What is the crisis of the first year of life and how to survive it

10/08/2020 Reading time: 6 min 3339 0

A baby's first birthday is not only a joyful event. For many, this is also the beginning of a period that seems like a complete surprise. Until recently, the calm baby becomes capricious, becomes uncontrollable, screams and cries a lot. This does not mean that he is sick with something or that you did something wrong. Most likely, the child is having a 1-year-old crisis - a natural condition that needs to be given a little more attention. The more carefully and competently parents behave, the easier it will be for both the child and themselves to survive this difficult period.

The essence of the crisis

During the first year of life, a child travels a long way in development. Just 12 months ago he was a tiny, incompetent lump who was not aware of the surrounding reality. And at the age of one he already has some speech skills, he stands on his feet, plays with toys, and tries to walk. It is believed that the cause of the crisis is the stress that occurs in a child during the transition to a qualitatively new stage of development. Psychologists and developmental psychologists say that around the age of one, the infancy period ends, and the baby begins to separate himself from his parent [1]. This is, in particular, due to the fact that the child gets the opportunity to move independently. In addition, his psyche begins to form, his own motivation appears, the ability to express thoughts, desires and preferences arise - he begins to realize himself as an individual. It is difficult and unusual for the child, his worldview changes; reacting to this, he becomes restless.

Causes

A crisis can occur in different ways depending on how the child lives, how actively the parents are involved with him, and how he eats. Some phenomena familiar to this age contribute especially strongly to the crisis state. This does not mean that they should be abandoned: the main thing is to approach the issue wisely and help the child successfully survive difficult times and adapt to the new world.

Change of diet.

New products appear on the child's menu. They are certainly healthy and tasty, but unusual. It's discouraging. Often at this same moment, women stop breastfeeding, which causes the baby to weaken the bond with his mother. He must get used to being independent, and this is quite difficult.

Lots of information.

A child at this age is constantly learning something: words, movements, skills in handling objects. Of course, this is not easy given the huge amount of unfamiliar information. In addition, each new skill or skill causes delight in the child and the realization that he is becoming independent, and parents do not always understand this independence. The baby is trying to gain new knowledge and new experiences.

Physical exercise.

In addition to the fact that the child thinks more and learns a lot, he also puts in a lot more effort than before. As a baby, he could lie in his crib all day, occasionally turning over or traveling in his mother’s arms. Now he has to strain his own muscles to crawl, try to walk, climb from the floor to the sofa and back. Awareness of one's own physical capabilities also provokes a crisis state. The child realizes that he is capable of doing a lot on his own, and therefore he wants to act independently as often as possible [3]. But the baby is not yet familiar with many aspects of the real world and does not understand why he is limited when he tries to do something interesting.

Building social connections.

During this same period, the child tries to build relationships with his parents in a new way. If previously the baby was in a state of merging with his mother, now he has to let her go and understand that he is an independent person. A new type of relationship with parents is being built: through joint activities, and substantive ones at that [2]. This means that the baby is trying to learn how to use familiar household objects by looking at adults and adopting their behavior. In addition, it is during this period that the child begins to understand that he needs to behave differently with different people. For example, you can ask your mother for food, but not your neighbor. With strangers he becomes distrustful, with family he becomes demanding [3]. This is how the child takes his first steps towards socialization and learns to form social connections.

Tips for parents

Psychologists recommend preparing in advance for the difficult stage of a child’s growing up. Already from the age of one year, when the baby began to walk, care should not turn into overprotection. You don’t need to hold your baby’s hand all the time: let him run around. Pay attention to his mood, to what the baby wants.

When a child reaches the age of two, he can already tell his mother about his problems and difficulties. Don't push your child away. Listen to your child, take into account the child’s opinion. And then, by the age of three, the baby will feel the love and understanding of his parents, and will be confident that his family will always understand him. During the onset of a crisis, in the third year of the baby’s life, the baby will have the feeling that he is under the protection of his family. The crisis period itself for such children will pass without violent incidents and will take only a few months.

