Night tantrums in a child: causes and useful tips

Why is the child hysterical?

Many parents encounter tantrums in children aged one to three or four years. The first tantrums can begin after one and a half years and reach a peak by 2.5 - 3 years, when the famous “three-year crisis” occurs. Older children already have a good vocabulary, can identify their feelings and express them in an acceptable way, and tantrums fade away.

The reasons for hysterics in a child, as a rule, come down to the fact that his own interests and desires do not coincide with the demands of adults. “Classic” situations that can lead to hysteria:

• the child does not get what he wants;
• he was torn away from an exciting activity;
• he was overtired;
• wants parents' attention;
• plays games that he cannot win due to age or developmental disabilities;
• He just can’t put his desires and experiences into words.

When a child is 2 years old, constant tantrums are not considered evidence of any developmental abnormalities; on the contrary, this is a so-called “mini-teenage” crisis that must be overcome so that in adolescence one does not have to work out the stages of growing up with much greater problems.

The child shows negativism in relation to the demands of the adult, is stubborn, trying to defend his opinion and force his parents to take his wishes into account, becomes obstinate, goes against the accepted rules of behavior in the family. It is not surprising that with all these signs of a new stage of growing up, the child has frequent tantrums. If you have a child, at 2.5 years old tantrums can happen in the house 2-3 times a week or more often.

Emotional and behavioral disorders in young children. Aggression and tantrums.

The most common emotional and behavioral disorders in children at an early age are aggression and tantrums.

A child's hysteria is a state of violent release of uncontrollable emotions, inappropriate behavior of a child that manifests itself when the child does not get what he wants.

Aggression is destructive behavior that contradicts accepted norms and rules in society, causing physical or moral harm to people, or causing them psychological discomfort.

The main causes of tantrums and aggressive behavior in children can be:

• the mother’s negativism (her alienation from the child, constant criticism, indifference, as a result of which the child experiences a lack of parental attention);
• tolerance of family members to the child’s aggressive behavior towards other children and adults (i.e., encouragement of such behavior);
• severity of disciplinary actions (physical punishment, humiliation, ignoring);
• restriction of the child’s independence;
• authoritarian behavior of parents when they seek to completely control the child;
• overly compliant behavior of parents;
• individual characteristics of the child’s temperament (excitability, irascibility).

Outwardly, hysteria manifests itself in the fact that the child screams, throws everything that comes to hand, stomps his feet, waves his arms randomly, sobs, sobs, hits his head against the wall, throws himself on the ground, kicks, fights and kicks.

External manifestations of aggression include when a child attacks other children and adults, calls them names, deliberately uses rude expressions, i.e. becomes a “thunderstorm” for the entire team. This is a ruff, pugnacious and rude child.

Hysterics can begin at 9 months, more often at one and a half years. Before the age of three, a child, as a rule, often cannot control his emotions, and his speech is not so well developed that he can express his overwhelming feelings or desires.

As the child grows up, his knowledge of the surrounding reality expands, and he less often resorts to this proven behavior of protest.

The causes of children's hysteria and aggression can be:

1. Neurological features.
2. Errors in parenting: inconsistency, authoritarianism, overprotection or detachment.
3. Fatigue, lack of sleep, feeling hungry.
4. Condition during or after illness.

Why is this happening?

Firstly, this is the desire to achieve something desired or attract attention, testing the boundaries of what is permitted. Secondly, the inability to express in words your feelings, desires or needs. Thirdly, the desire to imitate adults or peers. Fourthly, the child breaks away from an interesting activity for the sake of an uninteresting one. And fifthly, he cannot coordinate his body and thoughts to do something new that he wants to learn.

There are two types of hysterics:

• Character hysteria . Its goal is to defuse emotional tension.
• The purpose of a manipulative tantrum is to control other people.

Each hysteria begins with a screaming stage - the child screams heart-rendingly, demanding nothing and not seeing anyone around. Then comes the stage of motor excitement - he begins to throw everything that comes to his hand, and if there is nothing, he simply stomps his feet and waves his arms randomly. It all ends with a stage of sobbing - the child sobs, sobs and looks with a suffering look.

