Smoke without fire: how not to be jealous of your boyfriend in vain?

How to stop a guy being unreasonably jealous of everyone?

“Where have you been? Why didn't you pick up the phone for so long? Whose hair is this on his shirt? – the spy’s habits do not suit the charming Juliet. Turning into an evil fury before our eyes, you stubbornly continue your nightly meticulous interrogation. Don't worry about the guy's nightmare in vain! Let’s get rid of the “Othello in a Skirt” syndrome with the help of valuable recommendations from a psychologist.

Low self-esteem is the main cause of fears and doubts

He says that he loves, gives flowers and carries them in his arms. Why are you so suspicious? Possible reasons:

1. The prince is too good for you. An enviable groom and alpha male with model appearance. And you... An ordinary girl with discreet facial features and a pear-shaped figure. Compared to him, you feel ugly. It seems that it won’t even occur to those around you that you are the prince’s beloved. That is why females desperately flirt with Romeo, being in the naive confidence that he is still completely free. You need to accept and love yourself for who you are. A firm gait, confident intonation in your voice, determination and sparkle in your eyes - it doesn’t take much for others to perceive you as a worthy companion to a handsome man. The process of self-education will take some time. But the result is worth it: no one will dare cross the road for a self-confident lady. By the way, representatives of the stronger half of humanity often call some obvious flaw the highlight in the appearance of their beloved: “cute hemp”, “cool mole” in the most interesting place. Don't rush to operate your nose with potatoes. What if your boyfriend finds him especially attractive?
2. The prince is your first man. Before meeting Romeo, there was no serious relationship. All your girlfriends are in pairs, but you have no one except your cat. My mother and grandmother added fuel to the fire: they told me that you would wear girls until the end of time. And suddenly He appears. Fell in love at first sight without hope of reciprocity. I plucked up my courage and got in touch with the hero of my dreams. From now on, the prince is yours, but the feeling of the unreality of what is happening does not leave. It's hard to believe that I was so lucky the first time. You’re afraid that you won’t be able to hold your luck by the tail and will again fall into the trap of hopeless loneliness. In vain! Get rid of imaginary fears. You have already been able to convince yourself of the irresistibility of your charms. Let not this flighty young man, as you think, be your betrothed. Means no luck. You will choose another. But nothing bad has happened so far! Live the present! There should be no place for nightmares and speculation.
3. The prince is another man in your life. She broke up with his predecessors due to infidelity. An inferiority complex makes it difficult to feel comfortable in a relationship. It seems that something is wrong with you, otherwise the guys wouldn’t run away one after another to more attractive young ladies. A sad experience from the past makes you frantically squeeze your companion’s hand every time a spectacular blonde passes by. Don't know how to stop a guy being jealous of everyone? Calm down: family psychologists have long proven the inconsistency of the popular myth about the crown of celibacy. There is no reason to suspect that the new Romeo will go looking for adventure on the side anytime soon. Get rid of stereotypes. If there was an unsuccessful experience of relationships with partners capable of betrayal, this does not mean that the next novels will be a carbon copy.

Control over your feelings and emotions

It is dangerous to swim with the current of unrighteous anger. Unrestrained negative emotions suck you in like a swamp. Drowning in the quagmire of resentment and suspicion, you gradually drag the prince along with you. Inspiration and passion disappear. Your meetings turn into an endless showdown. If you truly value a fragile union, don’t make a scene and don’t take your anger out on your boyfriend:

1. Use the surge of anger and the uncontrollable desire to tear and throw for good. Your fuse is quite enough to re-stick the wallpaper in your apartment or turn a balcony into a winter garden. Get busy! Physical relaxation helps to put thoughts and feelings in order.
2. Trust your experiences to paper. She will endure everything. Hysteria to your heart's content! After letting off steam, take a marker in your hands and highlight in the stream of incoherent exclamations those that reflect real complaints about the behavior of your other half. Believe me, bright spots in the text will not be enough either to break up the relationship or to cause a major quarrel. It would be appropriate to discuss rational proposals for improving relationships in a couple with your gentleman in a calm atmosphere.

