Why do these “bad” feelings remain in the memory for a long time? What is an unfinished action?
The best prevention of the consequences of stress for both adults and children is to allow them to talk freely about what happened, express their feelings and thoughts, and give free rein to spontaneous, even contradictory, reactions and experiences.
Psychologists know: it is necessary that a child or an adult can freely “pour out his soul” (as poets used to put it), reveal what worries him, find a form for what may have dimly flashed in the mind, heart or impulse ran through the body in time of a stressful episode. Careful attention to small fragments of memory is necessary so that “unfinished, temporarily stopped” actions receive their identification and their place for “unfolding and completion” (naturally, in the form of a game, story or fantasy performance). The spontaneity of recognition, expression of one's feelings, a trusting attitude towards the world and the hope that the world will accept these feelings and treat them kindly must be restored. He will not say: “Your feelings are wrong,” but, on the contrary, will give support with words and actions in a certain (phenomenological) way. The situation can be considered complete when such complementary support opens the way for the expression (outburst) of feelings. In many cases, the victim does not formulate his thoughts and does not give space to his feelings, since there is no person perceiving (listening to) these feelings. Or, on the contrary, he fears rejection, condemnation from those around him, and therefore maintains external calm for the sake of loyalty.
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We will give an example of such a phenomenological message for an adult below. Perhaps the form will seem too naive to the reader, but a stressful situation is often not the case where complex philosophical reflections or paradoxical proposals are appropriate. For example, a friend or loved one can confirm: “Yes, the situation was difficult,” saying that, yes, the person was very stressed or angry at that moment. That is, to give respect and RECOGNITION to a person’s experience at the level of his phenomenology of feelings, impulses, impulses experienced during a difficult stressful situation (trauma). A friend will refrain from false consolation tactics: “Just forget and don’t think about it: it’s all over” or “don’t be so afraid and worry, because everything ended well!” Such remarks seem supportive and reassuring, and their structure tells the person: “Your feelings are wrong, replace them.” It’s amazing how often, in a stressful situation, loved ones confuse support with “silencing spontaneous feelings”! If the situation was really difficult, it is better for the child or adult to express in a calm and friendly atmosphere what they really experienced at that stressful moment.
Two strategic goals in the work of a psychologist in connection with some manifestations of PTSD
When working with PTSD, two areas of work open up for a psychologist. The first direction is to identify the nature of excess stress in a person and help cope with stress. The second is to explain to parents or loved ones how to replace components of communication that are harmful to the victim with more effective and beneficial ones for everyone. These areas go well together and can be discussed in detail. First, the psychologist may present some ideas about how to help a person who has experienced stress in the past and now has signs of PTSD. Then, discuss what and how loved ones can do to support the rehabilitation process and prevent PTSD in the event of stressful (traumatic) situations in the future.
Goal two. Working with parents. What and how can parents do?
What can a psychologist advise loved ones if an unpleasant episode once happened to a child or adult, and they want to help as much as possible with good mental rehabilitation after this episode? Obviously, you need to somehow talk to the person and let them talk, even if it’s a child (especially if it’s a child). If it is known for sure that a difficult situation has occurred, it is useful for loved ones to show respect for emotional reactions and responses to the stress factor. I can assume that often close people act in relation to those who find themselves in a really difficult situation, using tactics familiar to them from childhood in relation to a completely different category of experience. If they are used to calming overly nervous relatives, it seems to them that, by analogy, they also need to calm those who have experienced real stress. This tactic denies the reality of the experience, and we know that the first basis for rehabilitation is for the person to be supported in the reality of his existence. Including in the reality of lived experience.
How to talk to a child after suffering stress? How to talk to a child in a situation where he is directly experiencing stress? The answer is straightforward: acknowledge the fact of stress and acknowledge the full range of feelings that the child exhibits. If the basis of these feelings is, in addition to the relevance of the emotional response to the current situation, the additional unpleasant effect of anxiety generated by PTSD, then a position of respect and acceptance on the part of loved ones is doubly necessary. This receptive and phenomenological action creates a platform for the disclosure of experience and its processing. By the way, processing can happen without the help of a psychologist. For example, if parents encourage spontaneous expression of feelings, the child may express feelings during spontaneous play. Or he may, during a night's sleep, see, concretely or in symbolic form, an old traumatic episode. Often the dream itself does the work of symbolization, identification and response; it can provide a place and form for the work of completing unfinished actions by the psyche. The work that they forgot to do during the daytime. And then, fortunately, you won’t even need the help of a psychologist.