The science of psychology studies in detail the age of 3 years. At this age, many children begin to develop self-esteem and lay the foundations for their future personality. It depends on the reaction of adults how this crisis period can pass in the younger generation: will the baby grow up to be a strong, strong-willed person or become a weak-willed hysteric? Will the child be confident in himself, or will the baby have a bunch of complexes that will interfere with his development?

To more successfully navigate the crisis stage in 3-year-old children, so that it lasts as little as possible, psychology has developed several tips for parents of 3-year-olds:

The 3-year-old crisis is not the result of poor genetic predisposition or improper upbringing. Adults should not, especially in the presence of a restless child, find out who is to blame for the fact that the baby has grown up as a naughty child.
You should not limit any manifestation of activity, and also allow the fidget to do whatever he wants. In the first case, a complex, lack of initiative person will grow up, in the second, a spoiled domestic tyrant. In both cases, it will be difficult for the child to adapt to adulthood.
Give your baby more independence. Talk to the baby, tell him that you hope for his help, because he is already so big and mature. Determine the duties of the fidget. Let the little man help wash the dishes, set the table - for example, carry a plate of cheese or bread. Do not refuse your child when the little one wants to help with cleaning the apartment. Praise your child for all good deeds
Read also: General principles of psychotherapy for depression
Be respectful of your child’s advice and opinions. Let the baby choose which dress or sweater he will wear for a walk. Ask him for advice if you want to rearrange the furniture in your apartment a little or are deciding what to cook for lunch. In the store, let the child choose fruit or dessert for dinner.
Fight stubbornness with cunning. If your baby refuses to swim, ask for help teaching the doll to swim. Or tell him that the car wants to test the new engine outside and is waiting for the baby to go for a walk.
Don't create a tragedy over little things. The child can eat dessert or main course first, and then eat soup or borscht. If he has food left on his plate, it is possible that you are offering him too large portions. Don't force yourself to finish everything.
Give less orders to your child. Try to negotiate, make concessions. Be sure to keep your promises. The little man remembers everything and can be very offended. The principle will apply here: since adults lie, it means that I will not listen to them.

Rules for parents

Parents must understand that the child’s unusual actions are not bad heredity or congenital malignancy. The little person is growing up, wants to be independent and needs to learn to build relationships with him in a new format.

Following a number of rules will help make life easier for parents and not spoil the child’s psyche:

Refuse the commanding tone. Directions and commands cause resistance. If you decide to engage in creativity with your child, you should not order him to draw. It is better to invite him to choose a pencil with which he will color.
Refrain from making comments. You should not pull the child back directly. It is better to explain to him that little children are not beaten or animals are not hurt.
Give more freedom. It will be more pleasant for the child if he himself decides which jacket to wear today, where to go for a walk, or when to leave the playground.
Take negativism to the point of absurdity. You shouldn’t try to convince your child not to break the car. On the contrary, it is worth insisting that he disable the toy, not eat soup or not put on a hat. Having realized the comical nature of the situation, the child will stop insisting on it.
Give up stubbornness. Parents often make the mistake of defending their point of view. It will not be possible to over-obstinate a three-year-old child by arranging competitions with him. Such behavior will only take away mental strength and ruin your mood.
Show love, affection and care more often. Excessive severity will only make the situation worse. The child must be praised and encouraged, especially when he deserves it.
Do not shift responsibility to the little person. The kid himself is not happy with the actions he commits. The task of parents in response to the child’s behavior is not to harbor resentment and stop being capricious themselves.
Show more attention to children's needs. Often, bad behavior and tantrums are caused by the usual reasons: hypothermia, hunger, overexcitement or fatigue.
Relieve children's tension. The best way to overcome stress is massage, joint active games or dancing.

A three-year crisis will help you overcome other people's experience. Parents who have already overcome this stage with their children can share personal effective methods of dealing with stubbornness and self-will.

During acute periods of personality development, adults should be especially sensitive and understanding, but not allow children to manipulate themselves. Permissiveness and constant pressure are harmful. In order not to interfere with the normal development of the child, parents should not:

prohibit the expression of negative emotions;
compare the child with other children;
use physical methods of punishment.

