Who are neurotics in psychology: definition, symptoms, characteristic features of a neurotic personality

Mental disorder or normal defensive reaction from the outside world? In the article I will talk about a neurotic and describe who he is in psychology, what symptoms and signs appear in an individual.

Why is it important to understand what character you and the people around you have? Because the style of behavior depends on this, reactions to specific situations and words may change. Perhaps you are offended by harshness or excessive feelings, while such a manifestation of feelings and emotions is characteristic of a person and cannot even be corrected. Read the article and find yourself and the people around you in the description.

Who is a neurotic

These are mature, developed individuals suffering from neuroses. They have subtle psychological deviations - they do not adapt well to reality and are more focused on their own emotional level than on rational decisions.

A characteristic feature is that they constantly experience doubts and, as a result, need support and consent from loved ones and colleagues. But often they try to make an effort to prove to themselves the possibility of leadership. So a neurotic is a person who can become a leader, but not because of his own convictions, but to prove his ability to lead a crowd and dominate others.

Another common emotional neurotic reaction is refusal of everyday household activities and communication. In essence, this is a chosen hermitage with contempt for all the benefits of civilization. This is due to the fact that this psychotype often does not recognize the rules established in society. But not all people who reject standards have a psychological deviation; sometimes this is a conscious choice.

Character traits:

• Poor health and condition: at the same time, others do not experience discomfort when they are nearby, which cannot be said about psychopaths, who in the opposite situation have an influence on others.
• Psycho-emotional instability. These are jumps in emotions and moods. But over time and growing up, such a person turns into stable pessimism. At the same time, it is rare and difficult for a neurotic to emerge from a negative state.
• Lack of confidence in one’s own endeavors and capabilities.
• Fears and mistrust - often stem from negative experiences with people or due to far-fetched experiences.
• Self-flagellation or the opposite extreme - blaming others for any problems, lack of balance.
• Egocentrism.

One is not born neurotic, one becomes one. Basically, the formation of such a personality, like any other, occurs from childhood, when the basic manners of behavior are laid down. Then each communication experience (in personal life or professional) can aggravate the condition. With age, especially when old age sets in, such people often lose control of themselves and go to extremes; it is very difficult to communicate with them. While in youth and adulthood they often mask their experiences and doubts, adapting to the norms and rules of society.

What is neurosis and who are neurotics?

First of all, we note that neurosis is not a mental illness, but a personality disorder that can be cured at any stage. So, neurosis today is the most common neuropsychic disorder, which is protracted and, despite its reversibility, even after successful treatment, can cause relapses.

It seems that the definition of a neurotic was excellently given by Doctor of Philosophy E.V. Zolotukhina-Abolina: “Neurotics are... a whole army of variegated people who suffer mentally and, willingly or unwillingly, turn their lives and the lives of their loved ones into a good rehearsal for the underworld.”

There are three groups of people who may be neurotic:

1. People experiencing an internal crisis (war, loss of a loved one, grief) are not yet neurotic, but may well become one if they do not receive timely help
2. People whose psychological crisis is associated with unhappy love, failed plans, and traumatic factors of varying severity. These are people who are disappointed in themselves and give up.
3. People with possible crises: puberty and old age. Here we are talking about hormonal changes that can affect the emotional sphere.

Actually, the second group is neurotic. Or rather, those of us who were unable to cope with the internal crisis on our own. Of course, both representatives of the first and third groups can be neurotic if they are not given help in time or if they themselves cannot cope with their condition.

Symptoms

Neuroticism is a personality trait, not a psychological illness, so it cannot be said to have symptoms in the medical sense. If these signs appear in a mild form, that is, accompanied by some internal discomfort and external calm, one cannot speak of a disease. It was just that a certain situation brought him out of his emotional balance.

But neurosis in severe form is already a reason to worry, since it is a disease that leads to both psychological and physical manifestations.

Even if you or your loved ones only have the first type of neuroticism, it is worth knowing the symptoms that may indicate a more serious stage:

• Studying poorly at school and university.
• It is difficult to start something new, or rather, to stop the old one. Changes are very frightening, therefore, with neuroticism, a person does not leave his unloved job or his significant other for a long time, even if he knows the need for this.
• Problems in the intimate sphere: there is no trust between lovers, so it is difficult to open up and enjoy the process.
• Feeling dizzy and experiencing pain in the temporal region.
• A person is constantly looking for diseases - this is a concern for one’s own physical and psychological health, which is unfounded.
• There are constant fears: that he will be late somewhere, that he will miss something or forget, that he will not turn off the kettle, iron, gas, or turn off the water.
• Pressure surges.
• Fatigue. Often after sleep, a neurotic does not feel well-rested.
• Increased irritability to sounds (ticking clocks) and light - blinking indicator light on a monitor or TV.
• The desire to be alone with yourself.
• Many signs of self-doubt.
• Inability to admit one's own guilt or mistakes.

Constant fear, like other symptoms, manifests itself to varying degrees in different people. It mainly depends on the strength of the individual. Strong people try to overcome fears and not show them. While the weak express them constantly. For this reason, neurotik often tries to attract attention, talks about his exaggerated troubles, fictitious diseases, and wants to be pitied. He doesn’t like to listen, but he himself is happy to talk about problems.