Types of children's fears
Each person is an individual with his own experience and life story. All people were once children, and everyone was afraid of something. There are several types of fear that are common in many children. Most often they are caused by the same circumstances.
The most common types of fear include:
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- fear of the dark;
- fear of separation;
- fear of physical harm.
Almost all children of preschool and primary school age are afraid of the dark and various fantastic monsters from films and fairy tales.
If we consider the fear of darkness from a biological point of view, then it is completely justified. The darkness may hide something that will destroy your sense of security.
These fears should teach the child to cope with his wild imagination and develop certain defense mechanisms. But sometimes such fantasies turn out to be far from harmless - strong fears can lead to behavioral and sleep disorders, as well as disrupt the child’s emotional state and lead to the development of neurosis.
Neuroses that appear against a background of fear can be easily corrected if you pay attention to them in time. However, if timely help from a specialist is not forthcoming, fear will continue to grow in the future, when the child becomes an adult; against the backdrop of fear of the dark, he may experience panic attacks, which are quite difficult to cure.
Finished works on a similar topic
Course work Correction of children's fears 410 ₽ Abstract Correction of children's fears 240 ₽ Test work Correction of children's fears 220 ₽
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Fear of separation occurs in a child who has to separate from his parents for a long time. Psychoanalysis of childhood fears describes separation as one of the basic concepts, which means the separation of the child and the mother (or the person replacing the mother) from each other.
If the separation occurs on a permanent basis, and the child is separated from his mother for a long time, then the threat of separation from his mother may be excessive and difficult to bear. Separation anxiety also manifests itself in other fears (in children and adults), for example, fear of rejection, loss or death of loved ones, and loneliness.
Fear of physical harm is considered important. It is expressed in the fear of losing a part of the body. Some psychologists also include psychogenic constipation in this group of fears - the fear of going to the toilet in children may be associated with the perception of the contents of the intestines as part of their own body.
This fear is considered normal and may need correction only if it interferes with the normal functioning of the child’s psyche.
Parental influence on emotional processing after a stressful episode and on the recovery process.
As we see, the actions of loved ones towards someone who has experienced stress play a decisive role in how the process of recovery after the incident will occur. As we have already discussed, you should not simply expect that if you do not mention the troubles you have experienced, they will somehow disappear from your memory. Helping and supporting a person in a stressful situation requires from the person providing support not only goodwill or sympathy, but also a certain mental attitude. I remember a conversation with an interlocutor who talked about his mother and her reaction to stress: “My mother is a very impressionable and emotional person. As a child, I knew for sure that if I told my mother, for example, that I had cut my finger and was bleeding, she would begin to worry and worry so much that she would become simply scared for her. And therefore I tried to solve all my problems on my own. I did it so that my mother wouldn’t find out about them.” Another example points to the possible negative role impressionable relatives can play in dealing with a child or adult who is in a stressful situation: “When my grandmother saw me fall out of the tree, she became so worried that she had a heart attack.” . It is clear that under these conditions the victim received little attention to exactly what feelings he experienced at different stages of his relationship with the tree - what did he feel, what made him climb the tree, how did he experience the loss of balance and the fact that he did not cope with the task? It turned out that the child’s stress became aggression for the grandmother and for her health, a system of relationships was created in which there is a place for blocking feelings, shame and guilt.
