself.

The relationship between “I am real” and “I am ideal” characterizes the adequacy of a person’s ideas about himself, which is expressed in self-esteem.

When considering self-esteem, it is necessary to highlight gender differences in addition to age. Our research allowed us to determine gender characteristics of self-esteem in adolescence, which need to be known and taken into account in communication.

Most boys and girls have adequate self-esteem. Among boys, the percentage with high self-esteem is slightly higher, and among girls, on the contrary, with low self-esteem.

If we look at gender differences on the scales, young men more adequately assess their mental abilities, ability to do a lot with their own hands, and confidence. They rate their external characteristics higher. However, they rate their authority among their peers somewhat lower. Girls evaluate their rating among their peers more objectively. At the same time, they overestimate their mental abilities and ability to do a lot with their own hands. Teenage girls tend to have more complex appearances and feel less confident. There are no significant gender differences in character assessments.

If we talk about the level of aspirations of teenagers, then for most girls it is adequate, but for boys it is overestimated.

It should be noted that most young men set realistic (optimal) prospects for self-development. Among girls, there is a higher percentage without the desire to improve themselves. The percentage of boys and girls with unrealistic growth plans is almost the same.

Most teenagers have thought about their self-esteem. Unlike girls, boys are more concerned about this issue. Almost all teenagers believe that it is better to have adequate self-esteem. At the same time, a small percentage of girls are for high self-esteem, and boys are for low self-esteem. Only half of teenagers note that success or failure in educational activities affects their self-esteem. This confirms the data of developmental psychology - educational activity is not the leading one for adolescents. Compared to boys, among girls there is a slightly higher percentage of those who are affected by successes or failures in educational activities. In adolescence, relationships with peers are important. But according to our data, only half of adolescents’ self-esteem depends on their position among their peers. However, no gender differences are observed. According to the study, a teenager's self-esteem depends more on appearance. An interesting fact was that, compared to girls, among boys there is a higher percentage of those whose self-esteem depends on external data.

Most teenagers pay for adequate self-esteem, but in reality they have much less. Among girls this figure is slightly higher.

What can cause low self-esteem?

How a person feels about himself is a result of his experiences and how he handles situations. The most common causes of low self-esteem in teenagers:

• dysfunctional parents, guardians or other persons who play an influential role in their lives;
• friends who are a bad influence on a teenager;
• stressful life events such as divorce or moving;
• injury or insult;
• poor performance at school;
• mood disorders such as depression;
• anxiety;
• bullying or loneliness.

Teen boy in glasses and suit

How to increase self-esteem for a teenager

If you are wondering how to raise your child’s self-esteem, then you will definitely succeed, the most important thing is to acquire the right knowledge in this area. Today's teenagers face a variety of complex issues, including their appearance, who they choose as friends, how they act in public, how well they do in sports, in school, and much more.

Raising self-esteem for a teenager is one of the most important stages. As a parent, you want to help your child be as successful as possible, especially when it comes to their self-esteem. Perhaps most importantly, you want your child to grow into a confident and responsible adult who thrives in all areas of life. But it's not always easy.

Important!

Many teenagers struggle to be accepted, both by the outside world and by themselves. Parents can play a very important role in shaping their teen's sense of self.

Teen boy in glasses and suit

What to do?

When a person suffers from his self-esteem for a long time, cannot bring it back to normal, and the situation only gets worse - these are already signs of a disorder. In such cases, it is quite difficult to correct self-esteem on your own. Firstly, people with high self-esteem almost never admit that they have a problem. Secondly, for this you need to have strong self-control and self-discipline, which, unfortunately, is also unusual for them. In addition, high self-esteem can be a symptom of psychological problems, such as narcissistic personality disorder, and some types of psychopathy. In order to minimize this problem, it is best to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist. And the sooner the better. Using psychodiagnostics, a specialist will identify the reasons that contributed to the development of inflated self-esteem and, using various psychotherapy techniques, correct it. When working with self-esteem in children, the psychologist must also conduct conversations with the child’s adult environment (parents, grandparents) in order to help build correct child-parent relationships and form the right type of upbringing in the family.

If you or your loved ones are concerned about high self-esteem and require specialist help, contact us at the Center by phone. or fill out the form on the website.

What should a parent do to ensure that their child has adequate self-esteem?

