Relationships between a man and a woman: essence, purpose, types, stages

Svetlana Smyshlyak

philologist, writer, lyric poet

Everyone dreams of a warm and harmonious relationship. But how many couples exist, the passionate passion between them does not pass? Why do you at some point want to “wake up” your partner with something heavy? What to do when you feel like there is “the wrong person” nearby? There are 7 conditional periods in the life of a couple. These stages of a relationship cannot be avoided, but they can be survived. We'll show you how to do this, explaining what happens and why at each stage.

Love.

This period is called the candy-bouquet period. It seems that romance is in the air, the world has stopped, without a person everything loses its meaning. Walking under the moon, crazy actions, passionate kisses - all this takes place in a relationship in the first 18 months.

Helen Fisher, a scientist from Harvard, studied what happens to lovers from a physiological point of view. Using a tomograph, the professor was able to discover: in men and women in the first period, the so-called “love” hormones are actively released. They block the influence of negative emotions and rational thinking. The person seems to be “high” - everything is pink, moths are flying around and pipes are singing.

Amazing fact. The brain of a lover works approximately the same as that of a person who has taken cocaine.

Ardentness and heightened feelings fade away after about a year. But there is no need to be sorry. If the first period was longer, the lovers were hospitalized with a diagnosis of “Nervous and physical exhaustion.”

What happens on a psychological level. The couple discovers each other. It’s as if they have tasted a previously unfamiliar fruit, and now they want to feel its taste again and again. This period is the brightest. Less romantic types of relationships lie ahead.

What to do. The main thing is not to overdo it in an effort to seem perfect. Of course, you can and should demonstrate your strengths. But if you focus on this marathon, you can create a trap. Don't have a special love for cooking? Then it’s better not to demonstrate your culinary skills by studying a book of exotic recipes. The person who is nearby shapes your holistic image. He must be as close to reality as possible. Therefore, the task is to be yourself and give the opportunity to others to do it.

Take the test: Does he like me?

Ideal relationships - do they exist?

“The image that a man creates when thinking about an ideal woman is similar to the image that a woman creates when thinking about an ideal man” - Marlene Dietrich
How should relationships develop correctly? Is there an ideal scenario for everyone?

Of course, ideals live only in our restless minds. However, if your romance ends at the stage of falling in love, it will forever remain in your memory as the happiest. More precisely, over time he will acquire the status of ideal, and the man will turn out to be the impeccable image of a prince on a white horse.

Why?

It's simple. At the peak of love, you do not notice your partner’s shortcomings and often endow him with non-existent advantages. This is fine. Everyone does it, even men. Therefore, when the villainous fate separates ardent lovers, they remember only good things about each other. They often cherish that bright feeling all their lives and sometimes think that they have missed their only happiness.

What other stages are there, and what happens at these moments in a couple?

Oversaturation, or contract.

Over a year or a little more, people get used to each other. Often the couple decides to live together by this time. Previously, a meeting with a loved one was imagined as a holiday - they prepared for it, planned something, reveled in dreams. Now it happens as a matter of course.

If the distance is maintained , for example, the relationship develops at a distance, the second stage approaches smoothly and painlessly. In the case when everything is happening dynamically, one day one of the partners shudders: “Has love really passed away?” In fact, the rose-colored glasses just fell off, each other’s shortcomings and bad habits became visible. It turns out that something is very annoying, something you can’t refuse on your own.

If the image of the chosen one was too idealized, a traumatic encounter with reality is possible: “Can you imagine, I thought he was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-induldi de la choir de la choise de la choise de la choisere image, a traumatic meeting with reality is possible: “Imagine, I thought he was soooooooooooooooooooooo!” But he turned out to be a completely different person...”

But in most cases he was different, we just imagined the ideal image. And now it turns out that the princess has bad breath in the morning, and the prince has a habit of snapping his fingers.

Now is the time to find out what relationships are like.

