How to forgive your wife's betrayal and whether you need to forgive

Female infidelity is a big stress for both spouses. The relationship between a man and a woman goes through a large number of tests over time, after which they either become even stronger or are destroyed forever. One of these tests may be infidelity on the part of one of the spouses. In this article, we will look at the main reasons for a wife’s infidelity, how to forgive a wife’s infidelity and how this will affect a man.

We tell you why female infidelity happens

Why does my wife cheat?

As you know, representatives of the fairer sex are on average more emotional than men. According to most women, the main reason for cheating is the lack of attention from the spouse and lack of understanding. All this leads to moral rejection of the partner, and the woman seeks attention and satisfaction on the side.

It is very important to distinguish moral betrayal from physical betrayal. When the cause is dissatisfaction in bed. For a wise man, coping with such a problem is many times easier and accepting such betrayal is much easier.

Also, betrayal can be forced. This situation can happen to a boss: when, under the threat of dismissal, a woman is forced to satisfy his wishes. Or the boss pays the woman extra for sexual pleasures, while the wife is not satisfied with her husband’s salary and thus tries to solve the family’s financial problems. Whether it is worth forgiving a girl’s betrayal in this situation is a moot point.

Why can a wife cheat?

Why you can’t forgive a woman’s infidelity

Should you forgive your wife's infidelity? Many people say that any betrayal can be forgiven if you love a woman. However, as practice shows, this is not entirely true. In what cases can a woman’s infidelity not be forgiven? For some men, a relationship with a cheater is impossible on principle, even if the woman cheated in the name of the family. It is also unclear to many how to forgive their wife’s betrayal and move on with their lives. Rather, it depends on the man himself, because often after this a person loses trust in his partner, which is very difficult to regain. Each time the husband will imagine someone else next to his wife and compare himself with his competitor. This may be the reason for not forgiving a woman’s infidelity. The main question is, is it even possible to forgive a wife’s betrayal?

Husbands and wives may have different perceptions of infidelity. If the wife does not admit her guilt and does not repent for her actions, then it is very likely that the spouses have different views on family life. And here the question is whether the spouses are ready to put up with each other’s different views on life.

Why can you forgive your wife's betrayal?

As you know, relationships are a lot of work for both. And the question often arises: is it possible to forgive a wife’s betrayal? If a man loves his other half very much and is not ready to give up the relationship because of fleeting attractions or, moreover, allow it to destroy the family, he can forgive the betrayal. How to forgive your wife's betrayal in this case? The answer is simple - you should treat your loved one with understanding.

Moreover, adultery can become the very test that will strengthen the relationship between a man and a woman and force spouses to pay more attention to each other.

How does a wife's betrayal affect a man?

What to do immediately after cheating?

"You are the best! I will never betray you!” Did you believe it? Relaxed? In vain! The heart of any beauty is prone to betrayal. Especially as bright as your soulmate. You can’t undo what’s been done, and you can’t immediately cut down the horns. With these initial data, a new life begins - “after”. We share a few simple rules for a successful start:

Get to a safe distance from the traitor and her boyfriend. Your hands “itch”, your brain “explodes”, your heart “pops out of your chest” - with such symptoms you are really dangerous to others. Your condition is quite natural. But let all the behind-the-scenes work to put thoughts and feelings in order remain invisible to prying eyes.
Let off some steam. A vigorous workout in the gym, a multi-kilometer ski trip, or a run in a nearby park are suitable for these purposes. If you haven't done anything like this before, it's time to start with the help of an experienced instructor. Focus on the results achieved: how many times you did pull-ups, push-ups, beat the coach at table tennis. An individual sports record is a very important victory for you, allowing you not only to lift your spirits, but also to return your self-esteem to the desired level.
Hammer the nail. Any physical labor will be beneficial now: clear the snow in front of the entrance, offer your parents help with chores at the dacha. Fatigue and satisfaction with the result of your work will help push obsessive thoughts out of your head.
Visit the dentist. “Drained days, months, years” – this is how abandoned husbands, fixated on experiencing a variety of negative emotions, describe their condition. Be smarter! Listen to the advice of a psychologist on what to do when your wife cheats: spend this day profitably! No one will return the lost time and opportunities to you. Do what you’ve been putting off for a long time: make a routine visit to the dentist, change the suspension in your car.
Start the timer. How long does it usually take you to recover from major scandals at home or debriefings at work? A day or two? Stretch out this period, taking into account the scale of what happened, and do not take any rash actions until you calm down.

