History of family formation

What is the difference between monogamous and polygamous relationships

Polygamy

As follows from the previous paragraph, a polygamous person can simultaneously establish relationships with several people. Such a union can be called successful only when all its participants are completely satisfied with this state of affairs. That is, if one of the spouses starts an affair on the side without informing the other about it, then we are not talking about polygamy at all - it is simply treason.

Monogamy

It is believed that most people are still more inclined towards monogamy, and, of course, expect such an attitude towards themselves. It is worth noting that women still gravitate more towards this form of marriage, and this is not surprising, because most of the fair sex are known as homemakers. As a rule, the overwhelming number of women, even being unhappy in marriage, find it difficult to decide to cheat.

Features of monogamous relationships

Any relationship between people, be it friendship, cooperation or love, is a complex social mechanism dependent on many factors. It is quite difficult to give an objective assessment of one or another relationship due to the possible ambiguous interpretation of various situations by opponents. This statement fully applies to monogamy, so you should not try to characterize monogamy from the standpoint of “good or bad”; it is better to consider the pros and cons of such relationships.

Advantages

Among the advantages of a permanent relationship with a single partner, the following should be highlighted:

1. You become the owner of a priceless treasure - reciprocal mutual love, as a bonus you receive peace of mind, confidence in the future, in your partner and his attitude towards you.
2. There is no need to constantly search for a partner, which also has its own material advantages.
3. If your relationship has grown into the status of a serious monogamous one, you can safely make further plans for your life together - get married, have children, have joint property, etc.
4. Monogamy is the dominant form of relationships in the world. With all the modern freedom of morals, most couples still adhere to monogamy. Belonging to this majority, your couple will be normally accepted in society, the doors of your friends’ houses will be open to you, without fear on their part that your sexual liberation will have a bad effect on their spouses.
5. Monogamy is the most comfortable form of family, especially for children.
6. Monogamy has a better effect on health, both physical (no risk of sexually transmitted and other diseases) and mental (no constant stress due to fear of abandonment, due to permanent competition with a rival).
7. Complete trust in your other half, which makes it possible to speak out absolutely frankly, discuss something, without hiding anything or fearing.
8. You don’t need to be afraid of loneliness; there is always a person next to you, for whom your well-being can mean even more than your own.

Important! Professor at the University of Sheffield V. Lumma in 2008 tried to identify the relationship between the life expectancy of men and the official status of polygamy in
their of residence.
The results of the study showed that men live longer in states where polygyny is legal. This is interesting: Hula hoop for weight loss: benefits and harm

Flaws

The disadvantages of family life with one permanent partner can be considered the following characteristic features of monogamy:

1. Over time, any relationship, even the most sincere, tends to lose its edge. If you once lost your head over each other, then after 10–15 years of living together, feelings become dull, and this is natural.
2. You will no longer be able to truly feel the beauty of first love, courtship, kisses, sex. Even if you meet a person who you really like and see reciprocity in his eyes, things won’t go further than a pleasant smile.
3. In the modern world, especially in business and show business circles, polygamy among men is considered the norm. And vice versa, monogamy is something abnormal, strange, raising doubts about male viability. Everyone understands the fallacy of such a judgment, however, due to the established stereotype, be prepared for jokes and ridicule in your direction when business partners find out about your fidelity to your wife and reluctance to have a mistress.
4. For some people, monogamy causes a feeling of fear of the obligation to live their whole lives with one person, the fear of the emergence of satiety, habit, and the emergence of routine routine that will destroy the marriage.

Examples of monogamy in the animal world

It is generally accepted that most animals are polygamous and do not attach importance to who they mate with. Most often this happens, but not always! So, which representatives of the animal world are inclined to remain faithful to their partner?

1. Swans

The pairs that swans form can last for many years, or even until the death of one of the birds. It’s not for nothing that swans have become a kind of symbol of love for many!

2. Wolves

One of the clearest examples of devotion to your partner, which many people can only envy. If the male dies, the female usually remains alone for the rest of her life. In turn, the wolf is ready to fight with anyone for its partner and offspring.

3. Beavers

Not many people know that these small and nimble animals are amazingly faithful! While the beaver is preparing to give birth to offspring, her partner provides her with food. Subsequently, they raise the baby together for about two years, after which they release him into a free life.

4. Penguins

Penguins live in pairs for many years. After they become a couple, returning every few months to the colony, they try to find each other among the other penguins.

5. Steppe voles

When voles become mated, they produce hormones that affect certain lobes of the brain. The male is faithful to his partner and does not pay attention to other rodents.

