You are not the “navel of the Earth” or how to stop being selfish?

Modern life is often called the era of consumption, when each person strives to satisfy only his own desires and lives for himself. This behavior is recognized as selfishness, but not by everyone. Some people are sure that there is no other way to survive in the world around them. But practice often refutes their belief: those who think about how to get rid of this trait and try to achieve this goal ultimately find harmony and happiness.

Terminology

Having examined the most popular dictionaries of our time, we can conclude what selfishness is. This is not a quality, but rather a life belief that positions itself as a person’s desire to benefit from everything by any means. A selfish person is focused exclusively on his feelings, needs and experiences. The inner ego of such people is insatiable and constantly demands more. It cannot be said about an egoist that he is modest or satisfied with life. He constantly wants to have what others have.

Definition of the term "egoism"

The word “egoist” comes from the ancient Greek “Εγώ” (Ego), which translated means “I”. Selfishness is the most ordinary selfishness, when all a person’s actions are determined solely by considerations of his own benefit. The interests, needs, desires of other people, if taken into account, are not in the first place.

How to overcome the germs of selfishness in yourself and stop being selfish?

Important: a person who is primarily interested in his own “I” lives in accordance with an egocentric model of behavior. It was either built by him, or introduced into his consciousness by his parents from the cradle. At the same time, it is precisely this model of worldview that seems to him the only correct one. All manifestations of altruism, nobility, selflessness, generosity from the point of view of an egoist are annoying obstacles on the way to the goal.

Is selfishness always bad?

Some argue that selfish people are people who truly love themselves. But is this really so? Alas. To be a complete egoist is to constantly experience tension from the thought that you lack something, that you are deprived, that those around you are doing better and better. The desire for peace and comfort, which constantly haunts the self-lover, does not bring him what he wants. In fact, an egoist loves neither others nor himself. Often such people are lonely and deeply unhappy. In the trends of the modern world, knowing how to get rid of selfishness is vital.

However, it is worth noting that a share of this character trait is inherent in every living creature. This is one of the essential facets of a psychologically healthy person. It is important to balance this quality with others and behave accordingly. But we'll talk about how to do this at the end. Now we need to understand why getting rid of selfishness is so difficult.

Getting rid of unhealthy egoism

“After all, all I want is for everything to always be my way,” Bernard Shaw.

What to do if selfishness is so ingrained in you that because of it there is nothing to protect, because no work, no friends, no family, no self-love? PS Yes, don’t be surprised, selfishness and self-love are not identical concepts.

• Stop reproaching yourself for selfishness and considering it your sin or vice. Don't get hung up on the idea of ​​getting rid of it. Don’t rush between “egoism is needed, it’s good” and “egoism is not needed, it’s bad.” Selfishness is good in reasonable quantities; it needs to be controlled, not destroyed. More precisely, we are even talking about developing love for oneself and others, self-acceptance. It is human nature to transfer his qualities or attitude towards himself to other people. He who loves himself is able to love others. He who does not love others probably also hates himself, and therefore acts selfishly (E. Fromm).
• What is love for another and for oneself (acceptance of others and oneself)? This is confidence in one’s own life, awareness of its meaning, acceptance of responsibility, care and respect, knowledge of oneself and others. You need to cultivate these qualities in yourself.
• Don't allow yourself to be manipulated and don't do it yourself.
• Take care of your life, don’t let your individuality be deprived. Learn to value the life, freedom and personality of every person. Develop tolerance.
• Improve your communication skills. Learn conflict-free communication.
• Study your psychological characteristics (temperament, character, abilities) and learn to understand other people. An egoist, as a rule, does not know his capabilities and does not see his own potential. As a result, higher needs (self-realization, self-actualization) remain unformed and undeveloped, and attention is concentrated on lower needs (material benefits and security). Higher needs allow an individual to assert himself, develop himself and at the same time help other people.
• Expand your attention span. Learn to think big. Selfishness, that is, petty attempts at self-affirmation at the expense of others, is a consequence of a lack of understanding of the missing link for full personal self-realization and harmony. Have you noticed that charity and generous tips are an integral part of the lives of successful people? No, they do not want public attention to be focused on this (not all of them). This is their new need, which came with harmony and self-actualization. We are not just talking about “stars”, these people live among us, “mere mortals”.
• Learn to respect and appreciate yourself, accept and love yourself, adjust your self-esteem, cultivate self-esteem. By the way, a worthy person will not allow himself to offend others, infringe on their interests and ruin lives.
• Famous psychologists of the past and present argue that an inferiority complex is often hidden behind egoism. Moreover, it is not always realized by the person himself. Understand yourself, visit a psychologist.
• Remember the portrait of an egoist described in the previous paragraph of the article, and act according to the “by contradiction” method. That is, destroy or correct what is applicable to you.