The main skill that a child should acquire after the crisis is over is the acquisition of primary independence. Therefore, parental authority must be flexible.

You should only be persistent in case of real danger. The child must understand in what situations he needs to unconditionally obey his parents, and in what situations he can make an independent decision.

For example, if a child, having played too much, does not look around and risks running out onto the roadway, the parent can and should shout out, grab him by the hand and take him away from the dangerous part of the road. Most likely the child will be scared and capricious. You need to wait out this outbreak of protest and then be sure to explain to him why you can’t run out onto the road. This will form a connection between his parents’ harsh reaction and real danger. In the future, parents will only need to slightly raise their voice so that the child immediately develops an association with danger and the need for obedience.

Alarming symptoms

Sometimes even children cannot cope with a crisis. Kids become capricious, hysterical, quickly become frustrated, and do not try to improve their skills. They don't change, as if they are forever stuck at the age of three. In severe cases, the child becomes aggressive and can pose a real danger to other children.

Warning signs:

Fear of independence. The essence of the crisis of three years is the persistent manifestation of independence. If the baby, on the contrary, refuses independence and continues to count on the help of his parents, this indicates slow development. In childhood this does not seem to be a problem, but with age it becomes more difficult for a child to become independent.
Detachment from parents. Emotional and tactile contact with parents is important for the baby. He strives to evoke a response, his hysteria is an attempt to reach adults. But if a child is distant, does not like hugs, and shows a clear negative or indifferent reaction to an attempt at contact, this indicates mental development disorders: autism or schizoid spectrum disorder.
Tendency towards sadism. Childhood sadism, i.e. the desire to cause suffering to other people, differs from adult destructive behavior. Having realized himself as an individual, the child understands that other people are also independent individuals. But since he has not yet developed empathy, the ability to empathize, he continues to behave selfishly and put his needs first. If he wants to take a toy, he does not notice other children who are already playing with it, and does not react to their crying and protests. This is a normal period of mental development that needs to be waited out. But if a child takes pleasure in watching other children suffer, or deliberately provokes them, you should definitely visit a child psychologist.

A timely visit to a psychologist will help avoid serious complications. The psychologist will select appropriate behavioral tactics, using which parents will be able to build adequate relationships and help the child cope with the increased stress on the psyche.

Risks

If the main need of infancy (the need for security) has been satisfied, then the need for love is formed at an early age. Moreover, the need for love from a parent of the opposite sex is especially acute. It is at this moment, with an unsatisfied need, that the foundation of the Oedipus complex and the Electra complex is laid.

If at the previous stage of development the child felt the need for verbal contact, then in early childhood the need for tactile sensations is relevant. If she is not satisfied, then the child remains tactilely insensitive for the rest of his life.

If parents limit independence and ridicule attempts to show it, then the child’s volitional regulation is replaced by a feeling of guilt and shame, and self-doubt. This is dangerous due to life’s passivity in the future, denial of one’s own participation in the course of life, indecision and inability to change and build life according to one’s own needs and desires.

How does the crisis of the first year of life manifest itself?

Each child is individual and different from the other, so no one can give an exact algorithm for his behavior in a crisis. There are only general signs by which you can notice the beginning of a difficult period. The main thing is to be aware of this possibility and not to be scared when a baby, calm a week ago, suddenly begins to behave completely differently. If the manifestations are strong, you can show the child to the doctor to calm the nerves, so as not to miss the symptoms of any disease. But usually a crisis is easy to distinguish from an illness: there are no somatic manifestations, the child is developing well and harmoniously, only character and behavior change.

Loud crying.

The first manifestation of a crisis is bright, expressed negative emotions in response to stimuli. The child begins to cry, and loudly, if something does not suit him. At the same time, tears don’t even necessarily flow. Crying may be accompanied by acts of aggression: the baby may lose his temper, throw a toy, stomp his foot, or try to break something. Usually the reason for such a cry is that the child wants something, but he was not given it, he is indignant and angry. Subsequently, the crying gives way to resentment and disappointment: the cry did not produce results, the baby did not get what he wanted. The offended child begins to cry again, but more quietly, and this time there are a lot of tears. The main thing is to understand: you shouldn’t indulge your baby’s every whim, it’s useless, and even harmful or dangerous.

