Low self-esteem: signs, causes, consequences, how to deal with it?

What is low self-esteem

In psychology, low self-esteem is when a person greatly underestimates his inner qualities and potential. It interferes in your personal life and at work. It is difficult for a person to refuse others; he is constantly humiliated, thereby causing anger and rejection from others.

What is the danger?

A wrong opinion about yourself can cause many unpleasant consequences:

• constant dissatisfaction with oneself and the environment;
• lack of social life, contacts with people;
• failures in all areas of life;
• choosing a manipulative and cruel companion;

A person with low self-esteem creates unnecessary problems and unnecessary difficulties around himself.

What does low self-esteem lead to?

The inability to realistically assess one's capabilities ensures a life full of hardships and misfortunes. A person who does not value himself has virtually no chance of becoming happy. Along the way you will constantly come across dishonest people who will use you for their own purposes. A personality quality associated with extremely low self-esteem is cowardice. A person is afraid to take risks; he goes through life with the thought: “nothing will work out anyway.” To become satisfied with life, you need to learn to value yourself.

False assessment of yourself

Sometimes low self-esteem is false. People who crave praise often behave this way. For example, a girl prepared a delicious dish. The young man sincerely appreciated him. To which the girl replied: “What are you talking about, I don’t know how to cook at all.” For the first time, they will start dissuading her and praising her about how smart she is and generally doing well. A false belief quickly forms in the girl’s head: “If I belittle my abilities, they will praise me.”

Why is this statement wrong? Because a person manipulates the concept of “low self-esteem.” In fact, the girl doesn't think so. Sooner or later people get tired of it. Everyone hates giving compliments that devalue. This not only repels others, but is also dangerous due to the formation of real complexes.

Sacrificial position

Hiding behind low self-esteem is very convenient when the question of responsibility for your life and career arises. “I won’t succeed anyway,” “I can’t do anything,” “I’m a loser” are very convenient statements, aren’t they? In this case, low self-esteem and lack of confidence in one’s abilities are nothing more than an unwillingness to change oneself and one’s life. Also, people who really feel bad, who cannot love and appreciate themselves, suffer from this.

A convenient excuse is what low self-esteem means for such people.

Low self-esteem: what it is, how it manifests itself, why it’s bad

Self-esteem in psychology is a person’s internal assessment of himself.
This is how we see ourselves in the world, how we form ideas about our abilities, capabilities, character traits, strengths and weaknesses, based on positive and negative life experiences. Self-esteem = Level of aspirations / Level of capabilities

Self-esteem directly affects our self-worth - our opinion of ourselves, expectations, ideas. A happy life, filled with joy and healthy relationships with others, presupposes good self-esteem - adequate, with the acceptance of strengths and weaknesses, the ability to see your weaknesses and strengths, and use your talents and abilities to achieve your goals.

Low self-esteem is a person’s belittling of his merits, qualities and capabilities. First of all, this is how and what a person thinks about himself, secondly, how he behaves, what he does, what he decides to do, how he interacts with the world and the people around him. The internal problem of low self-esteem can manifest itself externally in different ways: from putting oneself down in front of others to being overly self-confident to hide vulnerability.

«SELF-ESTEEM

can be stable or floating - change depending on mood, situation, events, communication"

Low self-esteem can be formed under the influence of a variety of reasons and factors. But the problem always leads to imbalances in relationships, lack of joy, inability to manage one’s life, make decisions, make full use of existing abilities, realize desires and achieve goals.

Low self-esteem often becomes a sure companion to depression, codependency, bad mood, etc. Therefore, working on self-acceptance and an adequate assessment of your own capabilities and abilities is very important. Healthy self-esteem is a realistic, positive view of yourself.

The next step is self-acceptance - a deep understanding of the simple truth: “I am and this is enough for everything” (I first read this phrase on the blog of psychologist Marina Muravyova). Know your imperfections and allow them to be. See your inner world and accept yourself with all feelings and emotions, thoughts and actions. Understand your self-worth not in the context of achievements, popularity and “success”, but in terms of the value of any personality that exists and that is enough.

«ANALYZE

You can evaluate your own self-esteem by answering a few simple questions.”