Sharing the position of the German psychologist Erich Fromm, I will say that the means of getting rid of egoism is a productive life, full of creativity and action. Striving to live and create, you yourself will not notice how instead of enemies you will be surrounded by friends, and instead of failures and limitations - successes and opportunities.

In any invention, work of art, song, product of production there is a share of egoism, and a considerable one. But this is the same healthy egoism mixed with altruism, the golden mean. You will receive recognition, self-satisfaction and income, and society will be a useful product. Everyone is happy, no one considers anyone selfish.

A fight that few can endure

In fact, asking yourself how to get rid of pride and selfishness is already half the battle. A person must admit that he urgently needs to start working on himself. However, the fight against this facet of the personality begins with the expansion of consciousness. This is difficult, because you will have to learn to think first of all about the needs of those around you. Moreover, one must realize that a person's problems are not the most important, and there are more serious things that need attention. In addition, the egoist will have to accept the fact that not all of his actions will bring him benefit. The last one is perhaps the most difficult.

Causes of selfishness

Every person at certain moments in life is prone to displaying pride, but some individuals have made selfishness the norm in their lives. In order to understand what is hidden behind this, it is necessary to highlight the typical signs of an egoist:

• he lives only in his own interests, without paying attention to the lives of the people around him;
• considers himself better than everyone else, often publicly admits that he has many advantages; does not know how to rejoice for others, other people's happiness causes envy and anger in him;
• does not want to waste his time on something that will not bring him any benefit; refuses to help others;
• inclined to enjoy various benefits without sharing anything with others; communicates with people for profit, and crosses out those who will not bring him any benefit from his life.

The reasons for selfishness may lie on the surface, or may be hidden deep in a person’s nature. They are often associated with childhood, when the child was the center of the universe, all his desires were satisfied, his whims were fulfilled. He was not taught to show concern for other people; as an adult, he considers it unnecessary to think about others, preferring to live only for himself. This attitude has been embedded in his subconscious since childhood; it seems to him to be the only true one; he cannot live any other way.

Another way of the emergence of egoism at a conscious age. When achieving certain successes and receiving recognition, a person becomes characterized by pride and vanity, which give impetus to the emergence of egoism. It will be a constant companion, manifesting itself in varying degrees in one situation or another. It will become very difficult to get rid of it, because you will have to develop a new model of behavior.

Manifestation of selfishness

According to psychologists, selfishness in the modern world is not a vice, but a fashion trend. This word is used to describe countless restaurants, nightclubs and various shops. In Ukraine, for example, there is even a special loyalty program for regular visitors to fast food restaurants, which is called “EGOists”. What is its message? Eating for the sake of your ego. By the way, this is the slogan of this program.

The quality under consideration is most clearly revealed in family relationships, because at home people become who they are. Egoists in the family are real kings, to whom everyone owes everything. Often, over time, tyranny appears in the family.

If a suspicion creeps into a person that he is too focused on himself, it is worth thinking about how often he is ready to sacrifice his own desires for the benefit of others, how much and often he talks about himself and whether he knows how to share the latter. By the way, selfishness is often compared to greed.

What is selfishness

Selfishness is a style of human behavior based on extracting one’s own benefit from everything and satisfying exclusively one’s own interests, contrary to the interests and desires of other people. There is a concept of reasonable egoism and unreasonable one.