Complete trust in your partner

How to stop being jealous of a guy towards other girls if you are not ready to leave him in female company even for a second? Train your willpower by observing a number of prohibitions:

• do not impose yourself as an obligatory companion on all corporate events;
• do not specify with whom you are going on a business trip;
• do not interfere with his communication with his ex-wife if they have children together;
• do not make inquiries from third parties about who he is with and what he is currently doing.

Only if you have complete trust on your part will the gentleman fully realize his own responsibility for the safety of the relationship and learn to control himself in piquant situations of communication with the opposite sex.

Getting rid of the desire for complete control over a man

Having escaped from his mother's care, the guy does not want to immediately fall under a new heel. All attempts to take the helm and set rules for behavior in a couple will be met with hostility. Keep in mind that your power over your gentleman is limited to him:

1. The need for personal space. Romeos are freedom-loving and warlike. Keeping a guy on a short leash won't work. He will always be interested in what is going on outside the family nest. And he will fight desperately for his right to go on reconnaissance. Polygamy is in his blood. The habit of turning around after a pretty lady is a natural reaction of a healthy male body. Are you touched by touching photos of chow-chow puppies? Imagine that in the eyes of a boyfriend, a flock of young, pretty girls is equivalent to a basket of fluffy kittens. I saw it, smiled and went home, to you, my chosen one.
2. Disobedience syndrome. Tiresome criticism of male “preoccupation” has an unexpected effect. The mischievous boy’s childhood habit of “doing things to spite” boring adults comes into play. If you ask him to behave more modestly in the presence of ladies, he will respond by deliberately trying to make a splash at the first opportunity. With cheerful excitement, secretly watching your reaction. Save your nerves - don’t provoke the guy in vain. Try the opposite method. Praise him for the success he enjoys with the fairer sex: “All the girls are crazy about you. How do you do it?" The prince will be flattered. Out of a feeling of gratitude, he will share his innermost thoughts: “I am like this because you are nearby.”

Finding an interesting hobby

Jealousy, like any other negative feeling, destroys the core of one’s personality. The more you suffer, the less attractive you become, not only to your partner, but also to the entire immediate environment. Upgrade yourself wisely by choosing a fashionable and useful hobby:

1. Personal growth training. It's time for you to boost your self-esteem. With the help of professionals, discover new abilities in yourself in order to believe that you are worthy of the title of the one and only for your chosen gentleman.
2. Modern club dance. Regular classes will help you relax internally, learn to control your own body, so that with grace and sensuality you can win the heart of one viewer - your partner.
3. Knitting. Or any other handicraft. A monotonous activity will relieve tension and allow you to soberly assess the behavior of your other half.

Step-by-step plan to solve the problem

There are a lot of negative consequences of being jealous of a guy. Firstly, the girl lives in constant fear. She is afraid that the man is cheating on her and does not understand what to do in this case.

Analysis of the situation

If you are afraid of such a situation, think about what terrible things could happen. Having learned about a guy’s betrayal, his girlfriend can make 2 decisions:

1. Try to maintain the relationship, but without infidelity, betrayal and lies.
2. Break up with a person if we are unable to forgive him and do not want to do so. Then nothing bad will happen either. You will simply open up to new, sincere and deep relationships.

Don't let your imagination control you

How do you feel if a guy is late at work? Maybe you are already drawing pictures of him in the arms of another girl? These obsessive thoughts can not only worsen your health and undermine your nervous system, but also destroy any relationship. This is why fantasies should not be given free rein. Remember that if you do not have real evidence of infidelity, then all assumptions are considered false. And if you feel that you are starting to be jealous, try to turn your thoughts into a different, positive direction.

READ How to test a guy's fidelity: the most effective ways

More often than not, fantasies actually turn out to be untrue, and if your boyfriend is staying somewhere, he probably has good reasons for this. Don't get on your nerves with obsessive thoughts.

Stop comparing yourself to others

Most often, jealousy appears due to the fact that we are not confident enough in ourselves and in the feelings of the young man towards us. We consider ourselves too fat, too thin or too stupid, too lazy, too ugly, and we think that a young man will definitely prefer another girl to us.

Understand that you are unique. Only you have special positive qualities that attracted a man, and you definitely deserve the best. Even if suddenly nothing works out with your boyfriend, there will always be someone else who will appreciate you.