Sudden movements.

Attacks of aggression, as already mentioned, are accompanied not only by screaming and tears, but also by movements. Children have very active facial expressions and gestures: this is one of their ways to express strong emotions. Therefore, the baby may begin to stomp his feet, wave his arms, and clench his fists. Some children may fall to the floor in hysterics and start rolling around on it. In such a situation, there is no need to immediately rush to give the baby what he wants. One of the conflicts of a child during a crisis is the need to understand the boundaries of what is permitted and to understand that there are things that are still prohibited for him. If you spoil your baby too much and give him everything he wants, you can make life more difficult for yourself and harm his development.

Lively facial expressions.

When a child doesn’t like something, he may frown and make an offended expression on his face. Children at one year of age already perfectly understand simple emotions and actively use them. Another sign of a crisis can be emotional instability: one moment the baby was laughing and happy, and suddenly he starts crying. During a crisis period, facial expressions become especially lively and even a little demonstrative. The kid frowns, compresses his lips, squints. Usually, with such facial expressions, he tries to show stubbornness, which begins to manifest itself especially strongly during the year.

Sleep disorders.

If previously the whole life of a child was subordinated to biological rhythms, now they cease to have their former meaning. The routine is still important for him, but now it is more difficult for the baby to follow it: this has to be done partly consciously, and not just at the behest of the biological clock. The structures of the brain change, the nervous system also changes to suit new age and new conditions. It may be difficult for a child to get used to this. In addition, purely physiologically, he needs less and less sleep, now he is awake for at least 4 hours, and during the day he only wants to sleep a couple of times. This may cause misunderstanding among parents who are accustomed to their child sleeping a lot and for a long time. And the child himself may experience stress due to such changes. Parents should create an optimal sleep schedule for their baby and maintain it.

How should parents behave?

Before talking about methods of calming a child, parents need to learn how to cope with the emotional burden that falls on them during a child’s tantrum.

In order to be able to adequately respond to hysterics in children without screaming, it is important to understand that the child is not doing this specifically to spite you. At the moment he really feels bad, hurt or offended. It depends only on you whether this hysteria will develop into even greater conflict and stress or whether it will end safely and quickly.

If you feel yourself starting to get worked up with your baby, stop and take a deep breath. Breathing slowly and deeply is a simple but very effective way to calm yourself and trick your nervous system.

Develop the right tone of conversation with your child. Your speech should be clear and intelligible, and your tone should be calm and friendly. Children sense the emotional state of their parents very well, and talking to them at a familiar pace and timbre of speech will be much more effective than rapid and unintelligible speech in a raised voice.

Try to build a trusting and respectful relationship with your child. If children do not notice proper attention from their parents, they do not have much experience in communicating together, then even during a hysteria you can’t hope that the baby will hear you and behave calmly. Talk and praise your child often for successes and good behavior.

Timing of the crisis

The concept of “first year crisis” is relative. For some it begins earlier, for others later, and for others it does not begin. Sometimes parents attribute the child's strange behavior to teething or poor health, but in reality the child is simply growing up and moving on to a new stage in life. The same applies to the timing of its completion: remember that each child is individual. Some things, of course, depend on the parents. It is not always possible to influence the timing, and it is completely impossible to cancel the crisis. All that is required of them is to create an atmosphere of love and care for the child, understand what is going on in his head, and try to smooth out the discomfort for the baby and parents. Despite all the desire for independence, during a crisis period, the support of mom and dad is very important for a child.

When does it start.