There are a few basic rules. First, when discussing a child's performance, compare his performance to his previous experiences, not to other children, siblings, yourself, or anyone else. The comparison should always be made with him in the past. “This week you got two Cs, and last week you had four. You did well and tried your best.”

Secondly, do not use generalizations and criticize not the child, but his actions. When parents are annoyed, they often use the following formulations: “You’re so inattentive, you’re losing everything,” or “What a slob you are: you’ve scattered everything.” Children remember such assessments and believe that they are true.

There is a principle of feedback, in which when communicating with a child, you pay attention not to mistakes, but to successes. For example, you teach him to write letters. He wrote the entire alphabet, some of the letters turned out well, some not so much. What do parents usually do? They point out the bad letters and ask them to rewrite them. Or you can ask: “Which letters turned out best and do you like best?” Together, choose them with your child and then invite them to write the rest just as carefully.

Emancipation of self-esteem

One of the main features characterizing the self-esteem of adolescents is the ever-deepening emancipation of their self-esteem, that is, the desire of adolescents to form their self-esteem regardless of the assessments of other people. Without disputing this position, it should still be recognized that a person is always in various kinds of social interactions and it is impossible for him to avoid a certain dependence on the assessment of his immediate environment. Development of self-esteem in the process of communication The repeatedly proven theory of the “mirror self” by C. Cooley about the positive attitude of significant others as one of the main determinants of the level of self-esteem is also true for the self-esteem of adolescents.

Among the four sources of social support: parents, teachers, classmates, close friends, parental support and the attitude of classmates most fully influence a teenager’s self-esteem.

Inconsistency in the level of self-esteem

The level of self-esteem can change: there are many ways to get rid of an inferiority complex and become a confident person. You can read more in the article How to become confident? Among famous people who have achieved success, there are many who had low self-esteem as children, but managed to overcome it. The level of self-esteem may become lower due to serious failures, prolonged stressful environments, problems communicating with parents, etc.

What other causes of low self-esteem are observed in adolescents:

1. Having a distinctive appearance. Teenagers strive to look impeccable so as not to cause negative evaluation from their peers. The presence of excess weight and other characteristics that distinguish them from the bulk of children makes them a potential target for bullying.
2. Susceptibility to the opinions of others (external locus control). The maximalism of children of this age does not allow them to forgive themselves for their mistakes. Criticism from peers (and parents) makes it easy to doubt your worth, intelligence, and worth. Focusing on the opinions of others is the most common cause of low self-esteem in a teenager.
3. Features of education. Parents with an ascetic, rejecting, and authoritarian-nurturing style of parenting instill in their child a tendency toward low self-esteem. The desire not to stand out, to be restrained and to follow social norms makes children forget about their own importance and individuality.
4. Tips for teenagers to improve self-esteem
5. Children suffer greatly from their inability to accept themselves in a positive way. The following recommendations will help them, through their own efforts, come to an adequate self-perception:
6. Engage in physical self-improvement. If you feel that you are experiencing discomfort regarding your appearance and health, then you need to turn to their correction. Moderate physical activity and a review of your diet will help you correct your figure. After exercising, you will feel stronger, healthier and learn to appreciate your own body.
7. Keep a diary of achievements and successes. If you feel like you have nothing to value yourself for, keep a record of your successes. You got an A, got up early and cooked breakfast yourself, cleaned the room, did a workout - write it down in your diary. After a few days, sit down and reread your progress. You will be surprised how much useful and important you do.
8. Make a list of advantages. If you feel that you are not worthy of your own love, write down your strengths on a piece of paper. Evaluate objectively. What positive character traits, skills, and abilities do you have? How does this help you in life? When you again feel a surge of negativity towards yourself, re-read the list.
9. Read relevant literature or watch a movie. There is a lot of literature and cinema that teach us self-love. For example, N. Gubanova’s book “I’ll Live a Little More” teaches us to deal with insurmountable difficulties and see that there is a way out of any situation. D. Carnegie’s book “How to Overcome Anxiety and Stress” will help you cope with negative feelings and redirect your energy in a positive direction.
10. Daily affirmations and auto-training. Stand in front of the mirror, relax and say everything that you would like to see in yourself. Just say it as if you already have these traits. For example, “I look great, I cope well with challenges, and I am very proud of my achievements.” Compose the text for auto-training yourself, based on your ideal ideas. Over time, you will believe in your uniqueness and perfection.