The third case illustrates how the feelings of an adult capture the emotional experience of a child into their flow. I remember working with blocking feelings that were a consequence of shock trauma. Anya says: “I was 6 years old. I really wanted to be as dexterous as the boys. I climbed a tree and then realized that I couldn’t stay on the branch. And she began to slide off her to the ground. I was plump and not very dexterous. Then my mother saw me and rushed to me in horror. I fell to the ground. Mom grabbed me in her arms and ran home, then to the doctor. I didn’t even have bruises, but I was terribly scared and this episode resonates with some kind of indescribable tension throughout my whole body.” A detailed analysis of the situation showed that in the episode there were two completely different events that “stuck together” into one block, and therefore created the preconditions for recording the shock experience. There was the first episode in which a girl, out of excitement, climbed a tree, could not stay on the branch and deftly (“even without bruises!”) slid to the ground. It was a complete action with good contact with your body and with the physical world: with the tree, with gravity and with the earth. Such an action required the integration and completion of some new communication with surrounding people in the episode. The girl conquered her fear and coped with a difficult physical task. She did it not for the audience, but for herself. This was her process of recognition, positive emotional evaluation, joy, experiencing victory or other strong feelings. However, for mom it was a completely different episode. The mother saw her daughter falling from a tree, drew a picture of the terrible consequences (spinal injuries, bruises, disability and other horrors) and experienced an affect of horror. When the mother began to interact with her daughter, the strength of feeling on the part of the mother literally captured the girl. And this force (the horror experienced by the mother) interrupted the flow of the child’s own emotional process.
During the consultation, I initiated a small play episode, which played a crucial role in ensuring that rehabilitation proceeded freely and new creative and adaptive processes could be launched in Anya’s soul, so that the girl could return to a free flow in her emotional life. A dialogue took place in a metaphorical, playful form that should not be carried out in real life. After a careful and detailed reconstruction of the sequence of events, the therapist found it useful to invite the interlocutor to play a short rehabilitation scene in which Anya told her mother: “Mom, this is your fear and horror! I feel good after this episode with the tree. I fell smartly and I'm proud of it. Horror is not my emotion. This is your fear. Therefore, take your fear back and do with it what you want. You can throw it in the trash. Or you can remember. But this is your fear, not mine! This game had a healing effect, since blocking one’s own affect and being overwhelmed by horror turned out to come from the horror of another person, close and dear. The girl was involved in experiencing her mother’s horror and interrupted her own experiences and feelings. She was frightened by her mother’s reaction to the situation and, through “merging,” maintained her fixation for many years.
The fourth type of situation that I would like to briefly mention is the situation of parental anger. There are circumstances when an adult is so angry with the child himself for his carelessness or with another adult who caused the child’s stress that he forgets about the feelings of the victim and focuses on the educational process or on anger towards someone else.
Methods for correcting fears in children consultation on the topic
OVERCOMING FEARS
“Think of a happy ending.” The goal is the de-realization of objects of fear. An adult reads a scary fairy tale to a child (9 years old and older) and asks him to come up with a funny ending to it.
“Draw the scary one as cheerful (kind).” The goal is the de-realization of objects of fear. To play, you need to prepare black and white drawings of scary characters in advance. The child is given the task of completing the drawings so that the scary characters turn into funny or kind. You can invite your child to draw his fear and then add details to make it funny.
For example, in one of the classes I suggested drawing the most terrible horror story that all children are afraid of. Then she reported that this horror story had been invited to a birthday party. How can she go so scary? How can we help her? (“Make up her lips, put her in a dress, do her hair and give her a handbag,” Masha answered and did this.) In further conversation about the drawing, we came to the understanding that, despite its appearance as a horror story, it could be quite a good one. and a harmless creature.
"Salon". Children are advised to close their eyes and imagine some scary creature that all children are usually afraid of, and draw it. Then we inform you that this creature is a girl who is about to get married. And of course, she needs to visit a hairdresser, where she will get a beautiful hairstyle, makeup, etc. Children are invited to act as a hairdresser and decorate their girlfriend as best as possible.
"Hospital". In this version of the exercise, the children were told that the terrible creature had very bad teeth and a swollen cheek. Children need to draw suffering on the face of the creature (tears, bandage). It is very afraid to go to the doctor. Children are invited to turn into kind and attentive doctors, whom no one is afraid of, treat the “creature” and draw an expression of joy on its face (this can be done on another sheet).