Examples of female polygamy (in history, in the culture of other nations)

Female polygamy has long had a scientific definition - polyandry. According to the latest data, there are about fifty nations in the world in which this type of relationship is practiced - a woman can have more than one spouse. This phenomenon occurs among the Indian population, Eskimos, Tibet, and so on.

For example, in India, the emergence of polyandry can be explained by gender considerations. Many families have a negative attitude towards the appearance of a girl in the family and resort to abortion - the reason for this is the reluctance or inability to collect the necessary dowry. As a result, there are now far fewer women in India than men. Of course, this phenomenon is not widespread everywhere, but only in remote outbacks.

Nowadays, there are places where female polygamy is not only common - it is officially legalized. This type of relationship is quite acceptable in Nigeria and Polynesia.

Why do some peoples do this? We can consider the situation using the example of Tibet, where many citizens value their land, which often feeds them. Naturally, when sons grow up, they need to start families. Not wanting to exchange land, parents prefer to marry only their eldest son. If there are other boys in the family, then subsequently they are also considered the husbands of the only daughter-in-law in the house.

Also, polyandry once became widespread in Venezuela. A woman could live with two husbands, and after giving birth to a baby, as a rule, she did not know who his father was. As a result, two spouses assumed paternal obligations at once, which subsequently turned out quite favorably for the fate of the heir.

Polygamy of men: a question that interests many

Men are polygamous by nature, is this true?

Usually women whose chosen one was caught in an attempt to cheat are forced to ask such questions. Not wanting to tolerate this state of affairs, the woman declares her readiness to break off the relationship, but the man convinces her not to rush off the handle and not hope that the next romance will be more successful, because all men are by nature prone to polygamy. Is it really?

Unfortunately, there is still some truth in these statements. A man can really show interest in several women at once - this is how nature provides. Simply put, such behavior is inherent in the genes. In the past, even before humanity found faith, earthlings were adherents of polygamy. This was not caused by licentiousness or dishonesty - this is how peoples simply survived, because large-scale wars were not uncommon then, claiming many lives. The male population always suffered in these battles, so society had an urgent need for male children. Gradually, harems began to appear.

Much has changed since then, but you shouldn’t be surprised that at the instinctive level, men still gravitate towards several women at once. Cultural society began to emerge only three thousand years ago, but polygamous relationships existed much longer!

The real problem or excuse of men who are womanizers

However, it is worth noting another important fact: yes, men are polygamous by nature, but this does not mean at all that they are not able to control their instincts! Of course, a man with a weak will will easily succumb to affairs on the side; more self-confident male representatives prefer to lead a monogamous lifestyle. Also note that some men are still more polygamous than others.

Lack of attention in childhood.

Many psychologists agree that if an adult man periodically cheats, this means that, most likely, he had problems in his childhood. More specifically, he probably lacked maternal attention. As a boy, he remembered this feeling - the need for female participation and care. Subsequently, he carries this need throughout his life, and, as a rule, the attention of one partner is not enough for him. The more often new women appear in his life, the more harmonious he feels.

Too much attention.

At the same time, there is another extreme - in childhood, a man gets used to the increased attention of a woman. We can talk about an overly caring mother, or a situation where the boy was raised by his mother and grandmother. The second case is more critical. A man, on a subconscious level, notes to himself that two women can take care of him at once, and he likes this state of affairs. As an adult, he will most likely also seek increased attention from women - this makes him more comfortable.

Monogamy in humans: why is it popular in our society?

Some anthropologists believe that this form of family relationships appeared long before our ancestors began to be called Homo sapiens. In fact, the ancient man did not waste his resources on everyone. He protected only one woman - the one with whom he was in an intimate relationship. He provided for her and protected her from other males.

Some scientists are convinced that monogamy became dominant due to natural selection. In polygamous relationships, people engaged in promiscuity and women had multiple partners. And sometimes they themselves did not understand from whom exactly she had offspring. The result is interkinship and genetic diseases. With monogamy, genetics did not suffer, children were born healthy, and the family continued.

Social preconditions cannot be ignored either. It is easier for a traditional family to live in society. It is easier for two partners to plan a budget, distribute responsibilities, and enter into property rights.

And from a psychological point of view, monogamous marriages are more favorable for spouses. A man and a woman take care of each other and are less subject to jealousy and negative emotions.

As you can see, the origins of monogamy are quite clear. They are conditioned by both the natural development of society and the desire of “homo sapiens” to live in prosperity.

Why are women less likely to engage in polygamy?

Female monogamy can be fully explained - just like male polygamy, it was inherent in nature. This is the way it is now, and it was established many centuries ago - it is predominantly women who have the fate of raising children and being the custodians of home comfort and hearth.

It is worth noting that both spouses may be inclined towards polygamy, but the fair sex usually has more restraining factors - in the old days they simply had no time to look for new chosen ones.