Psychologist Daria Milai

Make an appointment

Symptoms of neurotic disorders

Neurotic dysfunctions are characterized by instability of mood and rash actions. Patients suffer from memory impairment, problems with concentration, and a number of other clinical manifestations:

1. causeless psychological stress;
2. increased fatigue;
3. sleep problems;
4. isolation;
5. fixation on problems in life;
6. memory impairment;
7. dizziness;
8. fainting;
9. migraine;
10. pain in the heart muscle and joints;
11. frequent urination;
12. excessive sweating;
13. decreased potency;
14. high or low self-esteem;
15. inconsistency, uncertainty;
16. tearfulness;
17. aggressiveness;
18. suspiciousness;
19. poor prioritization.

Symptoms of neurotic disorders are often complemented by increased sensitivity to light, sound, and reactions to minor temperature changes.

Signs of neurotic disorders

Signs of neurotic disorders vary by gender. In women, asthenic neurosis more often appears, characterized by aggressiveness, loss of mental and physical ability, and lack of sexual desire. During intimacy, it is impossible to relax. A woman suffering from asthenic neurosis quarrels with relatives and often loses her temper over trifles. Constant tension is fraught with the development of diseases of internal organs.

In men there are the following types:

• depressed – a person is not able to realize himself in the world of work, or adapt to sudden changes in any area of ​​life;
• male neurasthenia - usually appears after physical or moral overstrain; workaholics are susceptible to this type.

Men and women over 45 years of age are prone to these types of diseases. They may still have problems with the functioning of their internal organs.

Neurotic disorder syndrome

The syndrome of neurotic disorders is a reflection of a traumatic circumstance and is often combined with other neurotic manifestations. The patient's mood decreases, but there is no feeling of melancholy. Usually, a bad mood is combined with emotional lability, asthenia, mild anxiety, loss of appetite and insomnia. During the day, no special fluctuations are observed, or they are mild. Mental and motor retardation, self-flagellation, and suicidal thoughts are not typical.

1. Neurotic depression is distinguished from reactive depression, which is also caused by traumatic circumstances. In the second type, the symptoms reach the level of reactive psychosis - the patient is depressed, inhibited, consciousness is narrowed, and thoughts of suicide appear.
2. In the case of psychotic depression, the patient wishes to die, there is gross disorientation of the personality with separation from life, sudden anosognosia, delusional ideas of self-humiliation, manic episodes. The condition can be controlled with antidepressants and a repeated course of treatment.
3. Neurotic depression is characterized by the preservation of the basic personality qualities, the patient is aware of his condition. Obsessive phobias and pronounced hysterical manifestations appear.

Important! Psychotic depression is more dangerous for humans and requires immediate treatment

Levels of neurotic disorders

Neurotic disorders occur at 3 levels: as a manifestation of individual symptoms, at the level of minor syndromes, and as specific disorders.

Levels of neurotic disorders.

1. Individual symptoms. They are also present in those who do not suffer from mental disorders.
2. A minor emotional disorder can be complemented by several neurotic syndromes, of which the leading one is not identified.

The patient population consists of 2 types:

• some suffer from an acute, short-term stress reaction;
• others experience long-term, chronic impairment.

Most patients recover within six months, while others recover in no less than 3 years.

Character traits

I compiled a psychological portrait of a neurotic, and also gave several examples. Of course, any similarities with real persons are purely coincidental.

A neurasthenic person with a progressive disorder depends on what the people around him say. He is not stable - his mood can fluctuate for no apparent reason. He is more likely to notice bad events, so he often gets caught up in depressive thoughts. At such moments he does not always want to communicate or begins to tell how he suffers due to a lot of diseases and problems in life. In addition, it is different:

• uncertainty;
• attacks of fear;
• suspiciousness;
• mistrust.

They are very afraid of making mistakes, so they project possible failures in advance, blaming themselves and others for them. In personal relationships, he is very difficult because he does not accept criticism and considers every quarrel to be a manifestation of betrayal. From a neurotic lover, you can expect fits of rage, as well as causeless jealousy. You are also able to encounter pronounced egocentrism, that is, the need for constant communication and being together, even if the other member of the relationship wants to be alone.

Face-to-face consultation

What are the features and advantages of face-to-face consultation?

Find out more

Skype consultation

What are the features and benefits of Skype consultations?

Find out more

I will give examples of who neurotics are and show the characteristic features of a neurotic personality:

• A very attractive girl constantly finds flaws in herself and believes that any manifestations of interest shown are insincere ridicule or manipulation in order to gain benefit or take advantage of a weakness.
• An adult man with experience working in one place is constantly in fear that today he will make a mistake, break the machine, or get hurt. Despite extensive experience and a lot of commendable certificates.
• An office clerk who hates his job. He is afraid to quit because he believes that he will not find a better place. Constant dissatisfaction manifests itself in passive aggression.

Why do people become neurotic?

Spheres of a person’s life - what they exist

Psychologists believe that people become neurotic when natural desires and needs are suppressed.

For example, a person wants to lead, to capture the attention of those around him, but constantly encounters obstacles. As a result, one begins to feel weak and disadvantaged, which leads to the development of an inferiority complex.

The desire to dominate does not disappear, aggression appears, the person becomes vulnerable and sensitive to failures. He is constantly in a state of internal struggle, he is not comfortable, and he begins to worry about trifles.

Worried man

Important! Mental stability is disrupted precisely when ambitions collide with the interests and rules of society. A person is forced to forget about his desires and fight them, which causes emotional stress

Constant stress, a feeling of helplessness and the imposition of norms of behavior by society lead to mental instability. This condition is fraught with the development of neuroticism.

