Oedipus complex in childhood and adulthood: features and treatment

What is the Oedipus complex

In 1897, Freud first described his childhood: tender feelings for his mother and jealousy for his father. He compared the experience to the ancient Greek work of Sophocles. The complex was named in honor of the tragedy “Oedipus the King”.

Freud's theory

The Oedipus complex as a psychological phenomenon was introduced by Freud in 1910. He believed that this phenomenon equally affects children of different sexes. Children experience unconscious attraction to a parent of the opposite sex. They see the second parent as a rival and try to eliminate him. Later, Freud's student Carl Gustav Jung coined the separate term “Electra complex.” Briefly these two phenomena can be described as follows:

• boys aged 3-5 years old strive to attract the attention of their mother, are jealous of their father and see him as a rival;
• Girls tend to pay more attention to their dad and take on maternal responsibilities.

As an expression of Freud's philosophical heritage, the complex gained greater significance in the research of a new generation of psychologists.

Oedipus complex in philosophy

The child's psyche has a need to be like his parent. This is an innate instinct in the formation of a holistic “I” - to identify oneself in the world around us. And the whole world of a child under 4-6 years old is home and parents.

The boy strives to be like his father. At the same time, he wants to take on the role of dad in all respects, including his own mother. The child does not ignore the fact that from a certain age their parents do not allow them to sleep with them. A contradiction, a conflict arises. The same thing works in the relationship between a daughter and her mother.

Elimination of the syndrome

How to deal with the Electra complex? Parents who realize what is happening to their daughter should talk to her. Close people are obliged to help their child distribute family roles and understand their own feelings.

How can a girl outgrow her Electra complex? If parents talk to their child gently, lovingly and supportively, the problem will be resolved successfully.

Experts note that the Electra complex is a condition on the border between pathology and normality. That is why adults will need the help of a psychotherapist to get rid of this syndrome.

Nevertheless, there are recommendations that temporarily alleviate the state of mind of “Electr”. They consist of the following:

1. In accepting your attraction. The girl is advised not to hide this condition from herself.
2. In the understanding that, based on the culture and historical traditions of human society, a daughter cannot be her father’s mistress. Incest is taboo.
3. In accepting the father as an ordinary person. Of course, he was once powerful and all-knowing. Today, dad is one of the beloved family members with his own life experience.
4. In reaching a new level of relationship with the mother. It is important for a daughter to understand that she has more in common with her mother than with her father.

Parents who discover signs of developing the Electra complex in their daughter should begin to rid her of this syndrome already in childhood. It is important that the child receives enough attention from both the father and the mother. The Electra complex cannot be considered a death sentence. Unconscious attraction to the father is not considered a mental disorder. In this regard, such a child does not need to be taken to a psychiatrist. He will not need a course of medication either. The main task of parents is to identify the complex at an early stage of its development, create the necessary conditions for its elimination and, if necessary, use the help of a psychoanalyst.

The Legend of the Oedipus Complex

This strangeness in the behavior of men goes back to the myth of King Oedipus. The Theban king Laius received a prophecy from an oracle that his son would kill his father and marry his mother. Frightened by the prediction, Lai began to avoid his wife, Jocasta. But the girl became pregnant by cunning, by getting her husband drunk.

When Laius and Jocasta had a son, the dissatisfied father left the child to die. The boy was found by a shepherd. A kind man did not abandon the child and took him to a neighboring city for adoption to a childless family. The child was named Oedipus.

The adoptive family passed off their son as their own. When the boy grew up, city residents began to notice that he did not look like his parents. Rumors reached Oedipus. He became interested in his past and began to look for his real parents. This is how he learned about the prophecy.

Frightened, he decided to avoid his adoptive parents. He headed to Thebes, where along the way he met his real father, Laius. The king of Thebes did not recognize the traveler and was rude to him. He, in turn, could not tolerate the insult and threw a spear at the royal chariot. The horses, frightened, quickly carried the king to the cliff. Without knowing it, Oedipus killed his father.

Afterwards the young man married his own mother, Jocasta, and became the king of Thebes. This is how mythology gave Freud the name “Oedipus complex.”

Oedipus complex in men

The father plays a huge role in a boy's life. This is the first authority that you want to rely on. This is an example to strive for. He does not allow the mother to protect her son with immeasurable love, and stops overprotection. In a word, this is a person who helps a child get out from under his mother’s skirt. Mom is kind and gentle, father is strict but fair.

The boy's father violates his childish fantasies about his mother. Because of their father, they seem wrong, unnatural. Therefore, the child displaces them and outgrows them. But when a child is raised by one mother, a completely different situation arises. This is how the reasons for strange behavior in an adult man arise.

But in practice, the mother can occupy a dominant position in the family, and the father can be weak-willed. Or it may not exist at all. Then the mother showers her only son with all the love and care. There are no barriers between mother and son, and the Oedipus complex bursts into the life of an adult man.