• Reasonable selfishness is necessary for survival, building your own life and career. More often found in a group of people, such as a family. Blood ties are extremely powerful, especially in light of stereotypes. It is believed that relatives must be helped (morally and financially). But whether this should be done to the detriment of one’s health and condition, the standard of living of one’s own family (spouse and children) is a question to be answered. Everyone will answer in their own way, but I believe that reasonable egoism is vital for a person. Selfishness helps to achieve the goal of your own life.
• In the case when a person is categorical in any little detail, is not able to make compromises and concessions, and forces everyone to “dance to his tune,” unhealthy egoism is observed. This is a negative trait that destroys family, friendships and professional relationships. Communication with such a person is difficult and accompanied by many conflicts.

Reasonable egoism can be characterized as “I don’t touch you, and you don’t touch me,” that is, a person goes towards his goal, but does not interfere with others. Unhealthy egoism forces you to “go over your head,” destroy people’s plans, and plot intrigues. Makes a person angry and cynical.

“It is obvious that by nature, everyone is dear to himself,” Cicero.

The concept of egoism is closely related to the term “individualism”. Let's look at this concept in a broad sense. Modern society is built on the idea of ​​individuality, self-development, self-actualization, which cannot be said about the past years of communism. Back then, almost all goals were common, and therefore little was said about selfishness. Moreover, he was categorically rejected by society. Today, thinking about yourself first is encouraged. Perhaps the growing personal egoism in modern people is the cost of changing the socio-economic situation of the country. There is a suspicion that selfishness is indeed necessary (in reasonable quantities) to survive, provide for and protect oneself and one's family (wife/husband, children).

Expert advice

If we talk about how to get rid of selfishness, the advice of a psychologist will be more useful than ever. Experts recommend doing this in four stages.

1. Stop limiting your consciousness. The boundaries that an egoist sets within himself do not allow him to live to the fullest, because they barely go beyond his own nose. Essentially, the selfish person has no idea what other people may be experiencing. So how to expand your own consciousness? Learn to listen to others and hear their difficulties. Think about what kind things you can do for people close to you.
2. Communicate without the pronoun “I”. The best way to get rid of selfishness is to teach yourself to talk about yourself as little as possible. It is important to stop imposing your opinion on people and to be sincerely interested in what is happening in people's lives.
3. Love someone other than yourself. Psychologists recommend getting yourself a pet first. The main difficulty of this step is that there is no escape from the animal. You constantly need to take care of him - feed, clean and play with him.
4. Find satisfaction in what you have. If we talk about self-love, then the biggest problem is learning to be content with everything you have.

When looking for how to get rid of selfishness, you can find different advice, but it’s worth remembering that working on yourself will be long and laborious. Where does selfishness come from?

How to stop being selfish and learn to give: 15 principles

Egoists do not realize for a long time that they are behaving indifferently towards others until someone points out this flaw to them. What to do when you realize that you are an extreme egoist and it harms your loved ones? It's time to transform your personality: from selfishness to caring for others and dedication.

Why should we stop being selfish?

Some people are convinced egoists. They believe that it is natural to think only about themselves. But there is a huge difference between loving yourself and loving ONLY yourself. Do you know what I mean? A person who does not take care of himself is a priori unable to take care of someone else. It is important to take into account one truth that at all times, our world is full of grief, but still rests on people who think and care not only about themselves. If it were natural to be an egoist, there would be nothing left of our world, which is what everything is gradually moving towards. But more on that in another article.

If someone tells you that you are selfish, then you have reason to think. Do you act selfishly when necessary or do you always put your own interests above others? If your selfishness interferes with your life (and it cannot help but interfere): difficulties in the family, inability to start a relationship, no friends, etc. - all these are the “fruits” of a selfish attitude towards people. You need to change yourself.

How to stop being selfish:

At first, it will be difficult to change yourself. Because over the years you have developed confidence in the correctness of your views. Selfishness is a fundamental belief, i.e. something that is elevated almost to the level of “instinct”. But everything is not so bad, this is just a property of our character and it can be corrected. Here are some recommendations to help you fight your selfishness:

Ask for help

Close people are like a mirror, they are able to show us our true face.
Ask your friend or significant other to help you recognize situations in which you are being selfish. Then you will be able to anticipate your reaction and control it. Also ask your friends why, despite your selfishness, they continue to communicate with you. Let them name your positive aspects that outweigh your shortcomings. This will motivate you to change.

