Human society has been constantly and intensively developing for many centuries. One era gives way to another, progress in all spheres of activity has raised man to the pedestal of the dominant species on planet Earth.
One thing is bad: everything changes on the path of progress, but no one, with all their aspirations, strengths and capabilities, could either ban, overcome or abolish cruelty. This character trait, like many others, manifests itself in different situations, changing a person to unpredictable consequences.
What is cruelty?
Cruelty is selfish selfishness, envy, hatred and malice towards other people, towards life and towards oneself. This is the result of a lack of success in achieving one’s own goals and objectives with intentional or accidental harm to everything around.
It's no secret: what goes around comes around - cruelty begets cruelty. Causing harm to everything around in order to gain benefit for themselves, people do not think about the consequences that will not take long to arrive.
The Virtues of Cruelty
Cruelty as a character trait can only have merit for that person. All others experience only negativity.
Despite this, a cruel person wants to remain that way in order to be taller and cooler than everyone else. Psychologists say that this desire may be unconscious, since a person was once unable to overcome the psychological trauma received and the pain caused by it. He could not defeat injustice, and, in order to never feel this again, he became cruel. But in reality he is scared and needs support. However, he believes that he is feared and will never be bullied again.
Forms of cruelty
Cruelty has different forms of manifestation: inflicting physical pain on a living being without any pity or compassion, offensive words, all kinds of actions and even inaction, and often unhealthy fantasies. She finds a loophole in straightforwardness and stubbornness, in mockery and deceit, in anger and unfriendliness, in intolerance for the mistakes of others.
The worst thing is when cruelty brings moral or physical pleasure. This is already sadism. Moreover, people, animals, plants, buildings, monuments, transport, places of leisure, etc. suffer from the harmful consequences.
How to deal with cruelty yourself
Fear of death - why it occurs and how to get rid of it
If a person has realized cruelty in himself (either on his own or through a conversation with a loved one), then the first thing he must understand is the problem that needs to be dealt with. You need to do it like this:
- Visit a specialist. In psychology, the science of mental processes, there is always a way to solve a problem. You just need to go to a psychologist and honestly discuss the situation with him.
Appointment with a psychologist
- Work on your self-esteem. You may have to evaluate your capabilities soberly, maybe you will need to learn not to underestimate your merits.
- Develop empathy. It is easy to insult another without paying attention to his feelings. If this is done to the aggressor himself, most likely he will not like this experience. Therefore, it is important to study the technique of “what will happen to your neighbor”: you should try on each of your words and actions, noting the reaction. The final indicator will be the developed ability to “feel” the emotions of another, this will help cope with excessive anger.
One conclusion can be drawn from the above: cruelty is the real fire of personality. It must exist and be used for good, but for this it requires careful attention to oneself. Aggression left to its own devices can seriously ruin the life of both the cruel person and those around him.
Reasons for cruelty
People are not born cruel. In society there have always been norms of behavior, ethics and morality, on the border of which cruelty lay dormant. Abusive people become abusive for many reasons:
- High or low self-esteem. Dissatisfaction with life and yourself.
- The concepts of morality and morality have lost their power.
- Self-affirmation in a distorted form as a misunderstanding of methods of self-preservation.
- Childhood fears that persist into adulthood among people who faced indifference, cruel punishments and a strict upbringing regime in childhood.
- Demonstration of one's greatness and power through humiliating, mocking words, oppression and suppression, violence, murder. Sadism is the highest form of cruelty.
- Pride and, as a result, a feeling of revenge.
- Hiding personal complexes due to inferiority and weakness.
- Manifestation of inhumanity in inaction, taking pleasure in it, deliberate refusal to help.