The list of questions can be large and the main task of each of them is to try to understand yourself, to assess the degree of adequacy of your attitude towards yourself. Do you know how to value yourself as you are? What is your opinion of yourself? Do you often judge and scold yourself?

Do you see strengths and weaknesses? Do you hear yourself and choose your inner voice as your main life guide? Do you consider yourself worthy of everything you want and the positive attitude of others? Do you encourage yourself more often or criticize yourself?

Regardless of the questions that are posed, the most important thing here is to answer honestly and evaluate yourself. Each of us, deep down, knows exactly how to treat ourselves. It is enough to put aside everything superficial (public opinion, assessments of others, judgments of loved ones, stereotypes, established patterns, etc.) and look inside yourself.

Low self-esteem is not the norm. But also overpriced. Considering ourselves a priori the king of the world and placing too high demands on ourselves, sooner or later we are faced with the world and the inconsistency of our beliefs with the surrounding reality.

“Two poles of INADEQUATE SELF-PERCEPTION

lead to instability and bias, conflicts with oneself and the world.”

The main goal in working on self-esteem is an adequate assessment of yourself and your abilities, understanding and acceptance of everything, the ability to hear and listen to yourself. Be resilient and support yourself in all situations.

Self-confidence is based on adequate self-esteem: in the ability to do something, make decisions, behave in a certain way, cope with assigned tasks, respond to challenges, maintain internal balance, support and understand oneself in difficult times.

Psychologist, teacher, and specialist in the field of clinical psychology Gyru Øyestad distinguishes between self-esteem and self-confidence in this way: self-esteem reflects a person’s relationship with himself (this is who I am), and confidence is associated with abilities (what I can do).

A person’s self-worth should not depend on achievements and successes, it is based on dignity. Even though our talents and abilities are also part of who we are. Healthy self-esteem is a feeling of self-worth regardless of external circumstances.

If self-esteem is adequate, the level of aspirations (demands for oneself and others, goals, dreams, desires, etc.) corresponds to the level of abilities (talents, inclinations, intelligence, position, education, volitional qualities, upbringing, physical abilities, etc. ).

When we plan some actions and actions, react to something, we rely on what we can afford at the moment. And the lower the self-esteem, the fewer actions and behavioral acts a person performs, since he evaluates his real abilities and capabilities lower than they actually are.

Why low self-esteem is bad:

• Low self-esteem becomes a serious obstacle to realizing plans and dreams, making important decisions, and achieving success.
• Low self-esteem always goes along with fear, shame, guilt, even hostility.
• Difficulties arise in building personal relationships - with partners, colleagues, relatives, etc.
• People with low self-esteem are more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety disorders.
• People with low self-esteem tend to attribute all failures to themselves, and consider achievements and success to be an accident.
• Low self-esteem limits experience, neutralizes the value of individuality, inhibits independent navigation through life, and makes a person dependent on other people’s assessments, tips, and advice.
• Almost everyone who suffers from addictions (drugs, alcohol, smoking, gambling, overeating, etc.) has low self-esteem.
• With low self-esteem, the self-image is not sufficiently formed and is more like a set of rules that apply to oneself and others. When others deviate from the usual rules, a person with low self-esteem vigorously condemns, masking envy of those who allow themselves to break the rules, be flexible, and act according to circumstances.
• People with low self-esteem constantly worry about the impression they make on others, whether they look funny, stupid, inappropriate, etc.

The main manifestations of low self-esteem include: dependence on the opinions of others, uncertainty, lack of independence, stereotypical behavior, fear of public speaking, ostentatious behavior, a derogatory attitude towards oneself, attributing all failures to oneself and perceiving success as an accident, a poorly formed self-image.

Causes and signs of low self-esteem

The foundation of our assessment is laid in childhood. Parental support, or lack thereof, has a particular impact.

A person with low self-esteem was often criticized in childhood, saying: “why are other children better than you?”, “why do you dress so strange?”, “what’s wrong with you?” etc. Parents seem to have good intentions, they want the best. But with their careless remarks they traumatize the psyche of the child and the future adult. Signs of low self-esteem in a teenager are indicated by:

• avoiding contact with people;
• escape from reality into your fantasies;
• clothes are either black or absurdly bright;
• reluctance to share thoughts.