What do men think about?

Female infidelity is a betrayal, a strong blow to a man and his pride. The news of a girl's infidelity is almost always unexpected and very painful. Is it worth forgiving a girl's betrayal? After all, the man feels that a replacement has been found for him, he has been humiliated and betrayed. At such moments, a man often has thoughts:

“Is it possible to forgive your wife’s betrayal?”
“How to forgive your wife’s betrayal and move on?”
“Why can’t you forgive a woman’s infidelity?”

and many others.

There is only one piece of advice - you should wait until the emotions subside, and then move on to negotiations.

First, you should listen to the man, the woman will understand what her betrayal means to her husband and then it will become clear whether there is any hope of saving the relationship or not. If the husband has forgiven his wife for his betrayal, the latter needs to make a lot of effort to regain trust.

What is the difference between male and female infidelity

How to punish your wife?

The best way to punish a woman is absolute outward indifference. It hurts much more than attempts at revenge or physical violence. In the event that you cannot forgive your spouse, simply talk to your (ex) wife about the betrayal. Tell us what you knew about him for a long time. In this situation, psychologists say, her conscience may begin to torment her.

Let's try to summarize. It's up to you to forgive your wife or take revenge on her. However, it is important to understand that the desire to punish a person can lead to devastation and disgust for one’s own actions. Is revenge worth such sacrifices, and who do you take revenge on in such a case?..

The difference between male and female infidelity

Many psychologists say that the motivations for cheating in men and women are often very different. Is it possible to forgive a girl's betrayal? Probably depending on the circumstances. Thus, men cheat more often out of physiological desire than from having loving feelings for a girl; they lack sexual satisfaction at home and therefore decide to fill the need on the side.

However, social factors may also play a role here. Namely, a man’s status in society is often determined by the presence of an expensive car, apartment, etc. Among this list, a man may also have a mistress. In this case, a woman should simply either come to terms with this or end such a relationship, because you cannot change a person by force without his desire to change himself.

Husband found out about his wife's cheating

Should take a break

If the position you hold allows you to immerse yourself completely in work, this will help you take your mind off the problem of cheating for a while.

In addition to this you can:

go hiking, fishing, or barbecue with your friends;
sign up for a gym - sport will help completely kill inner anger.

Of course, sooner or later you will need to meet with your spouse and dot the i’s, but by this point a break in the relationship will help you weigh the pros and cons,

Under no circumstances should you seek comfort in alcohol - this will only make the situation worse!

It is also necessary to take into account the fact that if the family has common children, it is necessary to make every effort so that they do not take part in the showdown. The best option would be to send them to their grandmothers, aunts, uncles, to a camp (if it is summer), and so on.

What to do if your husband finds out about cheating

If the fact of betrayal is already known, making excuses and saying: “I didn’t want to” is not the best idea. The fact of betrayal is there and it is undeniable. Questions hover in a man’s head: “Is it worth forgiving betrayal?” “How to forgive betrayal and move on?”, and “How to forgive your wife’s betrayal and save your family?”

As was written earlier, you should wait until the first emotional outburst has passed, and then calmly discuss this with your spouse. Should a man forgive a girl’s betrayal? This is a question for a man. It is important for a woman to understand for herself the reason for her betrayal and whether she wants to live with an unloved person. If the reason is a fleeting attraction and a woman, despite this, loves and appreciates her husband very much, she should treat him with understanding and put herself in her husband’s place. Explain to him the reason for her betrayal and admit her guilt.

If a man has forgiven his wife for his betrayal, then she will have to win the trust of her beloved again. This is a long journey that spouses overcome together.

Advice from our psychologist Dmitry Krupsky - how to forgive a woman’s infidelity

Leave or save your family

What to do if a wife cheated on her husband? How to come to terms with what happened, and is it worth it? Maybe it’s easier to break off the relationship and dissolve the marriage? Advice from a psychologist can help.

An experienced specialist in the field of psychology will help spouses understand each other, survive a difficult period in family life, return everything to its place and restore trust and love. Not every man is ready to break up a relationship. Many people strive to save their family and for this they are ready to forgive their wife who betrayed their love.