Nobody can give exact dates. For some, the crisis manifests itself already at 8–9 months, while other children begin to behave differently closer to their birthday, or even after it. The criterion by which one can assume the imminent onset of a crisis is often the ability to move independently [3]. You can check a calendar or table of crisis periods in children, but most often parents learn about the onset of a crisis by its signs. These are changes in the baby's behavior:

increased desire for independence;
abandonment of usual rituals, change of tastes;
stubbornness and capriciousness, mood swings;
instability of desires, including in relation to parents. A child may simultaneously try to hug his mother and move away from her - this is how the crisis of separation manifests itself;
jealousy towards other family members.

How long does it last?

Sometimes they say that the beginning of a crisis can be calculated and tracked by the appearance of two marker words in a child’s vocabulary: “give” and “no” [3]. They begin to repeat themselves especially often in his speech. But with the end of a difficult period, it becomes more and more difficult. The duration of the crisis of the first year is individual and ranges from 1 month to a whole year. There is an opinion that the peak of the crisis occurs at 8–15 months of life, then it declines. The opposite opinion says that the crisis situation lasts for a whole year, now intensifying and now weakening. There is still no consensus on this matter, but remember: the baby develops at his own pace. This pace cannot be influenced, but you can make sure that the crisis passes easily and smooth out its manifestations. Then the most acute period will be stopped quickly, and the child will not have injuries that affect his future life.

Key symptoms of the crisis: 7 major changes

To one degree or another, the manifestations have similar features in all children; only the severity of the key characteristics of the 3-year-old crisis differs. Parents describe common manifestations as changes in behavior and disobedience, scandals and hysterics, tears literally over every little thing. Psychologists identify 7 main symptoms of crisis behavior:

Negativism . The child flatly refuses to follow the instructions of adults, even if this request is beneficial to the child himself. To any requests - a clear “no”.
Obstinacy . The baby suddenly changes his habits and does not want to adhere to the regime. Through scandals and hysterics, he tries to win the right to do as he wants.
Stubbornness . The child makes a decision and strictly adheres to this line. It is impossible to force, persuade or motivate him to do certain habitual actions. He will cry, but clearly stand his ground.
Self-will . The baby wants to do things on his own, ignoring the parents' prompts or words.
Protest . The peculiarities of this characteristic are a storm of emotions in relation to his parents’ instructions about what he should do. If parents have chosen or decided something for him, the child refuses these things or actions.
Depreciation . The baby stops appreciating those things or actions that were previously important, loved or dear to him. He may throw and break his favorite toys, call his parents names, fight with his brothers and sisters, and refuse his favorite treats.
Despotism . The child tries to command family members, demands submission and unquestioning obedience. If his whims are not fulfilled, hysterics and screams follow, stamping his feet and raising his voice. Source: D.M. Shakirova, A.F. Gilmanova. Age crises in children of preschool and school age // Skif. Student Science Questions, 2021.

Not all of these signs may manifest themselves equally clearly; sometimes certain symptoms predominate, which are triggered most often and which the child uses as an instrument of influence.

Recommendations for parents

Give the baby more independence. Freedom of movement, helping parents with simple things - allow this to children, this is how they explore the world.
Provide a safe environment for exploration and movement, so that a curious baby does not reach into the outlet or into the toilet.
Avoid permissiveness. The child does not yet know the boundaries and rules of the real world. It is important to stop it in time, but not too abruptly. There is no need to bribe your baby with toys and sweets: this way he will quickly learn to manipulate. It is possible to prohibit doing something, but this must be justified, and not pressured by authority.
Do not be rude or aggressive with your child. Constantly pulling your child down, even for harmless reasons, is not only useless, but also harmful to his psyche.
Monitor your own behavior. Children copy a lot from their parents, whether they want it or not.
Distract a naughty child. This could be a toy or a shared activity.

Parenting Tactics and Strategies

What should parents do to prevent hysterics? What is the best tactic for adults to deal with in a situation where it has already begun?

1) Avoid hysterics.