Types

It is interesting that, depending on temperament, characteristics of upbringing and external environment, as well as on the inner strength of the individual, everyone finds their own way to deal with anxious moods.

What does subordinate neurotic mean?

This is a person who needs the patronage and protection of a stronger person - a parent, friend, spouse. Usually she is inclined to search for someone close in spirit, but at the same time she believes that the chosen “patron” is morally stronger. Usually this is a soft personality who strives to communicate, loves to share experiences, and is self-centered.

Aggressive

He does not want to interact with people, he is used to either fighting with them or leading them. Therefore, this type often produces a leader who goes forward, does not see his own mistakes, has a complex character, and is not used to losing. But a neurotic cannot achieve success and calmly rest on his laurels - he will be afraid until the very end, he may be haunted by various fears - for the company, for life, for wealth, for safety.

This is usually achieved by setting bans on emotions, on everything except aggression. The latter can manifest itself not only when achieving goals, but also in personal relationships. External calm is always feigned; there is always a risk of breakdown.

Separated

Tries to withdraw into his own world and does not strive to maintain contact. Prefers remote work or maximum distance from management, does not have contact with customers and clients. It formalizes all relationships, even personal and family, subordinating everything to labels - you need to kiss your daughter before bed, you need to congratulate your mother by calling, it is customary to send a bouquet of flowers to your wife on her birthday - if such a relationship has been created. Typically, marriage is not the destiny of isolated, neurotic people; they prefer to remain alone.

It is interesting that as soon as a person achieves independence, he simply does not know what to do with it in the future. A person is left with himself and his problems. When he has talent, he can successfully develop it, but not show it to everyone.

Relationship with a neurotic

A love relationship with a neurotic is quite peculiar. Such a person always receives little attention from his partner, and he does not hesitate to resort to scandals and intrigues to achieve it. A neurotic person constantly has to be consoled and supported, but he will never show willpower or demonstrate concern for his partner. A person with neuroticism wants everything to be the way he wants. His main desire is the unquestioning fulfillment of his demands by his partner.

Any attempt by a partner to take a break from the relationship or simply relax is regarded as a lack of love.

A neurotic will never leave his lover alone. Loneliness makes him anxious, and therefore he must always be aware of where and with whom his partner is, and even better, accompany him everywhere. During separation, the neurotic will harass his passion with calls, chatting about empty things. A patient with neuroticism behaves like a child: he demands something, is capricious and makes himself unhappy. It gives him great pleasure to press pity on his partner and make him feel guilty. Stormy quarrels with a loved one always end in the tears of a neurotic.

A neurotic is a disadvantaged personality who poorly adapts to the real world around him, using only emotional and instinctive reactions

How can you recognize this type of people?

We have already listed the symptoms and characteristics. To find them in yourself, you should understand the reason for frequent mood swings and self-doubt, and admit your fears. Visit my consultation and I will help you understand yourself, find internal tensions and solve them.

It is much easier to see the signs in your colleague, girlfriend, or spouse. Analyze the behavior, notice that there is no middle ground between the two extremes to which a person constantly falls.

Ask a question

I'm neurotic - but that's ok

It is customary in society to label any more or less emotional person who is inclined to deeply experience life’s ups and downs as “neurotic.” However, science says that such people do not necessarily need to make an appointment with a psychologist for their “neuroticism.” Simple ways of self-regulation have long been invented for them.

What is a neurotic personality?

Neurotic personality - from the point of view of psychiatry, normal people who are more prone to depression, anxiety, blues and emotional instability. We can say that neurotics prefer to see the dark side of life and not trust people.

Brief test for neuroticism (neuroticism):

1. I get irritated easily.
2. I get stressed easily.
3. I get upset easily.
4. I have frequent mood swings.
5. I often worry (what if something unpleasant happens).
6. I'm more anxious than most people.
7. Most of the time I am tense.
8. I am often in a sad mood.

We give ourselves 1 if we “completely disagree with the statement” and 5 if we “completely agree”, other points accordingly. If you scored a total of more than 20, it means you are prone to neuroticism.

How does a neurotic's brain work?

Modern science allows us, to some extent, to get into a person’s head and understand why he behaves in one way or another. Half a century ago, Hans Eysenck determined that neurotics have a more reactive sympathetic nervous system and increased activity of the limbic system of the brain.

Later, functional MRI studies of neurotic people confirmed Eysenck's ideas, showing that the reactions of the tonsils of the brain of these people reliably exceeded the reactions of emotionally stable people. What causes reasonable fear in ordinary people, results in panic in neurotics.

Dr. A. Perkins (2015) published an article from which it follows that neurotics simply think too much and are characterized by so-called “self-generated thoughts” (SGM), i.e. thoughts that arise without an external stimulus. The presence of SGM explains why a neurotic person can experience fears even without the presence of an external threat, and also be in a bad mood when everything seems to be fine in his life.

By the way, it is not at all necessary to use sophisticated technology in order to find out whether a patient is really neurotic. The usual electrical conductivity of the skin, which is used in a lie detector, reliably identifies neurotic people. In neurotic people, skin conductance during stressful situations is sharply increased.

Whose fault is it that you are neurotic?