To begin with, you should retire and think carefully, analyze the current situation in order to understand not only what pushed her to betrayal, but also how much the husband loves his wife.

If the feeling is so deep that he is ready to forgive the betrayal, then it makes sense to try to save the family.

You need to remember everything that could offend your spouse:

Maybe in the past the husband had a mistress, and the wife, knowing about her existence, remained silent and endured. Now is the time for the resentment to surface.
The husband did not pay enough attention to his wife. Love has become a habit; everyday life, problems at work, and financial difficulties made the man irritable and constantly tired. Coming home, he only wanted to lie down on the sofa, refused to talk, and was not kind and affectionate.
When a wife realizes that over the years, interest in her as a woman has disappeared. Women feel such changes acutely. Their self-esteem drops, and if someone else pays attention to her, gives minor gifts, says compliments, shows concern, the woman involuntarily reaches out to such a person.
Very often, the cause of female infidelity is sexual dissatisfaction. Habitual infrequent sex, boredom in the marital bedroom, lack of passion in relationships lead to the fact that a woman begins to look for the missing attention on the side.
It is possible that the wife did not intend to cheat. Met a person from the past or a sudden feeling flared up. But falling in love or a passing infatuation cannot be considered a reason for breaking up relationships and breaking up a family.

Psychologists say that such a situation is an opportunity to test your feelings and make sure of their strength and stability.

True love does not disappear over the years. She changes, moving from passion to respect and care. However, even a psychologist with many years of experience and work experience will not be able to help if a man cannot or does not want to forget the betrayal.

He is not going to forgive, he is not in the mood for revenge, but he does not intend to stay close to his wife who cheated on him. What is the right thing to do? Perhaps forgiveness will be the best decision, but in this case, the husband must be sure that his wife strives for the same thing.

She does not want to part with her beloved husband, does not intend to lose her family, her relationship on the side was fleeting. The question is different. Most men are not able to wholeheartedly forgive betrayal, forget and live as before, talking about love, trusting, enjoying life. As psychologists say, when trying to change your wife, try to change yourself. If the cause of the incident was a lack of attention, then the situation can be easily corrected.

We need to remember that next to a man is not a housekeeper and cook, but a beloved and desired woman.

Give flowers more often and say kind, affectionate words. If the reason is surrounded by the spouse (girlfriends, parents, employees), it will be more difficult to cope with the pressing problem.

A loving husband who is ready to forgive betrayal in order to save the family will have to prove his worth not only to his wife, but also to those who are next to her and sometimes turn her against her husband.

Another way to save your family and get your loved one back is to understand what your opponent’s advantage is. Young lovers are passionate, tireless, active. It’s interesting and fun to be with them, and most importantly, when you’re with your lover, there’s no need to think about everyday problems. And this problem can be solved. It is enough to often give your wife the opportunity to escape from problems and worries, surrounding her with attention and love.

All these actions are necessary only if the man is determined to save the family. A loving husband is willing to do anything to keep his wife and children by his side. It all depends on how much he loves.

How to forgive your wife for cheating - Advice from a psychologist

The path to reconciliation after betrayal, as in many other family quarrels, lies through the ability to talk and hear your interlocutor. Therefore, it is very important to respect your other half, not interrupt, and begin negotiations only after the first emotions have cooled down.

Very often, in order to establish a dialogue between a couple, a psychologist is needed. After all, no matter how terrible it is, for many couples it is very difficult to discuss their problems constructively. In this case, the help of a psychologist is needed so that everyone can speak out without interrupting their partner.

And then there is a discussion: identifying the reasons for the betrayal and finding compromises. Should you forgive your wife's infidelity? The advice of a psychologist in this case may be unnecessary. Since the reason for betrayal can be quite deep, even after a serious conversation, the couple’s family life will change significantly. Both must be prepared for this. How to forgive betrayal? The difficulty lies in restoring trust in a partner; action is required on both sides. For example, spouses agree to pay more attention to each other or make attempts to diversify their family and sexual life: to bring into them the former romance and passion.