Don't buy people.

Many selfish people consider themselves kind or selfless because they do something good. They give gifts, share something with people, and in this way pay for their selfishness. Friendship is not a commodity; you will never buy a true and devoted comrade. Try to give people your attention, care and the right words. Give them a piece of your soul, not material objects. This is also a good way to check who is interested in you as a person, and who is with you because of benefits.

Show attention to the world around you.

Most egoists live in their prison of the false “I”.

They refuse to see and avoid the problems of others. Try, despite your denial, to pay attention to the world around you. Find beautiful everything that makes you indifferent: the gloomy, tired faces of people, there is something similar to you in them. Don't be afraid to contemplate the world around you, no matter how unpleasant it may seem. Realize that you are part of it all.

Be involved in the lives of others.

After you learn to pay attention to others. Take it to the next level.

Even a small part in someone's life can make someone happy and expand the horizons of your personality.

It’s not so difficult to give up your seat on public transport, give a homeless person a penny, or wish a good day to a store clerk. Even if at first it seems hypocritical to you, continue to act. Over time, you will find it easy and enjoyable. Just participate in the life of the world around you, be part of something big.

Care.

To stop being selfish, you need to act in the opposite way. The best pill against selfishness is caring. Naturally you cannot take care of all people. Therefore, start with those closest to you. Train yourself to think about the needs of your loved one. For example, you want baked potatoes with meat for dinner, but your significant other prefers vegetables and you know about it. Why don't you start changing with simple things? Sacrifice your dinner to show your consideration and concern for your loved one's wishes. This will be a great start. Often take an interest in what worries, what your person thinks about and what your person desires. This will create a contrast in which you will see how indifferent you were before and you will want to change yourself even more.

Selfishness is the voluntary killing of everything that is alive and good in a person. E. Zola

Think about the consequences of your selfishness.

An egoist is used to thinking only about the good consequences of his actions and does not see harm to others.

Be more mindful of how your actions will affect others. Instead of thinking about a promotion at work, think about the consequences it will have for your colleagues. If your success is built on other people's misfortune, look for alternative solutions. When you begin to observe yourself more closely, you will realize that a lot depends on you. Even garbage thrown past the trash can makes a small contribution to environmental pollution. Probably when you were selfish you didn't even think about it. Is not it?

Look at your life from the outside.

Egoists mistakenly consider themselves happy people.

They think like this: “I have everything, I am surrounded by people, I get what I want, etc.” But deep down, everyone realizes that there is nothing real in their life. Work friends, partnerships, one-night stands. When realization comes, the curtain opens and the illusion of happiness turns into grief. Why constantly feed a false perception of your life, accept everything as it is and start changing your life for real.

Become a volunteer.

Here's another great way to stop being selfish.

You are not just part of society, but you are the one this world needs.

Millions of suffering lives are waiting for your help. Why are we constantly blinded by the idea that someone else, but not me, should help others? Start small. Donate to a homeless animal shelter, feed a homeless person and give him your old clothes.

Usually, the harsh reality in which every person can find himself escapes our eyes.

Put yourself in someone else's shoes.

If you have subordinates, treat them with respect, do not offend the weak, do not laugh at the sick and poor.

Put yourself in their place, imagine at least for a second what it’s like? Like a squirrel in a wheel, you fight for your survival all your life, work and endure humiliation so as not to be fired. All these people are alive and know how to feel exactly like you.

Learn to listen to others.

You don’t want to communicate with such a person, because he constantly talks about himself and does not know how to listen.

Try to take the position of a listener in the dialogue. Ask questions, delve into a person’s problems and show emotions. Over time, you will learn to be sincere with people and control your selfishness in communication.

Selfishness is the root cause of cancer of the soul. V. Sukhomlinsky.

Compromise.

Learn to be flexible and compromise.