What to do:

• Clear . What seems obvious to us is not always clear to others. Two people, looking at the same landscape, see different scenes. To avoid misunderstandings - both in everyday life and in ideological concepts - we need to explain to each other how we see the world and its components.
• Negotiate . People cannot change unless they want to. Pressure and mutual claims will not achieve results. If a man has always played poker on Fridays, and a woman is used to a family dinner in a quiet home environment, sooner or later a clash will arise - so how to spend this fifth day of the week? Pulling the blanket over yourself will lead to a quarrel and a completely ruined evening. There is a way out - to look for a compromise. Move the dinner together to Saturday, start a poker game earlier, toss a coin, etc.
• Don't follow stereotypes . The couple creates the rules of the relationship for themselves. And if both are comfortable when the woman earns more and the man prepares the food, then so be it. It is better to ignore advice, recommendations and other valuable instructions from family or friends. Each relationship is a special, different world. Why not write down your own laws in it?

Take the compatibility test

Stage one - attraction

The tired phrase – a man loves with his eyes, and a woman with her ears – has been popular for such a long time for a reason.
The weaker sex really attracts more intelligence of the chosen one. The stronger sex first of all “falls” for the appearance of the fair half.

Feeling attracted to one lady, a man can absolutely naturally feel a similar attraction to other young ladies.

A woman's charm and attractive body allows a man to feel a certain confidence and energy necessary to build and develop a relationship with a charming stranger.

For a woman, mind and responsibility are more important than the body. Very often at this stage, ladies perceive relationships as love at first sight. It is impossible to get to know a person well in such a short period of time. In such a situation, psychologists are inclined to conclude that the woman simply attributed to her object of adoration the qualities that she would like to see in him.

Continuing their acquaintance, representatives of the fair sex try to immediately move on to long-term and serious relationships, skipping other stages. Such haste often repels and frightens a man, prompting him to interrupt communication.

Attraction is a kind of foundation for a future union. The future fate of the relationship depends on its strength. Haste leaves no chance for their development.

Rejection.

The third stage is characterized by reflection on both sides: am I making a mistake with my choice?

The chemical reaction in the body no longer operates, but a sound mind takes over. Hence - misunderstandings, quarrels, conflicts. Now everyone makes a decision for themselves - to leave or stay, putting up with the shortcomings of the other.

In acute moments, it seems as if a mistake has been made, the wrong person is nearby, but with someone else everything would be different.

The danger of the relationship stage is that, while trying to find the “ideal person,” you may never get to the next level. Some people go around in circles all their lives, remaining at the “Rejection” stage.

What to do:

• Take responsibility for yourself . At this stage, we subconsciously shift responsibility for our emotions or actions to our partner. The phrases “You make me angry” and “I’m angry at you” are fundamentally different. We have the right to choose how to react – to forgive, to humble ourselves, to scream, to be offended. In order not to reproach the partner, it is better to try to understand what exactly you want to change. And then – discuss it.
• Prepare for change. At this stage, behavior patterns usually change, as well as the person himself. To maintain a relationship, you need to prepare for metamorphoses and give the other the opportunity to express themselves. New hobbies, friends, work, and the degree of self-development cannot but influence established family traditions. The couple will have to get to know each other again and re-write their relationship rules, forming new foundations. Otherwise you will have to run away.

Psychological differences between men and women

There are significant differences between the way men and women think... especially when it comes to relationships.

The problem is that both partners often don't even know about these differences! This means that they become easily irritated when their partner does not do what they expect.

For example, a woman can share problems with a man simply because she wants to relieve stress, she does not need ready-made solutions. If a man gives her advice instead of listening, she will subconsciously be annoyed because she expects different behavior from the man.

All she wanted was to talk to relieve stress. But the man did not know about this female feature.

Therefore, in order to avoid conflicts in relationships, it is necessary to know the differences between the male and female psyches.

"Harmony of Relationships" . Interview with Oleg Gadetsky, founder of the Psychology 3000 project.

“Men are from Mars, women are from Venus ,” says John Gray in his book. In it, he describes two completely different types of life that must somehow coexist in this world.

Indeed, the difference between a man and a woman is so significant that we can assume that these are creatures from different planets.

Men and women react and view situations differently. Often their vision does not coincide at all. But men and women, in order to build strong relationships, need to take into account each other's characteristics.

Let's look at the main differences between men and women.

#1. Different needs

For a woman, the main thing in a relationship is the relationship itself, and the ideal man is the one who understands and accepts her.

While for a man the main thing is recognition, respect and achievement of results. A man is a protector by nature, and the ideal woman for him is one who unconditionally accepts his authority and considers him the head of the family.