Although toxic parents are not to blame in all cases. Parents may have an ideal upbringing, but a person’s self-esteem will still be low. A person’s self-esteem is influenced by traumatic situations in society: humiliation from peers, ridicule from teachers, disdainful attitude of colleagues. Genetic background and temperament play a big role.

Symptoms of low self-esteem can also appear in adulthood. The reasons may be associated with a large number of defeats or traumatic events: failure on the love front, betrayal of friends, career failure.

Low male self-esteem

Men assess their capabilities better than women. This is due to natural qualities: we need to be confident and strong in order to stand firmly on our feet. A weak man is not successful not only at work, but also in his personal life.

A man with low self-esteem in a relationship is jealous, does not hesitate to raise his hand, and makes a scene. Or vice versa: excessively self-pitying, constantly crying about far-fetched complexes and problems. Women run away from such men without looking back.

Signs of low self-satisfaction in men

The following gives away a complex man:

• constantly proves something to someone;
• sensitive to the opinions of others (what will people think?);
• hates those who question his strength/masculinity;
• does not try to get promoted;
• not interested in anything;

Low female self-esteem

Women tend to notice their shortcomings more often. They try to overcome their complexes by asking for compliments. This behavior is irritable and inappropriate.

But a situation often arises when a man underestimates a woman’s self-esteem. Such a partner is an insecure person who is trying to increase his value. And this applies to both sexes.

Signs of low self-satisfaction in a woman

Symptoms of an insecure woman:

• uses a lot of cosmetics;
• always wears what is currently in trend, does not have his own opinion and style;
• chooses cruel men, tyrants;
• considers herself stupid, and that intelligence does not suit a woman;
• often changes hobbies, fickle;

Non-obvious signs of underestimation in women and men

According to unofficial data, women are more likely to show signs of low self-esteem. The catch is that most often they are invisible. A girl can look brilliant, be smart and not show it. But these things always give away a bad opinion about yourself:

• the desire to buy unnecessary cheap things, shopaholism;
• the desire to always look brand new, even when going to the store;
• creating a “perfect picture” or a rich life on social media. networks;
• fanatical observation of the lives of idols.

Signs of low self-esteem in men are slightly different:

• the desire to constantly fight with someone, to prove something to someone;
• the desire to take the last place in public transport;
• the opinion that success is pure chance, just luck;

All this points to the need to work on yourself, strengthen your character and develop confidence. In the next article we will tell you how to achieve self-respect and adequate self-esteem.

Self-development without tricks

Low self-esteem is a very common phenomenon. No less common are various guides on how to properly deal with low self-esteem. Guides and various trainings are a dime a dozen, but for some reason there are no fewer people around with an inadequate assessment of oneself as loved (in this case, unloved). Let's look at what advice is usually given in this case and try to check whether they are effective or not. And of course, as usual here, let’s look at the problem differently, arriving at effective advice.

So, what is usually advised to people who want to get rid of low self-esteem? Popular psychology offers the following beautiful recipes:

• don't compare yourself to others, learn to accept yourself for who you are
• never scold or criticize yourself
• don't listen to other people's negative opinions
• ask your family and friends to tell you what is good about you
• find good traits in yourself - write 20 of your positive qualities
• start keeping a diary of achievements (success diary)
• use affirmations, try your best to have a positive perception of yourself
• communicate only with confident, successful people
• ACT!!! (this very, haha, specific advice is usually attributed at the end), don’t be afraid to live!

Let's not discuss these rules for a long time. I will only note that they are all aimed at direct work with the conscious and subconscious. All of them have, in general, one single goal: to hammer into a person’s head that he is simply a miracle and low self-esteem has no right to exist. I have already analyzed similar tips in more detail: Self-confidence: how NOT to develop it. Here I’ll just note that playing with the subconscious doesn’t lead to any good.

: here you need the intervention of an excellent specialist (try, find him), otherwise you can make such a mess that even ten professors who ate the dog in applied psychology would not be able to sort it out. And the “fuel” could be, for example, an even greater decrease in self-esteem. Yes, and don’t forget that following all the advice listed (and usually they give even more) will eat up a lot of your energy and time.

