This word does not mean at all that a man is afraid of sex like fire, you could be sure of this, but it implies ignoring serious mature relationships for fear of emotional dependence. Thus, intimate phobia - this is fear and avoidance of close and long-term emotional relationships with a sexual partner. Occurs in about a third of men and women. Nowadays, women suffer from intimacy phobia even more than men. Intimophobia is not a whim and debauchery, but a serious phenomenon caused by a whole set of reasons: social, psychological, sexual. It is almost impossible to get rid of it on your own. In this case, both the intimate phobe himself and the partner whom he unwittingly deceives suffers. Most often, there are two types of intimate phobia: complete refusal of sex and preference for only short-term sexual or easy relationships.
A categorical “no” to sex
Here you need to understand, because a categorical refusal to have sex can have a variety of reasons.
• Shyness
Sex rules the world, but shy people rarely enjoy it. Sexual relationships are the most uncertain and contradictory situation imaginable. There are no clear guidelines for behavior here. Both partners are naked, open to each other and devoid of any external protective barriers. Shy people often simply do not have the skills necessary for sexual relationships.
• Unrealistic ideas about sex
They are drawn from films of the corresponding genre and magazines of a specific focus and pretty much spoil the lives of the powerful. As a result, a man walks around with a ruler and worries that he is “not like that,” that he will never be able to satisfy his partner 50 times a night, that “my friend is crooked,” that everything will end too quickly, etc., etc. P.
• Low self-esteem and attributing shortcomings to oneself
There is more to it than worrying about length and size. There will most likely be thoughts about crooked or hairy legs, possible bad breath, dandruff, skin diseases, a long nose, protruding ears and other imaginary and hyperbolic shortcomings.
Treatment of fear of intimacy
Psychotherapy is recommended to treat severe fear of close relationships. It is necessary to remove the causes of fear of intimacy from the sphere of the unconscious. When they are realized, they turn into experiences that can be rethought. Next, a new, more environmentally friendly way of behavior in relationships is being developed.
How to deal with narcissistic fear of intimacy?
Therapy involves re-experiencing narcissistic trauma—the childhood experience of devaluation. The psychotherapist tactfully but persistently confronts manifestations of grandiosity, explains to the client the psychological defense mechanisms he uses and the feelings of humiliation, envy and shame that arise as a result of the trauma. The goal of the approach is to reduce mental stress from the loss of the sense of omnipotence.
Work is also being carried out towards restoring the client’s true “I”, returning the basis for personal needs and desires. The method is focused on working through negative thoughts about one’s own personality. The psychotherapist's voicing and acceptance of the client's needs gives him the opportunity to recognize and work through negative beliefs that being an ordinary person and needing someone else's support and approval is too shameful and humiliating.
How to cope with schizoid fear of intimacy?
A client with schizoid character traits, in contact with a therapist, gains a positive experience of emotional rapprochement without losing a sense of integrity, and learns to soberly assess how dangerous it really is to be open in relationships.
Since schizoid trauma is formed at a very early age (0–1 year), there is a need for deep regression and literally “restarting” the psyche. Therefore, hypnotherapy is an auxiliary treatment method. Hypnosis helps to work through the earliest and most intense experiences associated with the experience of loss of trust in the world.
Getting rid of the fear of intimacy
For a person who declares “I’m afraid of intimacy,” psychologists recommend:
- draw information from professional literature on sexology, and not from glossy magazines and films that create idealized images of macho men and fatal beauties;
- do not rush into sexual relations and first get closer to your partner on an emotional level;
- Most fears can be eliminated by openly discussing them with your partner before sex;
- do not remain silent about your discomfort in the process itself - this will help your partner adjust his actions to please you.
How to deal with traumatic fear of intimacy? Since it is very difficult for people with severe psychological trauma to change negative attitudes, work with a hypnotherapist is required. Hypnosis has proven itself well in getting rid of fears and phobias. One of the leading specialists is psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin.
Sex starring
In this case, intimophobes can develop very vigorous sexual activity. This form of intimate phobia also has its own nuances.
• Striving for the greatest number of sexual victories
There are always a lot of women around such men, because it is simply impossible not to pay attention to them. If you come across a young lady who does not share everyone’s delight, this Don Juan uses the heaviest artillery to win her heart. And after that everything will be the same - having blown her a kiss, he will again start looking for the next lady of his heart, even if he has just left the bed of Angelina Jolie or Shakira . The hunger of this intimate phobe is endless, and the goal is simply not worth stopping.
• Only sex, baby
As soon as the relationship has entered the candy-bouquet period, the gentleman immediately makes it known that this is an exclusively open relationship, without any hint of seriousness, and all sorts of acquaintances with parents and living together are nonsense of a fevered mind. In this case, everything can be very good exactly until the moment when the woman begins to talk, as if by chance, about Oleska, who recently got married, Katya, who gave birth to twins yesterday, and that her parents are expecting a visit on their anniversary. After this, the intimate phobe dissolves into the unknown, violating all the laws of physics, and the abandoned young lady begins to do everything that was mentioned at the beginning of the article.
• There is a stamp, what's the rest?
In this case, in comparison with the previous ones, there is noticeable progress, because the intimate phobe creates a family. Well, how does it create? Formally there is a family, but with spiritual fulfillment and empathy it’s sad. In such a marriage, the man will keep his wife at a distance, clearly delineating the boundary that she is not allowed to cross, avoid talking about topics that seem too personal to him, and stopping all attempts by the other half to get closer. There will be sex, of course, but without any stupid conversations afterwards.
How does feminophobia arise?