When a man is having a bad day, he is not going to talk about it in detail like a woman does. He wants to be alone to cope with the situation.

Women, on the other hand, tend to be more emotional during difficult times. This turns into a need to be listened to and empathized with.

It is very important for both men and women to be loved. But women, as a rule, need words to satisfy this need, while men need actions.

#2. Logic vs intuition

In most cases, men are guided by logic, and women by intuition. Therefore, men are more objective - feelings and emotions do not prevent them from adequately perceiving what is happening.

Women are more observant due to their innate ability to focus on small things. These details are the source of women's intuition.

#3. Decisions versus feelings

For women, emotions and feelings are the most important thing in any relationship, while men live in a world of action and responsibility.

In difficult situations, men ask themselves the question “What can be done?” , while women ask “How to do this?” or “With whom?”

We recommend reading → 30 proven ways to make a girl happy

Men make laws, women make morals. It's important to understand this difference when it comes to building long-term relationships.

#4. Emotions

- You are so indifferent! You didn't answer my call! Oh, you're cheating on me! You do not love me! — I just went out to drink coffee!

It's not hard to guess where the man is and where the woman is, right?

Women often cannot cope with their emotions, also due to the constant influence of monthly hormonal cycles.

Men are more consistent. Yes, they also go through a number of hormonal changes, but the rest of the time they are very stable and balanced.

#5. Physical intimacy vs emotional

Before sex, it is enough for a man to have visual contact with a woman, while a woman wants romance and emotional intimacy.

A man is attracted by the spectacle, a woman by the personality of a man. A man can start right away; a woman needs time to prepare emotionally and psychologically.

#6. Achievements vs. Relationships

Men value their achievements, and women value their relationships. That is why for most men the main thing is work and career, while for most women it is family.

Men are very sensitive to professional successes and failures. To feel fulfilled, men must achieve their goals.

For women it's the other way around. If no one cares about a woman, this is not good , even if she is a self-sufficient and independent entrepreneur.

#7. Independence of decision making

Men are less influenced by the environment, so they are more likely to be decisive and confident.

Women, on the other hand, listen to different opinions, weigh the pros and cons, and have strong doubts in the decision-making process.

Men care too little about what women have to say, and this isolation sometimes leads to women feeling emotionally abandoned.

#8: Substance vs. Details

Women see the details, men see the essence.

On the first date, she will analyze his every word, gesture, sign, smile, face, nails, eyebrows, shoes and much more. He will see the woman as a whole.

In a long-term relationship, a woman worries about dirty dishes in the kitchen, lots of socks around the house, and stains on the curtain.

A man doesn't do this. Often he doesn't even notice that anything is wrong. "Mess? I don't see any disorder..."

Women also pay a lot of attention to others. They will never miss someone's teary eyes, trembling lips, poor appetite or unusual restraint. Men may well not notice this.

#9: Temper vs. Patience

Despite the emotionality of women and the stability of men, which we have already talked about, in conflicts women are more flexible and pliable, while men often swear and argue a lot.

Moreover, women's patience is especially noticeable when it comes to illness or fatigue. A woman may go to work, cook lunch and carry bags from the supermarket with a high fever.

At the same time, most men turn a runny nose into a struggle for survival.

# 10. “Channel” of love

Last on this list is how men and women perceive the world. For men, the main thing is what they look at, for women it is what they hear.

Woodrow Wyeth's famous quote . ”

Contrary to popular belief, men fall in love at first sight: they quickly examine the girl and begin to act.

Women, on the contrary, need to find out as much as possible about their prospective partner, listen to his opinions on all life issues and then make a final decision.

How to deal with these differences?

Most often, problems in relationships arise when men and women do not know how different they are from each other.

Our inability to accept and respect these differences leads to bitter disappointment, stress and, as a result, the end of relationships.

So, the key to overcoming differences in a relationship between a man and a woman is understanding the differences between the two sexes.

Patience.

This is a turning point in the relationship. On it, most often the couple turns to a psychologist, reads psychological articles, looks for answers to questions about what the stages of a relationship are and how to survive a crisis.

By this time, there is often already a child, the couple spends less time with each other. Shared life, plans, and property do not provide the opportunity to follow personal desires or emotions. Someone (or both) feels misunderstood and alone.