The danger of such a phenomenon

“Electra”, due to an unresolved and constantly reinforced syndrome, develops dependent behavior over time. The girl will sooner or later have to part with her parents' nest. However, due to her attachment to her dad, the daughter may become depressed. In adulthood, women are in search of a father figure, which sometimes lasts a lifetime and ends in failure.

The danger of the Electra complex is that girls begin to copy their father’s habits. They smoke or drink alcohol. In addition, a person with such a complex is capable of inheriting the typical traits of representatives of the stronger half of humanity.

How does the Oedipus complex manifest itself?

You can notice specific oddities in a child’s behavior between the ages of 3 and 5 years. During these years, the phallic stage of the child’s psychosexual development occurs. Over the years, the complex disappears. But under certain circumstances (incomplete family, authoritarian mother, etc.) the child may become fixated on problems.

Signs of the Oedipus complex in adult men

A boy without a father understands that his mother will always feed him and be sorry. No rival will come between them. Growing up takes longer. Then the question arises, how to recognize the Oedipus complex:

• a man lives with his mother at 20-30-40 years old;
• is in no hurry to get a girlfriend or wife;
• compares any potential partner with his mother;
• extreme stage – sits on mom’s neck, doesn’t work.

How to treat it

To overcome the complex, you need to undergo treatment with a psychotherapist. First, a person must admit to himself that there is a problem and it needs to be solved. It is impossible to cope with the disease without the client’s desire. The process of getting rid of the complex includes the following series of main points:

1. It is necessary to get rid of negative thoughts towards one of the parents. It is necessary to openly talk about your grievances against your mother or father, to accept all the unpleasant moments that are associated with this person.
2. We need to say “Stop” to idealization. Each personality has both negative and positive sides. You should not be biased towards your mother, but at the same time elevate the role of your father. Men need to do the opposite. It is necessary to emphasize the positive qualities of the father.

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1. One must recognize one's own nature. A guy needs to believe in his own masculinity, and a girl needs to believe in her femininity. To strengthen the result, you need to make as many friends of the same gender as possible.

All psychological work with the complex is based on psychoanalytic techniques. During therapy, the psychologist constantly returns the client to childhood to find the cause of the disorder and “replay” the plot. To rid a child of the complex, parents should:

• create a favorable atmosphere in the family;
• provide your son or daughter with the attention of both mom and dad;
• do not let your baby sleep with you in bed or take a bath;
• the child needs to set clear boundaries of what is permitted;
• You need to communicate a lot with the baby on various topics, including discussing experiences and feelings;
• organize leisure time and communication for the child outside the family with other children.

If you cannot cope with the disease on your own, you need to consult a psychologist.

How to deal with the Oedipus complex

“Mother’s son” does not want to get rid of her care. The only way to snatch him from the clutches of maternal love is to realize the consequences of such a problem:

• childlessness;
• hopelessness, lack of initiative;
• lack of personal space;
• lack of sex life;
• inability to survive in society.

The only way to get rid of the problem is to weaken the role of the mother in a man’s life. At the same time, it is important to recognize the threat in time so that it is not too late.

Oedipus complex in boys: what to do?

It is important for mothers to understand that excessive custody of a child is a direct path to death. This is especially true for single mothers. If you see that your son does not leave your side at the age of 12-14, then sound the alarm. Teach him independence, send him to wrestling courses, where he can communicate with men. It is important for a fatherless boy to find an authority that he can look up to. This could be a coach, an uncle, an older brother.

If you are a father and notice a similar problem in your child, show interest in his life. Spend time together. The boy is in dire need of your care and support.

How to remove the complex from an adult man

In a man over 30, the Oedipus complex is treated radically: by moving out of his mother’s house. The only way. It is necessary to force a person to live independently, to reduce the influence of the mother. Otherwise, why look for relationships and develop if you have a mother?

Normal, not pathological

Do not forget that the Oedipus complex is a normal stage of personality development. After all, the development task for a girl or boy is to become a man/woman. And, oddly enough, children are already working on solving this problem on an unconscious level by the age of three. To gain autonomy by separating from the mother, the child needs to become aware of his belonging to a specific gender with which he will begin to identify. In this sense, the phase of the Oedipus complex is the first step towards the formation of full-fledged sexuality. This is the foundation on which your child’s relationships with the opposite sex will be built in the future.

Therefore, if a child is too gentle with you, do not express violent indignation and do not try to ridicule him. Explain in a calm tone: “I cannot marry you because you are my son. I'm married to your father." Let him understand that the stage of immaturity is temporary, that one day this little boy will become as strong and courageous as dad, and the little girl will gain the same femininity as her mother, and most importantly, great love and a happy family life awaits them ahead. It is better to explain this using the example of fairy-tale characters: princes and princesses, because for a child these are projections of images of parents, objects of love, and to a greater extent ideal, platonic, faith in which is necessary for the emergence of “adult” relationships with the opposite sex.