How to forgive your wife for cheating - advice from a psychologist

Choosing the right behavior strategy

First, you need to calm down. Shocking news gives rise to a storm of emotions: pain, anger, grief, rage, and the desire to get even with the offenders. If you give them free rein, after a couple of days you will probably regret what you did, but it will be impossible to correct the situation. So before you start acting, just relax. Alcohol is no help here; it is better to resort to the help of sedative herbs, and it is advisable to leave home for a short period of time.

While you come to your senses, think about why your wife cheated on you? What to do to avoid conflict? Is it your fault that what happened? Psychology experts believe that both are to blame for infidelity. A happy, satisfied person with family life will never go “to the side.” Such an act is always preceded by certain reasons. These could be: problems of an intimate nature, loneliness, lack of attention, the desire to experience thrills, and even banal revenge. If the betrayal happened against the backdrop of fading feelings, then it is quite expected.

In order to rationally approach the resolution of the issue, it is necessary to change the environment. It’s good if you have a friend who offers to go fishing, hunting or to the gym. Spending time together will distract you from pressing problems. You can share your painful issues with a close friend and listen to an outsider’s opinion. When the current situation is sorted out, you can move on to the next important, final stage - making the right decision.

A frank conversation with a traitor is inevitable, but there should not be even a hint of scandal, blackmail or threats. Be mature, wise, intelligent people. Understand your relationship so that in the event of a divorce, memories of your marriage do not cause irritation. Ask your spouse a few guiding questions:

that she was not satisfied with her family life;
why did she decide to cheat;
how long ago and how often does this happen;
how she sees her future life together and whether she imagines it at all.

Don't try to figure out what makes a lover better, how exactly they spend their time, or what they think about you. None of the possible answers will satisfy you, it will only anger you even more. Psychologists can give other advice on what a man should do if his wife cheated on him individually. Remember that many nuances influence the further development of events.

Why is betrayal forgiven?

There are many reasons why many couples, even after cheating, still keep their family together. The main reason is love for your soulmate. Many forgive betrayal because they are not ready to lose a loved one because of fleeting hobbies. Most men are puzzled by how to forgive their wife’s infidelity and save their family. The answer lies in mutual understanding and restoration of mutual trust.

However, whether to forgive his wife’s infidelity is the choice of every man. And the woman in this case must accept any decision of her husband.

Why men forgive infidelity

Why are women more likely to forgive infidelity than men?

Cheating on a spouse is a painful phenomenon for both men and women. However, as practice shows, society treats male and female infidelity differently.

Public opinion says that a woman who has forgiven betrayal is wise and managed to save her family, and a man who has forgiven betrayal is henpecked and a cuckold.

However, it is worth understanding that such social attitudes are a relic of the past and the main thing that should worry a man is his attitude towards his woman. Is it worth forgiving your wife’s infidelity because of this? The advice of a psychologist suggests that public opinion is the last thing you should pay attention to.

How to understand and forgive betrayal

What can you say to make her feel ashamed?

Unfortunately, it is impossible to change the wife’s attitude towards her own actions. A person is either ashamed or not. Therefore, among the answers to the question: “What to do if my wife cheated on me,” you are unlikely to find a step-by-step guide on how to call an unfaithful woman to her conscience. As a rule, lovers give what women lack in everyday life:

sexual and moral satisfaction;
male attention;
well-being, peace of mind.

Can’t remember the last time you complimented her, spent time together, or gave her gifts? Then you should not expect that your beloved will sincerely repent of what she has done.

If the betrayal occurred spontaneously, by an absurd accident or as a result of coercion, any attempts to shame will only make the situation even worse. It will probably be difficult for your legal companion to survive what happened even without your reproaches. At a time when a woman so needs the support of a loved one, any insults and humiliation can lead to deep depression. Treat relationship problems wisely, weigh the pros and cons, and look for rational ways to resolve the conflict. Act not only in your own interests, think about what the future holds for your marriage.

Not only men are puzzled about how to behave correctly after the betrayal of their other half. Conscientious wives also torment themselves with questions like: “What should I do if I cheated on my husband?” Psychologists advise thinking through all possible scenarios in advance, and not hiding what is most likely to become obvious. Adultery is a serious test for a family, which must be overcome together.

Why do women cheat?

Women don't leave spontaneously. Before cheating, they can accumulate grievances for years. Girls rarely cheat out of sporting interest. “Because everyone does it” is not their argument either.