Most likely, genes are to blame. Dr Daniel Smith (University of Glasgow) identified a possible neuroticism gene, CRHR1, which is also responsible for the production of the stress hormone cortisol. In addition, neurotics have problems with another gene - GR1K3, on which the metabolism of glutamic acid in the brain depends, which is partly the biochemical basis of depressive states. The last gene can be called the “sinister gene”, since it is especially active in suicides.

Neurosis in children

Neurotic habits are cultivated by parents and educators in childhood. Many agreed that the majority of psychological problems arise in childhood. How? Here's an example:

A two-year-old runs through puddles with an absolutely satisfied face. Instead of explaining that the shoes will get wet, and then the feet will become wet and cold, which is why the baby can freeze and get sick, the mother simply says in a dissatisfied voice, “Well, what are you doing.” Thus, the child does not develop cause-and-effect relationships, but only becomes aware that he is wrong. With age, he will only cultivate these traits in himself. Analyze the favorite phrases of mothers and educators: “How are you dressed!”, “What are you saying.” And if “training” is accompanied by physical punishment or loud screaming, then constant fear is added to dissatisfaction with oneself and uncertainty.

Therefore, let’s say this: the neurotic type is not a congenital “diagnosis”, but an acquired one. It does not appear at one, two, or three years, but sometimes has its first manifestations at 5-6 years. Why it is so important to behave correctly with children, I will tell you below using examples of what can happen to him in adulthood.

Chapter 2. What prompts us to talk about the “neurotic personality of our time”

