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Each of you at least once in your life has had the opportunity to call a stranger or some institution, organization, etc. For some people, a telephone conversation with a stranger is practically no different from a conversation with parents, relatives, friends or acquaintances. But there are people who, while talking on the phone with strangers, begin to feel anxiety, uncertainty, and internal discomfort.
Fear of talking on the phone is a very common phenomenon. In real life, a person can be confident and sociable, but as soon as he has to dial someone he doesn’t know, he begins to feel embarrassed, mumble his words, and speak slurred.
Telephone phobia - a new type of fear
This behavior means there is a fear of the phone. In psychology, this phobia is called telephone phobia.
Causes of fear
Psychologists unanimously claim that fear of the telephone is not a psychological disease at all. This is just neurosis, a little stress for the body caused by excitement from the upcoming conversation. But if the fear of phone calls is not considered a disease, then the following questions arise: why does it cause us fear, and how to get rid of it.
The reasons for the appearance of this phobia can be very different; they are individual for everyone. But the most common are the following:
- Often, when calling strangers, people are afraid that they will be rude. When you call someone, you expect that they will speak to you calmly, loyally, but not rudely.
- Having received a negative response to a polite address, a feeling of resentment, insult and disappointment immediately appears.
- Many suffer from low self-esteem. Such people believe that they do not know how to express their thoughts, formulate sentences correctly and speak incomprehensibly.
- That's why they are afraid of telephone conversations. When communicating, they confuse phrases, lose the meaning of the conversation, and often have awkward pauses. Because of this, such people lose the desire to talk on the phone.
- If a person cannot concentrate on something for a long time, then he will be characterized by a fear of talking on the phone. After all, during a conversation he will constantly be distracted by extraneous topics and lose the essence of the conversation. According to psychologists, a reduced level of concentration is typical for people with attention deficit disorder.
- Having once received unpleasant news on the phone, a person may develop telephone phobia. After experiencing stress, he will begin to associate the phone with bad news, and every time the phone rings, he will be afraid to answer the call, thinking that he will hear the sad news again.
Bad news over the phone
All these reasons are related exclusively to the psychological state of people, and not to physical abnormalities. Because of these factors, the fear of making phone calls is accompanied by unpleasant thoughts and negative emotions. Just the thought of an upcoming call can cause emotional stress.
To get rid of the phobia of telephone conversations, psychologists conduct special trainings in which they teach people suffering from this problem how to calm down and overcome fear. You can solve this problem yourself, but you will need patience and perseverance to work on yourself, and most importantly, desire.
Causes
As with any social or specific phobia, the fear may stem from negative experiences in childhood. For example, one patient recalls that as a child she began to experience distress after friends laughed at the similarity of her voice to a man's during a telephone conversation.
Caller anxiety can also make a person anxious about answering the phone. In addition, there are Phonephobes, who developed a phobia in adulthood after reading or listening to messages about mobile devices that create harmful electromagnetic fields that negatively affect health or cause brain tumors.
In a sense, such people have a tendency towards hypochondria, as a result of which they have a constant fear of talking on the phone.
OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) can also be associated with Telephonephobia. Some people received negative news—a death, accident, or illness of loved ones—by telephone. They begin to fear that every time they answer a call, they may be pushing their luck and creating negative situations in their lives.
Finally, social anxiety is also a major factor in this phobia. Most people who suffer from phone anxiety feel that their weaknesses will be exposed when they are unable to speak or express themselves clearly. Even a simple call signals a series of worries or thoughts related to the dialogue.
The fear of receiving calls can range from being terrified of doing or thinking about answering incoming calls to being afraid to initiate calls. The ringing tone of a telephone can generate a sequence of alarms characterized by thoughts associated with the need to speak, perform, and talk. Patients sometimes perceive the voice on the other end as threatening or intimidating. Anxiety in some cases is caused by fears that the caller wants to convey bad or sad news.
Telephone phobia may be associated with constantly searching for the right time to call so as not to become a nuisance. A patient who telephones an office where he knows several people may be concerned about the prospect of not being able to identify the voice of the person answering and the potential for embarrassment. Some worry about having to "perform" in front of a real or imagined audience on the other end of the line - a particular problem for those who need to use the telephone in the workplace.
Fear of using voice communication in any context (to make or receive calls) may be related to concerns about poor signal quality and fears that one party will not understand what is being said, which may lead to misunderstandings or the need for repetition, further explanation, or other potentially awkward forms of negotiation .
These fears are often related to the lack of ability to use body language during a telephone conversation, and the person is afraid of losing a sense of control.
Patients typically report fear in which they are unable to respond appropriately in conversation or simply remain silent, resulting in embarrassing silence. Past events, such as receiving sad news or being confronted with an unpleasant and angry tone, also sometimes play a role in creating fear.
How to overcome fear
Nowadays, the telephone has become one of the easiest ways to exchange information. After all, this way we can contact people at any time and no matter how far we are from them. But if we are afraid to talk on the phone, then we will simply complicate our lives. Therefore, you need to learn to cope with this problem.