Requests for help Write your story Hello, this site is now my last hope. I feel very bad. It seems to me that life has stopped and nothing good awaits me anymore, I’m only 26 years old, but I already feel old, as if I’ve lived my whole life. I have been in this state for about 3 months. It all started with a change of housing (I live in the city, I rent, my parents are in the village). I urgently had to change my place of residence. This has already pushed me out of my usual way of life, neighbors with whom I can’t find a common language and make friends, we are completely, completely different, I even had to leave home. I have a very gentle character, so all my life I have had to endure cruelty from people. The closest people turned out to be traitors who simply wiped their feet. Every time you have to relive it all again and again. Men... a different story. No one loved me, and those who did broke my heart and left me with complexes and awareness of my own inferiority. And now one of my friends, a person who was very dear to me, a person in whose purity I had no doubt, is leaving my life. Without words or explanations. Deep down, I probably love him. I won’t be able to bear this, and I don’t know how I’ll survive, I probably won’t be able to trust anyone anymore. I ask myself questions: what’s wrong with me, why does life get to me like this? It’s always been hard for as long as I’ve been living. I also have problems with women, I will have to be on medications all my life and I don’t know if I can give birth to a child. And I dream of a family. I'm thinking about changing cities, but I'm scared. Loneliness is suffocating. I don’t have anyone so that I can come and cry out my pain. I tried to call my mother and talk, tell her about how difficult it was for me, about my worries, but she didn’t hear me at all. The world has collapsed. I don’t know what’s wrong with me if people are so cruel... I try to find something to do, I try to help people, but I miss the warmth so much and I’m tired of human cruelty and I can’t stand it anymore. I don’t know how to live, and where to get the strength to live out this life. It seems that nothing good will happen anymore. It’s unbearably painful to wake up in the morning. I have terrible thoughts in my head, it seems that if I finish everything, it will be easier. These thoughts are scary. I really need support.
Sun, age: 26 / 06/26/2019
Responses:
Sun, you are not the only one in this world. Try not to think about the cruelty of others and do not indulge in self-criticism or self-pity. Take a break, become a volunteer or throw yourself into work and study. Since no one loves or pities you, love you, give your love to everyone around you, in defiance of fate. Yes, it’s difficult, but try to switch from your worries and think only about others and how difficult it is for them, and forget about yourself for now. Believe me, you will meet your people who will love and empathize, they just aren’t with you right now. I’m not surprised that mom didn’t sympathize with you, in villages people are more pragmatic, they’re all about work and business, they have no time to feel sorry for themselves and others. But believe me, mom loves you very much, honey! Don't be offended by her, don't. Let go of your martyr, but don’t think about losing faith in love. Perhaps he will return when he realizes that there are few like you. Or perhaps you will meet another person, much more interesting, who will appreciate you. In general, create your own beautiful world around you, take your mind off obsessive thoughts. Read, watch movies, go for walks, take courses, study what you like, work, help others and make people smile. Hugs to you, Sun.
Evgeniya, age: 27 / 06/27/2019
Hello, Dear Sunshine!
I want to start with the ending of your letter, about the fact that it will become easier. I'll tell you why I do this later. So, it won’t get any easier, it’s been tested by many. Please read the sections of the site “About death”, “Methods of suicide” at least, there is enough detail there about “it will become easier” (column with topics on the left). In general, the site contains good material on many issues related to suicide, depression and more. I also almost always recommend the section “The Fate of the Relatives of a Suicide” to people thinking about suicide. The point is that a person must know what consequences are possible. There are moments in life when the colors around you thicken into dark tones, it happens that this period stretches out for a long time, but suicide is not a way out of the word “completely”. Therefore, having convinced yourself of this, you need to look for a solution, cutting off such a development of events (suicide) even in your thoughts. We would certainly like everything to make us happy, nothing to upset us, but life is what it is, and not what we dream of in our “rose-colored dreams.” There are very good sites from this family “Survive” “Realists” https://www.realisti.ru/ and “Real Love” https://www.realove.ru/ that will help you understand reality and find true love. Please read, I’m sure you are an intelligent and kind person and you can find a lot of spiritual qualities similar to yours on these sites and figure it out! At the moment, think, is it all about unrequited love for a departing friend? What caused this condition? People around us are who they are, there are no ideal people. We're not perfect either. Each of us is also disliked or even unpleasant by someone, or vice versa, and the reasons may not be in us at all. If the situation with your neighbors is really depressing, you can find another place to live over time, or learn not to take possible attacks in your direction to heart, this will help a lot in life! (well, if the neighbors are not completely aggressive, working on yourself should not be associated with a health threat). Very often, precisely for this purpose, a vulnerable person is placed in conditions in which he will experience, at a minimum, discomfort from his vulnerability. Therefore, it is necessary to find out the cause of vulnerability and, if possible, fight it. A good priest or psychologist can best help in this matter. My preference is for a priest, because in addition to vast experience, there is a blessing from God to pray for us sinners, including for health. There is also a lot of information on the sites, I repeat... The world has not collapsed anywhere, it is only slowly moving, but each of us is called to make it better by doing good, each in his place and according to his own strength, even if people are cruel around, in this case kindness is more valuable. In fact, even one person is a warrior in the field. And even one person can do a LOT! Therefore, we ourselves will love and shine to others! Without expecting the same from others. Give the warmth of our hearts, learn to love and forgive sincerely. The main thing is to learn to be kind, not kind. Real goodness must be ready to “give even a belt”, if necessary, to the lost child of God. Call your mom more often, if possible, maybe she didn’t understand something; when you’re stressed, you can’t always feel the mood. I can say unequivocally about “it seems that nothing good will ever happen”, the key word is “it seems”, they say you should be baptized when it seems and more often! God help you in finding the right solutions and your man, our dear Man. The sun is called to shine, and I wish you the same with all my heart, all the sunshine to you!