Since our interest is focused on the way in which neurosis affects the personality, the scope of our research is limited to two areas. First, there are neuroses that can arise in individuals whose personality is otherwise intact and undistorted. Such neuroses arise as a reaction to an external situation saturated with conflicts. Having discussed the nature of some basic psychological processes, we will turn back and briefly consider the structure of these simple situational neuroses. They are not of main interest to us here, since they do not reveal a neurotic personality, but a short-term lack of adaptation to a given difficult situation. When speaking of neuroses, I will mean character neuroses, that is, those conditions in which - although their symptomatic picture may be exactly the same as in the case of situational neurosis - the main disorder consists of character deformations. They are the result of a hidden chronic process that begins, as a rule, in childhood and, to one degree or another, covers more or less extensive areas in the general structure of the personality. At first glance, character neurosis can also arise as a result of a real situational conflict, but a carefully reconstructed history of human development can show that the difficult character traits existed long before the emergence of any perplexing situation, that this temporary difficulty is itself to a large extent due to pre-existing personal difficulties and that, in addition, this person reacts neurotically to a life situation that in a healthy person would not cause any conflict at all. This situation merely reveals a neurosis that may have already existed before. Secondly, we are not so much interested in the symptomatic picture of neurosis. Our interest relates to the character disorders themselves, since personality deformations are a constantly recurring picture in neuroses, while symptoms in a clinical sense may manifest themselves to varying degrees or be absent altogether. Together with a deeper understanding of the structure of neuroses and with the realization that cure of a symptom does not necessarily mean cure of the neurosis, psychoanalysts in general shifted their interest to pay more attention to character deformations than to symptoms. Figuratively speaking, neurotic symptoms are not the volcano itself, but rather its eruptions, while the pathogenic conflict, like a volcano, is hidden deep inside a person and is unknown to him. Having accepted these limitations, we can ask the question: do today's neurotics have significant common features that would allow us to talk about the “neurotic personality of our time.” As for the character deformations that accompany various types of neuroses, their differences rather than their similarities are striking. The hysterical character, for example, is undoubtedly different from the character of a person suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder. The differences that strike us, however, relate to differences in the mechanisms, or, more generally, to differences in the form in which the two disorders are detected, as well as in the methods of overcoming them, such as, for example, the enormous role of projection in the hysterical type compared with intellectualization conflicts in obsessive states. On the other hand, those aspects of similarity that I have in mind relate not to the forms of manifestation and not to the ways of emergence, but to the very content of the conflict. More precisely, the similarity lies not so much in the experiences that resulted in the disorder, but in the conflicts that actually drive the person. Freud and most analysts emphasized as a fundamental principle that the task of analysis is solved by identifying either the sexual roots of the drive (for example, specific erogenous zones) or that infantile form of behavior which is expected to be repeated in later life. In analyzing a wide variety of personality types, suffering from different types of neuroses, different in age, temperament and interests, coming from different social strata, I discovered that the content of dynamically central conflicts and their interrelations are essentially similar in all of them. My experience gained in the process of psychoanalytic practice was confirmed by observations of persons outside this practice and characters from works of modern literature. If the constantly recurring problems of neurotic people are deprived of the fantastic and difficult to understand form that they often take, it will not escape our attention that they differ from the problems that trouble the normal person in our culture only in degree. The vast majority of us struggle with issues of competition, emotional isolation, mistrust from others, and fears of failure. These are just some of the problems that can occur with neurosis. Observed relationships in general can be classified as follows: firstly, relationships of love, affection and affection of a person (both towards other people and on their part); secondly, relationships associated with the assessment of “I”; thirdly, relationships associated with self-affirmation; fourthly, with aggression; fifthly, with sexuality. As for the first group, one of the dominant characteristics of neurotics in our time is their excessive dependence on the approval or favor of other people. We all want to be loved and appreciated, but in people suffering from neurosis, their dependence on affection or approval is disproportionate to the importance that other people have in their lives. Although we all want to be treated well by people we care about, neurotics have an indiscriminate hunger for favor or appreciation, regardless of whether they themselves love the person or whether that person's judgment matters to them. More often than not, they are not aware of this boundless desire, but betray its presence by their sensitivity when they do not receive the attention they want. For example, they may feel resentful if someone does not accept their invitations, does not call them for a while, or if they simply disagree with them. This sensitivity can be hidden under the guise of indifference. In addition, there is a noticeable contradiction between their desire to receive love from others and their own ability to nurture this feeling. Excessive demands for concern for their wishes may be accompanied by an equally complete lack of concern for others. This contradiction is not always manifested externally. A neurotic person may, for example, be over-caring and ready to help everyone. But in this case, you can notice that he acts under the influence of obsessive impulses, instead of involuntarily radiating warmth. The inner insecurity expressed in this dependence on others is the second trait that strikes us in neurotics when we observe them externally. A constant characteristic of them is their feelings of inferiority and inadequacy. They can manifest themselves in many ways - such as beliefs in one's incompetence, stupidity, or unattractiveness, which can exist without any basis in reality. Ideas about oneself as an unintelligent person can be found among people with very high intelligence, and ideas about oneself as unattractive can be found among very beautiful women. These feelings of inferiority can manifest themselves openly in the form of complaints or worries, and self-attributed shortcomings can be perceived as a fact that does not require proof. On the other hand, they may be hidden behind compensatory needs for self-aggrandizement, behind the obsessive tendency to show oneself in a favorable light, to impress others and oneself, using all the possible attributes that accompany prestige in our culture, such as money, painting collections old masters, the favor of women, acquaintance with celebrities, travel or extraordinary knowledge. One or the other of these tendencies may completely come to the fore, but more often the presence of both tendencies is clearly felt. The third group of relationships characteristic of neuroses concerning self-affirmation is associated with certain prohibitions. By self-assertion I mean the act of asserting one's self or one's claims and using it without any connotation of being overly assertive. In this area, neurotics discover a wide range of prohibitions. They have internal prohibitions on expressing their desires or requests for anything, doing something in their own interests, expressing an opinion or justified criticism, ordering someone, choosing the person with whom they want to communicate, establishing contacts with people, and so on. Further. There are also internal inhibitions in connection with what we can call asserting one's position: neurotics are often unable to defend themselves from attacks, or to say “no” if they do not want to give in to the wishes of others, for example, to refuse a saleswoman who is forcing an unnecessary thing on them, or not accept an invitation to visit from a friend, or stop love advances. Finally, internal prohibitions also apply to a person’s knowledge of what he wants: difficulties in making decisions, forming opinions, realizing one’s own desires, which are associated only with their benefit. Such desires are subject to concealment: my friend, for example, in her personal relationships puts “cinema” below “education” and “drinking” below “health.” Particularly important in this last group is the inability to plan anything, be it a trip out of town or long-term life plans: neurotics show passivity even in such important decisions as choosing a profession or a life partner. They are driven primarily by certain neurotic fears. For example, we see this in people who save money because they are afraid of falling into poverty, or get stuck in endless love stories... Another group of difficulties associated with aggression, I include (as opposed to relationships associated with self-affirmation) actions aimed against anyone, attacks, humiliation of other people, infringement of other people's rights and in general any form of hostile behavior. Disorders of this kind manifest themselves in two completely different forms. One form is the tendency to be aggressive, domineering, overly demanding, bossy, deceitful, critical, or nagging. At times, people prone to such relationships are aware that they are aggressive, but more often they are not in the least aware of this and are subjectively convinced of their sincerity and rightness. In other people, however, these disorders manifest themselves in the opposite way. On the surface lies the easily detectable feeling that they are constantly being deceived, controlled, scolded or humiliated. These people also often do not realize that this is only their own distorted perception; on the contrary, they believe that the whole world is against them and is deceiving them. Features of the next group of relationships characteristic of neurotics relate to the sexual sphere. To a first approximation, they can be divided into two types: this is either an obsessive need for sexual activity, or a ban on it. Inhibitions can appear at every step leading to sexual satisfaction. They can come into play when approaching persons of the opposite sex, during the process of courtship, or manifest themselves in the sexual function itself or in the sphere of sensuality. All the features described in the previous groups will also manifest themselves in sexual relationships.

Problems at work

The most common include:

• They do not change profession or company, even if they experience constant dissatisfaction with the place.
• Fear of being fired.
• They are afraid of making a mistake.
• Suspiciousness can lead to the point that he thinks about a conspiracy of his colleagues against him - around intrigue, gossip, prying.
• It is difficult to achieve professional success because of the fear of taking a new step.

In rare cases, neuroticism results in leadership, but a leadership position does not bring positive emotions or pride, but only the fear of losing it and the desire to do more.

Prevention

Preventive measures include lifestyle and general rules. If you adhere to them, you will be able to cope with the disease quite quickly. In this case, it is necessary to be treated with basic methods.

Lifestyle

It is very simple to influence neurosis with the help of lifestyle. It is enough to become a more active person. To do this, you need to walk in the fresh air more often, do morning exercises and play sports. Moreover, the last point is especially effective. Regular jogging, fitness classes, cycling or swimming will do.

It is very important to start classes smoothly. For example, you should not choose a 5 km distance for running without any preparation.

It is much more beneficial to give the body a moderate and feasible load.