Have you ever thought that in modern popular psychology (and in society in general) self-esteem as such is given too much importance?

? Why on earth was this purely psychological, scientific concept brought to light and flashed on the pages of glossy magazines and blogs “great success”? (even I’m no exception...)

In my opinion, when a person is labeled “low self-esteem” and begins to teach how to increase it, this does not lead to good things. The label additionally limits a person’s internal freedom and gives rise to new complexes in him. He begins to largely blame his self-esteem, begins to look for the consequences of his “wrongness” in all matters. And finds them, of course!

Therefore, I will not yet offer advice on how to increase low self-esteem. I propose to conduct a small experiment: do without self-esteem at all.

. Stop throwing rotten tomatoes, look at the facts soberly.

The way we evaluate ourselves affects different areas of our lives: our affairs (work, business), our communication with people, our relationships with our partners, our mood and overall satisfaction with life.

What if you adjust your life so that your level of self-esteem affects it to a minimum? (Of course, it will not be possible to completely eliminate its influence, because it is part of our personality. But they put a fixing bandage or splint on the sore spot of the body until it heals? And it works! It’s the same principle).

How to do it? Like that:

In business

. Problem: Low self-esteem prevents you from taking on ambitious projects and new endeavors. Exit: careful, sober planning of all matters, without involving emotions and subjective assessments. For information on how to reason in this case (example), see the article How to believe in yourself.

In communication with people

. Problem: uncertain communication, inability to correctly navigate an unfamiliar situation, lack of knowledge of how to behave with strangers and new people, with overly self-confident people, etc. Solution: again, call on your mind to help! Make a dozen or two personal rules of communication. How to behave in such a situation, how to behave in such a situation. Think about different situations (at work, on public transport, in a store, taxi...). Having ready-made patterns of decent behavior and following them, you will communicate much more effectively. It’s clear that you can’t foresee everything (and it’s unnecessary: ​​excessive enthusiasm for this advice, like any other, is harmful)

Regarding mood

. Problem: a negative attitude towards yourself spoils your mood and kills your joy in life. Solution: killing kills, but only if you sit, sorry, on your ass straight and cradle your self-esteem. Is it necessary? Go in search of entertainment, immerse yourself more closely in work, start a new hobby... Live, and don’t think (in the sense of not constructive) about life. Mood is the result of actions and behavior.

I will add that following these simple recommendations will improve the situation not only with self-esteem, but can also bring tangible benefits in general (proper planning, more effective communication, a more active and full life).

In a relationship with a partner

. Everything here is purely individual, it’s simply stupid to give any recommendations. But you are capable of giving them to yourself, aren’t you? There would be a desire...

Let's summarize. I do not encourage everyone who has problems with self-esteem to immediately start living without it at all, as described in the second part of the article. Moreover, there are ways to raise it more or less effectively, and I will tell you about them later. However, the described method may be suitable for someone (by learning to do without the notorious self-esteem, you gradually increase it). The main goal of the article is to show that the light has not converged like a wedge on self-esteem.

Problems with her are not a reason to become despondent and put stupid labels on yourself. And you can live, enjoy life and achieve success with any self-esteem.

Good luck!

Low self-esteem of a teenager

For the transition period, complexes are a common thing. Sooner or later, teenagers outgrow them and begin to believe in their abilities. But if they are bullied and fueled with self-doubt, they carry their complexes into adulthood.

Consequences of teenage complexes

Low self-esteem in teenage girls is often associated with appearance. Young girls are concerned about their face and figure, wanting to look like cover models. The consequences of low self-esteem in a girl lead to anorexia, bulimia, and self-harm. During this period, it is important for them to show how beautiful they are. That their flaws make them special.

A guy's low self-esteem is also inextricably linked with his appearance. At the age of 15-17 they begin to be interested in girls; external attractiveness is important to them. A boy with complexes can close himself off and withdraw headlong from real life.

Young people need support and understanding from their parents. Otherwise, their adult life will be overshadowed by the constant correction of low self-esteem.

How to understand that it's time to get rid of low self-esteem

If a person cannot sensibly assess his potential, this is immediately obvious. Habits, communication styles, and appearance change.