Vitaly, age: Deeply over 40 / 06/27/2019
Hello. Dear, how many of us are such pretty, interesting, smart, beautiful women who are lonely and cannot find their other halves. And they also betrayed, and also deceived, and a lot of other things... But in the end, you can’t die because of this. They will live and rejoice, and because of their departure we will deprive ourselves of health and life, why?! There is no groom, learn to live without him and be happy now. It's possible! And that’s right, you shouldn’t put relationships first in your life. And now it’s worth living fully and joyfully! Learn new things, develop yourself, you can take some courses, go to fitness, go to the pool, find friends, girlfriends, go somewhere. There's no need to be sad, honey. Good health to you!
Irina, age: 31 / 06/27/2019
Dear Sun, I understand your pain, I understand your worries and loneliness. If I could call you or see you... I would be friends with you. I had difficult moments, and only the Lord could help. Nobody else. He brought me out and still brings me out, helps. It can be hard, but I move on with prayer... Talk to Him, He brings you out of the most difficult situations and restores you from ruins. Hold on, walk, move, this is very important, physical work affects you. Overcome yourself, meet people, talk, do what you love, just go forward and enjoy life in spite of everything!
Nancy, age: 29/06/27/2019
Sun, what a name you have!!! Never say never and always. Everything is temporary, everything is cyclical, one thing goes away and another comes. That's life. You are suffering, I sympathize very much. And I understand what it’s like. I changed housing and neighbors 100 times. And nothing changed in my life until I honestly looked into my soul to know myself and change. You are a wonderful person, I'm sure of it! You deserve all the best. And this will happen in due time. God has everything on time. And now, apparently, we need to be patient. Sorrows are sent not for some reason, but for something. You can think about this. Maybe see a psychologist. Hugs! Forget about suicide forever. Hell is not for you. You are a valuable and unique person. Just be patient with yourself and people. “Let go - let God go.” He alone can help you. Go and ask for help! read the book https://vk.com/topic-1832015_33162065. Join the group, everyone is there.
Natasha, age: 38 / 06/27/2019
Sun, please go to the website https://www.perejit.ru You can find a lot of valuable things there. And read this also, please: https://www.perejit.ru/main/theydid They could do it, You can do it too, don’t even doubt it. Everything will be fine. The main thing is to live. Do you know how many unsuccessful suicide attempts there are, after which a person remains disabled for life. In the event of such a “successful” attempt, even we cannot imagine what inhuman horror awaits the suicide there, HOW unfortunate he wants to get out of there, return and fix everything! But it's' too late. And it’s too late forever.. This is where the real horror lies. There are no words to convey this. You are a young, beautiful girl, you have your whole life ahead of you. Everything will pass, time heals, believe me, dear. You just need to get through this stage, and then it will be easier for you, believe me, dear. While a person is alive, he can change everything and fix everything! Please read this and think about it. https://www.pobedish.ru/main/suicide_methods Hold on, I believe in you!!!
Marta, age: 27 / 28.06.2019
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Acceptable Cruelty
To better understand what cruelty is, we need to consider it as a reaction to intolerable circumstances that threaten human existence. And the more fierce they are, the more the response will go off scale.
The psychology of cruelty is a fine line on which good and evil are balanced. Is it possible to be a harmless, sympathetic, compliant person for everyone if you are faced with meanness, injustice, humiliation and insults? I think no. But the cruel are feared, shunned, and sometimes even respected.
A tough person is a strong personality. Kindness cannot be opposed to cruelty if human life depends on it. Therefore, cruelty should be developed not for violence, but in order to resist it.
Why do cruel people exist? Man by nature is a predator. If you look back at the whole history, you can’t count the wars with the most brutal destruction of all living things. Therefore, in any developed society, laws are necessary, the violation of which is fraught with severe punishment. Cruelty is an integral part of life, which means you need to learn to live and fight with it, and look for new models of behavior.
Can cruelty be justified?
At first glance, this quality appears to be strictly negative, bringing only suffering and pain. Now let’s imagine a person who always acts “good and right,” and most importantly, kindly.