Nutrition is also of great importance. You should try not to overeat, chew food thoroughly, do not drink immediately after eating, and also drink at least 2 liters of liquid every day. At the same time, the diet should be as healthy as possible. Therefore, you need to give up fast food, fatty foods and low-quality products.

It is recommended to eliminate alcohol and smoking from your life. They have an extremely negative effect on the nervous system, which only intensifies neurosis, interfering with even very high-quality treatment.

General rules

It is worth following rules that have a preventive effect not only for neurasthenics, but also for healthy people in order to avoid health problems in the future. You need to try to do them all.

What do we have to do:

1. Maintain a daily routine. Go to bed and get up at the same time, maintain healthy sleep, sleep only at night, and set aside time for rest.
2. Eat properly. Eliminate all junk food from your life and replace it with healthy foods that normalize metabolism.
3. Be a physically active person. Do morning exercises, walk outside more often, and play any sport.
4. Communicate. Regular communication with others is very beneficial for the psyche; you should try to expand your circle of friends and meet new people.
5. Reduce stress. Avoid all stressful situations, direct your thinking in a positive direction, give up all negativity.
6. Resolve all problems in a timely manner. Don’t put off getting stuck at work until later, treat all illnesses right away, don’t drag out quarrels with loved ones, and be able to forgive.
7. Eliminate irritants. If something provokes neurosis, then get rid of this factor, try to always avoid it.

These simple rules are enough to improve your well-being and speed up the fight against neurosis. You just need to remember about the main treatment.

Treatment of a neurotic

I recommend:

• Increase your self-esteem.
• Find your favorite activity.
• Reconsider your environment.
• Communicate more.
• Interact with nature more often.

I will describe some points.

Look at the people

There are a lot of personalities around. Some are more successful, others less. Mentally find their weaknesses, understand that they also have fears. They are no better than you.

Communicate

Don't isolate yourself. You are an interesting person with your own hobbies and interests. But don’t forget to be interested in the life of your interlocutor.

Be more in nature

Find a pleasant hobby - run in the morning, go to the pond on weekends, have picnics, or ski in the forest in winter. Constant communication with animals will also have a positive effect. If not equestrian sport, then a pet. By the way, having a dog will force you to communicate with dog lovers in a relaxed atmosphere and go outside at least 2 times a day.

Treatment of neuroticism

Due to the fact that psychologists and psychotherapists do not consider neuroticism a disease or pathological condition, there are no specific methods for treating this condition. Psychocorrection may be required only if the neurotic person himself realizes that his emotional state does not fit into the normal framework. And overly irritable, nervous and capricious behavior contributes to an increase in tension in communication with friends and in family life.

In such a situation, therapy should be carried out only by a highly qualified psychologist. If neuroticism is accompanied by the appearance of obsessive fears and the development of phobias, the help of a psychotherapist will be required.

The state of neuroticism should not be ignored by loved ones. Perhaps behind constant worries, fears and quarrels there is a person who needs emergency help. Left unattended symptoms of the disease can cause problems in the life of not only the neurotic person himself, but also his family.

How do neurotic relationships arise?

The problem with neurotic relationships is that the person does not enjoy life. Psychologist and regular author of the Snob project Mikhail Labkovsky gave a lecture-consultation “About relationships: from neurotic to healthy” in the Chocolate Loft, in which he explained where the origins of neurotic relationships are, what to do if you are drawn into such relationships, and why alone couples live happily ever after, while others break up. How do neurotic relationships arise?

What is a “neurotic relationship”? To put it simply, this is a relationship where you do not get joy and pleasure. Although Freud would joke about this, saying that a person, even when he suffers, also derives pleasure from it. We know that many people are in similar difficult relationships. But at the same time, judging by the fact that they continue to be in this relationship, they apparently receive some kind of masochistic pleasure there. And this is not just a “boy-girl” relationship. This could be relationships between loved ones, relationships with parents or relatives, and even with work colleagues. In general, your relationship with the world is either healthy or unhealthy. Those who are unhealthy are called neurotic.

How are they formed? The child loves mom and dad, or whoever he has. Not just loves, but, especially up to three years of age, loves uncritically, considers them a part of himself, and himself a part of his parents. But, for example, the mother sent the child to the grandmother, and she herself went to work. Or dad drinks and they yell all the time. Or he has cold parents, and he feels unwanted, misunderstood, and so on. In all such cases, he associates love very strictly with a certain suffering: fear, a feeling of loneliness, misunderstanding, and so on. When he grows up, he looks for relationships in which this love can manifest itself, and it can only manifest itself if he suffers.

Love is the experience of childhood emotions. And therefore, when a person is really touched by something, when some feelings arise, these feelings are absolutely similar to his childhood experiences. In order for him to experience them, he needs two things: a person who will awaken these feelings in him, and a relationship with him in which he would begin to feel sorry for himself. Because a child, suffering and loving his parents, first of all feels sorry for himself. He feels sorry that he is treated so unfairly, that he is not loved, that he is treated poorly, that his brother is loved more than him, that another child is valued more than him, that he is not accepted for who he is, that he is a poor student, and in general, he will grow up to be a complete freak, because he hunches his back and puts his elbows on the table, and holds the fork with the wrong hand. This all remains with him, unfortunately, for the rest of his life. So, neurotic relationships are it.