There are many ways to combat the fear of telephone conversations, but to solve the problem, you must first of all set yourself up for a positive result. Remember that the stranger you are calling does not care about you. He will talk to you, answer questions, and then hang up and forget about his interlocutor. Therefore, you should not be afraid of negotiations with strangers, and there is no point in worrying unnecessarily before such a short-term exchange of information.
An important component of successfully combating a phobia is the psychological attitude.
Overcoming phone fear
When we talk on the phone, we cannot see the emotions of our interlocutor, and often it is impossible to understand from his voice how he reacts to the words we say. To make it easier to conduct telephone conversations, you need to imagine that your interlocutor is next to you. And try to always speak softly, politely, with a smile, then you will receive mutual feedback from the person on the other side of the phone line.
Various reasons for fear prevent us from collecting our thoughts and making a phone call. To overcome anxiety, it is not enough to simply persuade yourself to make a challenge and convince yourself that there is nothing wrong with it. This won't help you calm down the first time, you need to practice it. But recharging yourself with positive emotions is always an effective way. To do this, you need to relax, think about something good, imagine that you have already successfully made a call, and you can come up with some kind of reward for yourself after the telephone conversation - a cake, candy, whatever.
Psychological attitude
- Before starting to work with a problem, it is important to set yourself up for a positive result. The person on the other side of the phone most often has absolutely nothing to do with the interlocutor. He clarified what was necessary and forgot about his interlocutor, perhaps forever. Does it make sense to waste your resources worrying about such short-term communication?
- If the conversation is with loved ones, then there is no need to worry. You need to be happy - your native voice, positive emotions. You need to imagine your interlocutor as if he were standing next to you. What usually happens in such cases? There will definitely be a smile. By the way, the speed dial function will not let your good mood disappear; it is worth using it for the first time.
- Persuasion does not work because the mind rests during fear. But positive emotions will drive away irrational fears. A bath with aromatic oils and light music is very relaxing. Does cake calm you down? Don't let those extra calories go to waste, make the call and put it in front of you as a prize for a job well done. You can come up with many such moments, based on personal preferences.
Rules for a successful conversation
So that fear of telephone conversations does not prevent you from calling on important matters, there are several rules that will help you negotiate successfully, despite your anxiety.
- Before dialing an unknown number, imagine the interlocutor: what he looks like, what he’s wearing, where he’s sitting and what he’s doing. Imagine that he is just like you, an ordinary person and there is nothing to be afraid of him. First, you can call your relatives or friends to calm down.
- It is very important to think through the conversation in advance, it is better to draw up a plan and write the necessary remarks. Often, out of excitement, you can get confused and even forget basic phrases like “Hello, I’m so-and-so,” “My name is so-and-so,” “I’m calling about such-and-such a question.” A piece of paper with notes will help you concentrate and conduct the conversation correctly and consistently. You can record the information you hear during a call.
- If during a conversation you don’t know what to say, just listen to your interlocutor and sometimes agree with him. So, he will get the impression that you are in the know.
- By focusing on his speech, you will stop frantically thinking about how to maintain a dialogue. In addition, information received from a stranger may prompt you to ask questions or respond to a monologue.
- Psychologists advise rehearsing your speech before the call. You can record the conversation on a voice recorder or conduct a test conversation with someone you know. You need to do this until your speech becomes clear.
- It is also recommended to think through possible questions for you and prepare answers to them in advance. This will give you confidence that you can communicate correctly without putting yourself in an awkward position.
If you follow these simple rules, you can overcome your fear of making a phone call and successfully communicate with strangers.
Listening skills are important for telephone phobia
The main thing that is required of you is desire and constant training. The more often you make phone calls, the faster you will realize that there is nothing wrong with it. By constantly repeating the same conversation, you will ensure that it becomes familiar, ordinary for you, and the phone call itself will not be unknown to you.
If long-term work on yourself does not produce any results, then you should consult a psychologist. He will find out the reasons for this fear and help you cope with it.
Don’t be shy about talking about your fear; many people have this problem, not just you. And if you do nothing, this small problem will cause constant stress and make your life more difficult.
Treatment options
It is important to understand that the phone is a device that is a companion throughout life, since it is an important communication tool and you need to learn to love it. If you admit you have a problem with talking on the phone, you need to make sure you get help. Talk to your doctor, family and friends, and seek support through online forums.
Gradually overcome telephone phobia by confronting the object of fear. Start by simply picking up the phone without dialing and “strike up a conversation.” Alternatively, call the customer service line, where only a robot can answer the call. Positive visualization also often plays an important role in successfully overcoming telephone phobia. Reward yourself with something nice after making a call - it motivates and helps.
Other treatments for telephone phobia include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), psychotherapy or hypnotherapy, which should be carried out under the supervision of trained therapists. Practice is an important part of overcoming fear and can be helpful for patients to slowly increase their frequency of phone use, starting with simple calls and working their way up. For example, they may find it easier to start with voicemails, then move on to conversations with family and friends, and then expand the length of conversations and people they contact.
How to get used to phone calls
If you get used to talking on the phone with unknown people, this phobia will quickly disappear. But it’s one thing to call a taxi, a cinema, order food at home, etc., but calling an employer, business partner, bank or some other serious organization is much more difficult. To do this, you need to understand and accept some facts and learn to cope with emotions.