Also, one cannot leave aside their hormonal background, which helps a woman take care of her children. Of course, this point, as a rule, prevents the establishment of numerous sexual partners.

The main factors of monogamous relationships

1. The partners decided to take a serious step - to register their relationship , taking on certain obligations. At the same time, they swore in the registry office in front of witnesses to remain faithful to their spouse, to always be there in sorrow and in joy, etc., sealing the oath with wedding rings. In the same case, when one or both partners allow the presence of other sexual relations, they are unlikely to rush into officially entering into marriage (although, of course, there are exceptions).
2. People who are inclined to have a relationship with one person, one way or another, at least on a subconscious level, connect their future with this person . Accordingly, they include their partner in their own plans for the life, thus, these are no longer personal, but general plans. A person who is prone to relationships with different partners most likely will not make plans for the future with one of them.
3. The person with whom you live (meet) constantly uses the pronoun “we” , by this he seems to unite himself and you into one whole.
4. The desire to smooth out rough edges in relationships, eliminate the causes of possible conflicts, and establish mutual understanding . All these are quite difficult actions, without which, however, it is unthinkable to establish family life, and you constantly need to work on them. A person inclined to polygamy will not bother himself with such actions - it is enough to simply change his partner and leave the zone of discomfort.
5. The desire to make your common nest better, more comfortable, and improve it . Moreover, what comes first is the desire to create not a rich, but a cozy interior - an environment where it would be nice just the two of you.

Important! The Koran allows Muslim men to have up to four wives (and only if the husband can provide for all wives equally, without giving preference to anyone), and most Eastern women have nothing against this state of affairs. In addition, polygamy is allowed in a number of countries in Asia and Africa (Egypt, Syria, South Africa, Brunei, Saudi Arabia, UAE, etc.).

What history and religion say about polygamy

In world religion, issues about polygamy periodically appear on the agenda, but it cannot be said that this topic has gained some kind of transparency and unified opinion over time. From time to time it still becomes a cause of controversy.

Previously, there was an opinion that this phenomenon first appeared among the Muslim people. However, this theory is already considered erroneous. As it turned out, many centuries ago, different segments of the population were inclined towards polygamy, and one wife for several husbands was not uncommon. As already mentioned, this was due to the fact that many men died in battle, and the survivors considered it their duty to leave as many other healthy offspring as possible. Of course, in these situations, women gradually began to feel disadvantaged, because in essence they were used only for reproduction. At the same time, it was considered a great joy and blessing if a boy was born into the world, but the appearance of a girl made few people happy.

But Islam, in turn, has significant differences from the described tradition. Muslims have established certain restrictions on polygamy.

First of all, it is important to note that a Muslim cannot have an infinite number of women - he is allowed to marry no more than four chosen ones. It is also worth clarifying that polygamy in Islam is not at all a prerequisite - it is the choice of each individual family, and nothing more. Many Muslims prefer to live with one woman, and consider this as natural as possible for themselves.

There are reasons why polygamy is encouraged in Islam. The first of them is that polygamy has been applicable since ancient times where there are significantly fewer men than women. At the same time, no one wants to be left without a husband, and every woman needs male protection. Having failed to become the first wife of her chosen one, the Muslim woman agrees to become the second, third or fourth. In this case, it cannot be said that women's rights are violated. Rather, they feel protected, and such a marriage is preferable to them than living alone.

History of family formation

Some situations that occur in modern family and personal relationships, and cause controversy and indignation among some of us, will become clearer and more understandable if we carefully consider and learn the process of family formation from a historical perspective. I was prompted to study family history by an incident with one of my patients, who, without hesitation, took a second wife and settled her with the first, citing the fact that his action corresponded to the provisions in the book of F. Engels and the “Manifesto of the Communist Party.”

History is very important for us, without it it is difficult to understand the processes that are taking place in the present. Monogamous marriage has been considered the norm for humanity for many centuries, but in ancient times everything was different.

Human development has several stages.

The first stage is wildness, which in turn is divided into several stages. At the lowest level, which lasted several thousand years, people did not yet cook food and lived naturally, in nature, collecting edible plants and nuts. Perhaps speech begins to form at this time. During the middle stage, people discover fire, create the first tools, and begin to eat fish. They begin to live not just where they have to, but choose places near the river. At the highest level, the tools become more complex, the first bow and arrows are created, with the help of which it becomes possible to hunt game.

The second stage is barbarism. It is also divided into stages. At the lowest level, people domesticate animals, grow plants, and also begin to make pottery. The middle stage is different in that people begin to build houses using stone and brick. They grow plants for food and create an irrigation system to care for them. Herds are formed from domestic animals, people eat better thanks to dairy food. And already at the highest level, humanity enters the path of civilization, which begins with the use of copper ore for the production of tools and the creation of writing.