You met a young man. You started an affair, you even slept with him, after which he stopped calling altogether. For a healthy girl, this is the end of the relationship, she, of course, can cry after this, but she is no longer interested in it. And for a neurotic this is the beginning of great love. Since her love lies in the fact that she should feel sorry for herself. It’s funny for you, girl, but not for your neighbor: her dad forgot about her birthday, and she’s making it up now. She cried a lot, and her mother said: “No, he’s just on a bender now, he’ll remember later, daughter.” But in fact, he was sober, he just had another family, and he forgot about everything else. So she will bother. In fact, there are such married couples at the reception. But these people often live in conflict. Moreover, they live a long time, 20 years, 30 years. They are not satisfied with the way they live, but they do not change it.

How many women contact us about their drinking husbands? We have to upset them, tell them that their husbands are healthier - they just drink. And the fact that they send them to doctors, psychologists, treat and save them, say that they will leave and slam the door - this is a much bigger problem. My husband is just drinking.

The biggest problem in neurotic relationships is that the person does not enjoy life. Not from children, not from spouses, not from life in general. This is the whole tragedy of neurotic relationships. Because a child who, as it seems to him, unrequitedly loves his parents, loves, already beginning to suffer.

What does a healthy relationship look like? A person loves someone who loves him. He’s not interested in anything else at all, end of story.

Who is to blame and what to do

You grew up in a loving family, but you still became neurotic. Who is to blame for this? Parents should not be blamed for two reasons: if they were bullies about you and drove needles under your nails, then they are simply sick, inadequate people from whom there is nothing to ask. If they are just such people - neurotic, aggressive, cold, insecure - what is the point of being offended, it is not their fault. Parents are who they are, and no matter how offensive it may be to you, they cannot offer a different childhood.

And then, a child could end up in a box without a mother at the age of one and a half months with some illness and come out completely neurotic. Mom has nothing to do with it again. The child could be afraid of the dark. These are children's stories that are not related to parents at all, but related to illness, leaving a child alone, whatever. Living beings are very fragile mentally. Our neuroses are not necessarily the consequences of our parents' actions. There are genetics, heredity and so on.

You have admitted that you are neurotic, that your parents are neurotic, that your relationships are neurotic. What to do? First: try to do what you want. When you are faced with a choice of what to do, you have different motivations: this is right, this is what I promised, this is in good faith, this is logical, and this is what I like. You should always choose the option you like, no matter what the consequences. This will bring pleasure to you and other people. But if you know that you have some pathological tendencies, then you need to go to the doctor.

Second: don't do what you don't want to do. This means that you cannot endure anything for the sake of anything: not for the sake of marriage, not for the sake of peace on earth, not for the sake of money. Third rule: you should always say if you don’t like something, and not keep anything to yourself. However, it is worth mentioning here that it is worth saying about yourself: “I don’t like it.” We must avoid the phrases: “You’re a goat” - this is an attack and “Why are you doing this to me?” - this is a complaint. Neither one nor the other is suitable. Only literally “I don’t like it”, “it hurts me”, “it’s unpleasant for me”, “I don’t want it” is suitable.

Love and libido

Our ancestors created a family where emotions were not included at all. The family is a religious institution that is designed to support the community. And the criteria for choosing a husband and wife were: health, wealth, background, and so on. But in the Middle Ages, the choice to marry for love first appeared. What has happened so far? Of course, you are happy that you are marrying for love, even to a complete freak, you love him. Unfortunately, love, unlike rational choice, is an unstable sphere, and marriage is completely unsuited to such instability. As we say today: I love him, I want to have a family with him. And then everything depends on the psyche. This is the question that interests you all: why some families live long, while others separate. It all depends on how stable your psyche is. Some say the secret to their long marriage is compromise. Bullshit. Compromise is bad for your health. Compromise is doing something you don't want to do. And the real reason is this: when a person has a stable psyche, then he has a stable relationship. If he is internally stable, structured, his psyche is not like that of a neurotic, but absolutely healthy and mature, then he can live his whole life with a healthy person, he will not be bored, and the attraction will also be there all his life. And due to mental instability, today I love one person, and tomorrow another. That is, everything depends on the psyche of both in a couple.

In addition to love, we also have libido. This attraction is completely unconscious, in no way connected with the qualities of another person. Girls can relax about this. Three things do not play a role when choosing a partner: age, appearance and character. Because all this has nothing to do with libido at all. Otherwise, someone bothers, makes breasts for themselves, but it’s all to no avail. If you apply logic when choosing a partner, then you get a rational choice. But your emotional sphere is not involved. And such marriages, unfortunately, are flawed; no one loves anyone there. But if a man is generally such that he does not need these feelings, then the woman will still look for how to fall in love on the side. That is, rational choice of a partner is not an option.

But changing libido, that is, changing attraction, is a very difficult task, but solvable. What is it about? A person is constantly drawn to something bad. Women are attracted to some kind of scum, men are attracted to bitchy women. Everyone understands everything with their heads, but they still pull. Attraction occurs only to this type of people. Something can be done about this, but it is a very difficult process.

Questions for Mikhail Labkovsky

How can I explain the situation when a person appears in my life who shows sympathy, and this makes me feel afraid and want to run away?

This means that you are afraid of relationships; you were apparently abandoned as a child. There is no need to fight this fear, you just need to be prepared for the fact that everything can end in different ways, including sadly. Wider shoulders, higher nose.

Deep down, I really like strong, status men. But I am very afraid of them and choose the weak and unworthy as partners. And I’m afraid to approach a strong man.