Accept your jealousy and observe this feeling

The first step towards healing from jealousy is to accept the fact that you really are jealous. Think about what you are experiencing at this moment - fear, anxiety, anger, resentment, disappointment... And realize when you begin to experience these emotions. For example, after a loved one was rude to you or when he came home late. Analysis of the situation will reveal effective ways to resolve it.

READ How to stop being jealous of a girl: advice from psychologists

Recognize that uncertainty is part of a relationship.

There are girls who want to completely and completely control their lover - where he is, who he spends time with, what he does. It is not normal. After all, relationships are not constant surveillance and suspicion. This is life with a real person who may have his own interests, interests, hobbies, friends - all this may differ from your usual way of life, and this is normal.

You can try to spend as much time as possible together, organize joint trips to the theater, cinema, walks, and so on. But you are not able to control your boyfriend’s entire life. And even if you don’t know where it is, there’s nothing wrong with that.

You should not immediately download spyware from the Internet to install on his phone or call the young man’s friends in order to find out where he spends his time and expose him.

Better take care of yourself, your life, your hobbies. This is also very interesting - much better than paranoia caused by jealousy.

Examine your beliefs about relationships

Building normal relationships is sometimes hindered by beliefs about what they should be. For example, it seems to you that a young man should not communicate with other girls, cannot belong to someone else, and even his former romances will interfere with your real life.

People are convinced that they have absolutely no merits that would make a young man want to be around. In fact, this is absolutely not the case, and they themselves possess the traits that they would like to see in potential partners. These are honesty, integrity, a good sense of humor, creativity, kindness, caring, etc. If you have so many wonderful qualities, why can't you attract love into your life? You deserve it, and only what is in your head prevents you from being happy.

Use effective communication skills

Jealousy, contrary to your expectations, will not help the relationship improve. Learn to communicate correctly with your loved one, listen to him and hear him. Ask him about his problems, be interested in his life, his hobbies.

READ Why a person is jealous: the opinion of a psychologist

Learn not to criticize, not to judge, not to throw hysterics, but simply to do for him those useful actions that you would like them to do for you. All these steps will help you become closer, and the destructive feeling of jealousy will only push you away from each other.

What to do if there is still a reason for jealousy?

Relationships should be a joy. Don’t get used to bad things and try to cure your partner of harmful cravings for the female sex:

1. Take care of yourself. Every girl knows ways to make a stunning impression on the right guy. Buy a dress with accents on the best parts of your figure so that Romeo can’t take his eyes off you. Ideally, you need to try so that your charms begin to work flawlessly on all the men you meet. Let the prince feel like he is in Othello's shoes. Such an emotional experience definitely won’t hurt him.
2. Disappear for a while. Motivate the unexpected decision with the need to put the relationship on pause, to figure out how suitable you are for each other. The realization that you can be lost so easily will make a guy think about his behavior, behave more carefully and take care of the achieved level of mutual trust. True, an alternative option is also possible: you returned, but the miracle did not happen. Don Juan continues to flirt with everyone, as if he was looking for alternate airfields. Reason to think: is such a loving boyfriend needed?

Bottom line

Of course, jealousy is not always unfounded. There are a lot of guys who simply can't or won't be faithful to their ladies. In this case, the girl’s jealousy is indeed a natural reaction. But here you need to decide not what to do with your emotions, but how to deal with the guy.

The girl must make a firm decision for herself whether she agrees to stay with a guy who does not inspire her trust. You need to understand that jealousy will not help yourself and will not strengthen your relationship. But the guy clearly doesn’t inspire confidence in you. Should I continue my relationship with him? Perhaps it's worth finding that guy who will definitely show that he is faithful?