An explosion of emotions is easier to prevent than to stop. Try not to get hysterical. Monitor changes in mood (dissatisfaction, irritation, tearfulness) and be prepared to distract your child from a situation that could potentially lead to a negative reaction on his part. Draw his attention to something very beautiful, say something unexpected. Be diplomatic, soften your tone, avoid direct instructions. Sometimes it is enough to express sympathy for a child’s bad mood or condition to prevent unwanted expressions of emotions. Help your baby relax: sit him on your lap, hug him, talk to him, stroke his head. Such tactics only work before hysteria or at the very beginning.

2) Understand the reasons.

Think about what caused the hysterical attack: fatigue, hunger, violation of agreements? Or was the child seeking your attention? If you know the true reason for what is happening, it will be easier for you to understand how to proceed: it’s time to go home to rest, you need to have a snack or restore justice.

If a child is fighting for your attention, you need a more serious and comprehensive approach, which will require adjustments in communication with the baby. If a baby has to so sophisticatedly attract the attention of his mother and father, he obviously lacks parental participation and confirmation of the inviolability of the position of his beloved child.

3) Use energy for peaceful purposes.

Children are bundles of energy that can be splashed out at the first opportunity. Channel this energy into a peaceful channel: walk more, maintain a high level of physical activity, play sports. Ages from 1 to 4 years are the period of mastering basic motor skills. Help your child learn to skate, ride a scooter, ride a bicycle, swim, dance, play football or other ball games, run, jump, etc. Don’t forget about creative and intellectual development: drawing, modeling, mosaics, puzzles, reading, simple counting, construction sets, puzzles are a great pastime throughout the day, especially in the morning after waking up, in the afternoon when you need to take a break from physical activity, and in the evening before bed. A child who is constantly busy with something (of course, reasonably, with pauses), does not sit idle and does not die of boredom, simply does not have the strength and desire to waste energy on tantrums.

4) Communicate.

Stay in good contact with your child: read, play, communicate, organize joint activities and leisure time, involve the baby in family affairs, discuss topics from the life of adults that are acceptable at a given age, which are necessary for the little one to understand the issues of the world order. How shops and airports work, why vacations are given only once a year, what professions there are, why people study and go to work, how and what adults spend their earned money on, how the products that end up on our table are grown and produced. By communicating with your baby not only about children's topics, you maintain a high level of trust and avoid generational conflict. It is always easy for you to find a common language with your child, and your baby does not feel too small, “not old enough” to understand something and learn something. This is extremely important both for self-esteem and for the calm and confident social development of the child.

5) Explain yourself.

In a situation of conflict of interests, your “no”, “you can’t”, “this is how it should be” is not enough. If you expect your child to behave in a certain way or perform certain actions, be clear about it. Sit down so that you are at eye level with your baby. Calmly, but firmly and in a friendly manner, explain what and why is now expected of him: to walk on the playground he must wear shoes, to play with other children he must stop taking away other people’s toys, etc.

Sometimes the baby may refuse to cooperate with you, bargain, or put pressure on you. In this case, change the subject, say something unexpected, distract him with any other object, an invitation to play, or a change of location.

If the child does not switch, do not start begging, bargaining and putting pressure on him - this only fuels the need for attention, which is often the cause of children's tantrums.

6) Negotiate.

Before going to the supermarket together, explain to your child what purchases you are going to make. A cart filled with groceries is not something that mom wanted to buy for herself, it’s for the whole family, including him. Explain why the child cannot demand something for himself if there was no prior agreement that he himself chooses the type of yogurt or the color of the toothbrush. You also go to a children's store for a specific purpose, and a huge box with a construction set is not an alternative to a small teddy bear, which was the original goal.

Explain to your child the reason for your refusal. He must learn that desires are not fulfilled on demand, that all serious purchases must be carefully thought out, timed to coincide with an important event, that for this purpose money must be specially set aside. It is good if children from an early age learn from their parents that negative emotions in response to refusal are destructive, do not benefit, and most importantly, do not solve the problem.

7) Teach your child to express dissatisfaction in a civilized way.

Tantrums happen because young children do not have other, more acceptable ways to express their feelings. Let your child know that there is nothing wrong or strange about being in a bad mood from time to time; it happens to all people. Teach him phrases that he can use to describe his state: “I’m hungry,” “I’m sad,” “I’m angry,” “I’m bored.” Praise your child when he expresses in words what is on his mind.