Of the many types of aggression in childhood, the most common are:

• physical - the use of physical force against someone or something;
• verbal (verbal) - manifestation of rudeness in speech, negative speech influence, offensive communication, expression of negative emotions and intentions in an unacceptable, offensive form for the interlocutor;
• auto-aggression - aggression directed at oneself, manifested in self-accusation, self-deprecation, self-harm, even suicide.

Children from birth to 3 years old, as a rule, show auto-aggression involuntarily in situations where their parents forbid them to do something (for example, to beat and offend others). The baby does not know how to react differently to his negative experiences, so in the event of a ban: “Don’t take Misha’s shoulder blade!”, the baby swings at his mother, and when she expresses displeasure, she begins to hit herself. Children under 3 years old do not know how to control and adequately express their emotions.

What to do?

• Hug the baby, talk to him in a calm, friendly voice, switching attention to another object. Don't expect him to calm down on his own.
• Find a compromise solution in a conflict situation with a peer. “Look, Misha has a shovel, and you have a beautiful car! You will be builders together. Your car is the main one, it carries construction material. You will now build a big house.” Children usually join in the game with pleasure.
• Walk more with your child, let him move actively, learn new things, try and experiment. We need to transfer negative energy into a positive direction.
• Do not focus on self-aggressive actions, do not discuss them with the child.

Thus, we can conclude that mainly children with a weak and unbalanced type of nervous system are prone to strong childhood tantrums and aggression. They are impressionable, difficult to adapt, and lose control over their behavior. These children are easily excitable, having achieved their goal, they constantly use scandals. In children under one year of age, hysterics can be expressed in bouts of prolonged, heart-rending crying that occur even with the slightest error in care.

During a tantrum:

1. Don't argue with a child who doesn't understand anything anyway.
2. Don't yell, as your anger will only make your child's anger worse. By raising your voice and losing your temper, you seem to acknowledge the correctness of his method.
3. Teach him to cope with rage, anger and irritation
4. Don't give him the opportunity to feel both punished and rewarded for throwing a tantrum. The fact of the scandal itself should not change anything.
5. Don't let children's scandals that happen in public places make you feel ashamed and embarrassed in front of others.

And most importantly: learn to free yourself from anger!

If we remember that behind any outbursts of rage or anger in children lies pain, resentment or disappointment, then it will be easier for us to cope with our aggressiveness, hold on to our negative emotions in order to understand our child and help him.

Borozda A.V.

early intervention center psychologist

Night tantrums in a child

It happens that a child wakes up at night with hysterics, but does not know what he wants, and it is very difficult to calm him down.

As a rule, a child's night hysteria begins no earlier than an hour after falling asleep, and is the result of a nightmare that can return several times during the night.

The child wakes up hysterical, with eyes wide open in fear, breathing heavily, covered in sweat. With night fear syndrome, a child wakes up at night in hysterics, does not recognize his parents, pushes them away, moves randomly, hits others and himself, without realizing it. During this period, there is no way to distract or calm the child; you just have to make sure that he does not cause any harm to himself during the attack.

This condition is not considered pathological and does not in itself indicate neurological or mental disorders. As a rule, children simply “outgrow” it.

Usually the next morning the baby no longer remembers how he behaved at night, so if the child has a hysteria before bed, then it is definitely not associated with the fear of nightmares.

Prevention of night tantrums

In order to reduce episodes of agitation to zero, it is better to prevent them rather than extinguish them.

These tips will help not only when the baby screams at night, but also when the child is hysterical before bed:

• Follow your baby's daily routine. Tell your baby about his plans for the day. If a child knows the schedule of his affairs and classes, this reduces his nervous tension;
• Introduce strict restrictions on watching TV and electronic gadgets. It is better if they are not used at all two hours before bedtime;
• Instead of watching TV in the evening, read interesting books, listen to music, play calm games;
• Night tantrums in a child 3 years of age and older are significantly reduced if there is no stress in his life. This condition is provoked by poor nutrition, lack of sleep, negative emotions, and a feeling of loss of control over life;
• Vivid impressions and a large amount of entertainment during the day reliably increase the occurrence of hysterics;
• Provide your child with feasible physical activity. Non-competitive sports will be useful - swimming, gymnastics, yoga;
• During the day, give your child enough attention, talk and play with him;
• Don't demand too much from your baby. Modern children have a very stressful lifestyle, and stress is a companion to this lifestyle.