"The Book of My Exploits." The goal is to strengthen the child’s “I”. The psychologist, together with the child, plays out a situation in which the child accomplishes a feat: he defeats some evil creature. Then the child draws his feat. After finishing the drawing, he once again remembers his feat with the help of the leader, the psychologist writes down this story. In this case, the story may differ slightly from the previously performed feat. After the lesson, the psychologist promises the child to write out his story beautifully, so that he can then compile a book of exploits from the drawings and stories. At the next lesson, the child examines his drawing, and the psychologist reads to him a printed story about the feat. Then the situation is played out again, the child draws it and composes a story.
"I am very good". The goal is to strengthen the child’s “I”. The psychologist asks the child to repeat the words several times in different ways: in a whisper, loudly, very loudly. Thus, the psychologist and the child whisper, pronounce, shout the words “I”, “very”, “good”.
“Say kind words to the bear.” The goal is to strengthen the child’s “I”. The child and the psychologist throw a ball around and remember the good qualities of the person. Then the psychologist “invites” a teddy bear to the lesson. The child comes up with good words for him, ending the sentence “You are...”. Then the psychologist and the child take turns picking up the bear, so each of them turns into a bear and comes up with kind words for the other.
I also use fairy tale therapy when working with fears. Working with fairy tales is often given as homework to parents; for working with children at home, I recommend the books “Fairytale therapy for children's problems” by R.M. Tkach, “How to help a child get rid of fears. Fears are serious” Shishova T.L., “We are not afraid of the gray wolf” Miklyaeva A.V., Rumyantseva P.V.; “Once upon a time there was a girl like you” D. Brett.
When working with fears, the method of catathymic-imaginative psychotherapy was also used. The symboldrama method (catathymic-imaginative psychotherapy) was developed by the famous German psychotherapist, Professor H. Leiner. The basis of the method is free fantasy in the form of images, internal pictures on a topic (motive) given by the psychotherapist. The use of symboldrama methods has proven itself best when working with children's phobias. At the same time, gradual step-by-step “deconditioning” (removal of conditioned reflex dependencies), reminiscent of behavioral therapy methods, turned out to be effective.
First of all, it is necessary to establish emotional and personal contact between the child and the psychologist. In this case, especially important is attached to a conversation with the child about his joys and concerns. At the same time, the child’s attention should not be distracted by foreign objects, in particular, by toys. Therefore, it is advisable to conduct a symboldrama session in another room, and not in the one where play psychotherapy is carried out. It is advisable that the room be slightly darkened, and the curtains should be half closed (they should not be completely closed, otherwise this may cause anxiety in the child). This must be done in advance, before the child arrives, since in his presence this may cause him anxiety.
When working with children of primary school age (from 6 to 9 years old), it is preferable to conduct a session while sitting in a comfortable chair with a high enough back so that the child can rest his head comfortably. This pose better corresponds to the characteristics of motor-motor activity of this age, when children, even with their eyes closed, make involuntary movements with their arms or legs. In addition, in this position they are not as much exposed to the fear of being “torn to pieces” by the psychotherapist as in a more defenseless lying position. Unlike working with an adult, when working with a child, it is preferable for a psychologist to sit not opposite, but in parallel, next to the child. In this case, you should sit facing not the window, but towards the dark part of the room.
The child, sitting in a comfortable chair, is put into a state of relaxation. It is enough to ask the child to lie down or sit down, close his eyes and relax. The next important condition for conducting a symboldrama session with a child is its rationale, which is understandable and acceptable to the child. For example, a child can be asked if he knows an interesting “game of flight of fancy with his eyes closed.” In this way, he manages to arouse curiosity and create motivation for conducting a symboldrama session. When working with older children and adolescents, a psychologist may ask if the child would like to take an interesting test in which he needs to imagine certain images in his mind. After achieving a state of relaxation, the child is asked to imagine images on a topic given by the psychologist in an open form - a standard motive. Imagining the images, the child talks about his experiences to the psychologist sitting next to him, who, as it were, “accompanies” him in the images and, if necessary, directs their course in accordance with the correction strategy.