An egoist believes that his interests always come first. But there is exactly the same person, with the same needs, how to be? You need to learn to accept the needs of others as your own and sometimes give in. If this is a minor issue, for example: giving way to an elderly person in line for groceries, why not?! Focus on how nice your concern will be for the person, don’t think that you are losing something.

Life is not a competition.

You don't have to constantly try to beat everyone. You don't always have to come out first and you don't have to be the best at everything.

It is difficult for an egoist to admit defeat.

But the ability to lose is an indicator of wisdom. We need to accept the idea that we are all equal and everyone has a chance to win.

Enjoy making others happy.

You will begin to feel a sense of joy when you see how your actions have a positive impact on people.

When your nephew is happy that you came to support him at a sports competition, when your subordinate is grateful for a vacation or a small increase in salary. Even the smallest act of virtue can turn your life around. You will feel in harmony with the world around you.

Learn to give thanks.

Often selfish people take everything in their lives for granted.

Take the time to say thank you to the service staff, thank your work colleagues, and say “Thank you” to your family for dinner.

Don't refuse help.

Try to help everyone who needs it.

When we need help, we believe that everyone has an obligation to provide it. Lend a helping hand too. Don't come up with excuses when your wife asks you to help her around the house or your friend gets into trouble. Take a request for help as a challenge to your selfishness. Will you be able to overcome yourself and do something for another person?

Leave comments and give a thumbs up, don't be selfish after all =)

Origins

Before getting rid of selfishness in a relationship, you need to find the cause of its occurrence in order to prevent a relapse. As stated earlier, the ego is the part of the subconscious that helps you stay mentally healthy. It adjusts the perception of the external world by assessing, planning and comparing with past experience. In fact, the ego perfectly shapes the inner man. It’s just important not to give him full power. Why?

At times, the ego influences in such a way that a person begins to desire what he actually does not need, and with the necessary, the situation changes radically. This can be illustrated with a simple telephone example. Nowadays, hardware stores are full of various gadgets, and for little money you can buy the most ordinary push-button phone for calls and SMS. Great option, isn't it? But my friend has a branded touchscreen smartphone. In fact, you just need to make calls, and you know that other functions will not be used, but your inner ego is indignant - buy one like your friend’s, or better yet, a higher model. This is the difference between what is needed and what the ego imposes.

Knowing how to get rid of selfishness can make your life a lot easier. And the example with the telephone serves as proof of this.

The True Face of Selfishness

Selfishness is the nature and essence of every person. This is what allowed us to create an internal combustion engine, launch a rocket into space, find vaccines against epidemics, build multi-story glass buildings and make the Internet wireless. Everything we observe in the world is a product of our selfishness. And the only difference is how we use it: for the benefit of humanity or just for ourselves.

We all strive to enjoy life. Even when our actions or decisions lead to the opposite effect, they were dictated by only one thing - the desire for happiness.

Each person comprehends and feels happiness depending on his internal values, which are dictated by a vector set - the psyche. Thus, some of us strive for the social pinnacle through high position, status and bank account size. For others, the most important values ​​are family, children, their own home, stability and respect from colleagues. Still others live by feelings and emotions, and the highest value is love, so much so that with a loved one to the ends of the world. The fourth are drawn to the comprehension of immaterial forces, to spiritual development, to an awareness of the structure of the world and the revelation of the Design of all things. The picture is the same with the other four vectors - each has its own values ​​and ways of perceiving the world.

Moreover, in addition to our innate desires, we are provided with all the necessary properties to achieve them. From early childhood, our parents and school develop them in us to a certain level, and then we go out into the big world and share the skills that we have managed to master, and to the extent that we have managed to grow.

The very first level of egoism is infantile. To this extent, a person is able to take care only of his own needs, without taking into account the opinions and desires of others.

At a higher level, we are able to experience joy when our loved ones, family and loved ones feel good.

At the third level, we care about the well-being of the collective, group of people, residents of a city or nation.

And at the highest fourth level of egoism, we perceive the appearance of people, without dividing them into races, religions, food preferences and other differences.