Top 8 signs that you need to work on your self-esteem

You have low self-esteem if you:

1. You don't know how to say no.
2. You try to please everyone, everywhere.
3. You often do things you don't like.
4. You don’t feel your needs and don’t satisfy them.
5. You feel guilty about taking a vacation.
6. You don't want to please yourself.
7. Too self-critical.
8. Reprehensible.

If you can attribute all of the above to yourself, you have very low self-esteem. This can be fixed.

How to deal with low self-esteem

Low self-esteem can take a toll on your emotional well-being, so it's important to take steps to change your self-image and get the support you need. Building self-esteem takes time, but there are things you can do to protect your mental well-being while you take steps to improve your self-esteem. Here's what you can do to help yourself:

Pay attention to your thoughts

Start paying attention to the thoughts that arise in your mind every day. When negative thoughts overwhelm you, it is important to actively identify cognitive distortions and replace negative thinking with positive thinking.

Spend some time each day focusing on positive and encouraging thoughts. Pay attention to the little things you are good at and allow yourself to be proud of them. Think about times in the past when you had to overcome something really difficult and remind yourself that even if you don't feel good right now, you have the ability and strength to get through it.

Take care of yourself

Low self-esteem can sometimes make you feel like you don't deserve care and attention. Remind yourself that you need nurturing and look for things you can do to show yourself kindness, no matter how small. Spend some time doing what you enjoy. Give yourself moments of rest and relaxation.

Investing in your own care and comfort isn't a pleasure or reward you have to earn—it's something you absolutely need for both your physical and mental health.

Get external support

Share your difficulties with someone who can offer you unconditional support. This could be a friend or family member, but it could also be a person such as a doctor, therapist, teacher or mentor.

If you have caring people around you who value you and want you to value yourself, this will greatly help you in your efforts to improve your self-esteem.

Forgive yourself

If you tend to ruminate about your mistakes or failures, it's important to learn to forgive yourself and move on. This will help you focus on what you can do better in the future rather than on the negative things that happened in the past.

Practice self-acceptance

It's important to let go of the idea that you need to be perfect to have value. Work on accepting who you are today. This doesn't mean you don't have goals or things you might want to work on changing, but it is important to recognize that you are worthy of love and respect.

Value yourself

Take time to reflect on what you have achieved and the things you are proud of. Allow yourself to appreciate your worth and your talents without making comparisons or focusing on the things you would like to change.

You don't have to become a better person to value yourself, but learning to value yourself can help you achieve your goals.

How to get rid of low self-esteem

The first thing you should know in order to overcome low self-esteem is that our words and thoughts have serious power. Having a negative view of your capabilities actually makes you try harder. Change to positive thinking, it really works.

Correcting your opinion of yourself on a physical level

Don't know what to do if you underestimate yourself? Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself: “I am beautiful.” Don't believe me? Try this:

1. Straighten your shoulders and back.
2. Open your eyes wide.
3. If you frown, raise your eyebrows.
4. Think of an object or person that brings you joy. Smile sincerely.

Now look how you have transformed. Gloomy thoughts are reflected on our face, turning us from attractive people to unattractive ones. Repeat to yourself every morning: “I am beautiful.” Hold on for a week and you will see the result.

Learn to accept mistakes

Remember: your past mistake does not tie your hands forever. Everyone stumbles, everyone fails. On the way to the goal there can be 1-2, 10-20, 100 miscalculations and unsuccessful attempts. Successful people would not become so if they did not know how to overcome themselves. If you make a mistake, don't stop and go to the end.

Praise yourself every day

Surely you are used to criticizing yourself. Look for the positives, you have them. Getting up on the alarm the first time is already an achievement. You can't get rid of low self-esteem without praising yourself.

How does low self-esteem improve?

But it’s not enough to find the cause of low self-esteem: it needs to be neutralized and replaced with a positive belief. This is even more difficult. You should not expect that these issues will be resolved overnight. Even if you understand everything with your mind, you will act by inertia for some time. You need to live with any insight for some time, and the amount of this time is individual for everyone.

But don’t rush to get upset! Everything is surmountable if you have the inner mindset to change your life. Therefore, when low self-esteem forces you to choose whether to improve it or cross out your life, call me. Together we will discover your unique value and never let it leave you again.