After drawing the image, the child is asked to draw what was imagined. Contraindications for the use of this technique are: 1) acute or chronic psychosis or conditions close to psychosis; 2) cerebral-organic syndromes in severe form; 3) insufficient intellectual development with an IQ below 85; 4) insufficient motivation. This method can be used with children aged 6-7 years.
H. Leiner suggests the following as the main motives of symbol drama for children and adolescents:
1. meadow, as the initial image of each psychotherapeutic session;
2. climbing a mountain to see a panorama of the landscape from its top;
3. following a stream up or downstream,
4. home inspection;
5. meeting with a significant person (mother, father, brothers and sisters, idol, teacher, etc.) in real or symbolic attire (in the form of an animal, tree, etc.);
6. observing the edge of the forest and waiting for a creature to emerge from the darkness of the forest;
7. a boat that appears on the shore of a pond or lake, on which the child goes for a ride;
8. a cave, which is first observed from the side in anticipation that a symbolic creature will emerge from it, and which, at the child’s request, can also be entered in order to stay in it or to explore its depths.
Along with the listed motives, the following three additional motives have also been widely used in recent years: “Observing and establishing contact with the animal family” - in order to gain an understanding of the problems in the child’s family, as well as to correct them; “Taking possession of a plot of land in order to cultivate or build something on it”; “Imagining myself to be about 10 years older.”
For teenagers, you can also offer motives: “Own car, motorcycle.”
In addition, in terms of psychodiagnostics, the following motifs turned out to be particularly effective: “Tree”, “Three Trees”, “Flower”.
In certain cases, specific motifs of symbol drama are used: “Representation of a real situation at school or at home”; "Memories from past experiences"; “Presentation of the last scene from a night dream and the continuation of its development in a waking dream”; “Introspection of the insides of the body (a journey deep into your body)”; “Imagining certain objects that have special emotional meaning, such as a toy, a favorite doll, a teddy bear, or other stuffed animal.”
When working with a parent-child pair, the following motifs are used: “Animals go to visit each other,” “A trip to a desert island,” “Children in a toy store,” etc.
Example: The parents of a girl asked for advice. Reason for contact: a girl (Zhenya, 7 years old) is afraid to stay at home alone, in the dark; suffers from logoneurosis. Simultaneously with art therapeutic techniques, the symboldrama method was used. 15 classes were held, the motifs “Flower”, “Stream”, “Source”, “Three Trees”, “Ball”, “Children’s Toy” were used (she presented her favorite doll, the doll got an allergy, Zhenya cured her by giving her a “magic” potion), “An animal that needs your help” (I imagined a lonely little hedgehog who was getting wet in the rain; I fed him milk, built a warm, dry hut for him), “The edge of the forest” (Baba Yaga came out of the forest and wanted to eat Zhenya. After my phrase: “I know that Baba Yaga loves cake very much, could you look there somewhere and treat her?”, Zhenya was able to “find” a lot of goodies in the image, feed Baba Yaga, after which she became “just a kind grandmother” and even played with the girl), “Animals go to visit each other” (this motive was carried out together with Zhenya and dad. Dad was a deer, Zhenya was a dolphin. The dolphin tried to feed the deer fish, and the deer the dolphin - grass, but as a result they came to an agreement: they feasted on sweets on the seashore). As a result of the correctional work, Zhenya’s number of fears decreased from 18 to 5, and her speech returned to normal.
Psychotherapy using the symboldrama method also opens up new possibilities for the psychotherapeutic use of fairy tales. Ya.L. Obukhov developed the “Catathymic trip to a fairy tale” technique, combining elements of fairy tale therapy and symbol drama. The structure of a psychotherapeutic session, according to the methodology, is determined by the following four important phases:
Pre-conversation phase (15-20 minutes). The child is invited to tell about his favorite fairy tale. Sometimes, if a fairy tale is little known, he is asked to retell the tale. At this phase, it is revealed when the child was first told or read a fairy tale, who read or told it, how and where it happened, what moments of the fairy tale especially worried him, how he related to individual characters. Relaxation phase (1-5 minutes). The child is asked to close his eyes and relax, and a relaxation exercise is performed.