Jealousy of an ex-girlfriend

An unpleasant feeling makes itself felt in two cases:

1. The guy had an attack of nostalgia. I found my fighting friend on social networks, liked the young lady’s photo, and started a correspondence with her. Your patience comes to an end when your companion tries to share happy memories of his youth. “I’m jealous of a guy’s ex-girlfriend” - realizing this fact, you lose peace and sleep. There's no need to panic. He is with you and that is the most important thing. Senile sclerosis is still far away, so from time to time the other half will sort through the skeletons in the closet of the romantic past. For preventative purposes, it would be nice to figure out why he suddenly got bored. Perhaps something is missing in your relationship? Cheer him up immediately! Take a man’s leisure time by building a bathhouse at his parents’ dacha, take him on vacation away from his predecessor’s place of residence.
2. The ex-girlfriend is attempting a comeback. She is determined: she looks great and knows exactly where and when there is a chance of catching a guy dangerously alone. Don't try to negotiate with your rival. Only your mutual beloved man can convince her that the bridges are burned. Ask your gentleman to do you a favor so that the shadow of his past does not loom before your eyes, causing alarming fears.

Causes of female jealousy

Ladies have their own motives, for example, a feeling of inferiority. This is an insidious, life-poisoning feeling that needs to be fought. Either it is you, or you are him, you need to learn not to be jealous of a man. Even successful, beautiful, interesting girls and women disappear under the yoke of this feeling. Such a young lady is simply sure that the prince she got was a happy accident, undeserved luck, and somewhere nearby there is definitely someone who is more worthy of it. And sooner or later he will notice her and leave. At some point, a woman begins not only to carry this thought within herself, but to demonstrate it to the world. And to your man first of all. So you want to convince him of this? What if he believes it! Learn not to be jealous of a man!

How to let go of the past and stop being jealous of your ex

Have you broken up. After a breakup, everyone goes their own way. The chastity belt is removed, which means that:

1. The ex-prince doesn't owe you anything anymore. He has every right to meet different ladies, call one of them to the registry office, build a house for her and have a son. Just like any other stranger of the opposite sex. Learn to perceive your ex this way. By the way, you are also given complete freedom of action.
2. There is no point in kicking a dead lion. It is contraindicated for you to be interested in how the fate of your handsome ex-boyfriend is shaping up. How to stop being jealous of your ex-boyfriend? Get rid of the habits of the curious Varvara. Don’t ask your friends about him, don’t go to your treasured pages on social networks, don’t look through shared photos in the evenings. All this looks like an attempt to continue the relationship unilaterally, which in itself is unnatural. The decision to separate has been made and is not subject to appeal. Don't waste time spying on other people's lives instead of finally taking care of your own.

Advice from a family psychologist

Perfectionism has no place in a harmonious relationship. There are no ideal men or women. You will not be able to turn Romeo into a knight without fear and reproach by the power of your all-consuming love, no matter how hard you try. Following the advice of a psychologist on how to stop being jealous of the man you love, form a number of clear guidelines:

1. The scenario for the development of relations is unpredictable. No one can guarantee that your love story will last forever. Especially your companion. “Do you really think that we are perfect for each other? Will you never leave me? Do you promise? – annoying questions cause Romeo to have an uncontrollable desire to run away ahead of time. The young lady's manic need to tie her gentleman to her at any cost will make him doubt the firmness of his own intentions.
2. One drawback will not outweigh the many advantages of the chosen one. Be lenient. How to stop being jealous of a man if, because of the eternal spring in his soul, he does not miss a single short skirt? Close your eyes to this weakness. Who is not without sin? Doesn’t cheat, doesn’t offend, shows signs of attention and dreams of having children together? Consider yourself very lucky. Some gallant gentlemen, despite their natural tendency to flirt, are faithful to one single woman all their lives. Compliments and radiant smiles to other ladies are nothing more than a way of self-expression. Don't forget, men have much less tools in their arsenal to stand out from the gray mass than women. There is no way to change the shade of lipstick every day and create sophisticated hairstyles on your head. Unfortunately, it is difficult to surprise with a fashionable tie knot.
3. Pathological jealousy does not go away on its own. The disease must be fought. Learn to switch your attention. Learn some poem with difficult-to-remember text and try to reproduce it in your memory every time a fatal beauty appears on the horizon. Another way: instead of tracking your partner’s reaction to someone’s provocative dress, focus on the details of the landscape design. Count the flowers in the flowerbed, look at the pattern of the bark of the nearest tree. Believe me, this is much more exciting than spy fun.

Don't let jealousy ruin a successful relationship. Take care of yourself and your boyfriend!