Fighting anxiety
Before an important conversation, a person usually experiences anxiety. The interlocutor will not see your frightened eyes and trembling hands, but by your voice you can easily determine what you are going through. A confident person and a fearful person are usually perceived and evaluated differently. If you are afraid, you may not get the best opinion about you. Therefore, you need to learn to calm down.
A reliable way to combat anxiety is physical exercise. Squats or push-ups will help your body adjust to other tasks. And when you have a rest, you can make the necessary call. To calm the nerves, they came up with anti-stress cubes, balls and various other objects. You can twist or knead them in your hand during a conversation, this will also reduce anxiety.
Anti-stress cubes help with anxiety
Accepting the Obvious
Typically, when we call someone on the phone, we want to be perceived as smart, serious people. We are afraid of appearing stupid, incompetent, afraid of disgracing ourselves and putting ourselves in an awkward position. Sometimes, when we speak differently than in everyday life and try to seem smarter than we really are, we look even stupider and more ridiculous.
You need to understand that it is impossible to know and understand everything; people tend to make mistakes. Therefore, do not be afraid to say that you do not understand something, do not hesitate to ask questions. Your interest does not mean that you know nothing; on the contrary, it will show your interlocutor that you are trying to understand the essence of the conversation.
Be ready for anything
The situations and people you call can be very different. You may call at the wrong time, and the person you need may be in a bad mood, irritated, tired, too busy, or not feeling well. In etiquette, there are rules for talking on the phone with strangers. Those whose profession requires them to make frequent calls must adhere to these rules, but they do not always succeed.
You must come to terms with the fact that they may be rude to you, will not answer your questions, or will not want to talk at all.
It doesn’t matter for what reason and who you are calling: either you are calling different people because it is your job, or you are calling from some organization. In both cases, you must be prepared to hear any answer and not give up on telephone conversations after an unsuccessful call.
Telephone phobia: fear of telephone conversations and ways to overcome it
Telephone conversations have long become an integral part of everyday reality. And this is natural, because they are the simplest and fastest way to transmit information. It would seem that it could be simpler - pick up the phone and dial the required numbers! But for many people, this action is a serious test of their nerves.
Historical excursion
The fear of talking on the phone appeared along with the widespread introduction of this technical tool into everyday life. Mentions of such a phenomenon can be found in sources dating back to the beginning of the last century, but they began to study it thoroughly only in the 80s. This phenomenon even has a scientific name - “telephonophobia” or “telephobia”.
Currently, this phobia is recognized as a type of social anxiety disorder. It affects a wide variety of people, regardless of age or social status, and is found everywhere.
Why is the phone scary?
Psychologists working with this problem note a general trend in patients with telephobia. Usually their condition is due to the fear of receiving a negative assessment or refusal. It doesn’t matter what is being discussed - a promotion or a visit to the dentist.
For most people suffering from telephobia, the main difficulty is that they are afraid of making a bad impression on a significant person on whom something may depend. To be confident, they need to think carefully about their answers, but this is usually not possible during a telephone conversation.
Many people, especially those involved in trading, avoid calling potential clients until the last minute and prefer to contact them via instant messengers or emails. The motive for this behavior is the reluctance to seem too intrusive and cause irritation.
It is noteworthy that those who are frightened by the need to call somewhere can cope well with other types of communication: for example, communication in personal meetings or through correspondence does not cause them any discomfort.
Useful tips
Telephobia can seriously impair a person's quality of life and make it difficult for them to work, especially if their job involves frequent calls to strangers. Fortunately, there are self-help options for these people.
A key component of freeing yourself from fear is breaking the vicious cycle that results from avoidance strategies. It is important to try not to put off calls, but to make them as soon as the need arises.
Not the least important role is played by the process of preparing oneself for confrontation with the object of phobia. One of the most common methods used to do this is to create a plan for the upcoming dialogue.
Here are some sample points:
1. Greet the interlocutor. The greeting text can have varying degrees of formality. It will depend on who you are talking to.
2. Check whether the number was dialed correctly and who answered the phone: “Is this number so-and-so?” “I would like to talk to ...” (sometimes you should mention not only the name, but also the position of the person you need. It is advisable to clarify this data in advance).
3. Introduce yourself: give your full name and indicate who you are and what organization you are from.
4. Be sure to ask if it is convenient for the subscriber to have a conversation now! This is an indispensable rule of good manners.
5. Briefly and succinctly state the reason for your appeal. To avoid confusion, you can first write down on paper what you need to say.
6. Thank you for the information received (or for your attention, depending on the context of the conversation).
7. Say goodbye.
If such a list is not enough, you can go even further and create a kind of flowchart for the upcoming conversation. When constructing it, it is recommended to think through not only your phrases, but also the possible remarks of your interlocutor, and based on them, stock up on several options for reacting to his words. Don’t be alarmed if a person starts saying something not included in the plan. You can just listen to him and sometimes assent until he starts asking counter questions.
And the most important parting word: a smile is half the success! They will hear it on the other end of the line!
Start an online consultation with a psychologist.
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