They offend him - he forgives, they humiliate him - he endures, they beat him - he remains silent. In a word - holy great martyr. Would you like to be in his place? I think it’s unlikely that anyone will answer “yes” (although I don’t rule it out).
Hence the question: can cruelty be justified? It is possible if it is an act of protecting yourself, your family, loved ones and property. It is necessary to develop this trait in yourself, but, I emphasize, for protection , not for violence.
The modern world, unfortunately, is not entirely safe: people rob in broad daylight, kill, steal and rape children, insult the elderly, and treat women with disrespect. Being white and fluffy in such an environment is fraught with bad consequences for oneself.
Cruelty can be shown where necessary - in response to someone's aggression. It's a fine line between good and evil and you need to understand where things begin and end.
It is clear that there is no need to throw insults in response to the boorish behavior of someone on public transport. Especially in the morning: how many sleep-deprived and angry people are there?
But if there is a direct threat to your health and life, then you need to respond immediately. If someone comes at you with a knife, then it is stupid to think at such a moment about your correctness and kindness.
Examples of cruelty in everyday life
Every person has at least once asked what is also cruelty, examples of which are found all the time. All media are simply replete with reports of outrages and violence. Television, radio, the press, the Internet, fiction and scientific literature, history textbooks - everywhere you can encounter examples of cruelty.
Any historical social system, kings, serfdom, wars, repressions - everything is permeated with cruelty. The cult of cruelty in religions, sacrifice, aggression, intimidation, abuse of power, sky-high crime rates and impunity, terrorism are also cruelty.
In family life, examples of cruelty include suppression of will, energy vampirism, creation of obstacles in the realization of intellectual, creative and professional opportunities, all kinds of prohibitions in planning offspring, budget, leisure, etc.
And, of course, cruelty to animals is an abyss from which it is impossible to escape. If a person is capable of offending a dumb creature, then it is difficult to call him a person.
How to change an abusive person
No one will like friendship with an evil person. Anger is not a death sentence; you can still work on it. The following characteristics are important for this:
- Self confidence. Abusive people have a feeling for those who are weaker, and those who are more likely to become victims of their attacks. With a confident person, verbal insults simply won't work - he knows they are lies.
- Ability to talk about a problem. For someone who is used to being angry, it may simply not be clear what it looks like from the outside. You should talk to the aggressor, without complaints, discuss the situation.
- Adequate self-esteem. A soft, weak-willed person, unable to adequately evaluate himself, will always be a “whipping boy” for “energy vampires” (that is, those who assert themselves by humiliating others).
Bad mood - what to do and why it happens
It’s a good idea to take care of yourself: learn self-defense techniques and carefully filter your surroundings. An envious, overly self-confident person who does not want to change anything in his life is not the best friend or interlocutor.
Important! In the case of abuse, no remedy will help; there is only one way out of such a relationship for the benefit of the victim - stopping communication.
What is cruelty in the children's world
Very often, cruelty manifests itself in children who are out of control. Child cruelty is primarily associated with unfavorable family relationships. Lack of respect between family members and frequent quarrels in the presence of children reduce the level of trust in parents, which results in anger and aggression in the child.
Attention, care, patience, and frankness will help protect children from cruelty. A personal role model is very important. The absence of cruelty on the part of parents towards children and people around them will raise respect in the family to the proper level. Seeing and appreciating a child’s personality, taking into account his opinions and interests, trying to see the world through his eyes is the key to success in the age-old problem of fathers and children.
The concept of acceptable and conscious cruelty
When assessing specific examples of cruelty, the circumstances of the action play an important role. If rigidity is forced and justified, and prevents significantly greater damage (for example, defending the Fatherland, saving a drowning person), it is considered acceptable.
Unreasonable cruelty can be targeted and hostile. The first mechanism is aimed at satisfying desires, achieving goals and the ability to adapt. The grounds for evil and hostile behavior are the desire for competition, protection of rights and interests, and the development of knowledge. The second form can arise when there is a desire to cause harm and enjoy the result. The aggressor often provokes conflicts, cruelty becomes a trait of the individual, and adaptive capabilities are reduced.
Justified cruelty of doctors
How to overcome cruelty?
Knowing and understanding what cruelty is, you can take certain measures to protect yourself from it. Among them are simple methods and work on yourself:
- If you realize that cruelty is evil, then this is the first step towards solving the issue of getting rid of it.
- It is necessary to love yourself, people and the whole world around you, thereby getting rid of internal fears.
- You need to give to the world what you yourself want to receive: mercy, compassion, kindness.
- Increasing self-esteem, the desire for success, and social recognition is one of the effective ways to combat cruelty.