Don't react.

Of course, you cannot ignore a child’s tears. But if you are convinced that this is hysterical manipulation, when your capricious person controls the situation and deliberately screws himself up to get what he wants, and the “degree” only increases, you can try to pretend that this scene does not bother you.

If the hysteria has already begun, you expressed sympathy for the child, tried to talk to him and are now sure that his behavior is not related to objective reasons (hunger, fatigue, pain), continue to do your business and do not react. The baby will understand that there are no spectators, and will stop resorting to hysterics in order to achieve what he wants. In any case, he should receive a clear signal that his violent expression of emotions will not change your decision.

Psychologists advise that if your presence only fuels hysteria associated with manipulation, or if you feel that you are starting to lose your temper, simply leave the child alone. After your baby has calmed down, you can tell him that you are glad that he was able to cope with his feelings and that you understand them well.

There is an opinion that it is impossible to ignore a child during a hysteria, as this can cause him injury. This is true of uncontrollable hysterics, when the baby himself does not know why he behaves this way. But if we are talking about something that the child asks to buy, it is very important for the parent to be persistent. In this way, you will show that it is impossible to “force” another person to fulfill desires - in this case, using psychological pressure in the form of hysteria. This way the child will learn a lesson and understand that people have boundaries that should not be violated.

We advise you to read the book by psychologist Julia Gippenreiter “Communicate with a child. How?” in order to better understand your child and the reasons for his behavior.

9) The main thing is safety.

Ignoring tactics are only possible in situations where you are sure that the child is safe. Make sure that he is not in danger: a tantrum can start in a children's toy store or next to a busy highway. Take your child away from the source of potential danger, even if this means taking advantage of the position of a stronger adult. Refrain from showing irritation and aggression: confidently but calmly take the baby into a strong hug and take him to a safe place.

10) Stay calm.

If your child has lost control of himself, he needs you with a cool and clear mind. Take a deep breath (preferably several) and try to maintain your composure. Increased heart rate, irregular breathing, perspiration on the forehead, sweating, feelings of frustration, annoyance, anger, resentment and humiliation (in the presence of strangers) are an incomplete list of reactions that you may experience in response to a child's tantrum. Don't show it, remain calm. If the child feels that he has touched your nerve, he will continue to put pressure on your sore spot. Don't yell back, demonstrate the behavior you expect from your little rebel. It is important that the algorithm of your reactions to hysteria remains unchanged.

11) Do not bribe or punish.

You want to please your baby after he was very upset, perhaps you are tormented by remorse, trying to make amends and... making a serious mistake. Rewarding a child with a toy, rides, or some rare privilege after a violent tantrum means reinforcing unwanted behavior. The kid is smart enough to connect a tantrum in the morning with a trip to the toy store in the evening.

Hysteria is the reaction of a child who has not learned to control his emotions, and this is more his trouble than his fault. After the baby’s emotions have subsided, act as if nothing happened, do not remind him of what happened. Hysterics should also not have any negative consequences. It is unacceptable to punish a child for lacking self-control and effective negotiation skills.

Remember that you are not alone in this situation. Many children behave this way at an early age, until they reach the level of speech development that would allow them to verbalize demands and arguments. They grow up, find themselves in different life situations, observe how their parents and other immediate environment cope with social challenges, and learn the most appropriate tactics and strategies of behavior for themselves.

Is it possible to avoid a crisis?

No. Most likely, the crisis situation will make itself felt one way or another. There is no need to be scared or angry with the child: it is not his fault, he is just trying to understand himself in the big world. Remember this. Trying to avoid a crisis will likely only make things worse. If this stage is not passed and completed at the appropriate age, it can later result in injuries and other, more serious problems. Try to quickly accept the changed conditions and adapt to them. For example, games of hide-and-seek or catch-up can help a child cope with the conflict of separation from his mother [3]. In this way, he separates, and nevertheless remains next to her, because sooner or later the mother catches up or finds the baby.