The most common reasons for female infidelity:

revenge for her husband's betrayal;
resentment towards spouse;
lack of sex with husband;
frequent quarrels, misunderstandings in the family;
the husband treats his wife as a servant;
I don’t like sex with my husband;
I want new sensations, variety;
I want to feel wanted.

A separate point is treason for personal gain. Some people give themselves up for money and expensive gifts, others for a new position. Some take this step to simplify their path to their goal. Others do it to feed their children.

What to do if you have children?

Often men, when they find out that their wife is cheating, simply cannot cope with the betrayal and end the marriage. However, before you leave, you need to think about the children. Their upbringing and perception of the world will be negatively affected by the departure of one of their parents, as a result of which problems will begin to arise.

What recommendations exist for men:

Communication with a spouse is necessary for a child
. He should not live with one parent. It is important for children to see that parents communicate with each other, make joint decisions, spend time together and behave like a regular family. Additionally, you need to discuss with your spouse how the child will be raised.
Softening the blow
. Even if the marriage is dissolved, the child should not suffer from this. This requires constant communication. It manifests itself in the little things. This includes an unobtrusive call in the morning with a good morning wish, regular walks, discussion of school problems and other everyday situations. A child should not be exposed to a stressful situation because his parents separated on an unpleasant note.
Example in education
. This method is suitable for teenagers. If a child finds out the reason for his parents’ divorce, it is recommended to present the situation correctly. He should not treat one of the parents better or worse. However, he can see an example of what not to do. He must understand that betrayal of a loved one can negatively affect family life. However, during conversations you need to be as tactful as possible.

How to forget your wife's betrayal?

Husbands who have finally decided to forgive their wives and want to start over with a clean slate must understand that the period of adaptation to a new life is very difficult

In the first few weeks after the reunion, you should try to avoid quarrels and scandals. You need to try to behave as if nothing had happened.

Psychologists advise:

change the place of work for the spouse;
if possible , change your city of residence altogether (this will help you literally start all over again);
go on a trip together - make a second honeymoon for yourself ;
start engaging in some kind of joint hobby; if it doesn’t exist, you need to invent one . According to psychologists, this significantly brings spouses closer together.

According to psychologists, the period of adaptation to a new life together is up to 1 year, for some men up to 1.5 years.

All these recommendations are banal, but I need to implement them because I don’t want to. No money for a honeymoon - borrow from relatives, no joint hobbies? - search, search and search again, or compromise: take your spouse to hockey, even if she is not interested in it, in return - go to ballroom dancing with her, even if it is in your husband’s throat.

If the husband still chooses to divorce, this must be done in a calm atmosphere, avoiding scandals and hysterics, and this will take time.

After a divorce, it is advisable to completely delve into your work process for several months, avoid drinking alcohol and minimize contact (communicate less) with the opposite sex .

After six months, a man can already go through a period of adaptation to his new life, begin to trust the female sex, and perhaps begin to create a new family.

If you do not take into account all the advice of psychologists, you need to remember the main thing, if you find out about betrayal - remain a person, be taller!

Cheating on your husband: what next?

Statistically, women experience much more severe remorse after cheating than men. And they often go with this feeling of guilt to a specialist. This is truly one of the best ways to help yourself.

If you want to deal with this yourself, then look for and analyze the reasons! It will become easier.
Whether or not to talk about cheating on your husband, I cannot decide for you, but you can ask for his forgiveness both in thoughts and in actions. This will make it easier for you.
If you are a believer, contact a pastor, this often helps.
Be careful with confessions to friends and relatives; very often such confessions turn against you.
Prevention is everything! Talk to your husband, have a constant dialogue, don’t be silent. Dear men, please communicate with your wives! After all, sometimes you can lose a loved one because of stupidity.
Be sure to rest! Lack of rest and constant stay “within four walls” throws you into the arms of the first person who calls you.
Men, speak kind words to women. After all, they love with their ears. Even a message once a day with a kind word is already good!
Live each other’s lives, share your partner’s interests, be interested in his work. You should be united by something other than children.
If an “accident” happens, still try to maintain the relationship. This is possible if you are important and need each other.
There is no need to categorically assert that betrayal cannot be forgiven, that to forgive means not to respect yourself. Only very wise and strong people are capable of forgiveness. They deserve great respect!