- Limiting your social circle. Surrounded by kind and decent people, the world becomes cleaner.
Thus, cruelty is caused by both external and internal factors that are ingrained in a person from childhood. We talked not only about our own ability to be cruel, but also about the very attitude of other people to such manifestations. Therefore, it is necessary to fight and prevent this character trait from childhood, instilling in the child kindness and mercy towards the people around him.
Causes
Social
Psychological violence - what is it?
Observers and instigators act as a powerful message for human cruelty. Many willingly agree to publicly punish people, even when receiving commands from persons who are not in authority. Bystanders influence aggression when the performer seeks approval.
Violence towards a teenager
Media
According to the theory of moral panic, the media act as a source of negative impressions that cause mass anxiety and tension in society. TV presents human cruelty as an effective solution to problems. Watching scenes of violence encourages manifestations of cruelty in real life.
External factors
High air temperatures increase the likelihood of irritation and barbaric behavior. Noise and crowding affect inhumanity. Anger also arises in a polluted environment, an excessively smoky environment.
Personal characteristics
Psychological characteristics that provoke callous behavior include fear of social disapproval, irritability, seeing hostility in others, and a feeling of shame instead of guilt. A tough person also forms a way of thinking based on extremes, patterns, prejudices (including racial ones).
Aggression and cruelty of adolescents
The problem of teenager cruelty and aggressive manifestations of behavior has not been denied in any society or nationality throughout the existence of man on earth
The violent behavior of teenagers, as a way of expressing individuality, importance and omnipotence, poses impossible tasks for psychologists and society as a whole, which they deal with every day. With the development of the Internet and other media, the level of cruelty among the entire population, especially teenagers, is increasing
The fact of such a relationship has been repeatedly proven, although this topic has gained relevance thanks to discussions on the Internet, in newspapers, on television, and so on. That is, aggression has always existed in the social circles of teenagers, but the intensity of concentration around it began to increase quite recently. Today, the development of effective ways to combat the phenomenon of violence and cruelty is at a fairly high level, and there are a lot of organizations and programs aimed at reducing the level of aggression: reconciliation services, psychological support services, both public and school, the introduction of school mediation, when teenagers speak out themselves acting as mediators in various disputes and conflicts, contributing to their peaceful resolution or preventing their occurrence.
Aggression as a property of a teenager is manifested in his readiness for such behavior. Aggression and cruelty in minors is an individual-personal characteristic that affects the life of the individual and the lives of those around him. The emergence of such personality traits today is seen in both sexes equally. Obscene language, smoking, alcohol, entertainment associated with insulting and bullying others (American psychologists call this behavior “bullying,” now often used in our scientific paradigm) have become the norm. Often, when punishing a teenager for his behavior, the teenager has a misunderstanding: “why?”, “what did he do if everyone does this.”
A teenager’s predisposition to such behavior can be conscious or unconscious.
Based on this, psychologists focus on several types of manifestations of aggression: direct physical aggression; resentment, hatred and envy; indirect aggression; verbal aggression; negativism; suspicion; irritation; guilt. Like cruelty, aggressive behavior arises in the process of education and development of the individual
But why does a child, even from a prosperous upbringing environment who studies in a good school, suddenly become a cruel person? Mostly, this is a child’s cry for help, that he needs attention.
Children who display aggressive and cruel behavior have a low level of intellectual development and are prone to imitation. Violent teenagers lack value orientations and hobbies; narrowness and instability in their hobbies predominate. Such adolescents are characterized by emotional embitterment, rudeness, increased anxiety, egocentrism and the manifestation of extreme self-esteem (maximum negative or positive). The aggressiveness and cruelty of adolescents is a means of raising their own prestige, independence and adulthood.
Description of cruelty
Cruelty in most cases is considered as a synonym for aggression or its extreme manifestation - (a conscious desire to cause harm to another living being, or behavior aimed at this).
However, as in other crimes, inaction or inept action and care can also be cruel. Thus, if children (for example, for reasons of convenience of the teacher) are not taught to swim in a timely manner, even if it is known that they (all or some of them) will inevitably find themselves in circumstances where this will be a condition for their survival, then this is also cruel treatment (only extended over time). time), qualified in legal language as “leaving in danger.” If the same children, for reasons of teacher convenience, are excluded from exposure to feasible productive work until they graduate from school, knowing that after that it will be much more difficult for many of the graduates to fit in (if this is still possible) into adult working life, and those who do not fit in will be more susceptible to depression, alcoholism, suicide, etc., then this is also cruelty (only extended over time)