How to deal with a child's tantrum

If a child has constant tantrums, it is worth observing his behavior and daily routine. Before deciding how to deal with a child’s tantrums, you need to think about how to prevent their occurrence. Here are ways you can try:

• provide the baby with rest, including full daytime sleep, and avoid overwork;
• ensure that all the child’s natural needs are met immediately (food, water, sleep);
• allocate enough free time for games;
• give the child the opportunity to feel like an adult: dress independently, go down the stairs, build a tower from a construction set;
• talk to the child using active listening: “I see that you are angry,” “I understand that you are upset because you lost your toy,” and so on. This is how we help the child understand his feelings and control them;
• indicate the boundaries of behavior: “It’s clear to me that you are angry, but you can’t fight”;
• provide the right to choose - you can start with the illusion of choice: “Will you eat meat and rice or meat and potatoes?”, “Which shirt will you wear today - blue or green?”;
• distract the child with a request for help as soon as the first attempts to cry begin: “Please take the dirty mug back to the kitchen.”

But if none of the above helps, and the child is hysterical, what should you do? The best option is to simply stay close to him, remain calm, do not give in to his demands, do not physically punish him, and, if the child agrees, hug him.

Parents should carefully monitor, first of all, their behavior, calmly resolve conflict situations, avoid quarrels and harsh actions, so as not to give the child a reason to copy their own hysterical behavior.

After the storm has passed, it is worth discussing what happened in a hug with the child, voicing what upset him, what feelings he experienced. Be sure to express your love to your baby so that he understands that even when he misbehaves, he is still loved.

How do you know if this is precisely the reason why your child cannot fall asleep?

The period of wakefulness in babies differs depending on their age. Check out the table that shows the average amount of waking time for different ages.

It is important to note that at 6.5 - 7 months and 8 - 10 months, some children may be more awake if they have switched to fewer naps. And that's completely normal. The capabilities of the child’s nervous system are determined by the time he is awake. If the baby has not fallen asleep by the end of his time awake (WW), then it becomes extremely difficult for him to control himself, because the nervous system cannot cope with the load.

This is why babies may become hysterical before bedtime.

The second reason for hysteria

Let's say you monitor your baby's daily sleep patterns, track WB, but before bedtime he is not at all in the mood to sleep.

How to help in these cases? As I said before, this could be because the baby is too excited. Before putting your child to bed, you need to let him calm down, create a favorable atmosphere so that the child is not distracted by any unnecessary sounds. This is called Calm Wakefulness .

Agree with your loved ones and older children so that they do not forget to help you organize quiet wakefulness (SW). You should not watch cartoons with your child an hour before bedtime or play active toys with him, because these activities only increase the child’s activity.

Active wakefulness is any physical and strong emotional stress. And we will include bathing here (especially if the baby is active in the bathroom), massage, and running and dying on the street before bedtime, also in active wakefulness (AB).

The process of going to bed is an indicator of whether you were awake enough, whether you filled your waking hours well, whether there was enough activity and quiet wakefulness. And how long the baby slept after going to bed will also be an indicator of how your wakefulness went.

And there are more than 20 reasons that can really influence the fact that the child finds it difficult to settle down, resists laying down, and lengthens the laying down.

For example: someone sleeps for 40 minutes and goes to bed for 1.5 hours or goes to bed for 2 hours, but the child slept for 10 minutes and woke up not in the mood and you are not in the mood because everyone is feeling bad: you because you They planned something, but for the baby, because he didn’t get enough sleep.

Someone suffers with resistance for a long time and persistently, although this is work for 3-5 days. Seriously. These are exactly the statistics of work on the “ SLEEP PASSPORT ” course.

If the task is also to eliminate frequent night awakenings, then this is already a “ BABY’S SLEEP ” course; we won’t have time to work with associations in a week.