One thing you need to understand is that what matters in life is what a person does and feels, not what he thinks. It's a strange idea, but it's true. Your actions are what you really want. And what you speculatively imagine has nothing to do with reality. What we choose is what we really need.

If neuroticism is a diagnosis, does that mean it needs to be treated?

No need. It doesn't work in the "I'm sick and I have to get better or I'll die" format. These are not diseases, but so-called behavioral problems. Although neurosis, of course, does not lengthen life, I would not use the word “should”. You have to want to change it yourself. The correct question to ask is: “Can I get rid of this?” You can.

By the way, many oncologists believe that cancer is a consequence of repressed emotions. True, cardiologists will say that if you constantly yell, it will lead to a stroke, and it is not known which is worse. When a person is anxious, his blood pressure begins to increase at the moment of anxiety, which increases pressure on the blood vessels, which become more fragile with age. Cardiological diseases are congenital only in a small percentage of patients, and all the rest receive their strokes only from neuroses, that is, from a mental problem.

Are neurotic relationships necessarily mutual, and is it possible to get rid of the neurotic nature of a relationship while remaining in it?

If both of the couple are neurotic, there are no options. A healthy person will not be in a relationship with a neurotic person. When I do therapy, one of the couple seems to be cured, his psychology changes. And, as a rule, he becomes uninterested in neurotic relationships. If they are both cured, then the couple can maintain the relationship; if someone is alone, he, as a rule, leaves it.

I really like to love those who live in another city or even country.

You join the sad ranks of lovers of married men. You have the same problem: loving what you don't have. You love speculatively, hypothetically. There's a whole bunch of possible reasons here. This is a story about people who either did not have a father, or who may have had a father physically, but was not present in their lives. You can’t do anything about it, but you have to do it with yourself - change your psychology. A healthy person wants a normal relationship, and no matter what anyone says, with normal love people want to live together. If things are different, it is a neurotic relationship. If you want to change the situation, you need to realize that this is not love, not a relationship, but how other TV shows are watched, and you call and text back, this is your entertainment.

I grew up in a loving family, then calmly fit into a loving family with my husband. How can I stop being afraid that I will be abandoned, and what should I do then?

This is infantilism. You need to grow up. If you have a difficult relationship with your mother, you call her not because you want to talk, but because “she is a mom,” then there is only one thing hidden behind this. The fact that mom will die before you do, and then you have to live with it. And you, out of fear that you won’t be able to withstand this feeling of guilt, are ready to endure and call and nod your head, although you don’t love your mother. When you talk to her, you are afraid of her death. But your parents want you to talk to them not because they will die soon, but because you have a real need to talk to them. That is, so that you call them not because you are afraid of them, but because you feel a desire to talk to them. But to do this they need to be outgrown. When we talk about “mama this, mom that” claims, you behave like a child who is full of grievances, full of complaints and really is not in the mood to talk to his mother. And after an unpleasant procedure, when you put your parents in their place a little, forcing them to communicate according to your own rules, after that you are already an adult, and your mother is an elderly woman. And not “I’m a five-year-old child, and this is the mother who bullied me as a child and now won’t let me go.” When you outgrow your father and mother and become a real adult, you have a great relationship, soul to soul, call each other five times a day, and are not afraid of anyone, are not offended by anyone.

What should I do if my mood is spoiled at work and I bring it home?

If someone gets on your nerves, they are stronger than you. The only person you can accept this from is your child. Everything else should raise the question: “Am I that weak?” When you are a strong person, when you are confident in yourself, it is very difficult to get angry. That is, no one will get on your nerves at work. That is, there will be some people who will try to shake you up emotionally, manipulate, provoke, but this will not affect you.

He makes me hysterical, and I'm smart and beautiful. How can I force myself to leave him?

People never give up what they like. I quit smoking when I told myself that I don't like smoking, but I'm addicted. So you have to tell yourself that this is not a relationship, not love, but this is the problem. As long as you think that you like it, you have such a difficult relationship, there is no point in quitting, because you like it.

How does a neurotic live?

Neurotics do not harm other people, only themselves. It is not easy to live in constant reflection and self-criticism, constantly feeling guilty for almost everything. They believe that they owe others. They believe that they should always be on top both in their personal and professional lives.

Create family traditions: what saved Todorenko and Topalov from divorce

What rules should those vaccinated against COVID-19 follow: protein foods and more

“Loneliness is not a problem”: Marina Fedunkiv about her previous experience of marriage

Even if they do a great job, they still expect failure. They have many fears and phobias, and often tolerate poor treatment of themselves.

This behavior is due to the fact that from childhood they were accustomed to this pattern of behavior, and they no longer realize that they are not behaving quite normally.

Main characteristics of neurotics

A neurotic person reacts sharply to troubles. He very quickly plunges into a state of negativity and slowly comes out of it. He will digest the situation for a long time, think about what he should have done better or responded to unpleasant words harsher and wittier. He will tell you about this for a long time, inviting you to discuss the problem. The more unpleasant the situation he is faced with, the longer a person will dwell on it.

Youth returned: Irina Dubtsova surprised subscribers with a younger face

Pavel Moskovsky, who maintained a clear mind until the age of 101, derived a formula for longevity

The greatest value in the house is peace: how to save a family (advice from a hieromonk)

In general, neurotics are constantly in a gloomy state of mind; it is common for them to not trust others, worry, get hung up on this or that problem, be afraid to change something in their lives, and experience self-doubt and self-doubt.