It is egoism that makes a person human. It cannot be eradicated - it is our essence. But we can correct it, raise it to a higher level, and therefore learn how to enjoy life even more.

conclusions

Of course, everything described above requires a lot of work and constant self-control. But in fact, pacifying your ego is not so difficult - you just need to look at the world more broadly. Any person, even the closest one, can be interesting if you constantly get to know him. The ability to put the interests of others first is also not that difficult to acquire. The main thing is to have an irresistible desire to learn it. Remember how others react when they see that they are being shared and thought about. If you set aside just one day and completely devote it to your loved one, you can see how he blossoms, and your soul becomes brighter and more joyful.

Every family member should think about how to get rid of selfishness. The phrases “I didn’t say it was easy with me”, “you owe me”, “I know better, don’t interfere”, “I can cope without your help” and everything like that. Any signs of selfishness will only spoil relationships between close people and affect other family members. Remember that self-love should be in every person, but in equal proportion to modesty, self-sacrifice and love. Otherwise, happiness will not be a guest in the home of proud people.

Why you need to fight selfishness

Egoism is pride elevated to the rank of absolute and fundamental principle. The chosen behavioral concept becomes the main, self-sufficient idea that influences all decisions and guides all the actions of the individual, completely regulating his life.

Among the main reasons for getting rid of a harmful character trait, it is worth noting the inability to build trusting, sincere, harmonious relationships with a partner, loved ones, colleagues, and friends.

By placing his own “I”, his desires and needs higher than similar categories of other people, a selfish person deprives himself of the happiness of feeling love, experiencing the joy of mutual understanding, mutual trust and gratitude shown in the process of communication by both parties. You need to fight selfishness in yourself, because it slows down the process of self-improvement and comes into conflict with such important aspects of life as spiritual progress, well-being, self-confidence, and moral satisfaction.

Finding the reason

Selfish behavior is born from thoughts, so the reason for its occurrence should be sought in them. Our thinking is a reflection of past life experiences. It is this that should be analyzed, finding situations or circumstances that served as good soil for cultivating excessive self-love.

Most often, the reason is associated with excess or lack of attention in childhood. Selfishness may also reflect a defensive reaction to negative experiences from the past. For example, failed relationships with the team at the first place of work. It is necessary to identify the existing sign of selfishness and think about what circumstances provoked its appearance. And then, get rid of it as quickly as possible.

How to get rid of selfishness in relationships with people?

Remember that creating healthy relationships with others is only possible by building adequate self-esteem. It is important to develop an understanding of your own importance without exaggeration. To do this, it is necessary to reconsider the usual scenario of superiority over others. Communicate with others as equals, cultivating respect for their rights and opinions.

Concept

An egoist is a person who puts individual interests above the interests of other people and is guided in any of his actions solely by the motive of obtaining benefits.

An egoist does things solely for his own sake.

The needs of other people, their values ​​and views are deeply indifferent .

Each of us has egoistic traits to some extent. For some they are expressed to a lesser extent, and for others to a greater extent.

This feature of the psyche is explained by the nature of a person who, in order to survive, must pursue his own interests and take care of himself .

“Healthy” egoism, in which a person puts individual needs first, but does not harm other members of society, is a completely useful character trait.

Without such attitudes, it is not easy to survive in modern society . But in cases where an individual acts solely in the interests of his own person, regardless of the needs of other people, selfishness in its purest form occurs.

Often such people are distinguished by a strong character . Possessing a strong will, they are able to lead those who are weaker than them.

With certain skills, these people can become excellent manipulators who instill their own point of view into weaker interlocutors and impose it as the only correct one.

The main life attitude of such a person can be expressed in one key word - “give” .

An individual wants to constantly get what he wants without giving anything in return.

This philosophy of life leads to serious problems both in the sphere of interpersonal relationships and in all other areas of social life.

Most scientists are inclined to believe that egoistic tendencies are formed in childhood. Children who grew up in an atmosphere of permissiveness, spoiled by the attention and generosity of adults, do not want to give up the habit of fulfilling all their whims in adulthood.

The other side of the problem is the lack of attention and care in childhood. The child decides that no one loves him and that he needs to protect his own interests by all means.