In most cases, the cause of gynecophobia begins in childhood, acting in the form of an authoritarian mother. As a rule, she is the head of the family and takes full responsibility for the life of the family.
An authoritarian mother is a tough, strong-willed woman, sometimes rude and cruel. He keeps children strictly, restricting their freedom, and applies physical punishment. Such a mother is even capable of raising her husband; she lectures him, suppresses him, and does not give him the right to vote.
A small child is afraid of such a mother. Perceiving her image as a general one, the boy transfers her image to all women. As a result, already in adulthood, he develops a phobia that disorganizes his life.
The father in such a family is calm and silent. Submits to the will of a woman unquestioningly. Since the father’s place in the family is taken by the mother, he takes her position, raises the children, gives them tenderness and care. Such fathers are kind, sympathetic, and affectionate.
For a boy, a father is an authority and a role model. Seeing such an effeminate model of behavior from his “idol” in front of him, the boy forms an erroneous opinion about masculine nature. The child simply does not understand how a man should behave. Having inherited timidity, gentleness, and shyness as character traits, it is quite difficult for an adult man to establish contact with the female sex.
Feminophobia can develop for other reasons. Fear of the female gender can cause a specific experience of communicating with a frightening lady. For a boy, such a lady becomes a nanny, a teacher, or one of the fair sex relatives. Perhaps the child received a dose of negativity from them: moral or physical bullying, ridicule, and suffered fear of communicating with such ladies. As a result, fear developed not only towards a specific person, but towards all women.
The phobia also begins in adulthood. If a man has been humiliated by his fair half and has been rejected by the object of his affection, then it is possible to form a negative attitude towards all the ladies of the Earth.
Homosexuals can suffer from gynophobia. Moreover, the person is convinced of his homosexuality, not suspecting that the problem lies in the presence of a phobia, and sexual orientation corresponds to generally accepted norms.
Fear of intimacy develops among representatives of the stronger sex as a result of unsuccessful sexual contact. Having failed, the man may have been ridiculed by the woman. More often, negative sexual experiences are especially traumatic during adolescence. The lost battle was accepted as a lost war and now the man, fearing repeated defeat, is afraid of intimacy.
The fear of pregnant women in the stronger half of humanity is due to a misunderstanding of the physiology of the process. Because of this, a man experiences fear and disgust towards women in position. He considers sexual relations in this situation unacceptable, since, in his opinion, it is unnatural.
Girls are also capable of experiencing fear towards pregnant women. It is caused by very real reasons:
- history of stillbirth;
- known cases of death of a woman in labor;
- fear of giving birth to a child with a pathology;
- fear of the birth process.
The formation of a phobia is influenced by a woman’s relationship with her mother. Fear of pregnant women is classified as a separate phobia called gravidophobia.
The girl describes her fear of pregnant women. “It seems that the pregnant woman’s stomach is about to burst and a fountain of blood will pour out of it. There is a feeling that the baby, moving inside the belly, will eat the expectant mother.”
The fear of large ladies can be considered specific - cacomorphophobia, which is a fairly common phobia, including among women. This fear has a special reason: the girl is afraid of gaining weight or is dissatisfied with her body, which finds a way out in such a disorder.
Hostility towards the female sex can arise if, in childhood and pre-puberty, a boy was subjected to depraved acts by a mature woman, witnessed sexual relations, observed sexual intercourse in reality, or while watching pornography.
Often intolerance to the female sex is a consequence of low self-esteem. For girls, this happens against the backdrop of difficult relationships with peers. For example, a girl becomes a black sheep at school or in the yard, being humiliated and persecuted by other girls.
Causes of sexual deviations
The exact causes of sexual deviations are still unknown to doctors. This especially applies to severe perversions, especially necrophilia and necrosadism. The patient is not able to receive full sexual satisfaction from sexual relations and can only derive pleasure from perverted sexual manipulations.
The theory of genetic inheritance of diseases has not yet found clear confirmation. It is only known about the inheritance of a desire for homosexual relations as a result of receiving polymorphic genes from the mother. Other pathologies are considered acquired diseases.
The main causes of paraphilia are as follows:
- Fetal development disorders. Associated with illnesses and injuries suffered by the mother during pregnancy
- Consequences of postpartum trauma
- Hypothyroidism or hyperteriosis
- Hormonal imbalance
- Consequences of drug use
- Psychical deviations
- Consequences of psychological trauma
What to do with psychological impotence
First of all, treatment of problems with potency due to the presence of psychological disorders in men involves working with a psychologist or psychiatrist. The specialist identifies factors that could lead to this condition. Psychocorrection sometimes takes a long time, up to several months, since it is difficult to deal with disorders of this nature.
Sometimes, to increase the effectiveness of therapy, a specialist may recommend going through sessions with a partner. Serious medications like antidepressants and sedatives are prescribed only when indicated, because while they help treat depression, they can negatively affect sexual function.
Which doctor should I contact?
But in order to confirm the psychological nature of erection problems, it is necessary to find out whether the man has diseases that could lead to impotence. To do this, you need to contact an andrologist or urologist who can prescribe the necessary tests. If the cause is still psychological, the doctor will prescribe appropriate treatment. In addition to working with a psychologist, it may include taking PDE-5 inhibitors (Viagra), vasoactive agents (Papaverine), and vitamin and mineral complexes. Proper nutrition and physical activity will bring no less benefit.
Clinic Dr. AkNer offers qualified medical care for erectile dysfunction. We have extensive experience in eliminating psychological problems with potency in men, so we can prescribe effective treatment that will bring positive results. You just need to sign up for a consultation by writing to us in the form on the website or calling us.
Urologist, andrologist Akopyan Nerses Grigorievich.
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