This does not mean that you need to meekly endure everything that happens. If you don’t move on to a new stage, then your patience will eventually run out. If the union broke up when the children grew up, it means that the relationship always remained at the stage of patience.

The couple does not know what to talk about with each other when there is no connecting link nearby.

What to do:

The task of this period is to accept the individual world of another person. Don't try to change your partner, but start making changes in yourself.

The stage can be considered completed when the couple has learned to take into account each other’s needs, accepted the individual character traits of the other and does not frantically prove that they are right on any issue.

Quarrels are now manageable, everyone's behavior is predictable.

Take the test: Do I love him?

Factors that destroy relationships

Speaking about the psychology of relationships, we need to take into account the negative factors that destroy the family unit and contribute to the formation of spiritual emptiness. Sometimes people don't pay attention to them, but this is unacceptable. Let's look at them in more detail:

• Deception. Usually we are talking about treason. Marital infidelity turns all ideas about the world upside down. It seems like it will never get better. When a wife has a lover, the husband cannot accept this news calmly. He feels that he is not respected or appreciated. Men's pride is wounded - this is a kind of mental trauma. Sometimes it is impossible to do without the help of a psychologist. We have to understand the origins of the difficulty that has arisen.
• Betrayal. Not everyone is able to forgive if their spouse has done something terrible. It's not always about betrayal as such. These may be obvious changes in relationships, lack of warmth and intentional insults.
• Self-destruction. This refers to envy, alcohol and drug abuse. By accepting dependent behavior, a person cannot remain a good family man and take responsibility. The relationship begins to deteriorate and gradually fades away.

Service.

At this stage, we can talk about the emergence of true love, and not falling in love. Now that the hormones are in order, partners do nice things for each other unselfishly. They look after each other and show concern. But if at the candy-bouquet stage of a relationship actions have a self-centered connotation, and the person nearby is perceived as a source of pleasure, then now the loved one becomes an object of service.

What to do:

To prevent the emergence of a crisis, it is enough to find new points of contact and build another facet of partnerships. For example, open your own small family business or start arranging flower beds - whatever suits your tastes.

Respect.

When people have gone through a number of tests together, get to know each other well, and have learned to accept their partners as they are, the fifth stage of the relationship begins.

It is characterized by a tight platonic attachment, the formation of a reserve of gratitude and trust. Partners easily share thoughts or feelings and understand each other’s needs.

What to do:

Now much less energy is spent on relationships. Having spiritual independence and respect for your partner, you can delve deeper into self-development. It is important to put the resources you have into action, avoiding despondency. It is advisable for everyone to have their own outlet.

Take the jealousy test

Love.

Having endured difficulties together and found mutual understanding, the couple will finally learn what love is. At this, the seventh and final stage, the partners already understand each other without words, enjoy communication and being with each other.

The stages of relationships are divided conditionally. One pair can jump over some of them, another cannot pass, and the third can survive several phases at the same time. To maintain the union, it is enough to understand what is happening between two people and how to behave at this stage.

Additional Information:

• How to save your relationship with your husband after the birth of a child?
• What is a love relationship and how to create it ideal?
• What is a serious relationship and how to build one?
• What is an open relationship and what are its advantages?
• What are relationships and their features?
• What is an ideal relationship and do they have their own characteristics?
• What are interpersonal relationships, their types and functions?
• What is the relationship between a guy and a girl?
• What are platonic relationships, their pros and cons?

Stage two - uncertainty

This is an inevitable stage of doubt, mental anguish and tossing. The man is not sure of his choice.

He cannot understand whether this is the girl with whom he wants to spend all or some part of his life?

The representative of the stronger sex moves away, and sometimes even avoids communication with his chosen one. So he tries to understand his attitude towards her.

A girl, on the contrary, understands everything in a relationship. There are no questions about choosing a soul mate. Alienation on the part of a man causes misunderstanding and resentment. In some cases, things can escalate into panic. Impatient people begin to pester you, annoying you with questions and phone calls.

The most important thing in this situation is not to become hysterical, calm down, and give the man time to understand himself. During this period, you cannot put pressure on him. Such behavior will once again assure him of the correctness of his choice. It is better to let the man go - and he will return much faster than the woman expected.

It is important to remember this stage and know that if the beloved does not pass it now, then this will happen after the wedding. In such a combination of circumstances, everything will be much more painful for both partners.