Phase of image presentation (the duration of image presentation varies depending on the child’s age from 5 to 20 minutes). The child is asked to imagine himself in a fairy tale, which he talked about during the preliminary conversation: “Imagine that you find yourself in a fairy tale... Everything you imagine is good. We can work with any image."
Discussion phase (5-10 minutes). At the end of the presentation of the images, a discussion is held with the child and homework is given to draw what is presented in the image. The drawing is then discussed in the pre-talk of the next session.
To treat childhood fear neurosis, it is necessary to act not only in a psychological direction, but also to influence the consequences of this neurosis, expressed at the physiological level. Children need relaxation and relaxation exercises.
Based on the results of psychocorrection (7–10 days after the end of classes), the children were again offered the “Fears in the Houses” test. In some cases, for the purity of the analysis of the results, I duplicated this technique and, looking at the drawings, additionally asked the following questions: “You drew this fear, now tell me, are you afraid of it or not?” Subsequently, the phrase gradually shortened: “Now are you afraid or not?”, “Are you afraid or not?” After the discussion, she praised the child for being able to cope with his fears or some of his fears, and gave him a talisman (a small toy). At the same time, the instructions were given: this figurine is not easy, it will be a friend and protector, you just need to take the figurine in your hands, stroke it and say: “Everything will be fine with me, I can do anything!”
It should be said that in my practice there were cases when correctional work was not effective enough. In such cases, the parents themselves had an increased level of anxiety and fear and cultivated it in their children. Treatment of a child without parental therapy most often does not bring positive results. 90% of all children's fears are generated by the family and are firmly supported by it. For example, the class teacher Andrey (11 years old) came to see me with complaints about the child’s aggressiveness, irritability, inattention, and a sharp decline in academic performance. In a conversation with the boy, it turned out that three months ago his grandfather died in front of his eyes when they were alone at home. After this event, the child had a high fever for a long time and had nightmares. The boy’s parents refused to cooperate, citing the fact that “everything will go away on its own, we need to use “vitamins P and U” more often - a corner and a belt.” There was no objection to correctional sessions with a psychologist. As a result of long-term work using the symboldrama method, sand therapy, and art therapy, Andrey’s nightmares disappeared and his defensive aggression decreased, but after the summer holidays the picture turned out to be almost the same as at the beginning of the work.
In my work with parents, I proceeded from the following position: “If you understand and are aware of this, then you can cope with the situation, you can change it, and you can change yourself.” The changes that occur with the child require a restructuring of the relationship between the adult and the child, and changes in the parents themselves.
In the joint work of parents and children, I used not only symboldrama, but also art therapeutic techniques:
"Stone". Goal: harmonization of parent-child relationships, development of creative thinking. Materials: sea pebbles, larger for children of primary school age, for teenagers - the size of a five-kopeck coin; paints, brushes, sheets of A4 paper. Parents and children are invited to color sea pebbles with symbols, followed by a discussion: What is the most important thing about my symbol?, How does he look like me?, Where did I learn this (or from whom)?, What does he dream of and what does he want?
"The mood of my home." Goal: harmonization of parent-child relationships, development of creative thinking. Materials: A3 paper, paint brushes. Parents and the child silently draw the mood of their home on wet paper, then they need to name the drawing, come up with a motto and say it together.
"Home construction". Goal: harmonization of parent-child relationships, development of creative thinking. Materials: tea boxes, colored paper, foil, glue, scissors, natural materials. From cardboard boxes, colored paper, twigs, stones, etc. a child and his parents are building a house; they come up with the idea that they wanted to convey with its content.
"Island of Forgiveness" Goal: harmonization of parent-child relationships. Materials: semolina, whatman paper. Participants create islands from semolina; for small children, the semolina should be immediately divided into piles. The following instructions are given: create your own island, build bridges of forgiveness to another person.
In addition to fairytale therapy programs, parents can be advised to include elements of puppet therapy in their activities with children.
Sample thematic tasks:
- Draw the face of a doll that is afraid of something. Make a finger puppet. Let her tell scary stories.
- Imagine that the doll is afraid of something and is hiding. Draw where and from whom she is hiding.
- Imagine that your doll is in a dark room. Draw what happened there.