The third stage is civilization, during which all already acquired skills are developed, production expands, and art spreads.

But what about family? It is a known fact that a herd is formed only where there is polygamy. Where there is a strong family, the emergence of a herd is extremely rare. The family is limited by the jealousy of the male, and it also separates the family from the herd. There is no jealousy in the herd; all males there are tolerant of each other, so the existence of a large group is possible. It was in such herds that the transition from animals to humanoids, and then to humans, took place. Therefore, thanks to polygamy, we became human and still exist today. We can say that polygamy is part of our nature and it is naturally present in us, so there is no point in fighting it. It is much more useful to try to fit it into the existing framework of polygamy accepted in society.

Before creating a monogamous marriage, humanity went through a whole path of development and formation of the following types of families.

Group marriage

At first there was group marriage, which involved many men and women belonging to each other. This form of relationship practically eliminated jealousy, and it was precisely this that contributed to the formation of human society. This period of polygamy existed for quite a long time. According to F. Engels, jealousy appeared much later and was more social than biological.

Biological jealousy is more characteristic of men, because offspring carry genes, which means they continue you and your family, so it is very important to be confident in a woman’s fidelity. But in ancient times there was no understanding of the purity of offspring, they knew nothing about incest. No one was embarrassed by sexual relations between relatives, brothers and sisters, or even between parents and children.

From such unions sickly children were born who did not live long. And only later, with the discovery of incest and the ban on consanguinity, did they stop wasting time and money on nursing non-viable children. But even with such free morals, sometimes couples were formed who, unconsciously for some time, were monogamous, lived together, and worked.

consanguineous family

The first stage of the family was the consanguineous family, in which there were no relations between children and parents, but sexual relations between brothers and sisters were taken for granted. This type of family has long disappeared, but some elements of it can be found among the native tribes of the Hawaiian Islands. Analogues of such relationships are found in modern society. A striking example is family ritual celebrations and meetings. But usually, sex here does not reach the final stage due to moral principles or other circumstances.

All this is evidence that people have not been able to realize themselves professionally, and they spend their energy on relationships with relatives. If spouses are truly passionate about each other, then they have virtually no need to attend such events.

Pununal family

The next type of family is punalual, in which marriage between brothers and sisters is prohibited. Such groups became more developed and stronger than tribes with incest. In punaluan families, a woman can be the common wife of several men, but among whom are not her own brothers. Conversely, a man can be the common husband of a number of women, and his sisters are not among them.

Nowadays, this form can also manifest itself in so-called “Swedish” families, so again, don’t judge anyone, we all have the same story. In group families, it is not always known who the father of the child is, since there are several husbands, but the mother is always known - therefore, the clan in those days began to be traced through the maternal line - this is how the institution of the clan arose. All sisters with brothers and children having the same founding mother constituted the first clan.

Couple family

Within group families, couples could form who lived together for a long time, got used to each other and became isolated. This is how paired families were formed. Those families in which there was no incest gave rise to healthier offspring and, accordingly, in the future such families and tribes became stronger than consanguineous groups. But at some point the number of women decreased and they had to pay some kind of ransom in order to live with only one man.

The paired family appeared in the transitional period from savagery to barbarism; it does not yet have its own household and property. Another important point is that now there was one father in the family, all the children were from one man, who provided life and got food. In the event of family discord and divorce, boys remained with their father and in the family, and girls, along with their mother, were excluded from it. This is how a patriarchal family emerged, in which a woman’s rights began to be infringed; she and her children became the property of her husband.

Monogamous family

The emergence of a monogamous family from a steam room is the beginning of the era of civilization. The head of a monogamous family is a man who is the father of the children, and his wife has no right to cheat on him. At the same time, the husband can cheat, have slaves, but the wife is humiliated and takes care of the housework, not participating in public affairs. At this time, prostitution became widespread. Monogamous families basically had an economic aspect - common property, which was more important than love, one might say - these were marriages of convenience. Gender inequality appears, men suppress women.

Freedom in sexual relations did not disappear with the introduction of monogamous marriage - prostitution developed. Women, in turn, took lovers, and establishing the paternity of children born in marriage was based only on moral aspects.

Despite the form of marriage, people do not change; in marriage they remain the same as they were before, therefore, over time, any marriage becomes like a calm cohabitation, called quiet family happiness. When a marriage is concluded by convenience, it somehow takes the form prostitution, much more often on the female side, the only difference is that a woman sells her body once and for all, thereby falling into slavery. In modern times, very often in “decent” families, daughters are encouraged to look for a rich groom who will provide for her.